There'll be Martial Law!!!

That's a direct quote from a wonderful friend of mine who got just a liiitle cranked up on 9/11. It was a scary day true. There was no way to know what was going to happen for sure, and GODS know we had no leadership that particular day. It was painfully obvious that we were on our own cause our clueless leader was gonna protect his own skin at all costs. So I understood her concerns, and her fears.

But this week's little incident with Professor Gates does bring it to mind.

Sometimes one has to wonder just what the fuck police are thinking when they do some of the shit that they do.

I get it. I understand he was investigating a report of a break-in, and that he had to be cautious and that he had to protect himself as well. I get all that.

I also get that though the good Professor was likely justified in his anger, he wasn't as cooperative as he could have been, and that when he got his fill of this cops bullshit he let him have it. I get all that.


Sounds to me like two people butting heads in a public forum.

One just happens to be friends with the President of the United States, and the other, well he may be refusing to apologize, and he may well feel he was in the right, but seriously, does one really continue to get in the face of a Harvard Professor when it's not only obvious, but PROVEN that he lives in the residence in question?

I also get that cops do profile and they do it all the time.

I live in, shall we say, a very white part of town. Our local constabulary has a rep for putting up with very little. Given the chance I'd estimate that 98% of the people I see pulled over in this city are people of color.

In fact I have a little story of my own to tell in that regard that I'd almost forgotten about until I was sitting here just now.

Sometime last year I was awakened at 5:30 am on a Saturday by someone honking a car horn outside in the parking lot.

I am not a tolerant neighbor when this happens in the middle of the day, so let's just say I'm even less friendly about it at 5:30 in the a.m. I looked out the window trying to see if there was anyone I could identify so I could make mention of it when I went to the Office in the morning. Nothing, all was dark and seemingly quiet.

No sooner had my head hit the pillow when there was a knocking at my door.

This, of course, means war. (sometimes I so wish I could attach looney tunes wav files to these posts)

Apparently the offender was looking for someone and they had seen me look out so they decided I was the likely place to start. This plan had obviously not been thought through.

I opened my door at 5:40 a.m. to a young black man eating a twinkie and drinking from a gallon of chocolate milk.

"Is Kelly here?"

Now, just exactly what would a disheveled, gray-headed, slightly overweight old man be doing with someone named Kelly that HE would be looking for at 5:30 on a Saturday morning? (don't answer that)

"You've got to be kidding me!" I said.

"Hey, I'm just looking for Kelly."

"At 5:30 on a Saturday morning? No there's no Kelly here! Get the fuck out of here!'

Slam.

Three minutes later the horn honking resumes.

Now, this young man has obviously decided that what his heart really desires is not Kelly, but to spend the weekend in jail.

I chose to accomodate him.

"911, what's your emergency."

"Yeah, I'm at ***** West **, and there is a young man out here in the parking lot honking his horn and he came to my door asking for someone named Kelly."

"Is Kelly in your apartment?"

*heavy sigh*

"No there is no one here named Kelly, but someone needs to come over here and explain to this young man that the horn honking at this time of the day is NOT cool."

"We'll send a car right out sir."

"Thanks."

At 6 I decide that I'm going to view my domain and revel in the calm that I have restored.

oops.

What I see is said young black man standing in the parking lot next to his car with his arms in the air, and police officers approaching him from either direction with their guns drawn, and him jumping up and down screaming "Kelly!" "Kelly!"

Being the theatre person I am I heard "Stella!"

They proceeded to taze the bro...twice, and then haul him off to the pokey. I counted 9 patrol cars at one point.

A little reactive no?

I was later informed that the car was stolen by his father, and had been used in a robbery earlier that week, that the poor misguided fool in question had not one, not two, but three warrants out for his arrest, and to top it all off we have not one resident named Kelly.

I felt really bad.

I think that perhaps the incident could have been handled a little more diplomatically on all fronts, and had it not been so early in the morning I may have been less disposed to grabbing the phone as quickly as I did.

Do you think this guy was profiled?

Hell yes he was profiled. essentially we already have martial law in this country, it just depends on the color of your skin.

So, yes we have a long way to go in race relations in this country, and we have a long way to go in understanding why everyone on both sides of the issue is completely pissed off about it.


The President is calling the Cambridge MA police dept stupid, ex-gays (even though they apparently don't want to be gay anymore) are demanding a piece of the Matthew Shepard Act pie, and those of us with shitloads of education are running cash registers at grocery stores.

Shit is fucked up, yo.

But here on this gorgeous Thursday morning let's put all that aside in favor of more prurient pleasures. Let's celebrate a couple of men who seem to have defied time and actually gotten better looking with age.




Viggo was actually my celebrity love match this morning, how fucking cool is THAT?

love

It's only Wednesday? Seriously?

Wow, it seems that last week passed in the blink of an eye while this one...well, this one is...interminable.

At least the weather is agreeable. I haven't had the a/c on in a week, and since it's the middle of July in KC that's a big deal.

I recruited a student last night. This woman I work with at the grocery apparently is also a student at the college where I teach. She asked me about one of my classes which she has to take, and said she dropped it when she took it from my dept chair. He does require quite bit more than I do. To me it seems excessive from non-majors, especially when they usually already have jobs and families, and we wind up with 17 ushers because that's the only way they can satisfy their required crew hrs. Too much I say. Make 'em study and do stuff and they'll learn more than if you require them to do busy work.

