Somethings gotta give...

Doesn't it? I mean here we are in the midst of a cultural revolution, what I'll call the New Morality vs. the Christians, who, as we all know, think they know exactly how everyone should behave and are more than willing to tell us so.

Wrestlers in Nebraska are posing for nude photos on gay websites, (I have to wonder if it wasn't the Nebraska tattoo that got one of them booted) and one of them makes a very valid point. He says, "I could have got a dui, I could have gotten in a fight, and I'd still be on that team." He also says, "It's not illegal to get naked and take some pictures." Of course, if the good Christians of this country had their way it certainly would be. Unless you were a woman, then it's fine.

Chasity Bono is undergoing gender reassignment. I don't know how I feel about that. I can say I do not have any intelligent grasp on the subject. I have no knowledge of the thought processes of a person who thinks they're not of the correct gender. I cannot even imagine what that would be like. I'm a man, and I like other men, so that particular issue (at least there's one) is settled for me.

There seems to be a large contingent of Christians who think we should all toe their line and behave in the ways they say their god tells them we should. I have to wonder when they last talked with him. I have to wonder where they got the notion that their God endorses their spitefulness, I have to wonder when their God made them the Hall Monitor's of the world.

One of the latest gambits that Christians are using, that I read bout this morning, is to convince us that Madison Avenue is evil. (as though that were news) That they're selling us homosexuality the same way they sell us Orange Juice, (now there's an analogy for those of us of a certain age) in that they're just putting it our there in advertising and the more we see it and the more we get inured to it's presence the less we'll be concerned when men start kissing each other good bye in the driveways of suburbia each morning on their way to work. As though that doesn't happen now.

My ex has professed for a long time that he's out at work and doesn't understand why we, (some of his friends) aren't. It's not that I'm not out, it's just that I do not like these people and my life and it's precepts are none of their fucking business. The less they know about me, the less they can use against me, so I keep my business to myself. Which makes them crazier of course, and though I know they know, and I make the occasional unconscious reference to it, It's not something I go around work talking about, cause, well, fuck them. I am not at all interested in their opinion about it. And believe me, they have one. But I digress.

One day when I was living in Lawrence, KS he came to visit and we were out in the yard walking around. I looked over at him and wanted to kiss him. So I did.

My "out there" b/f stood in my front yard and looked around as though we might get caught doing something we shouldn't.

I distinctly remember a day in our relationship I thought was almost perfectly cool.

We were spending the weekend at his place in the country and that particular morning we were out walking along the gravel with the dog and he sidled up to me and hooked his arm through mine. Now THAT is the relationship I want to have, I thought. And then the car came along. He took his arm out of mine like Mommy and Daddy had caught him driving the Cadillac. It was soo almost perfect. Maybe he's not as out as he likes to think.

I so wanted him to be THAT guy, the one who could stand there and kiss me on the front lawn and not think a thing of it. I have to wonder how much of that Christian upbringing made him think that others might see, and they might judge. I guess when you've been seen and judged all your life it's less of a big deal. It just didn't seem like something to concern myself with at the time. Maybe the Christians could get Madison Avenue to sell THEIR product too! I'm sure they'd do it for a fee, and GOD knows they've got the money, they keep all those churches in business. Surely they can afford some product placement.

But don't you think something's gotta give? Don't you think that somewhere along the way we're got to veer back toward the middle of the road where we almost always stay so that the clashes and the exploited fears and the legal wrangling can take a breather?

Mind you I'm not for it, I would prefer things keep going as long as possible until we obtain some of the rights we actually have already. But history tells me somethings gotta give.

In the meantime let's take a look at some of these things that are absolutely NOT a big deal, nor are they illegal.


(blurring is not mine it's ESPN's)





And let's not forget HGF!!!

It's almost over...

The monsoons are back, and they're getting ridiculous. Last night it rained and rained and rained some more. That was on top of the rain we got Monday, and the rain we're supposed to get tomorrow. I've emptied the saucers under all the plants on the deck three times in the last 24 hours. Some of them I'm afraid I'm going to lose. The Norfolk Island Pine I put outside to sink or swim (figuratively I thought) is loving every minute of this. Everything else, we'll see. The tomatoes are headed south, something is eating them too, I'm not the least bit happy about it, the ones I've had are delicious. It's not a squirrel, they're taking little bitty bites out of the top of them, so I have to figure out some protection mechanism. Perhaps a hammer.

I need to wash the car, but what's the point? It rains the next day and it's that vicious circle thing all over again. On the positive side I'm saving a fortune on Air Conditioning. It's like 60 at night, very nice.

Today is my friend M's birfday in New Mexico, she's taking a day long hike to celebrate. I'm expecting pictures any minute now. Taos is still looking for a librarian. In all fairness the posting doesn't end until tomorrow, and when I'm the guy who hires I NEVER look at those damn things until I absolutely have to. So I figure Monday I'll hear yay or nay for an interview. Let's hope I don't have to make a mad dash to Taos one day soon, that'll be tense.

Barack Obama is apparently taking his health care sideshow on the road. All we need, Mr. President is single payer health care. Get the government in on the deal and buy in bulk, we'll all save a fortune. This spending 1.8 trillion dollars to buy everybody insurance is ridiculous. Get rid of the insurance companies, make it nationalized health care, the naysayers will all cal it socialized medicine and then go shove their way first in line to get some. Let's just do this and get it over with.

Speaking of which, that's my opinion of this week, let's just do it and get it over with.

