Eventus stultorum magister

For reasons that faileth human understanding the people I work with are suddenly up in arms over my dismissal. Not that their ire will alter the outcome. Decisions have been made and this bunch isn't inclined to second-guess themselves.

So all this posturing and wailing and g-nashing of teeth my colleagues are doing today is for naught. And to tell the truth it's on my nerves a bit. Yes, it's flattering that they find my departure "devastating" and that their plans and wishes are being dashed, but this situation is what it is. In truth...I'm already gone.

So we have to have a little ghetto drama on my way out the door. And we KNOW how much I love drama.

I'll elaborate more later right now I gotta go somewhere...anywhere, but outta here for a while, until they all calm down.

ok, well it apparently occurred to my colleagues last night that my departure was imminent. This, along with the knowledge (usually sometime in mid-september) that school is in session, and that the budget is frozen (always in late may) seems to hvae made the list of annual surprises they come to be aware of all too late.

They mean well, they're a nice bunch of people for the most part, and they've certainly been good to me on more than one occasion.

However,

This last ditch effort to sway the opinion of those in power is simply a waste of time.

(they've all gone em masse (there are 4 of them)to the director and told him that my position should be changed to another classification so I can stay)

Um, folks!! There is no fucking money for that or anything else! Who else would you see go in my stead? Seriously, if the powers were to even consider your request, then someone else HAS to go.

I think it's flattering, I think it's very commendable of them, and most of all I wish they'd asked me before proceeding.

I left! I left last week. I'm still sitting here in my office blogging as I do almost every day, but I am NOT HERE!!!!

And BTW I sooo wish they'd stop dissolving into tears when I say goodbye to them. It's getting embarrassing.

C'est la vie is the phrase for the day. Let's all pack up our tools and baggage and stuff and go home now. It was fun for while, but it's done.

Let's look at some hot guys a while instead.

Here's a morsel to consider:


Love

(title="Events are the teachers of fools.")

The torture never stops

Back at the stress factory for the last Monday. So far I've visited for 2 hrs, I've checked email, I've started to read a play I've had on my desk for weeks...
Next I'm going to the chiropractor and then to a long lunch.

After I get back I might just go for a bike ride. Or take a nap/ or both.

Normal Monday.

I soo wanted to sleep in. Oh well, Thursday I guess.

Monday morsel:
Wrappin up Pride Month with a couple from Seattle.

I hear rumors that a lot of Pride parades were not fleshfests this year. How refreshing! It'd be nice to see a little pride in Pride for a change.



Love

Don't bother...they're here

I swear I didn't wake up in a bad mood, in fact I'm not in one now, but I still have the same question I had yesterday.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THE UNIVERSE?!?!?!?!?!?!

Every three hours yesterday there was a huge event.

9:30 Farrah Fawcett Dies

12:30 Michael Jackson died, and please, for once, let's be honest about Michael, he died just like Elvis, on the bathroom floor, of a heart attack. No need to sugar coat this with the coma story, nor idealize him in death more than he was in life, if that's possible. The poor guy dropped dead at 50 of a heart attack.

It may have been prescription drugs,it may have been his time, truthfully we'll never know. If we're smart, and I know we're not even if you don't. If we're smart we'll put on his best albums,(Off the wall, Thriller, and some of Bad)dance our asses off for a while, and thank the Gods we had him at all.

Then it's time to turn our attention to living and honoring the memory.

Farrah, despite getting upstaged by Michael, went out in an interesting manner didn't she? I never suspected her of being the type to videotape her own demise, interesting concept, that. I suppose once you're used to living in the public eye it doesn't bother you...me, I'd be apoplectic if someone even suggested it.

And though you'd think I was done, after all that I'm just getting started.

In true trine fashion at 3:30 I came to the realization that-

I HAVE THE FUCKING JOB FROM HELL THAT WILL NOT DIE!!!!

As I've raved about many times here, this is a job that must quantify you, as do all civil service jobs actually. If you do not fit into their box they have no idea what to do with you?

I've lived the Giraffe metaphor for almost 5 years, it's time for it to END!!!

But NO!!!

Yesterday, after my demise was re-scheduled, I found out that on Tuesday evening next, they plan to propose to the Board of Education to eliminate my position. If the board says ok, they'll let me know on Wednesday and I can go then. BUT I HAVE TO CONTINUE TO FUCKING REPORT TO WORK.

SHOOT ME!

So to get paid through the middle of August and have July off I have to go most of next week and sit there. I'd rather have a tooth extraction, sans Novocaine.

Today I had the bright idea to take a personal day and go to the DMV and pay them their annual extortion. I arrived just as they opened to find the place packed and I sat there almost 3 hours. Though inconvenient, this was no surprise. I opted not to take my mood out for a walk just then. And I was rewarded handsomely, and I do mean that in the literal sense of the word. My DMV rep was stunningly handsome. I simply could not take my eyes off that man. Ah well I'm sure he's used to guys drooling all over his counter.

The true representation that I need to just cancel the rest of the day (and that the universe is having a good ole time fucking with me.) was when I came home to find all my teak deck furniture in the yard and my plants resting atop the a/c unit that was blowing hot air all over them in 100 degree heat and two young Mexican men removing the front of my apartment. With hammers. No, I do not know what the fuck they're doing!

They're banging away as I type.

So it appears the Universe is telling me to go sit down somewhere and shut the fuck up.





I shall do just that.

Happy Hgf!!!

Love

The waiting is the hardest part...