So I've decided to talk to a lawyer about gender discrimination at the old job. It's a tough one to prove, but if we can provide my former employer with at least a modicum of aggravation, then mission accomplished I say. Don't get me wrong, they did it, I was passed over for a volunteer story telling position and it was given to an old woman who ran everyone off and the program failed. I inquired as to how my 30 years of experience in all forms of theatre, and my Master's degree in said field could have possibly disqualified me for the job.(for which they never interviewed me) They said "It wasn't a man thing, S." I tend to disbelieve them to this day.

I wasn't interviewed for a PR job that I was imminently qualified for, yet they hired a woman no one wound up liking and she got booted the same day I did. I also never had an evaluation for the entire 5 years I worked there. I was so discouraged that I didn't apply for the Humanities Coordinator job, for which I was also imminently qualified, except this one they added the need for a Master's degree in Library Science. Tricky legal way around interviewing the guy with a Master's degree in something else. The woman they hired for the job didn't seem to do much after she got it. Certainly nothing I ever saw, and my job heavily involved circulation. So it was a puzzle really.

It seemed that all men were there for was to lift and tote, and do technical stuff. Oh, we could man the desks for $7.50 and hour...if we could afford it. But creative stuff, admin stuff, public stuff...nada.

So, we'll see what this guy says, I doubt there's much of a case, but I can ask, it doesn't cost anything, and this woman I know who just went through layoffs 101 says I should talk to him. Nothing ventured I guess.

I read today that Congress removed funding for the F-22, which was the main reason that Obama had stated he'd veto the defense spending bill if ti came to his desk. i mention this for two reasons. First, because this is the very same bill to which they've attached the Matthew Shepard hate crimes bill which seems never to make it into law, and second it's also the bill to which the Senate has attached an amendment to allow those who carry concealed weapons to be able to take them across state lines.

I don't know about the latter, it smacks of the old west of our fantasies to me. I'm not sure I want some old Republican walking around with a gun in his belt, makes me more nervous than if he's just walking around. I'm not in any way a gun control advocate, we should be able to own them and to use them responsibly, though I'd never, unless it were necessary, go out and shoot something to eat, but still it's a right we're guaranteed by the constitution and it shouldn't be messed with. We've always had a faction in which guns are a way of life, and though I've never hung out with them I get their point, they want to do what they want and if they can't then we're infringing on their right to do so. Weeel, yes...BUT!

So that debate rages on,and on,and on...and I find that I might have to actually go and see Bruno so I know what I'm talking about if and when I condemn it. That will be difficult. I'm already against the idea of the movie to begin with, and to have to pay money to see this guy do his schtick. I can't honestly enter the debate over the value of it's satire without seeing it though, can I? (now is a good time to tell me yes I can so I don't have to see this thing)

Ah the life of a pedant, how taxing it can be.

Last night I came to the realization I need to get into the savings next month to make ends meet, I think. That SUCKS.

Rob Brezny of Freewill Astrology says I'm totally ready to "exult and bask in the simple joys."

Well, yeah, that's all I can afford anymore.

Speaking of simple joys:

He looks pretty simple to me...or is that easy. Well, either way...

Love

It's all our fault

It is! We elect these stupid stupid people and put them in positions of power, and then when they do yet another monumentally stupid thing we're all, "Oh, My GOD! How could they do that?" Well, what the fuck did you expect?

I'm speaking of health care and the "Blue Dog" conservatives who think we should give the forces against health care more time to accomplish their goals.

They've, of course, put me in the unfortunate position of having to support Barack Obama's plan to get this done by August, which I just heard he's backing off of now,but that means they're just going to stonewall it like they did to Hillary Clinton 15 years ago. So, we're screwed by those idiots we ran to the polls to support yet again. The more things change...

How comforting.

I figure right about the time my cobra runs out I'll need health care that I can't afford and we'll still be jawing about this bullshit. See! Screwed.

Yesterday I ran across the booklet on how to file and manage an unemployment claim, and I figured out that I damn near screwed the pooch on that one. You're supposed to file a claim every week even though you're getting severance and working part time. Who knew? Not me that's for sure. I panicked and locked up my account when trying to log in and when I got a woman on the phone (they're busy, they need to hire more people) she unlocked it for me and then told me to just file for all the weeks I missed and everything would be fine.

I won't get paid any unemployment benefits for those weeks anyway, I'm still getting paid as though I was on the job in the ghetto. But at least it keeps me in line. I noticed too that they're so busy they are almost a month behind on claims. I'm lucky I've got the breathing room,maybe I'll get money from them just as I need it. Maybe.

Today it's pots pots and more pots. I didn't feel great yesterday and after I went to the chiropractor and rode the bike 20 miles I napped the rest of the day away. It was raining anyway,so getting nothing done felt right. Well, that's not exactly true, I went to the chriopractor,dealt with unemployemnt, rode the bike, applied for a job, installed a set of driving lights on the car, then picked a few tomatoes and made BLT's for lunch. THEN I laid down and napped. So, I'm not feeling like a total bum...yet.

There needs to be a way to see Nurse Jackie and Weeds and Entourage without having to subscribe to cable tv. I think that needs to be the first thing to go under the new budget and those are about the only tv shows I watch anymore,besides movies, which I can get off amazon. So, they need to get on that for me. I think I'll give them a call today.

Have a lovely Tuesday, I'll be listening to new agey music in the studio today while I try to build up a store of pots to hopefully make money off of.

Enjoy this morsel, how could you not:



Love

and the livin' is easy...

Well, according to my calculations it took exactly 17 days for me to adjust to a life of leisure. Not a problem.