My bosses latest hair-brained scheme has landed her in the doghouse with some here. She's obsessed that our new inventory system be papered. THIS IS THE I.T. DEPT FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!! I kept my mouth shut and let her go into this meeting so she could talk to her peers like they were first graders and they shot her down as I knew they would. So it appears we're finally going to enter the electronic age and I won't be saddled with the management of thousands of pieces of paper. AAAAARGH!!!

Sometimes I think this is the best job I've ever had in the worst place I've ever worked.

Instead of ruminating over all this I think I'll just enjoy a morsel.



Love

I had to come back and do an update because I found this incredible article about a short film this guy made for Pride in Toronto, he's all excited about the notion that Pride is no longer going against the flow but with it. "We're willing to do anything to get the approval of the state." he said. Someone noticed, THANK THE GODS!!!

This post has no title

I’m all cranked up again about the price of oil. This, of course, means that gas is headed back up to where we can’t afford it. And this time I’m not sure what I’m going to do about it. I really don’t have the cushion I had last time to cover it, and last time it was temporary. This time I don’t think it is. I’ll certainly be driving less I can assure you of that.

Of course, if I get the job in Taos I can just get a place there and walk to work. That would be cool. Though until this very minute I hadn’t considered that Taos is at seven thousand feet which might impair my ability to walk across the room for a while until I get used to it.

Realistically though I doubt very much that I’ll even get interviewed for that job. My education alone puts me over the top of their requirements and if you add my 5 years of library experience on top of that…well, it appears I’m not what they’re looking for, but hope springs eternal. They’re looking for someone who can catalog which is something I have very limited experience with, maybe they’ll teach me.

I realized, too late of course, that I should have told them I wanted to take this Library Science certification/Associates Degree program offered completely online at the Dona Ana Community College in Las Cruces, but it seems there’s no way to alter my app now that it’s submitted. That program does me no good here, but if it’ll help convince them of my sincerity, and get me the job in Taos, I’ll do it.

But I obsess, of course.

Lapsed into a coma last night about 8pm slept until 6:30 this morning on the couch. I think I was tired.

The sun just peeked through my office window so maybe there IS a walk in my future this morning. I certainly hope so. I neeed to go outside and play. I neeed to go home and make pots all day, but I’m trying to be a good boy around here and play nice.

Freewill astrology is absolutely NO help this week. Rob says my future is wide open. Great, that narrows it right down, thanks universe.

This is good news, in that I could well get an opportunity in Taos or somewhere in New Mexico, or things could turn out well here, and it IS a good thing that the universe is wide open to me right now. Maybe I can do some of that stuff I’ve always wanted to do and never had the time.

It occurs to me that I’ll either need to still be here on July 10 or I’ll need to make sure I’m back that day because it’s the day the court endows me with my new/old name.

I should start writing the rant I’ll be posting bout trying to change my name on virtually every document related to my life. Starting with my birth certificate. I can’t WAIT to explain this to Social Security. After my last interaction with them in 1976 when I was burglarized and they told me that I wasn’t me, but that my Social Security number had been issued to someone born with my name and birthdate in 1972, which was the year I GOT the damn card, and it took almost a year to get them to straighten it out. So this name change should be fun. Women do it all the time, but wait til a guy shows up with the request. You’ve seen those Visa Check Card commercials when the old guy whips out his checkbook and the world stops spinning. Like that.

Oh well I think I'll just stare at a cowboy a while:


That horse needs sunblock.
I'd shade the cowboy so he needs nothing. In fact he's already wearing too much. He could keep the hat on.

I have to wonder if I said "of course", enough in this post.

Wait, I have to go watch Paul propose to James in the sidebar...again. I swear I watch that thing every day and I grin like the Cheshire cat every single time.

Love

How saturated with celebrity are we?

Adam Lambert is gay!

Next thing they'll be telling us is that air is only 21% oxygen. Crazy talk I tell you.

In my defense I've never watched American Idol, and I do my best not to watch Fox at all since Rupert Murdoch is evil on the hoof.

But this will be the talk of the town for all of 5 minutes. In fact we're done with it here already.

Let's move on to more relevant issues like morsels.



I won't even begin to speculate on what he's up to...

Love

Good Morning!!!

I've no idea if it's going to be a good morning or not, I just thought I'd throw that out there and see what comes of it.

In fact I haven't actually interacted with anyone for any reason this morning. (a sure sign of a good day in my book)

As you can tell I have high hopes.

The weekend would have been uneventful had it not been for the social schedule. Friday night I went out to Pride. I saw, this morning on the website for a local tv station the footage they showed when covering the event. Well, it's worked, at least here, and finally.

They've stopped showing nothing but outrageous drag numbers or twinks in speedos parading the streets of our fair city. This year they showed all the regular people.

And we're fat.

I couldn't help but laugh as one fat 'mo after another paraded past the camera. I thought, "Well, THERE'S a lesson in 'Be careful what you ask for'!"

"Could I get a side order of weight watchers with those civil rights please?"

At least they're finally telling the truth.

Saturday night I went to my brother's 40th wedding anniversary dinner. It was quite lovely especially considering that no one invited Daddy Dearest and his daughter the Princess of Darkness.

Then Sunday I had Brunch with some friends. I got little else done. I'm using a bout with allergies as my excuse.

The head of San Diego LGBT Pride was beaten while standing on a corner holding the Pride flag this weekend.


The lovely and talented Neil Patrick Harris hosted the Tony's.

The AIDS Ride/Lifecyclists raised 10.5 million for riding 545 miles, and then gave us this image to ponder:


I'll let you figure out what it symbolizes.

We're priding ourselves all over the place.

I applied for a job at the Public Library in Taos. (it would be soo cool!)

I am what a friend termed "outrageously overqualified" for the position. A guy's gotta start somewhere I guess.

