How did we come to the conclusion that all gifts at this time of year have to be just spectacular? Which is to say expensive. I've been reading all over the internet this morning about people who are having crises over gifts they're giving.
Some are to friends, some to family, some to significant others, but all the posts I've seen are these angst-ridden diatribes from people thinking they can't afford to buy someone an appropriate gift. Now that could make me sad...IF IT WASN'T SO STUPID!
Do I somehow owe someone a gift? Is there some sort of obligation implicit in the receipt of a gift or a favor? If so I missed that part.
If I choose to give you a gift, that means that you mean enough for me to spend the time and thought necessary to find a gift that makes me think of you when I look at it, will make you think of me when you do the same, and that I can afford to give you.
I have two friends of over 30 years and we are in no danger of ever ending our friendships. It's just not going to happen. I can't stay away from them, nor they me. The bond is there,(believe me we've been through it and back)and though I could examine it to death I could never explain it and I won't try here. But we have never exchanged gifts at Christmas. Birthdays sometimes, but not usually. Christmas never. It was an agreement I asked for many years ago when I had a family that numbered upwards of 20 and I was a struggling actor. They both immediately said, it was fine and we've stuck to it ever since. I once bought gifts for K and his partner because I was in grad school and they'd graciously allowed me to stay in their house for three weeks during Christmas break while I was in town. K sheepishly told me on Christmas morning that he had no gift for me, and I had to explain to him that I considered the extended stay my gift in the first place. I mean three weeks, really. In my house I'd be hard pressed to let someone stay that long. They never batted an eyelash. Well, said partner did tell me to stop leaving my coffee cups all over the house at one point, but since I was doing that and it was extremely inconsiderate I can't really say he didn't have a point. But I digress.
The point is this. If you want someone to have something, go shopping. Find something that makes you think of them that is within your budget and buy it for them. I think you might find that the time spent considering the important people n your life will bring (that personally dreaded) warm Christmas fuzziness to you in a way you didn't expect. I mean that's really what we're supposed to be after here, isn't it? Taking stock of how important people are in our lives and letting them know how much they mean to us.
It is not about how impressive the gift is, nor how much it cost, nor where it came from. It's about the very notion that someone cares enough about you to go out and spend part of a day looking for something that, when you look at it, will warm your heart at the thought that went into its selection. A gift should say "You mean something to me." Not, "You're worth THIS much to me."
Shopping with this mindset is the only way I can do the Christmas thing. Otherwise it's just a chore that I loathe, and Bah Humbug is no way to spend the next week.