I sleep when I want to, I work when I want to, I wonder how long I can make this last. It's very nice.

Today is a pretty free day, so I'm riding my bike about 20 miles, I'm making some more pitchers since I killed almost all of the last batch, and I'm making some calls. I have to work out, and I am going to think seriously about where to spend a week the first of the month, since that appears to be the only time I'll have for a vacation for a while.

I'm thinking of declaring a moratorium on my "Love" sign off and asking where the hell is the hate crimes bill instead for a while, or at least until there's a vote one way or the other. That thing just cannot get made into law and I don't understand why. And please don't try to tell me that here is much more important legislation that needs their attention cause though there may be, there really isn't and if they get so little done in a week maybe we should look at re-working their system. We can do that you know.

ENDA is being debated endlessly, and I could find the hate crimes bill nowhere on the congress website, well not exactly true, but it certainly didn't figure prominently on their schedule.

I heard a piece on NPR last week in which it all came clear, this budget mess in California. Arnold, it seems, is holding them hostage. I don't pretend to understand all the ins and outs of it all, mostly because it's indecipherable anyway, but I do know that privatizing one of the most beautiful states in the union is NOT the answer, and that seems to be the way California is leaning. The taxpayers can sustain the parks and the welfare rolls and the pensioners and meet their obligations in regard to the environment without selling their history and natural resources. That's the easy way out, and we all look for that don't we?

The costs of the health care bill are concerning me, I am , and have been pretty much convinced all along that the plan is to require me to buy health insurance, which I can ill afford anymore, much like I'm required to carry liability insurance, providing the insurance companies with a legislated guarantee of an income stream while not guaranteeing mine at all. This is all making me such a socialist.

We need single payer and we need it now so everyone is insured.

I commented on a piece in a local paper regarding the budget crisis that cost me my job last month and the response by a Republican commenter made me laugh. It was something to the effect that the very people who supported Obama were responsible for the local mess, and the "Obama" bailout was what ruined our economy.

I was forced to respond and remind the man that the bailout legislation was signed into law by George W. Bush on October 13, 2008, almost a full month before Obama was elected, so I failed to see how the two, except in the deluded minds of a lot of Republicans, can be related. He managed to cobble together some half-assed response about how they all throw our money around, but the wind was clearly out of his sails. Which was not my aim at all, I just felt compelled to hold him to the rules of that particular board which stated "keep it honest and factual," and the facts are that Obama did not approve the bailout. Maybe someone in the administration will get a blow job, and then they can have something to really sink their teeth into for another decade.

I have no objection to the Republican party and their precepts, and I know one, or even a vocal few, do not represent the majority, but I cannot understand how they can live in such denial of the obvious and indisputable facts. It mystifies me.

I, on the other hand, can live in denial as long as I want since I have little else left after residing in George W. Bush's fantasy land these past 8 years. The economy we were told we had didn't actually exist and now that THAT has caught up with us me and my much vaunted education are back on the unemployment rolls. So when the Republican machine manages to effectively put me involuntarily and effectively on welfare I have no choice but to point out their very public delusions.

I'm not doing this because I'm lazy, I'm doing it because there is NO job out there for me to get, unless I want to become yet another statistic of the alteration in the caste system here in the U.S. and get a job at McDonald's slinging burgers.

There's the rant for Monday, I've got to get out there cause it looks like it might try to rain a little today and I want to play outside for a while before it does.

Monday morsel:


and so it goes

Love

And I thought I was late yesterday!!

Friday is not over. So I made it. Barely.

I was crazy busy, I rode my bike and worked out and then went to visit a friend and before I knew it I had to run to make my dentist appt and then dinner. Phew, the social whirl when one is free all the time.

I managed to make a couple of pitchers today, though the goal was five or six. Tomorrow though is pitcher day.

Speaking of pichers:






Love

I'm late! I'm late...

Not really, I've got an hour before I get to go meet with the people who're likely going to misunderstand my financial situation and tell me, "You're ok! You've got plenty of money to pay all these bills! What're you worried about?"

Which will mean that my intuition about them is correct, and they really haven't been listening to me at all. See, they keep saying, "Bring proof of your income for the last 30 days." And I keep saying that I'll do it, but it's really not relevant since that income is stopping, which is exactly the problem. The woman I've been talking to isn't from here, which seems to be a large part of the problem...the language thing.

So, though I may be wrong, (though it's rare, it HAS been known to happen) I'll go there and listen to what she has to say on the subject, knowing full well I won't get the answer I am looking for. I suppose it's just a future of fending off collection calls for several years. I can't WAIT!

Obviously I'm paranoid today. I paid bills online yesterday, and the usual lag time did NOT occur. I looked at my account this morning and virtually everyone came and got their money last night. It's like they know this could be it for a while so they better get it while the getting is good. See, told you I was paranoid.

But on the bright side the weather portends to be sending good electricity wishes our way for the next week. Looking forward to that I tell you.

After the lovely financial start to the day I'm riding the bike and making pots. I'm, putting my eggs in that basket for now I've decided. It seems the best way to get some cash moving through the coffers, which are about to need dusting.

I read this morning that attorney's for BMI are going after local clubs for failing to pay royalties on music played by the bands they hire. Seriously? is the music industry that desperate that they would shut artists down on the basis of collecting a few miserable fees? I see the music industry is going to have to be reinvented...again. I'll refrain from bad-mouthing lawyers this morning lest it come back to bite me an hour from now, but you get the point. Things get curioser and curioser.