We lost a very well loved horse last week at the stables. Princess was the Cadillac and though we would have loved to fight over riding her, she was Sue's horse. I can only imagine how Sue feels.

So, remembering all those who've gone before, nobly or not, here we go into another week. Let's play a game shall we?

Let's see how long Dr. T, can manage to stay employed.

This job is the longest so far at 4.5 years.
Can he make it 5? (shit, can he make it 4.6)

Maybe he'll get the new job and......FINALLY......move to where he wants to be.


Keep checking back!

Of course a morsel like this could help me with my quest:



Love

Another weekend and HGF is here too!

I was kind of hoping this weekend would be a bit quiet. Not to be I think. Tonight I have to iron my sling (yes the right arm is still in a sling from last weekend's incident UGH!)and go out with friends because it's Pride!

yippee

note the lack of caps or exclamations

So I'm going out amongst 'em, and I'll smile and try to avoid the ones I know will be there that I don't want to see. I'll be dutiful I think it's something I need to do for me especially.

Then Saturday I have to go to the stables and get my tack. They no longer have room for it. ahem. That'll be a bit strained I'm certain.

Then since Merry Maids didn't come on Tuesday I have to clean the apt, which totally sucks under the best of conditions and I'm the one-armed man right now. Fuck.

I made my pottery suppliers mad by accusing them of not taking customer service seriously. I've gotten two emails and a letter. They're certainly taking me seriously that's for sure. I guess I'll go down there next weekend and buy something just to appease them.

Did I mention that I filed the petition for the name change since the judge has settled on what he'll allow it to be. He had this silly notion that I'd take my biological father's last name. Well, I don't guess it's that silly, but I'd spent over a year thinking about this very issue and what I want to do is put my Birth Certificate back to it's original condition, which does NOT include his name. I've never met him,probably never will,and though it'd be nice to take his name cause I wouldn't have to change the towels (the last initial is the same) it just doesn't seem ok nor correct to do so.

But in mid-July it should all be done. The publication of the notice has already started and I've paid all the fees, so here we go. I've told no one about this, no idea why, I just want it to be done before I bring it up. Everyone I know is going to have an opinion and I don't really care what they are, I've decided to do this, and that's that.

Saturday night I have to go to a dinner in honor of my brother's 40th wedding anniversary. I took them their present last night (an anniversary clock.) It'll be nice to sit at that table again. Especially since the crazies haven't been invited. Ah bliss, a martini and dinner in familial peace. I'm willing to bet no one asks me anything more controversial than "which gin do you prefer?"

So let's start with an appetizer-







Love

The Stars Spoke

Last Sunday my horoscope said that things were changing in my life and they would start changing that day. Well I never noticed much of a change that particular day, but it seems that they're nudging me ever closer to making some change happen.

After that epiphany on Saturday over ex's lack of allure,and the complete lack of desire to have what he calls a life, I have seen other things that need to change, like my job. I've never been happy there, I've never felt welcome, I've never felt they intended to allow me to contribute in any meaningful or fulfilling way. Their philosophy seems, in general, to be, "You're going to screw things up, so in order to prevent that, and protect my civil service territory I will never really allow you to own anything, I'll never really rely on you to do anything that will stretch you OR my role, I'll give you just enough to do so that it looks like I'm using you, but mostly you'll sit and play on the internet."

I'm experiencing atrophy!

I'm also seeing that the universe is giving me subtle hints about where things are headed. My time here may be at an end. The resident flunky at the stables called to tell me that I can't leave my tack there anymore cause "they don't have the room," I'll likely find that they have the room for others, just not me, when I get there this weekend. So, that brings to a close the chapter with them.

And though I approach all this impending change with an enormous amount of trepidation, I kind of welcome it. I guess I'm just one of those who can't sit still and let life assimilate itself onto terminal boredom.

I have plenty of talents, I have plenty of education, I have more than enough drive and determination, so I doubt I'll starve, but I'm beginning to think it's time to start the search for a job in that place I want to be. I know times are hard, and that it might be difficult, but better I should get out there and enjoy my life than succumb to the rigors of staying where I'm no longer wanted.

And so it goes.

Morsel time!



Love

It's Riding Time Again

Dissertations have been accepted, (yeah it's Dr. T nowadays, I like it.) monsoons have ended, vacations were rejuvenating, parties were...well, ya know.

I realized last night that we haven't progressed out of the dark ages when it comes to religion. People run around all afeared of the occult and witches etc, yet the mysticism that has always caused them to hold the church in awe is the exact reason they're well, "bewitched" by it.

I was watching Gods and Monsters , what an amazing movie. But during the scene when Hannah and Clayton are in the kitchen she tells Clayton, "Poor Mr. Jimmy. There is much good in him, but he will suffer the fires of hell. That is what the priests tell me. His sins of the flesh will keep him from heaven."

What kind of witch doctor, fire dancing, spell casting, shrunken head, cannibalistic bullshit is that?

Sadly, and I do mean sadly, THAT is how most people STILL believe gay men and women will end up today. Of course that heaven and hell stuff is a whole other matter entirely that I try NOT to discuss. But, seriously folks. Isn't this the 21st Century? Isn't it time to look at the man behind the curtains?

There's ritual and there's spectacle and it has a purpose. It's to distract you from the very real notion that they're making this shit up as they go along.

They're snake oil salesmen! They quote from this old book they convince you is the word of God, whoever that is, and they get you to do whatever they say by using the book to manipulate you. And many of you aren't yet smart enough to grasp this concept!

