The silence from my previous post is deafening. I realize that not all of you may be gay, but some of you are. Some of you little kitten lovers, out there who, came to know yourselves late in life, perhaps. Some of you who were married, who can tell tales that would make my hair curl. Which is quite a feat considering how the last 50 years have gone.
But the point of today's post is my puzzlement over my latest horoscope from freewill astrology, and my tarot cards, and all that stuff. I keep getting told that I need to acknowledge the "enemy", or the "demons", or the things in myself that I do not like,to bring them slowly into the light and they will be disarmed.
Huh?
Well, the universe is being pretty obtuse on this one. Either that or I am, because I don't get it. Due to this info I am now questioning if I really am as fine as i think I am.
I mean, I have a good job, that I like, and it's secure. I have another job that starts in January, and it's a part time version of my dream job. In fact there were people in my pottery class who were very excited yesterday when they found out I was going to be an adjunct there. They've always made me feel incredibly welcome, and I'm pleased to know that people find my presence a welcome thing. So I don't think THIS is an area of concern. Lord has his thing made me neurotic or what?
I am still planning on relocating. I do of course need a job before I can do that, and as long as things keep happening here that are positive I'll hang out. I figure sometime in 2008 I'll need to start thinking about an apt an Santa Fe.
I love my apartment. The building and the grounds could stand a little sprucing up, but inside that apartment I am happy as a clam. Particularly since the guy upstairs broke up with his mean girlfriend. She correctly assumed I was the one complaining about her being noisy up there and was doing things to get a rise out of me. Being no rookie at this I let her hang herself with her other neighbors and though she could have fixed the situation without much effort, she chose to leave. WOOHOO!! Silence again! So the home front is golden.
I'm making pots, and that's a big deal to me. I love it. In fact last night I had quite a good night at the studio, I only made a couple of things, but I was very happy with them. I'm not selling much yet, but it's not about that at this point. I'm also setting up a studio in my garage so I can throw more often than once or twice a week until I get better at it.
I ride my bike as much as the weather will allow, and at this point in the year that time is declining, but I will continue to ride until I absolutely can't because of the cold. This keeps me reasonably healthy and lowers stress, so it's a good thing for my physical as well as emotional health. During the winter I'll go to the gym in my apartment complex.
I take three vacations a year, not to mention the fact that my office is closed for ten days over the Christmas and new years holidays and I travel then too. So what's up with this?
Financially, I'm not dancing in the streets, but the bills are paid every month on time and there's plenty left over to pay the housekeeper the laundry service, and to have the car washed weekly, not to mention going out for an evening every week if I have the energy. In fact the last three months I've had some sort of issue that caused me to have to fork over an additional sum I hadn't budgeted for and I've always made it so far, which means I'm puzzled. Savings isn't at the level I'd like, but considering that in many (OK most)years past there was no savings..at all, I can't say this is bad.
I've met and continue to see a guy that I like. We're not in any way a couple, in fact we had the discussion the other day that it's important for us both to remember what this "relationship" is about lest one of us gets confused. But he's fun and I like having him around from time to time. So that area of life is handled for the time being.
Spiritually I spend an hour each day doing yoga and meditating, and that keeps stress levels from getting too high when I find myself obsessing about stuff(like now), again an area I feel is handled.
I take classes, I work an additional part time job. I am trying to renew my contact with a local horse trainer so I can learn about that and ride horses too. I see my friends at least once a week, or they'd mutiny. I can't see all of them as often as I'd like, but I talk to one on the phone at work at least once a week, and I see others for brunch on Sunday, or lunch on Saturday. I email, talk on the phone with and spend a lot of Saturday mornings with my brother, my only relative as far as I am concerned. I go to the theatre, the symphony, and fundraising stuff as often as possible not only so I can participate in the community, but also to be around people. I don't much like them(people in general), but I am told it's a good idea to talk to them sometimes. So I do.
I volunteer with the a local organization that helps people of low incomes to keep up their houses and do minor repair work for them. I've been asked to be a participant in a local program on our NPR station about nonfiction books, so if that comes to pass I'll be involved in that as well.
From time to time I find that I think, in disparaging terms about my former family, and the terrible things they've done to me. But our estrangement has only come about in the last year, so I think it'll take some time before I get to the point I don't dream about seeing them boiling in oil on my balcony. I suppose that could be considered to be a thing of darkness that I need to bring into the light, but I think of it as being human and dealing with massive hurt from people I trusted and tried to help. So I think I'm allowed to fantasize about them being characters in SawIV. I'll get over it. The longer I don't see them, the better it'll get.
I'm about to lose the last of my adoptive mother's siblings. Dorothy is 81 and has found out her colon cancer has returned and it appears her time is short. I'm very very sorry to hear it, but Dorothy has literally outlived two of her children, both of her husbands, her parents, all of her siblings, and a couple of her nephews! She has had a hell of a run! Yes, she's had her share of tragedy, losing two children who were still in diapers within two years of each other, and losing her first husband at 42. But she's also spent over 30 years with the love of her life, raised and cared for a son who is developmentally disabled, who survives at 60 very well thank you, and she's traveled to Hawaii, the only place to go according to her, over 26 times. She's enjoyed her life more than all of her siblings put together. I will miss Dorothy, and I love her, but she's had a good long run and I can't see her going out with many regrets, she's not the type. And I don't look at death as a bad thing. It's part of life, we all have to do it, we all come to an end, and we all better make the best of the time we have here like she did. So I don't really see this as one of the "dark" things I need to pay attention to.
All in all I guess I just have to wait and see what my horoscope is talking about. I think I live a full and rewarding life. I could stand to have a man to share it with, but there isn't a store to go to to select a man off the rack. So on that score I have to just live my life and if I run across him that's great, if not I can't sit around waiting for him, there's too much to do in this life.
I try to be respectful of others,I try to stay of of others business, particularly since I got plenty of my own. And though I will no longer be a caregiver..to anyone, I do my best to empathise with people throughout my day. I don't think I hold any malice or ill will toward others, well, a little here and there, but not enough to spend a lot of time and energy on. I'm sure there are those who wish me ill, but that's not my problem it's theirs. I think the worst I get in a normal day is to hope that someone will get a ticket for tailgating me so I can gloat while they do. I think that's pretty normal. Basically I have no idea what this horoscope thing is talking about so...
The mystery will continue.
Oh! I'm learning Spanish too! Buenos Dias, mi amigos!