Morsel:


Love

Gettin' back on that horse

Only in a figurative sense of course. The weather this year has conspired to keep me off a horse. It's been a drag. If it isn't actively raining when I have time to ride, it has rained in the previous few days making the trials so muddy as to be impassable. There are those who ride anyway. I'm not one of them.

So, I'm back to meditating and preparing to get through another day. I'm discovering that I have to develop some sort of a plan for getting things done or else there will be a lot of napping going on. Which is nice, but sadly doesn't generate any money.

It's threatening rain this morning and I'm waiting for it to clear a bit before taking off on the bike. After that it's sitting down at the wheel and making pots the rest of the day. Discipline, discipline, discipline. now I know why the cat-o-nine-tails was invented.

Mea Culpa.

I need new jeans. Shopping used to be something I looked forward to. Now it's a chore that makes me spend money.

Ah well.

I'm mad about being forced to buy health insurance. I'm mad about the lack of action on the hate crimes bill. I'm mad that Bruno is making money by making fun of queers. We've been made quite enough fun of thank you very much. (yes, I know it's satire, it doesn't help educate the ignorant who believe what they're told though. They like being preached too so fucking much then let's give 'em what they want.) I'm mad too that President Obama is touting his new plan to get $12 billion to community colleges, without any hint of just who is going to teach these classes, and where they're going to do it. The educated among us are being reduced to a league of truck drivers with churning minds. Shit, I'd drive a truck if it'd get me outta here. Sadly, the department of education may never get their money back that way. Too fucking bad.

It's Wednesday and I have no real desire to go back to work...ever. Seems like too much effort for absolutely no return. Thankfully I am required to be in attendance at the grocery this evening so I can't sit down and have that gin and tonic I'd love to have at 5. It sounds like a good idea in theory, it's a slippery slope I fear.

I have decided that there will be money spent in September to get that TEFL certificate. Maybe I can find work outside of the country. It won't, of course, be the panacea I have always envisioned, but it'll be a new adventure and GODS know I need one of them.

Speaking of adventures:




I believe the term is "baby got back!"

Love

Where's Peter Finch when you need him?

Oh yeah, he's dead. Well, I'm still mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore.

Phew, now that that's out of the way I feel better. Not really, but who has the energy, at my age, to jump up and down and scream a lot.

I got screwed!

And not in a good way.

Not in the "Those seven jobs you submitted applications for, and for all of which you were outrageously overqualified, didn't even select you for an interview." Nope not in that way.

It's a much more political, more nefarious, more aggravating way.

There are several new and large retail businesses in the city where I most recently worked. Of course they all have taxes to pay. Or not.

It has come to my attention that a couple of these big businesses have disputed their taxes and placed the amounts owed into escrow accounts while they're in dispute.

The amount they owe is SIX TIMES what would have been required to allow all of us who got laid off to keep our jobs.

SIX TIMES!!!

And there's more!

These funds also go to the college I work at! Potentially putting me out of work there too!

Fortunately for me I can exact a little revenge. They'll never notice it, but it will give me at least a modicum of satisfaction. I owe one of these retailers money. Not a lot maybe $150.

But guess who's moved to the top of the list not to get paid once the money stops coming in? I'll feel better anyway.

In their finite wisdom, the powers that be at the old job, instead of getting smart and being creative. (not their strong suit)And instead of saying "Hey, we'll get smarter about money. We'll keep our staff and we'll find ways to get more $ without relying on these cheap assholes." They decided that business really does run the government and they decided to slash their way to budgetary health. A well used method which almost always fails in monumental ways. I'd say they succumbed to the fascism that always exists when a government is run by it's business community, but the government I worked for isn't that smart.

Just feeling a little sick of all the years of scraping and bowing today. See, it means I was right all those years that I eschewed that posture when my friends were assuming it.

I understand that most of them had families they had to support and that changes one's perspective on the subject, and they did what they had to do, but it doesn't make it go down any easier today.


I need a really good morsel to cheer me, maybe even a triple:





Love

Conspiracy Theorist

I think maybe the universe wants me to do something specific. The unfortunate part is that when it comes to subtle little signs from the universe I'm pretty much a dumbass.

It's been proven that I need to be hit over the head a couple of times before I get it. And even then I'm skeptical.

I've got job apps out for jobs in other cities, and...nothing. Can't say I'm surprised considering the number of people looking for work right now, but there are jobs I KNOW I'm more qualified for than most, so it's a bit of a puzzle why there's no interview pending for at least a couple of them.

Things have come to my attention here (right where I don't want to stay) that may require me to, at the least, do some investigation. I just can't take off for parts unknown when things in the job market are this uncertain.

So enough about that.

I'm also trying to figure out when/how I got so dependent on my phone. This morning, right after I turned off the alarm clock on the phone, I checked my email, and then looked at my schedule for the day. It's all in there. Now I just wish I could read font that small, I'd be all set.

What to do with all that personalized note paper on my desk now...

Starting the process of notifying people, bank, work, etc. of the name change today. God! That's gonna be a long process.

I looked at Twitter again this morning...still don't get it. But I'm sure it's me. I just don't want to talk to anyone that often.

Starting off this week with a low energy level. Hope it doesn't get too demanding, I'm feeling lazy. Adjusting to this life of leisure way too quickly.

Today's morsel is one of my favorite actor's:

Love

Alas, S.E.H. we hardly knew ye

It's done!

Who knew it would take just a few hundred dollars and three minutes with a judge to get rid of that name!