It amazes me, and yet I see people all the time taken advantage of by people who tell them lies and manipulate them for their own purposes, and the victims are always surprised. How I'll never know.

But the rains appear to be over and I NEED to ride that damn bike. The hiatus is NOT helping the waistline, and according to Dr. Cutie who did my physical as well as my BMI yesterday I could use the loss of a few pounds, 20 to be exact. SHIT!

Well, this morning my boss has planned to monopolize my time by having a little party for those of us who have had anniversaries in the past 6 months, then she's scheduled a staff meeting, then I need to go to the bank because I have to move some money from one acct to the other because I made a $1.12 mistake. Fuck. It didn't cost me anything but the one thing I don't have, time. Then I have to start on this project I've been putting off all week.

So here's you Wednesday Morsel:

Love

Tuesday

This shoulder is being very weird.

Last night after hardly using it all day it was fine. This morning it was very touchy and still is when I try to put it in positions it doesn't want to go in.

I fucking hate getting older.

There's great consternation in gay activism about the two guys who filed a federal suit challenging Prop 8.

They contend it's time to take this federal and challenge it on a constitutional level.

This, of course, has all the money-grubbing gay "leaders" a twitter, literally, because , as they put it "if these guys lose, all is lost."

Of course, the reverse is also true, but what is lost then is the need for all those people who are making a killing off of us, by "leading."

Certainly, they never lead, but they're in a position to, and should the need arise they're there to quash any urges we might have (the unruly lower classes)to march and demonstrate and loudly demand our rights.

I loved the local demo against the CA supremes ruling to uphold Prop 8. They were so sweet and well behaved. It reminded me of my father noting how well-spoken Martin Luther King was. That, of course, got said when he thought it was a good idea to compliment "them." idiot.

So our civil rights are in the hands of a bunch of well-mannered house slaves.(that's not what they were called, but I just can't use the word,I've tried)

Put them on the freeway and they've got the manners and vocabulary of pirates, but get them up there demanding their civil rights and they're all "please and thank you."

Maybe that's the ticket, invent a video game in which civil rights are the ultimate prize and have them fight it out on the freeway. Those youngsters who sit in the fast lane doing 55 every morning flipping off one and all who challenge them would get the idea right quick I tell you.

Damn whippersnappers.

It's very difficult though, to stay mad at them when they look like this:



Honestly, how fair is THAT?

Returning to the fold

The time off was really great. I rested, well, a little, I rode horses and bikes and made pots I attended a couple of parties, I saw the new Star Trek, and I managed to somehow fuck up my shoulder so badly that I'm in a sling.

No idea what I did really, well that's not true. A friend got a new hot tub and since he was out of town dealing with moving his parents to assisted living, I said i'd help. Unfortunately there was a snag when the tub arrived and rather than tilt the thing and slide it into place six feet from where it was, the delivery guys just left it sitting. So several of us devised an ingenious system to tilt it on it's side and slide it into place. Now, I'd already lifted a couple of fence panels and found that my right shoulder still didn't work properly so i was trying not to tax it too much, but about two hours after the hot tub was done I was walking along with a friend and turned to say something to him. As I turned my head and spoke there was a loud popping sound from atop my right shoulder followed by a fair amount of...well...excruciating pain.

Hence, sling.

I'm going to the dr tomorrow afternoon, let's hope it's just something that needs to be left alone and not messed with in invasive manners. I'd really hate that.

Does anyone have any idea why the D.P. of the new Star Trek movie felt this fascination with the facial pores of all the male actors? That damn camera was up people's noses most of the show. Note to D.P.: Pores are not an attractive feature. Now, that butt of that new Kirk...That's attractive. You could put a camera on THAT for two hours and I'd pay to watch. Pores...not so much.

Good movie though. I'm a little puzzled why they went backwards in time and didn't re-create the old Enterprise. I mean isn't this supposed to be the original one? I know only those as old as me would notice the difference, but it was there.

The first part of my vacation I went to Devil's Den State Park in Arkansas and rode horses. Oh my god! Talk about hills? It was great fun...right up until the skies opened up and drenched us. Still fun though. My friends A, and D, proved to be incredibly gracious hostesses, and gave me a wonderful start to the birthday.

I offered a few weeks ago to host a small dinner party for my best friend and my ex who share a birthday at the end of may. This party somehow morphed into a dinner for ten. I was not happy. Then it morphed into a lasagna dinner(I'd planned to grill salmon) and the venue was moved.

To top it all off I wound up assembling the Lasagna and when all the compliments were handed out at the party my name somehow never came up. I tried not to be selfish and feel slighted, but that's what happened and I'm just a bit pissed about it. Next year there'll be no parties that I attend. There is some bit of competition between them about this birthday sharing thing and it gets old for those of us who are not only celebrating that same week, which they never acknowledged, but just dealing with it is tiresome. We're 50! Can we please grow up? I'm tired and I want a rest.

The most fun I had all evening was when ex's friends (two VERY large women) arrived and totally dissed my all evening. It not only proved to me what got said when we broke up 6 years ago, it totally reminded me that life with him is NOT what I want. SAVED!! WooHoo!

Well, there's catch up to do around here.

Love and morsels:

Stop!

All bitching will cease for the moment. Well, at least on this blog. (let's not get carried away)

Today is my friend K's birfday! We'll only have happy talk today.

He shares his birfday with several notable people:

Lawrence Olivier


Bernie Taupin


Al Corley (former studio 54 doorman cum Steven Carrington of Dynasty)


Morrisey, which I'm sure he loves.


and of course Harvey Milk

So today's HGF is for you K.

I realize I can't do the Andrew Shue thing again, even though I collected some pretty nice pics of him this year, I'll move on.