I don't think I've ever quoted a song lyric in a blog post title, since I consider that to be someone else's province and I try not to steal from other bloggers, but today this lyric seems the most appropriate thing I can use to convey the mood of the day. So I hope Bigg doesn't mind the borrowing.

My boss was just in here and told me that at 3:50(?) I'll be taking that long walk with her up to the office of doom. (update:1:10 p.m. my demise was rescheduled to 4:15. un-believable.)

Actually her arrival was preceded immediately by my discovery that all my email folders had been emptied after I left yesterday. I knew they wouldn't be subtle.

I'd planned to go home this afternoon after it was all over and take a nap and relax the rest of the day. BUT! That was based on the assumption that they'd do this in the a.m., not foolishly think I'd sit here and provide them with another day's work, which I will not.

I'm catching up on reading and making phone calls, and basically doing, without the nap, what I'd be doing if I'd been allowed the humane option of getting the fuck out of here earlier.

But they're pulling the strings, and I was assured that as of July 1, I'd be notified of the "extras" I'll be getting that others won't. I have this feeling that my boss kinda went an extra mile to get me at least something. I won't know what for a while yet, but it'll be interesting to find out.

Anyway, today's the day.

I'm feeling apprehensive, yet I'm feeling a little giddy too. Life ain't over til it's over I guess, cause I see all kinds of possibilities in front of me. I know that the economy is conspiring against me as well as millions of others and that's a true fucking drag, if you'll allow the aged phrasing, but it's the way it is. There'll be sacrifices, there'll be things and people lost that I have no way of replacing, but something new is coming in their place. And strangely all this feels right.

Catch me in about 90 days when the money runs out and I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune altogether, but today I just feel that it's past time to put this place behind me, and that all my kvetching about it these past 513 posts (I missed my 500th post FUCK!) since August of 2007 have been me yelling at the Universe "GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Alas, it seems the universe has been listening.

I doubt I'll be stopping with the blogging though. This blog has been the best therapy for me these past two years I could have imagined. It helped me work through all that horrible stuff that went on with my purported family, and in many ways kept me sane for the longest time. So when the separation anxiety starts I'm betting that it's there for me again. Gotta cope the best we can I guess.

I keep coming back to this, but I'm getting these vibes that somethings coming for me, and it's something good this time. When it's something bad I get this feeling that,as I've said many times, "something is hurtling through the universe directly at me," but not this time. I think I may just have reached a point where I can do the things I really want to do, cause it appears the things I've always dreamed of are going to come to me later in life, which is fine as long as they come.

I've dreamed and planned and...well...plotted too, but I think I had a very long learning curve when it comes to life, which may be a good thing. Someone like me would have gotten interminably bored real quick if things had come to me easily.

So here goes, like the fool in the tarot card I'm stepping off into space with only the baggage necessary to make the journey. Certain that I can make it all work out alright. The fool is given the number 0 to signify the beginning...I think that's exactly what this is.


Send good thoughts out there to the universe for me.

A traveling morsel seems appropriate today:

Love

I'm figure if I'm going to steal from the best I should steal the whole enchilada-

Title lyric from "The Waiting" by Tom Petty.

Scuttlebutt can be handy

This morning's scuttlebutt is that on Friday...or Monday, those of us who are shuffling off this employment coil will be getting our letters of deliverance, and we are to go THEN.

Works for me.

It seems they intend to pay us for July.

VACATION!!!!!!!

I could use some time in the mountains.

Where's that Chevron card?

Loving trailer trash with new shoes

Ok, well, I love him all over again.

Rob Thomas is the shizz to me.

I just stumbled across his essay "I've Got A Big Gay Chip on My Shoulder" at Huffington post, and...well I love him.

Like his music, like his lyrics, like the fact that he gets it. That he's willing to stand up and say, "Yes, this whole civil rights, marriage, whatever it is, debate is ridiculous."

There are those I know, who believe we need ENDA, and I agree with that, we do. I may agree more after losing my job since I'd surely sue under ENDA's provisions if I could. But the entire package is important too.

Rob's right it's not about death..it's about life.

Talk about a terrific mid-week morsel!


Love

Question about abortion

I was wondering yesterday as I was listening to a story on NPR about The pro-lifers who used to picket George Tiller's clinic in Wichita, why they're not present now.

Wouldn't it help their cause to be standing out there right now in the 100 degree heat with signs letting everyone know they STILL do not support murder, even Dr. Tiller's?

See, that, to me, would be a true demonstration of their commitment to being against murder.

Funny they're nowhere to be found nowadays.

Feeling official

ok, with the news this morning that Ed McMahon has died I feel officially old.

How did Ed McMahon's death get to be about me you ask? Simple.

Ed, long ago gave himself to us as a public persona, since I was 5 at the time I have always pretty much had Ed in my life. Since Ed has died that means that the generation between me and mortality is fading (except for the evil that is my adoptive father, for that one someone will have to fashion a stake)which leaves me as part of the front line.

Not good.

Not bad, I guess. I've lived far longer than most people expected I would, and the way things are I expect to terrorize them for many more years to come. Good solid fun if you ask me.

It's just one of those moments when you realize, yet again that the things from your youth are becoming memories, and that there will be no one after you to keep those memories alive.


Ed had a good run. He certainly lived well, and Gods know he enjoyed it.

Can you imagine someone like Johnny Carson coming up to you after his retirement and saying something like, "I miss you, it was fun wasn't it?"

You bet your ass it was fun!

Talk about lives well lived.
****
I'd say the morsel on the right is ass over tin cup in lust. (not that I'd know anything about it)

For every action...