I'm very happy, and I celebrated by returning home and napping for an hour. Now I have to start the process of telling everyone in officialdom.

I had to nap though. I wound up returning a huge favor last night. My nephew, as I think I mentioned, bought a house. And yesterday was moving day. I went to help for a while, but he'd managed to retain the movers for an extra load and then I thought I might have to work a while but I didn't so I went back and worked until almost midnight. Then I came back at 6:30am and we finished up. So, after he helped me move in the rain three years ago, I feel we're square on that one.

Today is cloudy and a little rainy. Not conducive to riding horses tomorrow, but I'm going to try anyway. we'll see how it works out, I haven't been in months and I got the jones.

But I was indeed productive yesterday, the car got washed and waxed, (not helped by this morning's rain) the apartment got cleaned, (boo!) and all those calls got made. I'm apparently not yet joining the ranks of the bankrupt. Which is not to say I have any money, but to say that my attorney says we should wait. "If anyone tries anything legal, like suing, or taking property we'll put a stop to it then."

I hate this.

Let's hope I find a job without all the potential financial ick that's out there.

So in a celebration of literally the New Me! Let's leave this week with a trail..or maybe several of my FAVORITE kind:








Love

Up and at 'em

Well, up anyway.

This is ever so much better than yesterday. I slept until almost 10am, and then laid around all day napping. Wasted the whole day. I can't think of a reason in the world I've slept so much this week. I'm not sick, I'm not depressed that I can tell, I don't feel particularly exhausted, but man did I sleep the sleep of the just.

But last night I went to bed on time, I set my alarm, and I got up when it went off. I intend to have a very productive day.

The apt will be cleaned, there will be some phone calls made, and I WILL workout....some. (I haven't been exactly conscientious about that so I may take it slow at first)I have phone calls to make and I MUST get a haircut, this mop is making me nuts.

Michael Jackson is still dominating the news. It seems that now everyone wants to know where he's buried. I bet he's not. I bet they've got him at Forest Lawn and they're keeping him inside until they figure out how to best memorialize him,. Too bad some people can't be left alone even in death.

I have to make note of Steve McNair's death. How much of a drag is it that the poor guy goes over to his girlfriends house and falls asleep and she shoots his cheatin' ass to death and then herself? Why he felt it necessary to have a girlfriend as well as a wife we'll never know, and I'm not advocating shooting people when they're troublesome. The list would get too long, and if you didn't get away with it the prospects are grim from then on out, and that gives the shootee WAY too much power over the rest of your life. No, best to just get the hell away and let them happen to someone else. Cause they will, trust me.

As I mentioned the other day, tomorrow is the day I finally become the New Me. Well, in name at least. Unless someone shows up to rain on my parade that is. I doubt it though. I think if anyone had gotten wind of my intentions I'd have heard from my brother that there was trouble brewin' and he hasn't said a word. Besides that PhD showed up yesterday and I realized that I have to go through the process of changing ALL of my degrees to the new name. Oy! What hath I wrought?

Well, there's a free Tai Chi class at the clubhouse this morning so I better get a move on.

Today there are two morsels. One is dressed, I know that's a departure from my normal procedure, but the photo is from a site I found (I have all kinds of time to look for things like that now)called Guys with iphones. I contend that if you have nothing better to do with a phone that cost you three or four hundred fucking dollars than to take a picture of yourself brushing your teeth and post it on the internet with your name as the pictures title no less,then give the damn thing to me. THIS is why we men are portrayed as doofuses on tv. We do stupid shit like this and share it with the world. Keep that shit to yourselves. Oh! and don't take a picture of your or your partner's junk and keep it on your iphone, that's fucking stupid too! The other morsel is because the first dumbass is wearing a shirt while he brushes his teeth. Jeesus!


Love

What's in back of the sky?...

I paid little to no attention yesterday during the Michael Jackson memorial. I don't subscribe to such public outpourings and I figured this would be a big one.

I was puzzled as to what the fuck John Mayer was doing there? What the hell did he have to do with Michael Jackson?

I'm not jumping on the "John Mayer is a douche" bandwagon, I kinda like the kid. His music seems to keep developing even if his personality gets called into question, and since it's not likely that he and I will ever be close friends I don't much care what he does. It was just incongruous that he suddenly appeared onstage and played Human Nature. I don't get it. This may be due to the fact that I only saw him because it was one of the video features on msnbc and I have no context for his appearance. It just seemed odd that someone I'd never even heard associated with Jackson to be there.

But the real problem for me came at the end. And it's Paris Jackson's fault.

At my ripe old age I don't think about it much anymore, but I lost a parent during my adolescence. It's kinda like that widow's club I alluded to yesterday. Those of us who've got that hole in them seem to instinctively know each other. Without considering it much I can think of four close friends who've lost a parent in their adolescence.

It's not an easy thing.

Mostly because you feel so robbed of that guidance at a time in life when you REALLY need it. But also, and in a huge way, because that relationship is arrested right there at 11, or 15, or 17. You never get to put all that stuff down. It keeps you an adolescent a long time. And the tough part is that you don't have an adult frame of reference for that relationship no matter how much time passes.

So, Paris and Prince, and Blanket will have that experience in this life. And with the surreal environment they live in I'd say it'll be a tough row to hoe.

I do have to say that those kids may have an extra tough time of it because they're apparently not really Jackson's children, and he never adopted them. I've no idea how that can be handled, but I'm sure with their money they can get some kind of iron clad posthumous adoption thing set up wherein they are his kids and their rightful inheritance is never questioned.