Happy **th birfday my friend!






I'll be vacating for the next week.

Love

I think I can make it.

I think I can I think I can I think I can...

Of course, I have no choice bt to make it to tomorrow afternoon and the beginning of my much needed vacation.

Today is commencement at the college...which, from a purely faculty standpoint... absolutely sucks.

It's longer and more tedious than when you're sitting in the audience because you know MAYBE two of these people, and them only in a vague sort of way. So you sit there and schmooze with your fellow faculty members, whom you also know in a vague sort of way because everyone is always in the classroom.

But mercifully it's over today and I can get on with vacating my life.

Gas is on it's way up for the annual holiday screwing we American's expect and somehow tolerate.

I'll be doing my part to contribute to the coffers of those poor destitute oil companies. I hope they can make it this quarter on the 8-900 billion the manage to scrape by with.

Sent an application off to a school in the North Woods today. I'm not kidding, this joint is truly in the north woods according to mapquest. There's very little there except this school and a bunch of national parks. Oh and Lake Superior about 50 miles away. I imagine it's cold there. I imagine it snows there.

BUT! There appear to be gay people. There's all kinds of things on the internet when I googled the area. Odd isn't it? Organics all I'm certain, Gods love 'em.

We'll see how interested they are. There are only 19 jobs in my field on the Chronicle for higher education website this week,and very few of those are in my discipline. I'd imagine they have their pick of candidates.

But hope springs eternal. I could have probably paid off my student loans with all the dough I've spent looking for a job.

I swore off several of my old blogs recently. Some because they kept getting more into pop culture, which doesn't interest me very much, and some because they kept getting more implausible the more I read. I have to wonder how many of these people use the blogosphere to exercise their writerly fantasies and how much of what they write is pure fiction.

You can't challenge them without direct evidence cause you risk the wrath of the crazies. And they may well be crazy. I got involved with one of those once and learned my lesson very well. No thanks I'll just stop reading rather than challenge a potential nutcase.

Well, it's obvious to me that I have little of interest to say today so here's the Thursday morsel.

um, no

"Today’s a great time to be any creative type of person, I think, and in just about every aspect of creativity, this generation is going to blow away every generation ever. Because we’re the first ones with the Internet. I can get together with some friends, shoot a movie, cut it on my laptop at home, and then put it online. We don’t have to listen to anyone.” Joseph Gordon-Levitt

It sounds so great in theory doesn't it?

Headline: AP "Thousands beaten, raped in Irish reform schools"

Those crazy Catholics.

What will they think of next?

I still say that until you dismantle organized religion in this world hate will continue to be a staple of life.

Is there a prize inside?

I doubt that.

Will we be surprised if the California Supreme court upholds Prop 8?

We shouldn't be. They made it clear during oral arguments that they were loathe to overrule the vote of the people. Never mind that that vote was influenced by outsiders.

There should be riots, but I doubt there will be. For some reason we've all become cowed to the status quo. We're headed down a very ruinous path if this decision is upheld and goes without riotous reaction from the populace.

America may very well be done for this time.

Too bad, it was pretty cool while it lasted.

Blame the shitty education system. Oh, wait, none of you know any better so how could you blame it?

Pity.

Love

Is it possible?

The way my life usually goes this latest development shouldn't be all that surprising to me.

As regular readers know I've been sort of, not really looking that hard,but making a stab at it once in a while when I felt like it, looking for my biological father.

Since I'm 52 I figure I'd better get a move on, this old geezer is at least 70 already and how long am I gonna wait.

I'm pretty sure I've found him.

And I'm pretty sure he's gay.

How fucking cool is that?

See, one guy with this name keeps popping up in my searches. He lives in a city a few hours from here, and well, l,et's just say the area is trendy and another name keeps coming up with his as an associate with the same address. Thank the Gods I know the code for "partner."

So, we'll see how this goes. I'll send him a letter, so he has deniability, I have distance from possible rejection, and no one has to feel like they're on the spot. if he acknowledges that it's him then maybe I'd like to met him, say hi. We'll see, what happens.

It's kind of exciting, kind of scary, and maybe in the end none of the above. Mommie Dearest has already made her position clear, "get lost." And since she never told her husband of 50 years I can't imagine the repercussions for her, though if he dies first I'm afraid I'll be tempted to out her. We'll see if I'm around these parts when it happens.

But it's Wednesday, I have yet another free evening to spend at home and I haven't figured out what to do with myself. Last night I was in bed at 9:30, pathetic. Tonight I may have to make pots or ride or workout...something. I can't just sit and stare at the damn tv all night I'll go insane.

But grades are posted semesters over and I'm free to relax...lol...like that'll happen.

I'm taking off this weekend for my college town. No I'm not going to a reunion, or anything like that. I still have a friend who lives there that i stay in touch with and we've always been good friends, so I thought it'd be fun to go see her. There's horseback riding, and food and talking and such planned for all day, then I'll head home.

Tuesday, of course, is my birfday. Maybe that's the day I'll send Daddy a letter.

"I've written a letter to Daddy..." I feel like Jane Hudson, maybe we're related.

Morsel!!!

Tuesday (four days to vacation)

I found this last night quite by accident.

"The era of apologizing for Republican mistakes of the past is now officially over," Steele will say in a speech to the RNC's 2009 State Chairmen's Meeting

What I'm wondering is when, exactly, did they START apologizing?

Of course, there's always the very public and widespread taking to task that Obama's getting over DADT,ENDA, DOMA, anything he promised the gays.