People at work are puzzled recently. My behavior is apparently not what they expect of a person about to be sent on their merry way.

I, on the other hand, simply see it as an opportunity to do something else. Perhaps something I like better. Something I might have been rained for maybe? (I rave sometimes,forgive me)At any rate it's going to happen, and we can all look at it as something that's devastating, or we can look at it as just another change in our lives.

I don't always give up easily on things, and in my youth when I had all that energy to spare I could hang onto something like a dog with a bone for YEARS!!! I just don't see the percentage in it anymore.

It's over, donewith, gone. Take what you learned from it and use it somewhere else.

Of course they're taking their time about all this. They're telling the managers and making them do the dirty work, which sucks for the managers, but at least we'll know.

My cohort M just came back from vacation this morning and I updated him on the doings around here. He finds it as amusing as I do. at least I have someone around now who can talk to me and not look at the floor while doing so.

I calculated that I have 12 sick days left this year. I figure I can be "sick" (cough hack sniffle) MWF every week in July. How fun is that?

So here's to the future. Let's hope it's not as bleak as the economic pundits would have us believe.

And to stave off that separation anxiety let's have a little morsel:

Multi-tasking

Here's proof positive that I can wonder when the ax will fall today (it's supposedly the day they let us all know who is going and who is staying,as though I'm not one of the former) AND lust after hot guys!

Last night I had an absolutely delightful dinner with an old friend I hadn't seen in 15 years. I'm hoping to remember to tel the story when I can focus better than I am today. (I'm a bit pre-occupied)

Truthfully there's another thing waiting for me out there somewhere. The next thing is looking for me and I'm sitting here not available to it. So, though I'll have some financial issues about being unemployed, and though I was certain that Justin over at GuyfromChicago
was too optimistic last year when he got fired, I still think it's a good thing in the long run, as did he.

Though I didn't really hate my job as much as Justin did, (I hated it plenty, just not quite as much as he did.) I'm still glad it'll all be over soon.

I still got me a life to live and this fucking place is NOT on the list of shit I want to do. I was asked yesterday to describe my relationship with this organization. I asked if they had ever seen the film Gods and Monsters. In it Ian McKellan's character meets Brendan Fraser's character and while they're conversing he describes his early life with his family in England. He says:

"They were like a family of farmers who've been given a giraffe. They didn't know what to do with the damn thing except harness it to the plow."

There is no better metaphor for my job than that.

So later on today it'll likely be Sayonara motherfuckers.

Then I'll go get drunk.

In the meantime here's a random selection of hotties to peruse while awaiting the bad/good news.

On a completely unrelated note, I should say that yesterday I read my first tweet (twitter, whatev) it was from Anderson Cooper, whom one would think we could expect to be reasonably well-spoken.

He bitched about his day.

Like I need Anderson Cooper for that.

What could possibly be the purpose of Twitter?

Crabby Craberson

That's me today. I feel like I had white sugar for breakfast. That's usually what puts me in this foul a mood early in the day. But I think it's more a combination of things that got to me this morning. Which things I intend to talk about right now.

I could NOT get it together this morning to leave the apartment. Each time I thought I was ready to go I remembered something else I had to do or take. And then as I got in the car I realized I needed gas, always a fun thing to do in the a.m. which of course made me later than I wanted to be. Let's not even mention (maybe I will)the number of people who thought it necessary to pass me, get in front of me, and then jam on their brakes. It was like the sport of the fucking day this morning.

Then I arrived at the stress factory to find that my phone wasn't working. I asked a few people if their phones were working, wondering if maybe the powers that be were trying to tell me something. Then I found out it was some "testing" thing,(yet another mystery of civil service) and I mentioned that we should probably let the branches know that our phones are out so they won't fuss that they can't get ahold of us. I was told not to panic.

Needless to say this is when I lost my mind.

I believe I said something to the effect that this lethargic, lasy-ass bullshit is exactly the kind of behavior the powers that be are about to reward, while those of us who want to be proactive and insure that the lines of communication are continuously open and flowing with current info throughout the system will be tossed out in the street soon.

I don't think anyone is speaking to me at the moment. It's hard to tell cause they're wisely leaving me alone.

Wait, speaking of those powers they just walked in the building..

da da da dum...here we go.

More soon I'm sure.

Love?
************************
Ok, wait.

THAT was the weirdest moment I've ever experienced in the world of employment. And that's from a guy who's had 107 jobs, so I've been around some weird-ass employment scenarios.

The guy who's about to eliminate a lot of us just came around and shook my hand and got introduced by the "head" of personnel. He said hello to me, and then made a big deal of meeting the web designer across the hall. Talk about telegraphing what you're about to do! Nothing was said, just "Hello." Oh I did notice that he wouldn't come in my office he just stuck his hand around the corner for me to shake.

Oh my GOD that was weird!

I bet there's more to come later on..stay tuned.
********************************

Today I decided to have Ryan Reynolds as the Thursday morsel. He's incredibly adorable. I read some comment somewhere this morning that he'd never done a decent movie. I went to his IMDB page. It appears that commenter is correct. Maybe he'll get out there and take some risks and we'll find he really can act and our instincts were right all along. But as long as he does these romantic comedy thingys we're just gonna have to wonder.

Owned

My stuff owns me.

Well, in truth it would like to, but it doesn't really.

I was looking around the apt last night thinking "How the hell am I going to get all this shit to New Mexico if I go?"

answer: Don't!