I had been adopted, but I didn't know it at the time I lost my parent. I suspected something was up, but never knew what it was til much later.

My sympathies go out to those and all kids who lose a parent in adolescence. It sets you apart at time when you are most desperate to belong, and if you were set apart already it's doubly difficult.

So in an effort to assuage John Mayer's outcasted-ness, let's celebrate him today. I'm not into tall guys at all, and he's a biggen, but he has turned out to be quite a handsome guy. Let's hope he grows up one day soon.

Curiosity and that damn cat

Not sure what the hell is happening to me. I slept almost all day yesterday, and after over 9 hours of sleep last night I went out this morning to run errands and right now I could eat lunch and sleep all afternoon. WTF???

Maybe I'm just catching up on all that rest I didn't get when I had three jobs. Maybe I'm just overcompensating for not having but one part time job. Maybe that excellent chiropractic adjustment I got yesterday relaxed me so much that I need to do this.

Mind you I'm not fighting it. I love getting all this rest.

The Michael Jackson memorial fiasco is going on as I write this. I just can't watch those people who think that this big hoopla is the proper way to remember someone.

I doubt that poor guy will ever be allowed to rest in peace.

All I've gotten done so far today is to go to the store the post office and mail that stuff that unemployment wanted me to send, and assemble all my records for Friday's hearing at the courthouse. The name will be legally changed at 9am Friday. I'm kinda excited about it.

Apparently the funeral yesterday was not as taxing as originally anticipated. It seems that Daddy Dearest didn't tell his daughter the Princess of Darkness. He says it's because he didn't think she could handle the whole event, but really we suspect he was wanting to save them all the embarrassment of the show she would have put on. Trying to recruit my stepsister into the widow's club, and making sure everyone knew she lost her husband three years ago. It WOULD have been a trying day with her there I guarantee. Alas,I'll send a card. Not playing that bullshit game anymore thank you.

Funerals are not for the dead. I have no wish to participate in an exercise in which the living get to pat themselves on the back by "honoring" their "loved one" thanks but no.

Last month I bought a new car stereo, and then promptly forgot all about it. I just realized that's what's in that box I found in my mail today. July is NOT the month I want to be crawling around under the dash of the car installing a new stereo. That project will wait.

You know, there are actually jobs out there. I could go back to work if I so choose, but I really don't want to. Yesterday unemployment told me how much I'll be getting every week. Hell, I could live a long time on that. So there's no rushing back into the workplace for me. I'll adjust to the freedom and the free time, and all this rest. I have to wonder what kind of void I thought I was filling with three and four jobs.

I don't think there's much missing from my life really. Well, a man would be nice, but when is that not the case?

I have to wonder about all this job stuff right now though. It's a good time for an examination.

I was going to post this on Monday but forgot all about it until just now.-

I’ve had a few thoughts on this job situation over the weekend.

What if the universe if trying to tell me something?

What if I’ve been going about this all wrong all these years?

What if all the opinions I’ve listened to, though well-intentioned were just wrong?

What if I really should devote my life to something and stick with that one thing?

What if it’s artistic?

Seriously, can it really go any worse than these hundreds of jobs and careers I’ve had so far?

What if I don’t fail?
What if I do?-

I'm just not going to be tied down by "my things" (those of you who knew Buddy know how to read that)

Buddy was defined by his things, I am not. I hope.

So I could leave them and go forth if I had to.

I swear I think this time I should just hang out til the thing comes along that I really want.

Hell, I can dream can't I?

Speaking of dreams:




Love

Staying out there

I can't continue to celebrate my temporary retirement with a clear conscience unless I address some of the things I see happening around the country.

A gay-bashing raid in Fort Worth Texas! I wasn't ignoring it, I just wasn't terribly taken aback by it. It didn't surprise or shock me when I heard about what they did, and when they did it. We all know they were well damn aware what date it was, and they were sending a message that got through loud and clear. "We don't want you fags here." Hell, I knew that before the raid. I'm sure the fags with the audacity to have a bar with a rainbow sign out there in full public view is more than enough to rouse the ire of Texas rednecks by the dozen.

Scary bunch huh?

We are not loved by the redneck fag-hating populace, and we never will be. At least not in my lifetime. This should come as no surprise to anyone. The total lack of a response to this incident from Austin, from the White House, and from our arbiter of all things gay, the HRC, who can't even say out loud they're a gay organization, speak volumes.

We've been hung out to dry folks.


Should we expect that a President who would allow such an occurrence without at minimum a rebuke from the White House to jump at the chance to sigh the Matthew Shepard Act, or repeal DOMA, or push ENDA through congress?

No we shouldn't. And we'd be realistic to remember that too.

Sarah Palin. God am I really talking about HER?

We'd also be wise to remember that George W. Bush was only good at one thing, misdirection.

He could prestidigitate with the best of the old timey snake oil salesmen. He'd hold up his left hand and wave it around and tell us what wonderful things he was going to do for us. And all the while with the right he was fucking us with a limber prod. And we kept going back for more, like a little twink slut in heat.

She's up to something I guarantee you.

It might be a grab for money. She might be after that slice of the pie she's needing to pay all those legal fees she's incurred from being a manipulative power-abusing bitch. It might be that she is misguided enough to think that she wouldn't fracture the Republican party enough to get all her ultra-conservative neo-cons to run out and support her, splitting the party badly enough to render it ineffective for decades. Not necessarily a bad thing.