Now, I hate to jump in and sound like I'm trying to steal Richard Rothstein's thunder over at Proceed at your own risk, and I'm certain he doesn't even consider me, let alone consider me a blogging colleague, but the facts are these:

Like him, I too told you all so when you were jumping in line with glee to follow the pied piper to ruin, but did you listen? Nah.

Richard, in today's post likens himself to Cassandra, the mortal in Greek mythology who is prescient, but is cursed by the Gods so that no one will believe her predictions.

He has a point, a bit melodramatic, but then again that's what we love about Richard.

So the fact remains that you DO only have yourselves to blame. You DID follow this guy down the road to ruin and you WILL have to continue to live with the complete lack of results you will obtain as a result.

I DID tell you, so, and as usual not a damn one of you listened.

So there you have it. A non-apology, I feel just like a newly minted Republican.

So here's a morsel...and a half:


AND on a more positive note:
Mariela Castro led a gay rights parade in Havana over the weekend. She, incidentally is Raul Castro's daughter. Kinda explains why Cuba is gettin' so gay all of a sudden, huh?

But progress is progress, better in Cuba than nowhere at all, which of course, is the choice we are faced with.

Sunny Monday!

I just couldn't seem to get any traction this weekend. No matter what I started I couldn't get it finished.

Saturday I went out about 11am to buy some clay and send a couple of grad gifts etc but the art supply store didn't have what I was looking for, and I thought, "Well, I'll just drive to Lawrence and see what Brackers has in the way of new clay."

My first mistake.

Lawrence is about 45 miles from where I made this decision, and after 45 minutes in the car I found myself pulling into Bracker's parking lot, with the intention of spending about an hour just browsing and then purchasing some clay and maybe a few new tools.

They were CLOSED!!!

They're never closed on Saturday.

They were having a workshop and had closed for the event. I was and am not a happy customer. To drive 45 minutes only to discover I had to go home empty handed. So! I drove back home and since I took the alternate route, which requires paying a toll, I ended up downtown and decided I'd stop at the Westport location of the store I'd started out at and buy clay there.

There was evidently some event since traffic was backed up almost a mile from the area I needed to be. I wound up back at the store I started at. It took 4 hrs to buy clay and two graduation gifts.

Oh! And while I was at Walgreen's picking up my allergy prescriptions (which I was doing under duress since Walgreen's has pissed me off so bad recently) The woman behind the counter rang up my scrips, took my credit card and proceeded to authorize $155.13 for prescriptions I should have been paying $$29.00 for.

Needless to say there was a struggle while I attempted to keep the top of my head in place.

There ensued a brief but unpleasant conversation in which I let them know I was there against my better judgment and THIS was exactly the reason why. I still don't see the purchase credited on my card, which means I have to talk to some Walgreen's manager today. Swell.

When I arrived home I discovered that a creature of some sort had somehow fallen down my chimney and was flapping around inside the wall on top of my fireplace.

I turned on some Etta James, made myself a HUGE gin and Tonic and made Reuben's for dinner. What else was there to do?

Sunday...well, I downloaded a movie from Amazon. It just seemed pointless to try to accomplish anything after Saturday. Maybe next weekend.

But! It's Monday! The week starts anew, there's plenty to do, and not very much of it entails work. I'm very happy. I'll ride today, I'll do that last final at 6pm and then the rest of the evenings this week are mine. And Friday I'll start my vacation.

Oh I truly hope I don't start vacating today, there's too much to do to get ready to be gone for a week, But one never knows.

Monday Morsel:



I know he's wearing a shirt, but seriously, how could I NOT post this?

It's Friday! Thank God it's Friiiiday!

If I remember correctly those were the lyrics to a disco song of the same name many moons ago.

I'm starting to wonder if all this save the economy by bailing out whoever holds out their hand(except, of course, the little guy.) is the right course.

I was never a fan of handing any bank billions of dollars but now that I see the economy is o better off, and in fact is about to get a LOT worse I wonder if it was worth it at all.

Chrysler is dumping hundreds of dealers, and GM is about to follow suit. This will result in hundreds of thousands of people losing their jobs. You do realize this is bad?

Gas, for reasons apparently not understandable to mere mortals, is up over 30 cents in the past three weeks. The silence over this is deafening. WHY is no one raising hell about this?

Is greed the national pasttime now? I thought that was baseball.

All these good God-fearing Christians (a term I will never understand) are standing idly by while at least one of the seven deadly sins is perpetrated EVERYWHERE in the marketplace and with full knowledge that it's happening. Companies are NOT bashful about telling you that their bottom line is THE most important thing to them and they'll do whatever is necessary to protect it at all costs.

The last time I took an economics class, and believe me it was a long time ago because I'd never willingly do it again, I was told that when business was down and profits were down that interest rates would go down as a result, to attract more borrowers.

Today however, this is not the case. When business is off we RAISE the interest rates on our existing customers because we've got to get our usury (and that's what's going on here) and since we can't get it form all those we used to we're gonna get it from you. And fuck you if you can't or don't want to pay it. We can legally demand it of you and we're gonna.


This greed is not only state sanctioned, it's seemingly understood. We're no longer in this together, it's every man for himself.

Oh! And the guy who got to be President riding the backs of those who believed all his bullshit about equality and treating mo's fairly and not tolerating the shit the previous administration handed out is proving to be nothing more than a guy who just wanted to be President, and was wiling to tell us whatever we wanted to hear to get it.

See Jon Stewart on last night's Daily Show for a great commentary on Obama and DADT.

But enough of engaging in the popular gloom and doom of the day. It's Friday! I'm having dinner with a friend tonight whom I haven't seen in months because we're both in academia and this semester was apparently interminable for more people than me.

