I love Johnny Depp. He's just always fun to watch. Not ugly either.
I did, I stepped in it this time. It's not irreparable...yet. And I could ignore what I've done and it'd go away. I'm just not sure I want to ignore it. Not sure about any of it really. Ok, I'll stop being cryptic.
The other day, Wednesday I think, I looked at my horoscope and it said that if I ever wanted to solve a mystery that this was the perfect time for me to do so, that I would have great luck at it.
I thought for a while and came to the conclusion that the only real mystery in my life is my birth parents. I have a pretty good idea who my birth mother is, where she is, and what her name is. If I really wanted to I could reach her I think. I've just never had occasion to want to. My birth father though, complete mystery. I MIGHT know his first name. That's it.
So I went online poked around a bit and found a site that had a message board and I posted. I told you I stepped in it.
Now I know dick about the cloak and dagger world of adoption searches. But man is it mysterious. Within three hours I get this email asking for more information. So I told the version of the story I know, which must be fairly accurate, because I get an email back very quickly from someone who tells me that I should call them, they've found my "family" hmmmm
I pondered this rather unexpected development overnight and decided that I wasn't biting without getting some info of my own. (by the way she wasn't exactly where I thought she was.)
I emailed back and asked who this person was, how they came by this info, and just what it was going to cost me. (I've heard lots of horror stories about people getting fleeced by scams like this.)
I was informed that there was no fee for this service, that my contact was someone called a search angel and that their info came from a reliable source who actually knows my birth mother. See this gets even weirder, so I'm kinda creeped out at this point, and I tell them I'll think about it.
Then they emailed me the contact info. Name, address, and phone and told me to call.
Gee thanks, no pressure there.
So here I am with some information on my computer screen and shitloads of rejection scenarios in my head, wondering if I should do this at all. I don't have any animosity about the adoption, it's my understanding I was the product of a couple of teenagers in the mid 50's exercising a huge lack of judgement and I totally get that. So no I don't have any negative feelings about the issue.
The scenarios are many. There's the rejection option. "I don't want you in my life go away and never call here again." ok, well not very nice, but understandable after half a century, I wouldn't like it, but at least I'd have some answer.
There's the "OH my god I thought I'd never find you." option. In which they insist I become a huge part of their lives instantly and run me off with their gushing...no gushing please.
There's the jealous sibling option, where her other children go nuts on learning about me and get rude. That could be a little like an episode of Dallas and I've lived enough of that crap for several lifetimes, thank you.
There's the option where I call, she is so surprised that she drops dead on the spot and then I have another dead mother on my hands. I got two, enough already.
Of course, lurking out there in the back of my head is the option where she goes. "Oh hi! Hey. let's spend a little time getting to know each other and see what kind of a relationship we're going to have. No pressure, no strings, I know you have a life of your own and so do I, so let's not disrupt everyones life over this until we know where we're going with it. By the way, here's your father's name and here's where he lives."
...Yeah I know.