Seriously, this shit has been hanging around my neck for over a decade and I'm done with it. The electronics, the clothes, the cd's and artwork, and a few select pieces are all I need to keep. It'll all fit in the car. As for furniture? There's so damn much furniture in this world I'm confident I'll find more.

When I moved to San Francisco in the early 90's I sold everything I couldn't ship UPS. It was great. In truth I never liked the new couch and loveseat, the mattress and boxsprings are old and need replacing, the dining room chairs are nice to look at but in practice are torture devices, and the rest of the stuff is just that, stuff that's shown up in the last 10-12 years. To hell with it.

There's a sale in my future I can feel it.

Have I featured Nash/Mr Donahoo yet?
He's the wrestler from Nebraska who got tossed off the team for cranking one out on fratmentv.

Talk about corn-fed! I'll miss the midwest.

Love

And the shoe finally drops...

August 1.

That's the day I'll be free.

told 'ya!

I found out yesterday and for the life of me I can't figure out why I'm not upset about it.

But here's my current take on it. I'm ridiculously overeducated for this job. I had great trepidation about staying at this job,and certainly in this city, for the rest of my working life. the job is in...well that part of town is pretty much a joke, and I'd be relegated to there forever. No one anywhere else in the metro would take me seriously if I told them I worked there with a straight face.

However!

It was so damned easy all the time.

I mean really. Last week I showed up one day at 9am. At 11am I left and went to see my dr about a minor prob I'd been having and when I finished it was lunchtime so I stopped and ate. When I arrived back at work it was around 1pm.

At 3pm I closed the door to my office and changed my clothes and went out for a bike ride for an hour.

The only way to get me out of there was to shove me out the door, which they'll be doing the end of next month. And according to my calculations the cuts will be huge. So there'll be a lot of us joining the ranks of those looking for a job in this era.

I'm figuring I can last a few months with a decent severance and unemployment. I'm sure I'll be in the savings account a lot, but fuck it.

I do have the possibility of that job in Taos, but one cannot count on such things these days. It's out there, but...well, I have reservations about whether I'll ever hear from them.

So the search begins in earnest this time. I think I'm taking August off though. Maybe I need to actually go to New Mexico and present my smiling face to them. It's a lot harder to say no when you're standing right there.

August riding horses....maybe I got me a plan.

Besides School starts toward the end of the month and I'll be back teaching then anyway. And I love vacations. hmmm

Well, it's still the longest I ever had one job 4.6 yrs.

And #108 coming up!

I wonder how high the number will go in my lifetime? 110? 120? 12 more jobs would be a lot. I doubt I'm that motivated.

I need a Tuesday,morsel really bad:

Love- it's all we got.

Thoughts on Carradine and Freeman

Morgan Freeman didn't get more than a little scrape (and a blow job)in that auto accident he had last year, but I just read that the female passenger was partly to blame. I laughed out loud. Good for him, the randy old fart. No wonder his wife divorced him right after.

David Carradine went out exactly as the guy from Kung Fu should have gone out. Naked,his hand on his dick, a rope around his neck, in a Bangkok hotel room. If you gotta go, at 72, that's the way I say. To hell with all this laying down and moving on.

Let me crank out just one more before I go. Or better yet let me flip the car while getting a hummer.

One can laugh at the way Carradine died, but I assure you he already got the last laugh.

Go on with your bad self Grasshopper.

Monday madness

I heard on NPR this morning that there are people in Palau who don’t want to take in the gitmo detainees because they’re afraid of terrorism. I particularly liked the woman who said seomthing to the effect of “This is a Christian country and I’m afraid of terrorists. What if these terrorists are sent here and then the tourists are afraid to come?”

1.Let’s be primarily concerned with our pocketbooks, and NOT the Christian thing to do.
2.I, personally am more afraid to go to Palau right now because it IS a Christian nation than I would be after they’ve imported terrorists.
3.I always love how the religious among us can take the precepts of their religion and twist them to suit their current fears. Never mind that these people need a home, that they need to be taken in, and the no one else wants them either.

Hell no! let’s not do the good Christian thing and take them in and let the chips fall where they may. Nope! We’re gonna kick and scream cause we might not make our per capita income of $10000 if this happens. Seriously, when are Christians gonna actually be Christians again?

I read also, over at Proceed at your own risk that Richard Rothstein has taken the Bilerico project to task for their stance against a proposed march on Washington this fall. I’m with Richard on this one, as usual. The Bilerico Project is not a very interesting blog. They seemed full of promise when they started, they pushed all the right “Hate George Bush” political buttons, and then they became appeasers. I was disappointed but not surprised.

I stopped reading Bilerico project a long time ago. I commented that Joe Solmonese was worthless and had done nothing to further our cause, and they deleted my comment as a personal attack on him. Seriously, if you’re going to censor political comments on your blog, WHY, oh WHY are you blogging?

There are arguments for and against a proposed march on Washington in October. I realize I’m older, and that my generation saw the need and benefits of marching and the benefits they produced. But it’s a different day, and though I’d go, I doubt there will be much of a turnout because of the lack of cohesiveness on the part of the participants. It’s a shame really, a march produces all kinds of benefits that many of these people can’t imagine.

The federal level is where the attention needs to be focused, where the Constitutional wins will come from, and where we, ultimately must concentrate our efforts if we’re ever to secure our civil rights.

Alas, since we, as the keepers of gay history do NOTHING to educate our populace about the subject we’re doomed to repeat history and lose big time in this battle. Our ineptness in this regard will be our undoing. Maybe another generation will actually get their civil rights despite us.