Saturday I think I'll spend the day in the studio. I haven't been able to do that since the holidays and I'm waaay over due. It's supposed to rain a lot today, which precludes horses for the weekend, and I need to make pots anyway.

I've got one more week until I get to vacate. I'll be off for points unknown on the 23rd. I cannot wait!

But! Until then here's our selection for the week. It's a bit random this time, but that's just how I feel today I guess.

Love

It's NPR all day and all night

I'm sick and tired of all the gloom and doom all over the media. Let's just wipe out all the debt, all the insolvency and start over. We could do it. There'd be revolution, but there's going to be one anyway, so we may as well not have to pay our bills while it goes on.

I can't decide if the revolution will be over money or sex. Of course, being the vain old 'mo I am I say it'll be sex. It'd be poetic. "Americans take to the streets to fight over who gets to have legal sex! The haters who think America and it's precepts belong only to them, or those who have always existed in the shadows and are sick of hiding for no good reason on the other side." I can't wait to see who wins.

I'm also sick of cowboys being portrayed like this:



Cause that ain't what they look like.

Even this picture has only one cowboy who's representative of my experience. It's the one on the right. That lanky drink of water is more like the cowboys I've known, and even he is a bit of an overstatement in many ways.


But they do make a lovely couple don't they?

Love

Do ethics exist?

Do ethics only concern us when someone else is about to do something we find repugnant and we exercise our moral imperative over them? It seems so.

We're currently in this torture debate all over the place, hypocrites like Shepard Smith are pounding the table to demonstrate their opposition to torture when for the last eight years they've remained silent on this very issue when they KNEW just like we all did that we were indeed torturing.

Today I found an article debating whether it's ok for clergy to advocate torture, from the pulpit. Was I the only person listening to all that shit my clergy spouted about loving your neighbor and how America stood for something, and we wouldn't stoop to methods other country's used because we possessed the moral courage to withstand whatever they could throw at us without torture. These are conversations my teachers had with us in class. I wasn't exactly spoon-fed pacifism, nor was I fed by hawks.
But rather I was given a two-sided view of the world and what were our choices as a country and what did those choices ultimately do to us as a nation?

However, today in this article I see that "Gary Bauer, a former Republican presidential candidate affiliated with several Christian right groups over the years says: "I think if we believe the person we have can give us information to stop thousands of Americans from being killed, it would be morally suspect to not use harsh tactics to get that information"-AP

THIS is a modern day Christian? Is this the way our religious leaders are interacting with the faithful? Seriously?

Who is it that's teaching ethics and values to these people who are robbing the U.S.Treasury to save their insolvent banks, (and yes we all know they're insolvent) who are in turn taking our money and paying it in bonuses to those who caused the very problems that have brought our economy to its knees?

I just had a minor encounter with a credit card company that brought all this to mind. I was reviewing the list of bills to be paid this week, and noticed that my minimum payment for one of my credit cards was significantly ($15) higher than it was just last month. This is a card I don't use anymore because I think they're fee happy and I've cut up the card long ago and I'm paying off the balance and once that's done I'm canceling the card. SO with obviously nothing to lose I asked them what the fuck was up, why did they raise my minimum payment. Their response? "Because we can."

Now, I won't default on this card because of a measley $15.00 a month, but there are lots of people out there who would, and mostly because they're already stretched to their limits. And although I just said with all the cock-sureness I could muster that I wouldn't,it occurs to me that if I lose my job in July as I suspect may happen this card will be the very first casualty. But does this credit card company care about that? Do they care that they're setting up a situation in which a default might very well occur that wasn't necessary in the first place? No they do not.

Ethics folks! We've somehow done away with them and we've imposed religious values as a replacement. And questionable religious values at that.

It's that age old argument we used to have when I was a Respiratory Therapist. Just because we can put someone on 5 or 6 machines and keep them alive indefinitely does not mean that that is what we should do. It's the ethical argument that's missing from our discourse today. A feeling that there is someone else on the other end of our decision, and how will this affect them, and in return us.

Go try to get an abortion and see how pleasant your day is? There stands someone yelling and screaming at you on the very day you're probably the most emotionally conflicted you'll ever be in your life, and they're ready and willing to impose on you THEIR moral judgment.

Stand up and profess your love for another man or woman, and watch the hair stand up on the back of their necks like a bunch of rabid dogs.

Demand your civil rights and they'll willingly tell you that you're not entitled to ANY because you're not like THEM!

Try to be a gay soldier who wants to fight for their country and possibly give their life for it. Can't do it, you might distract the other soldiers. We apparently need soldiers. We've extended tours of duty, called men and women back into service with Stop-Loss, run through the National Guard, who has no business being off the continent, and what does the military do with a willing enlistee who admits their sexuality?

Out! Get out! We don't want you. In fact if you're in we'll throw you out because you're gay, over 10,000 of you, whom we need, out!

Does this make any sense to you?

Well here's a morsel for you to ponder:

fight fight fight

I'm currently fighting with the Chrysler Corporation over their ineptitude and callousness.

They won't release certain parts for my car so aftermarket's can produce them.. So I'm relegated to buying them from the dealer. Which I refuse to do since their parts were defective to begin with. I know this because I've already had these particular parts replaced by the dealer and it didn't fix the problem. They're of course being dicks about it.

Speaking of dicks. I wrote one of my credit card companies asking why they increased my payment on a card for which I have never been late, nor missed a payment. Their response? "Because we can" We'll see if I try to fuck them as I am inclined to today.

Walgreen's almost directly across the street from me has lost a customer because of poor service. Seriously don't leave me standing there behind some senile old man who can't work a fucking debit card when there are three of you standing there doing nothing, and all you really have to do is take my damn prescription.