But I think the intention is quite a bit more nefarious in her case. She's not a good person folks, not a good one at all. I suggest she be observed very carefully from a distance.

I'm growing increasingly less fond of Americans. They're presumptuous, they're selfish, they're so self-involved they're entitlement is showing, and they take responsibility for nothing. In many ways I'm ashamed to be one of them.

And yes I'd leave if I could find a way to make it possible. But everyone else has made it so hard to become a citizen of their country that it's damn near impossible for a regular joe to get outta here.

So welcome to the first week post-4th of July. We're still in the same mess we were in last month, we just took a pause to celebrate the shambles we've made of what started out to be a really great idea.

Speaking of taking a pause to celebrate.



Love

Da Nile

In an effort to deny my true self I am attempting to ignore the problem this morning.

I could really, and quickly get used to this waking up in the morning and meditating and doing Yoga for an hour thing.

The anticipated stress level isn't materializing, and that's surprising me. Cause I'm naturally...um...shall we say...wound a little tight.

But yesterday after doing the yoga thing I went for a three hour bike ride and then sat at the wheel and made a few pots.

Who is this man doing all these things? I should be pacing the apartment inventing scenarios of gloom and doom in which I become homeless and other devastating things befall me. Then in the evenings I should be drinking or getting high etc.

But none of this is happening! WTF???

Perhaps too early in the scenario. Perhaps just too damn old to find the strength to visit Armageddon daily. Perhaps old enough to know that no matter what happens I'll make it work. I have sooo been here before.

I will say that this mornings meditation was made even nicer by the steady rain that's been falling for hours. That and the great cello music I found while ripping all my cd's to the external hard drive. (I'm getting so many little chores out of the way I've been wanting to do forever, it's great)

In a while I think I'll clean up and drive over to Wal-Mart (yes I'm a Wal-Mart shopper again) and do a stock up run. Paper towels, Detergent, bounce, crap like that, which I know I'll need no matter what. In an effort to stave off even more Armageddon scenarios.

I do have a play I need to read...well actually three, so that may occupy some time for the next few days.

If it clears off a little this afternoon I may go for a bike ride. The apartment needs cleaning...and there's no one left to do it but me...waaaaaah!

Middle class was fun.

And I suddenly realize how pathetic this is...I've been so narcissistic-ly self-involved (I wonder where I learned that?) that I forgot HGF until this very minute!

Let's have a few DADT images in honor of Independence Day, shall we?






Have a wonderful and safe holiday weekend.

Love

Zen and now

I'm trying to be very Zen about all this, and so far I'm finding that my schedule should be pretty full, at least for a while.

This morning I got up at the regular time, apparently a hard habit to break, and proceeded to meditate and do Yoga for almost an hour, I feel pretty fucking good right now.

Next I'm going to trim the pots I made yesterday and maybe make some more.

I've spoken with the retirement folks, the dentist, the doctor's office and the benefits folks at the school district. So I'll be getting things looked at and dealt with soon before the insurance runs out. Well, runs out isn't exactly correct, I'll COBRA the insurance, but I think it's a good idea to get checked out before I'm on my own financially.

But enough about me.

My stepsister's husband died Monday. Due to the fact that they only told my adoptive father we found out last night completely by accident. He dialed the wrong number when trying to tell my brother and then didn't bother to correct his error. He'd gotten my nephew's wife on the phone and when she told him of his mistake he hung up. She, assuming she was dealing with a normal person, figured he'd correct his mistake. Sticking with his life motto "What doesn't appear in the mirror does not matter." he did no more about it.

So today I have to find out if we've missed the funeral and if not send flowers etc. I'm not going, there'll be people there from my former family and this is not about them. But it will be if they see me. So I'll send flowers and let it go at that.

I was wondering last night what Michael Jackson must have thought of us. By that I mean, what did he think our lives were like? Gods know his was nowhere near what we would call normal, and I doubt he ever had any perception of what that really was. Sad really that we, as usual, took someone with so much talent and reduced them to a caricature. Yes, I know he was complicit, but we were largely responsible for it. He was marketed to us, but we bought it.

Oh, and there are even more revelations about his life. Not only were the children not actually his but...wait for it...he was gay.

Ya think?

THAT is about as newsworthy as the announcement a couple weeks ago that Adam Lambert was gay. I have to wonder how that worked out. I mean seriously who in the world could you find to fuck Michael Jackson who wouldn't have immediately tried to sell their book?

Ok, well back to Zen and me. I need to stay Zen because I just read that I'm unemployed during the highest unemployment rates in 26 years. Ain't I lucky?

How could I NOT post a picture of a guy who waxes a spot for his new tatoo. Reminds me of a picture I saw not long ago of a guy who has to shave his right arm pit because of his pirate tatoo. Go for it, I say!



Love

Done!!!

Well, it's finally over so perhaps I can stop blogging about that damn job. They were smart enough to make it as painless as possible. I went in, gave my boss keys and cards and we visited a few minutes and then I went to see if the posse was in the conference room...they were. I went in, they gave me my letter, I left. How smooth is that?

So I'm off to ride a horse for the rest of the morning, then I'm taking myself to my favorite steak house in the whole world for lunch. After that we'll see.

After all this fal-de-ral I'm taking sometime off. I need the rest, I need to get my head together, I need to formulate a plan, so I figure it's the best way to do it.

If my calculations are correct I can financially last til October without unemployment. With it I can probably last into the New Year. So WTF!