Monday Morsel:

Somethings gotta give...

Doesn't it? I mean here we are in the midst of a cultural revolution, what I'll call the New Morality vs. the Christians, who, as we all know, think they know exactly how everyone should behave and are more than willing to tell us so.

Wrestlers in Nebraska are posing for nude photos on gay websites, (I have to wonder if it wasn't the Nebraska tattoo that got one of them booted) and one of them makes a very valid point. He says, "I could have got a dui, I could have gotten in a fight, and I'd still be on that team." He also says, "It's not illegal to get naked and take some pictures." Of course, if the good Christians of this country had their way it certainly would be. Unless you were a woman, then it's fine.

Chasity Bono is undergoing gender reassignment. I don't know how I feel about that. I can say I do not have any intelligent grasp on the subject. I have no knowledge of the thought processes of a person who thinks they're not of the correct gender. I cannot even imagine what that would be like. I'm a man, and I like other men, so that particular issue (at least there's one) is settled for me.

There seems to be a large contingent of Christians who think we should all toe their line and behave in the ways they say their god tells them we should. I have to wonder when they last talked with him. I have to wonder where they got the notion that their God endorses their spitefulness, I have to wonder when their God made them the Hall Monitor's of the world.

One of the latest gambits that Christians are using, that I read bout this morning, is to convince us that Madison Avenue is evil. (as though that were news) That they're selling us homosexuality the same way they sell us Orange Juice, (now there's an analogy for those of us of a certain age) in that they're just putting it our there in advertising and the more we see it and the more we get inured to it's presence the less we'll be concerned when men start kissing each other good bye in the driveways of suburbia each morning on their way to work. As though that doesn't happen now.

My ex has professed for a long time that he's out at work and doesn't understand why we, (some of his friends) aren't. It's not that I'm not out, it's just that I do not like these people and my life and it's precepts are none of their fucking business. The less they know about me, the less they can use against me, so I keep my business to myself. Which makes them crazier of course, and though I know they know, and I make the occasional unconscious reference to it, It's not something I go around work talking about, cause, well, fuck them. I am not at all interested in their opinion about it. And believe me, they have one. But I digress.

One day when I was living in Lawrence, KS he came to visit and we were out in the yard walking around. I looked over at him and wanted to kiss him. So I did.

My "out there" b/f stood in my front yard and looked around as though we might get caught doing something we shouldn't.

I distinctly remember a day in our relationship I thought was almost perfectly cool.

We were spending the weekend at his place in the country and that particular morning we were out walking along the gravel with the dog and he sidled up to me and hooked his arm through mine. Now THAT is the relationship I want to have, I thought. And then the car came along. He took his arm out of mine like Mommy and Daddy had caught him driving the Cadillac. It was soo almost perfect. Maybe he's not as out as he likes to think.

I so wanted him to be THAT guy, the one who could stand there and kiss me on the front lawn and not think a thing of it. I have to wonder how much of that Christian upbringing made him think that others might see, and they might judge. I guess when you've been seen and judged all your life it's less of a big deal. It just didn't seem like something to concern myself with at the time. Maybe the Christians could get Madison Avenue to sell THEIR product too! I'm sure they'd do it for a fee, and GOD knows they've got the money, they keep all those churches in business. Surely they can afford some product placement.

But don't you think something's gotta give? Don't you think that somewhere along the way we're got to veer back toward the middle of the road where we almost always stay so that the clashes and the exploited fears and the legal wrangling can take a breather?

Mind you I'm not for it, I would prefer things keep going as long as possible until we obtain some of the rights we actually have already. But history tells me somethings gotta give.

In the meantime let's take a look at some of these things that are absolutely NOT a big deal, nor are they illegal.


(blurring is not mine it's ESPN's)





And let's not forget HGF!!!

It's almost over...

The monsoons are back, and they're getting ridiculous. Last night it rained and rained and rained some more. That was on top of the rain we got Monday, and the rain we're supposed to get tomorrow. I've emptied the saucers under all the plants on the deck three times in the last 24 hours. Some of them I'm afraid I'm going to lose. The Norfolk Island Pine I put outside to sink or swim (figuratively I thought) is loving every minute of this. Everything else, we'll see. The tomatoes are headed south, something is eating them too, I'm not the least bit happy about it, the ones I've had are delicious. It's not a squirrel, they're taking little bitty bites out of the top of them, so I have to figure out some protection mechanism. Perhaps a hammer.

I need to wash the car, but what's the point? It rains the next day and it's that vicious circle thing all over again. On the positive side I'm saving a fortune on Air Conditioning. It's like 60 at night, very nice.

Today is my friend M's birfday in New Mexico, she's taking a day long hike to celebrate. I'm expecting pictures any minute now. Taos is still looking for a librarian. In all fairness the posting doesn't end until tomorrow, and when I'm the guy who hires I NEVER look at those damn things until I absolutely have to. So I figure Monday I'll hear yay or nay for an interview. Let's hope I don't have to make a mad dash to Taos one day soon, that'll be tense.

Barack Obama is apparently taking his health care sideshow on the road. All we need, Mr. President is single payer health care. Get the government in on the deal and buy in bulk, we'll all save a fortune. This spending 1.8 trillion dollars to buy everybody insurance is ridiculous. Get rid of the insurance companies, make it nationalized health care, the naysayers will all cal it socialized medicine and then go shove their way first in line to get some. Let's just do this and get it over with.

Speaking of which, that's my opinion of this week, let's just do it and get it over with.