It seemed my students didn't take me seriously when I told them they had to memorize their monologues for their final. They didn't. It cost them.

Back is out, Chiropractor, adorable, yet not really helping. Damn I so wish he was ugly so I could yell at him. But this guy is so NOT ugly. Arrgh!

Found an incredible perfect house for me. Can't afford it, but it's pretty cool. Corner lot, detached garage with room for a studio. 3 bedrooms. Pretty nice. Maybe in another life.

Eating better, losing wright, but it's a VERy slow process. I hate that!

Well it's morsel time. I gotta go read.

Silence is Golden

The boss and I aren't speaking at the moment. After Friday I'm surprised we're even able to be in the same room.

I should mention here that she's heard the rumor that she's on a hit list around here and her reactions to that, instead of evaluating her strengths and utilizing the hell out of them, is to run around here and get all up in everybody's business. When she hasn't done her homework this poses a few problems.

A few weeks ago she told me be the point person on this software rollout we were about to do. Friday, we were in a netmeeting with the guy from the software company and while we were meeting he logged into our server and set everything up, transferred our data etc. and during that time she says "Well, I guess I'd better get an email out to everyone to let them know I've got this done." I was not amused.

"So I'm not to be involved with this at all?" I asked. "Well, yes, you're to be the trainer and the contact person." A monkey could figure out this software in five minutes, I still was not amused. "I see," I replied. I then closed my notebook, placed it on the floor and proceeded to sit there and drink my coffee the rest of the meeting and when it was over I got up and left without a word.

An hour later someone else came in to inform me that the boss had gone to the eye dr only to discover that when she was gettin all up in my business she was SUPPOSED to be THERE. So since she had to wait, would I compose and send out the email to the staff regarding the changeover.

I know a bone when one is thrown at me.

I did it anyway.

THEN Friday afternoon I had one thing left to do at 4pm. I'd saved it so that I could concentrate on it when everyone was gone. It isn't involved but it requires all my attention and I don't get that uninterrupted time when I need it unless I schedule it. Enter bosslady...

"Would you like to see the database for the new project," she asked as she licked her chops. "Sure, I'll be right there."

Now, I'm thinking that I can give this 15 minutes and then get back and knock out my last thing quickly and go home on time.

It reminds me of my allergies. WHY IS IT ALWAYS A SURPRISE?

This meeting, like all meetings in this department almost immediately degenerated into an exercise in defining terms. Which of course I was not prepared for and had no time to devote to. After attempting to enter the conversation three times and either being shouted down or totally ignored each time I said "Oh. Mygod!" under my breath and closed the notebook again.

So I sat there and listened to this exercise in banality wondering all the while why my boss had sent me to that class to learn databases and then without ever asking me, farmed this particular project out.

I looked at the clock on the computer next to me. It said 4:30.

I stood up told the woman who had done the work that it was a pleasure to meet her, and thanked her for all her work, turned to the rest of them and raised my hand, said "See you Monday." And left in the ensuing silence.

I was so mad I forgot to turn off my computer when I left.

As you can see the silence is more than one-sided. We're at an impasse, me figuring out ways to torture her, her figuring out ways to torture me. Call us George and Martha without all the love.

But the weekend was nice. Cocktails and dinner with friends Friday, E worked on my shoulder, which was great since it felt so much better when he was done. I got that lesson on Saturday, in which I told her I wanted to learn natural horsemanship and she told me she wasn't much of a proponent of that and then proceeded to teach me the very stuff I wanted to learn. I'll go back fer sher. Liked it a lot.

Saw a coupe of things on CBS Sunday morning about the Catholic Church, all bad, which made my day. i.e. what the pope did to Galileo, supporting my contention that the Catholic Church and the truth are only on passing terms. I mean seriously, when do those people NOT show up with a new rule designed to get themselves off the hook. We can start with the Doctrine of Equivocation and move on to all those payments they've made these past few years.

Figured out how to get movies on the computer. Actually it was easy and I finally saw Milk. Penn was perfect. For some reason I'd always thought that Moscone and Milk were found together by Feinstein in the Mayor's office but it appears that was not the case at all. He really was our last great hope. I have to wonder why we always destroy the ones we truly need.

Not impressed by this latest offering by the insurance companies over health care. We need single payer, and nothing else will do. Their assurances that they'll lower their intended cost increases over ten years are falling on deaf ears here. Anyone who'd believe them would also believe George Bush when he said we don't torture. They're only doing this to placate until they can get some more influence set up, then we're done for.

I tell you elimination of those evil bastards is the only option.

Well here's Monday afternoon's morsel. I've raved enough for one day. Besides I gotta go out and play, it's nice out there.

How nice! HGF!

I guess Farrah Fawcett is leaving us soon. Man cancer sucks. Not the way to watch someone go at all. Fare thee well Farrah, you were certainly our icon, thank you. Let's think good thoughts for and send her to a good place on angels wings.

It's over! This semester didn't do me in as I feared it would. The last class was pretty cool, they had all done quite a lot of work on their final project and though there was still quite a ways to go before they would really understand textual analysis, they got far enough for our purposes.



And now it's Friday (I wish I could find and place here a picture of Sylvester the cat looking around and rubbing his paws together while going "muahhahahaha" cause that's how I feel)

There's a scheduled lesson tomorrow at 2, but I'm wondering how it'll happen since it's raining hard right now and has been for almost 2 hours. We'll see. If she cancels it'll be weeks before we can reschedule.

However! We don't need to reschedule HGF cause it's here, it's queer and I'm very used to it.






Love