Alas, I may have to shorten that time line because I may have to go to Ireland and seek out this:


Love

Eventus stultorum magister

For reasons that faileth human understanding the people I work with are suddenly up in arms over my dismissal. Not that their ire will alter the outcome. Decisions have been made and this bunch isn't inclined to second-guess themselves.

So all this posturing and wailing and g-nashing of teeth my colleagues are doing today is for naught. And to tell the truth it's on my nerves a bit. Yes, it's flattering that they find my departure "devastating" and that their plans and wishes are being dashed, but this situation is what it is. In truth...I'm already gone.

So we have to have a little ghetto drama on my way out the door. And we KNOW how much I love drama.

I'll elaborate more later right now I gotta go somewhere...anywhere, but outta here for a while, until they all calm down.

ok, well it apparently occurred to my colleagues last night that my departure was imminent. This, along with the knowledge (usually sometime in mid-september) that school is in session, and that the budget is frozen (always in late may) seems to hvae made the list of annual surprises they come to be aware of all too late.

They mean well, they're a nice bunch of people for the most part, and they've certainly been good to me on more than one occasion.

However,

This last ditch effort to sway the opinion of those in power is simply a waste of time.

(they've all gone em masse (there are 4 of them)to the director and told him that my position should be changed to another classification so I can stay)

Um, folks!! There is no fucking money for that or anything else! Who else would you see go in my stead? Seriously, if the powers were to even consider your request, then someone else HAS to go.

I think it's flattering, I think it's very commendable of them, and most of all I wish they'd asked me before proceeding.

I left! I left last week. I'm still sitting here in my office blogging as I do almost every day, but I am NOT HERE!!!!

And BTW I sooo wish they'd stop dissolving into tears when I say goodbye to them. It's getting embarrassing.

C'est la vie is the phrase for the day. Let's all pack up our tools and baggage and stuff and go home now. It was fun for while, but it's done.

Let's look at some hot guys a while instead.

Here's a morsel to consider:


Love

(title="Events are the teachers of fools.")

The torture never stops

Back at the stress factory for the last Monday. So far I've visited for 2 hrs, I've checked email, I've started to read a play I've had on my desk for weeks...
Next I'm going to the chiropractor and then to a long lunch.

After I get back I might just go for a bike ride. Or take a nap/ or both.

Normal Monday.

I soo wanted to sleep in. Oh well, Thursday I guess.

Monday morsel:
Wrappin up Pride Month with a couple from Seattle.

I hear rumors that a lot of Pride parades were not fleshfests this year. How refreshing! It'd be nice to see a little pride in Pride for a change.



Love

Don't bother...they're here

I swear I didn't wake up in a bad mood, in fact I'm not in one now, but I still have the same question I had yesterday.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THE UNIVERSE?!?!?!?!?!?!

Every three hours yesterday there was a huge event.

9:30 Farrah Fawcett Dies

12:30 Michael Jackson died, and please, for once, let's be honest about Michael, he died just like Elvis, on the bathroom floor, of a heart attack. No need to sugar coat this with the coma story, nor idealize him in death more than he was in life, if that's possible. The poor guy dropped dead at 50 of a heart attack.

It may have been prescription drugs,it may have been his time, truthfully we'll never know. If we're smart, and I know we're not even if you don't. If we're smart we'll put on his best albums,(Off the wall, Thriller, and some of Bad)dance our asses off for a while, and thank the Gods we had him at all.

Then it's time to turn our attention to living and honoring the memory.

Farrah, despite getting upstaged by Michael, went out in an interesting manner didn't she? I never suspected her of being the type to videotape her own demise, interesting concept, that. I suppose once you're used to living in the public eye it doesn't bother you...me, I'd be apoplectic if someone even suggested it.

And though you'd think I was done, after all that I'm just getting started.

In true trine fashion at 3:30 I came to the realization that-

I HAVE THE FUCKING JOB FROM HELL THAT WILL NOT DIE!!!!

As I've raved about many times here, this is a job that must quantify you, as do all civil service jobs actually. If you do not fit into their box they have no idea what to do with you?

I've lived the Giraffe metaphor for almost 5 years, it's time for it to END!!!

But NO!!!

Yesterday, after my demise was re-scheduled, I found out that on Tuesday evening next, they plan to propose to the Board of Education to eliminate my position. If the board says ok, they'll let me know on Wednesday and I can go then. BUT I HAVE TO CONTINUE TO FUCKING REPORT TO WORK.

SHOOT ME!

So to get paid through the middle of August and have July off I have to go most of next week and sit there. I'd rather have a tooth extraction, sans Novocaine.

Today I had the bright idea to take a personal day and go to the DMV and pay them their annual extortion. I arrived just as they opened to find the place packed and I sat there almost 3 hours. Though inconvenient, this was no surprise. I opted not to take my mood out for a walk just then. And I was rewarded handsomely, and I do mean that in the literal sense of the word. My DMV rep was stunningly handsome. I simply could not take my eyes off that man. Ah well I'm sure he's used to guys drooling all over his counter.

The true representation that I need to just cancel the rest of the day (and that the universe is having a good ole time fucking with me.) was when I came home to find all my teak deck furniture in the yard and my plants resting atop the a/c unit that was blowing hot air all over them in 100 degree heat and two young Mexican men removing the front of my apartment. With hammers. No, I do not know what the fuck they're doing!

They're banging away as I type.

So it appears the Universe is telling me to go sit down somewhere and shut the fuck up.





I shall do just that.

Happy Hgf!!!

Love