My bosses latest hair-brained scheme has landed her in the doghouse with some here. She's obsessed that our new inventory system be papered. THIS IS THE I.T. DEPT FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!! I kept my mouth shut and let her go into this meeting so she could talk to her peers like they were first graders and they shot her down as I knew they would. So it appears we're finally going to enter the electronic age and I won't be saddled with the management of thousands of pieces of paper. AAAAARGH!!!

Sometimes I think this is the best job I've ever had in the worst place I've ever worked.

Instead of ruminating over all this I think I'll just enjoy a morsel.



Love

I had to come back and do an update because I found this incredible article about a short film this guy made for Pride in Toronto, he's all excited about the notion that Pride is no longer going against the flow but with it. "We're willing to do anything to get the approval of the state." he said. Someone noticed, THANK THE GODS!!!

This post has no title

I’m all cranked up again about the price of oil. This, of course, means that gas is headed back up to where we can’t afford it. And this time I’m not sure what I’m going to do about it. I really don’t have the cushion I had last time to cover it, and last time it was temporary. This time I don’t think it is. I’ll certainly be driving less I can assure you of that.

Of course, if I get the job in Taos I can just get a place there and walk to work. That would be cool. Though until this very minute I hadn’t considered that Taos is at seven thousand feet which might impair my ability to walk across the room for a while until I get used to it.

Realistically though I doubt very much that I’ll even get interviewed for that job. My education alone puts me over the top of their requirements and if you add my 5 years of library experience on top of that…well, it appears I’m not what they’re looking for, but hope springs eternal. They’re looking for someone who can catalog which is something I have very limited experience with, maybe they’ll teach me.

I realized, too late of course, that I should have told them I wanted to take this Library Science certification/Associates Degree program offered completely online at the Dona Ana Community College in Las Cruces, but it seems there’s no way to alter my app now that it’s submitted. That program does me no good here, but if it’ll help convince them of my sincerity, and get me the job in Taos, I’ll do it.

But I obsess, of course.

Lapsed into a coma last night about 8pm slept until 6:30 this morning on the couch. I think I was tired.

The sun just peeked through my office window so maybe there IS a walk in my future this morning. I certainly hope so. I neeed to go outside and play. I neeed to go home and make pots all day, but I’m trying to be a good boy around here and play nice.

Freewill astrology is absolutely NO help this week. Rob says my future is wide open. Great, that narrows it right down, thanks universe.

This is good news, in that I could well get an opportunity in Taos or somewhere in New Mexico, or things could turn out well here, and it IS a good thing that the universe is wide open to me right now. Maybe I can do some of that stuff I’ve always wanted to do and never had the time.

It occurs to me that I’ll either need to still be here on July 10 or I’ll need to make sure I’m back that day because it’s the day the court endows me with my new/old name.

I should start writing the rant I’ll be posting bout trying to change my name on virtually every document related to my life. Starting with my birth certificate. I can’t WAIT to explain this to Social Security. After my last interaction with them in 1976 when I was burglarized and they told me that I wasn’t me, but that my Social Security number had been issued to someone born with my name and birthdate in 1972, which was the year I GOT the damn card, and it took almost a year to get them to straighten it out. So this name change should be fun. Women do it all the time, but wait til a guy shows up with the request. You’ve seen those Visa Check Card commercials when the old guy whips out his checkbook and the world stops spinning. Like that.

Oh well I think I'll just stare at a cowboy a while:


That horse needs sunblock.
I'd shade the cowboy so he needs nothing. In fact he's already wearing too much. He could keep the hat on.

I have to wonder if I said "of course", enough in this post.

Wait, I have to go watch Paul propose to James in the sidebar...again. I swear I watch that thing every day and I grin like the Cheshire cat every single time.

Love

How saturated with celebrity are we?

Adam Lambert is gay!

Next thing they'll be telling us is that air is only 21% oxygen. Crazy talk I tell you.

In my defense I've never watched American Idol, and I do my best not to watch Fox at all since Rupert Murdoch is evil on the hoof.

But this will be the talk of the town for all of 5 minutes. In fact we're done with it here already.

Let's move on to more relevant issues like morsels.



I won't even begin to speculate on what he's up to...

Love

Good Morning!!!

I've no idea if it's going to be a good morning or not, I just thought I'd throw that out there and see what comes of it.

In fact I haven't actually interacted with anyone for any reason this morning. (a sure sign of a good day in my book)

As you can tell I have high hopes.

The weekend would have been uneventful had it not been for the social schedule. Friday night I went out to Pride. I saw, this morning on the website for a local tv station the footage they showed when covering the event. Well, it's worked, at least here, and finally.

They've stopped showing nothing but outrageous drag numbers or twinks in speedos parading the streets of our fair city. This year they showed all the regular people.

And we're fat.

I couldn't help but laugh as one fat 'mo after another paraded past the camera. I thought, "Well, THERE'S a lesson in 'Be careful what you ask for'!"

"Could I get a side order of weight watchers with those civil rights please?"

At least they're finally telling the truth.

Saturday night I went to my brother's 40th wedding anniversary dinner. It was quite lovely especially considering that no one invited Daddy Dearest and his daughter the Princess of Darkness.

Then Sunday I had Brunch with some friends. I got little else done. I'm using a bout with allergies as my excuse.

The head of San Diego LGBT Pride was beaten while standing on a corner holding the Pride flag this weekend.


The lovely and talented Neil Patrick Harris hosted the Tony's.

The AIDS Ride/Lifecyclists raised 10.5 million for riding 545 miles, and then gave us this image to ponder:


I'll let you figure out what it symbolizes.

We're priding ourselves all over the place.

I applied for a job at the Public Library in Taos. (it would be soo cool!)

I am what a friend termed "outrageously overqualified" for the position. A guy's gotta start somewhere I guess.

We lost a very well loved horse last week at the stables. Princess was the Cadillac and though we would have loved to fight over riding her, she was Sue's horse. I can only imagine how Sue feels.

So, remembering all those who've gone before, nobly or not, here we go into another week. Let's play a game shall we?

Let's see how long Dr. T, can manage to stay employed.

This job is the longest so far at 4.5 years.
Can he make it 5? (shit, can he make it 4.6)

Maybe he'll get the new job and......FINALLY......move to where he wants to be.


Keep checking back!

Of course a morsel like this could help me with my quest:



Love

Another weekend and HGF is here too!

I was kind of hoping this weekend would be a bit quiet. Not to be I think. Tonight I have to iron my sling (yes the right arm is still in a sling from last weekend's incident UGH!)and go out with friends because it's Pride!

yippee

note the lack of caps or exclamations

So I'm going out amongst 'em, and I'll smile and try to avoid the ones I know will be there that I don't want to see. I'll be dutiful I think it's something I need to do for me especially.

Then Saturday I have to go to the stables and get my tack. They no longer have room for it. ahem. That'll be a bit strained I'm certain.

Then since Merry Maids didn't come on Tuesday I have to clean the apt, which totally sucks under the best of conditions and I'm the one-armed man right now. Fuck.

I made my pottery suppliers mad by accusing them of not taking customer service seriously. I've gotten two emails and a letter. They're certainly taking me seriously that's for sure. I guess I'll go down there next weekend and buy something just to appease them.

Did I mention that I filed the petition for the name change since the judge has settled on what he'll allow it to be. He had this silly notion that I'd take my biological father's last name. Well, I don't guess it's that silly, but I'd spent over a year thinking about this very issue and what I want to do is put my Birth Certificate back to it's original condition, which does NOT include his name. I've never met him,probably never will,and though it'd be nice to take his name cause I wouldn't have to change the towels (the last initial is the same) it just doesn't seem ok nor correct to do so.

But in mid-July it should all be done. The publication of the notice has already started and I've paid all the fees, so here we go. I've told no one about this, no idea why, I just want it to be done before I bring it up. Everyone I know is going to have an opinion and I don't really care what they are, I've decided to do this, and that's that.

Saturday night I have to go to a dinner in honor of my brother's 40th wedding anniversary. I took them their present last night (an anniversary clock.) It'll be nice to sit at that table again. Especially since the crazies haven't been invited. Ah bliss, a martini and dinner in familial peace. I'm willing to bet no one asks me anything more controversial than "which gin do you prefer?"

So let's start with an appetizer-







Love

The Stars Spoke

Last Sunday my horoscope said that things were changing in my life and they would start changing that day. Well I never noticed much of a change that particular day, but it seems that they're nudging me ever closer to making some change happen.

After that epiphany on Saturday over ex's lack of allure,and the complete lack of desire to have what he calls a life, I have seen other things that need to change, like my job. I've never been happy there, I've never felt welcome, I've never felt they intended to allow me to contribute in any meaningful or fulfilling way. Their philosophy seems, in general, to be, "You're going to screw things up, so in order to prevent that, and protect my civil service territory I will never really allow you to own anything, I'll never really rely on you to do anything that will stretch you OR my role, I'll give you just enough to do so that it looks like I'm using you, but mostly you'll sit and play on the internet."

I'm experiencing atrophy!

I'm also seeing that the universe is giving me subtle hints about where things are headed. My time here may be at an end. The resident flunky at the stables called to tell me that I can't leave my tack there anymore cause "they don't have the room," I'll likely find that they have the room for others, just not me, when I get there this weekend. So, that brings to a close the chapter with them.

And though I approach all this impending change with an enormous amount of trepidation, I kind of welcome it. I guess I'm just one of those who can't sit still and let life assimilate itself onto terminal boredom.

I have plenty of talents, I have plenty of education, I have more than enough drive and determination, so I doubt I'll starve, but I'm beginning to think it's time to start the search for a job in that place I want to be. I know times are hard, and that it might be difficult, but better I should get out there and enjoy my life than succumb to the rigors of staying where I'm no longer wanted.

And so it goes.

Morsel time!



Love

It's Riding Time Again

Dissertations have been accepted, (yeah it's Dr. T nowadays, I like it.) monsoons have ended, vacations were rejuvenating, parties were...well, ya know.

I realized last night that we haven't progressed out of the dark ages when it comes to religion. People run around all afeared of the occult and witches etc, yet the mysticism that has always caused them to hold the church in awe is the exact reason they're well, "bewitched" by it.

I was watching Gods and Monsters , what an amazing movie. But during the scene when Hannah and Clayton are in the kitchen she tells Clayton, "Poor Mr. Jimmy. There is much good in him, but he will suffer the fires of hell. That is what the priests tell me. His sins of the flesh will keep him from heaven."

What kind of witch doctor, fire dancing, spell casting, shrunken head, cannibalistic bullshit is that?

Sadly, and I do mean sadly, THAT is how most people STILL believe gay men and women will end up today. Of course that heaven and hell stuff is a whole other matter entirely that I try NOT to discuss. But, seriously folks. Isn't this the 21st Century? Isn't it time to look at the man behind the curtains?

There's ritual and there's spectacle and it has a purpose. It's to distract you from the very real notion that they're making this shit up as they go along.

They're snake oil salesmen! They quote from this old book they convince you is the word of God, whoever that is, and they get you to do whatever they say by using the book to manipulate you. And many of you aren't yet smart enough to grasp this concept!

It amazes me, and yet I see people all the time taken advantage of by people who tell them lies and manipulate them for their own purposes, and the victims are always surprised. How I'll never know.

But the rains appear to be over and I NEED to ride that damn bike. The hiatus is NOT helping the waistline, and according to Dr. Cutie who did my physical as well as my BMI yesterday I could use the loss of a few pounds, 20 to be exact. SHIT!

Well, this morning my boss has planned to monopolize my time by having a little party for those of us who have had anniversaries in the past 6 months, then she's scheduled a staff meeting, then I need to go to the bank because I have to move some money from one acct to the other because I made a $1.12 mistake. Fuck. It didn't cost me anything but the one thing I don't have, time. Then I have to start on this project I've been putting off all week.

So here's you Wednesday Morsel:

Love

Tuesday

This shoulder is being very weird.

Last night after hardly using it all day it was fine. This morning it was very touchy and still is when I try to put it in positions it doesn't want to go in.

I fucking hate getting older.

There's great consternation in gay activism about the two guys who filed a federal suit challenging Prop 8.

They contend it's time to take this federal and challenge it on a constitutional level.

This, of course, has all the money-grubbing gay "leaders" a twitter, literally, because , as they put it "if these guys lose, all is lost."

Of course, the reverse is also true, but what is lost then is the need for all those people who are making a killing off of us, by "leading."

Certainly, they never lead, but they're in a position to, and should the need arise they're there to quash any urges we might have (the unruly lower classes)to march and demonstrate and loudly demand our rights.

I loved the local demo against the CA supremes ruling to uphold Prop 8. They were so sweet and well behaved. It reminded me of my father noting how well-spoken Martin Luther King was. That, of course, got said when he thought it was a good idea to compliment "them." idiot.

So our civil rights are in the hands of a bunch of well-mannered house slaves.(that's not what they were called, but I just can't use the word,I've tried)

Put them on the freeway and they've got the manners and vocabulary of pirates, but get them up there demanding their civil rights and they're all "please and thank you."

Maybe that's the ticket, invent a video game in which civil rights are the ultimate prize and have them fight it out on the freeway. Those youngsters who sit in the fast lane doing 55 every morning flipping off one and all who challenge them would get the idea right quick I tell you.

Damn whippersnappers.

It's very difficult though, to stay mad at them when they look like this:



Honestly, how fair is THAT?

Returning to the fold

The time off was really great. I rested, well, a little, I rode horses and bikes and made pots I attended a couple of parties, I saw the new Star Trek, and I managed to somehow fuck up my shoulder so badly that I'm in a sling.

No idea what I did really, well that's not true. A friend got a new hot tub and since he was out of town dealing with moving his parents to assisted living, I said i'd help. Unfortunately there was a snag when the tub arrived and rather than tilt the thing and slide it into place six feet from where it was, the delivery guys just left it sitting. So several of us devised an ingenious system to tilt it on it's side and slide it into place. Now, I'd already lifted a couple of fence panels and found that my right shoulder still didn't work properly so i was trying not to tax it too much, but about two hours after the hot tub was done I was walking along with a friend and turned to say something to him. As I turned my head and spoke there was a loud popping sound from atop my right shoulder followed by a fair amount of...well...excruciating pain.

Hence, sling.

I'm going to the dr tomorrow afternoon, let's hope it's just something that needs to be left alone and not messed with in invasive manners. I'd really hate that.

Does anyone have any idea why the D.P. of the new Star Trek movie felt this fascination with the facial pores of all the male actors? That damn camera was up people's noses most of the show. Note to D.P.: Pores are not an attractive feature. Now, that butt of that new Kirk...That's attractive. You could put a camera on THAT for two hours and I'd pay to watch. Pores...not so much.

Good movie though. I'm a little puzzled why they went backwards in time and didn't re-create the old Enterprise. I mean isn't this supposed to be the original one? I know only those as old as me would notice the difference, but it was there.

The first part of my vacation I went to Devil's Den State Park in Arkansas and rode horses. Oh my god! Talk about hills? It was great fun...right up until the skies opened up and drenched us. Still fun though. My friends A, and D, proved to be incredibly gracious hostesses, and gave me a wonderful start to the birthday.

I offered a few weeks ago to host a small dinner party for my best friend and my ex who share a birthday at the end of may. This party somehow morphed into a dinner for ten. I was not happy. Then it morphed into a lasagna dinner(I'd planned to grill salmon) and the venue was moved.

To top it all off I wound up assembling the Lasagna and when all the compliments were handed out at the party my name somehow never came up. I tried not to be selfish and feel slighted, but that's what happened and I'm just a bit pissed about it. Next year there'll be no parties that I attend. There is some bit of competition between them about this birthday sharing thing and it gets old for those of us who are not only celebrating that same week, which they never acknowledged, but just dealing with it is tiresome. We're 50! Can we please grow up? I'm tired and I want a rest.

The most fun I had all evening was when ex's friends (two VERY large women) arrived and totally dissed my all evening. It not only proved to me what got said when we broke up 6 years ago, it totally reminded me that life with him is NOT what I want. SAVED!! WooHoo!

Well, there's catch up to do around here.

Love and morsels: