And for my friends in the rust belt

May you revel in every moment you're there.

I stole this from you but I never knew there was a longer version than what I heard on Weeds.



Am I allowed to say the name of that series? Or will get a cease and desist order? Oh wait that's only if you do this:

Meh!

From the category, "the living dead" comes our former Vice President and head zombie Richard Bruce Cheney.

According to CNN:

"Former Vice President Dick Cheney said in an interview broadcast Sunday that the Justice Department's decision to review waterboarding and other enhanced interrogation techniques is politically motivated.

Cheney said he opposes the decision by Attorney General Eric Holder to ask a former prosecutor to review CIA interrogations of high-profile terrorism suspects.

Cheney made clear he believes President Obama directed Holder to launch the review because the president is feeling pressure from left-wing Democrats. Cheney said the review will undermine the willingness of CIA personnel to conduct necessary operations.

"I think it's a terrible decision," Cheney said on "Fox News Sunday." "It's clearly a political move. There's no other rationale for why they're doing this."

He criticized Obama for allowing a review considering the president previously said that CIA operatives involved in the interrogations would not be prosecuted. "I think he's trying to duck responsibility for what's going on here, and I think it's wrong," Cheney said."

Who's trying to duck responsibility for what's going on here? That man cannot shut up! I so hope he winds up hanging himself as well as Charlie McCarthy, that puppet, whose ass he had his hand jammed in for 8 years.

Well, C'est la vie, I shan't ever see either of them at the business end of any justice so I can emit all the bile I want, it's for naught.

It's Monday and I have no feelings about the new week at all. It's starting, that's about all I can say. I have plenty to do, there's a lumber order to place, and copies to make for class tonight, and oh yes, payday comes so I get to pay bills, joy.

I made a bit of a stupid move Friday night. Well, two actually.

I had one martini too many and wound up in the arms of my ex, which was pretty stupid. No excuses, I'd love to take the chickenshit way out and say it was the booze, but I did it, and I'll have to figure my way out of it. There'll be a price, with him there always is.

I'm actually more embarrassed about what I did after though...I drove.

With all my preachifying about being responsible and being smart, I got in a car after 3 martini's and drove.

I remember the trip, and I remember making all the right decisions to get home safely. But then I decided that I needed something sweet and the closest and quickest way to get it was to get a frosty from the Wendy's a block from my apt.

Upon leaving there I pulled up to the stop light and as I sat there I realized that the guy across the street was IN MY LANE! The double yellow was clearly on the right side of his car! This incensed my stupid ass I guess, cause I drove across the street fussing at him all the way.

Ten minutes later, as I sat in my living room eating the frosty, I realized that he never moved out of my way cause our light was still red. How fucking stupid am I?

Few things can be said never about. I'm doing a sobriety check from now on and if it's not workable I'm staying where I am. I'm having a hard time giving myself a break on that one. I've always said "The Gods protect alcoholics and idiots." I cashed in big-time since I was both at once.

I'm thinking it's these gray skies we've had for three days that are keeping me from having any interest in the new work week. I hope that's it cause they portend to be clearing out later today which hopefully will lighten my mood. Gloomy Gus is getting on MY nerves.

Have a good week, let's see if we can spread a little cheer shall we? A tall order in my case this morning. While searching for pics this morning this one came up about 5 times and my apathy says use it.

And so it goes:

Love

Quick a cushion for my feet!!!

Thank the Gods this week is over today. I'm pretty sure I can make it through one more day of it. It's been quite the roller coaster.

But as of this afternoon at 3 it's over, I can finally take my old man nap, and have a cocktail after.

I still entertain the notion that one day I will have a job teaching at ONE place where I only have to have ONE JOB not 3 or 4, and can devote myself to debauchery or the like in my free time.

Let's celebrate the average Joe today, he's always the best anyway.

By the way, in a celebration of censorship, Google is apparently deleting a lot of blogs with a gay theme. I doubt I have much of a worry since most of my ranting is about stupidity, and now Google goes on the list. So you see, we don't have a lot of those freedoms we think we have. Someone needs to start a service that allows ANYONE to post ANYTHING. Now THAT would be democratic. Should I suddenly go missing from the blogosphere you'll know why.

Update: And another thing! Here's yet another example of how vast the failure of our current culture has extended. Those who choose to preach in the wilds of Oklahoma are not even safe in their own churches. Now, you won't find me a fan of organized religion cause it's almost always full of ignorance, and evil and hate, but banning it would be sufficient for me. I cannot imagine why one would have to have a plan to remain safe in the church where they preach. Like I said, we don't have the freedoms we think we do. So to those who are standing up at town hall meetings screaming to keep the status quo, I ask, Just what good is it doing us to keep things the way they are? If it can be done, that much touted change from all those speeches last year should be implemented post haste. Stay safe out there folks, and yes Mangum,I mean you.


And so it goes:






Love

How long has it been?

I was watching television last night, a common pleasure I rarely get to indulge in. In truth there wasn't a damn thing on, except I did remember that I hadn't seen the latest installment of entourage so I brought that up and watched it.

But it was later when I was watching Boston Legal on ION tv that I began to think about the demise of broadcast journalism, and the protections journalists should enjoy from the constitution, but don't anymore.

I have to wonder when the campaign started to eliminate those protections and who thought that letting capitalism dictate what goes on the air was a good idea.

I have to wonder who owns Ion tv, it appears at first glance that NBC/Universal does, but the local affiliate shows a LOT of Pat Robertson, (dangerous) and I notice quite a few commercials for mail order albums for Jesus freaks. (still love that term)

The news is now run through a sanitizer and our ignorance is celebrated in that someone else gets to decide what we can handle and what we can't. It's not the United States anymore. And sadly our populace is so ignorant they don't know it. They're of a generation that never knew real freedom of the press.

Yes, there are a lot of nut jobs here on the Internet but I stand here ready to defend their right to rant about whatever imagined or completely untrue injustice they think needs to be addressed that day. It seems the only way to keep this much maligned bastion of freedom.

But it too is being slowly and quietly manipulated by the "communications" giants.

I've noticed recently that searches take me to more and more commercial websites and not the private sites and/or blogs. They're selling us something and Time Warner, Comcast, et al are helping them.

Unfortunately, it seems that there is no champion extant to save us from our consuming selves.

Surely all our educators aren't willing to tolerate the status quo and are instilling in their students some sense of the wrongs that must be righted in the current culture.

I hope so.

Yesterday i started to lecture a class I'd never taught before and I could see on their faces that they'd probably rather die than listen to another word. The lecture was about playwriting.

I can only take so much when i finally hit the wall.

I stopped the lecture, "Ok, look I see that you are just hanging on my every word as though I were some sage theatre guy who can impart wisdom you simply can't live without, well, those of you who are still awake anyway. So I say let's let your regular instructor pick up with the lecture when he returns next week. This week we're doing something different. We're gonna write a play."

Horrified looks all around.

"I have this idea for a series of one-acts. The central theme is stairs. That's it, that's all I got, let's go."

After a minute or two they slowly started asking questions like, "What do you mean, all the plays have stairs in them? Are they the same stairs? Are they inside or outside?"

And we have lift-off.


We wrote very little, but what we managed to do was brainstorm several one-acts into existence. The stairs are outside, they're in front of an apartment building, as time progresses different tenants and passersby use these stairs both for walking and for sitting, and their lives, or at least snippets of them are seen by the audience.

It was soo much more fun and engaging than me droning on for 75 minutes. In fact we were still talking when the next class showed up and we had to leave. That's teaching in my estimation, not regurgitation.

Stimulating minds to actually think hopefully encourages them to make it a habit, and to stand up and fight some of that control the "communications" companies are exerting over their minds.

I have to wonder if they'll take some of that excitement with them and use it to undo some of the damage that's been done to the freedoms this country thought it enjoyed previously. I hope so.

And so it goes:

Love

Such a day I had today!

I had this plan. Ride the bike, throw a few pots, teach, go to the faculty meeting at the university, have lunch,go to pottery class take a nap, make some copies for the new students, and teach the evening class.

Then the phone rang.

It was the college asking me to sub for my boss who is out of town on an emergency. Talk about going with the flow. This week has suddenly gotten very busy.

Oh! And remember last week when I said that the dean had called a meeting at the University and it was either "you're doing a great job" or "Get out?"

Well it was neither, but closer to the latter than the former. They're shutting down our major NOW, and we're now a minor. This isn't really catastrophic tome, I wasn't planning to stay there forever anyway, but it's hassle enough. we get to put together the proposal for the 18 hr minor we'll be teaching and still have a production schedule. There are some who are upset. I would just prefer not to have to devise a new program going in the wrong direction, which we have to do like it or not. So though we're not losing our jobs we're most certainly moving in the wrong direction. We do have a while to digest this though, we're apparently obligated to teach out anyone already in the program. Hmmm, employment for another three years, how comforting.


Anyway, I have someone else's classes to prepare for...AAAAARGH!!!

And so it goes:



Love

No! No! A thousand times, NO!

There, that feels better, an exercise in actually saying it. Not that I did, or can to an employer, but this weeks lesson is learning to.

My dept chair at the college called yesterday to ask that since he's away on an emergency would I cover ALL his classes this week.

Guess what I said!

I'm such an idiot.

I'm freaking out!

I have no idea where he was with them, what to do with them when I get tehre, nor how to prepare. I guess I'll be winging it.

Oh! And one of them is scheduled at the same time as my faculty meeting at the University. lol

Actually I'm not freaking out that bad. I ran for the bookshelves the minute I found out about all this wildly gesticulating over the shelves and thinking I'd better learn something new to teach them before tomorrow.

Then I realized some things:

1.) It's the second week of classes, they know very little, surelY I can make it through two class periods with what I carry in my head. That may sound egotistical, but seriously, what does an 18 y/0 fresh outta high school know about theatre that I do not? Hmmm?

and, perhaps more importantly,

2.) I can't change the course of their history and be profoundly moving as a teacher in two 50 minute class periods that i am unprepared for. Winging it is totally the way to go.

Thank God that freak out is over.

Too damn much adrenalin for Monday morning.

So in a few minutes I get to call the dean and tell her I can only cover 4 of the 8 class periods he has scheduled this week. We'll see if that 's good enough I may get off the hook altogether if she's an all or nothing kind of gal.

In other news it's completely beautiful here right now, its been quite a weird summer weather wise, but VERY nice. I got all kinds of stuff done yesterday, and played outside too.

I noticed that travel deals are waning this weekend too. I checked into a few days in PR for the holidays, and though it's not prohibitive, it's still pretty costly. We'll see. I'm awful cheap to be spending that kind of money.

Oh! Friday Martini night was weird too. I arrived to find the usual suspects huddled over the gin, and then two new faces arrived. They seemed pleasant enough, yet odd.

Odd in that in the first ten minutes they were in the door they were discussing fisting.

Now, this may be something people actually do discuss, but in polite company I've always found it declasse, call me a prude if you will.

They turned out to be such dullards that we all migrated indoors without them leaving our friend J alone with them. After about ten minutes I looked up to see J staring daggers through the window at me.

Getting the impression that there would be hell to pay if we didn't re-join them post-haste I ushered the others back outside. The boys took off for the neighbors but K and I gamely hung in there the rest of the evening. It was pretty much torture.

I've no idea who they were/are, but I hope that is not repeated very often.

Off the diet for the weekend as instructed, some ground was lost. Back to it today.

And so it goes:

Love

Reminder

Please be careful out there everybody. The crazies are everywhere and they're multiplying, so make sure you're safe.



Love

What happened to this week?!?!

I can't believe this one went so quickly, and I've barely started to prepare for the next one. At this rate the semester will go very quickly, why do I feel I just changed the course of history?

Anyway the week isn't over until 3pm, so I gotta get motivated. After that it's a nap and then Martini Friday. I cannot wait!

Have a wonderful weekend, if you're here enjoy the weather, be safe be healthy, be loved.

And so it goes:





Love

Waiting for the locusts

Financial things get hinky real fast when you're un-der-employed. Nothing catastrophic happening, but seriously, I hate not having a steady and adequate cash flow.

Makes me nervous. All those what if's floating about in my natural-born worrier head. Funny how so few of those worries ever come true.

I'll do what I can, when I can and hope for the best in the interim.

Three headlines caught my attention this morning. The first was: "Some Bear False Witness in health care debate." lol

Seriously? you mean to tell me a politician lied to get what they want? Rather they lied to get what their lobbyist wants. I think it's a great tool to use religion-speak back at the sheep who think that we're going to socialize medicine and turn the country into something they fear. Which wouldn't, of course, be hard, they fear everything. Except stupidity, THAT they embrace with a lust unknown to most men.

The second was "Two men sought in theft of $1 million in jewelry from JC Penney." ROFL. Have you ever seen that cheap shit they sell at JC Penney Jewelry counter? I have to wonder how they managed to conceal that much junk while toting it down the road. That must have weighed tons. It's not like one can go into a Penney's store and steal one or two things and get stuff that's worth millions. lol. They'll be easy to find, just look for the green marks that jewelry left on their skin.

Headline number 3, "Lockerbie bomber released on compassionate grounds." is this not dichotomous? Didn't this guy blow like 300 people out of the sky? People whom he'd not only never met, but people who likely had only transgressed in the usual fashions? Which means that a death sentence would be a little strong for their sins? I hvae mixed feelings about this.

We're so quick to judge people and to want to string them up for any old thing, but give us a chance to pat ourselves on the back and convince ourselves that we're basically good people cause we let that guy who was gonna die anyway out of the slammer,and we're on board in a second.

A skosh hypocritical, no?

On a more prurient note Ricky Martin has posted some beefcake pics of himself with the twins on his website. Not wild about the baby thing, but he's still young enough and God knows he can afford it, so more power to him. Ricky though, lord that man is handsome.

This week is flying by, very surprising, I thought I'd be laboring through it with the first week of classes and all. No such drama, just minor sruff.

Got to ride the bike this morning it's a beautiful day in the 'hood and I'm sooo restless. Maybe i'll make a pot or two as well. I need that too.

Speaking of which I think I'm going to get in those classes I wanted after all. The registrar called me last night about 8:30 and she was going through her voicemails and promised she'd just give them to me if the dean would give her the ok. I think the dean is on one of those kicks where one tries to be nicer to people. So maybe...just maybe.

I can't figure out if it's just my worrisome nature, or if there really is something hurtling through the universe at me this morning. Odd feelings.

And so it goes:



And as long as we're celebrating Puerto Rican's let's have another. The shot is weird, but the shooter is sublime.

Love

No time to say hello goodbye

After a night of debauchery, which I frankly hope I NEVER grow too old for, I overslept. I have to teach my tech class in 40minutes, I'm not even showered yet, and I simply cannot blog today.

So here's a little something apparently everybody on the internet has seen except me. But just in case, I thought it'd be good for the edification of those ignorant enough not to get it already. If you already get it then you'll just enjoy this, if not, burn in hell.



And so it goes:

Love

Stupidity Alert!

Found on cnn.com-

"Florence Mackie of North Carolina writes to CNN, "I got a disturbing e-mail that said the new health bill would not help a person with macular degeneration until they lost the vision in one eye first." She asks, "Is this true?"'

I wonder at the stupidity of people all the time, and they keep amazing me by reaching for new heights.

Yeah Flo, and when you get old they're just gonna turn off all the equipment. Cause it's a pain in the ass to pay for your care.

Dear God!

I'm convinced that they've folowed George W Bush down the primrose path to ruin so long and so far that when someone tries to do something good for them it's immediately suspect.

How sad.

Oops, I did it again

Yesterday was Monday, it was Monday all over the place, and I didn't help it a bit.

I went to the college looking for trouble where there wasn't any, and then to the University not looking for trouble where there was.

I am STILL waiting for my printer cartridges to arrive in the mail therefore I don't have any way to print things I need, and it's the beginning of the semester. It's a problem.

So I went to the local library, which I'm sure I mentioned, keeps bankers hours. They don't open until 10am. It's kinda stupid, but they're librarians, what can you expect, they live in their heads.

I went there at 8:30 in the morning and cussed all the way back home. There were things to do so I went back about 1:45, all the computers were busy. I was less than patient with the woman at the desk.

I decided to try to use the adjunct computers at the college, they're usually in use, but it was worth a try. I thought I'd call ahead and talk to the Humanities secretary and see if one was available. I got her voicemail, no surprise this is the first day of classes.

I expected to arrive to see a gaggle of kids around her desk all loudly demanding whatever imagined crisis they had be solved immediately.

She was alone using her letter opener to get into a pack of donut gems. I thought to ask why she couldn't answer her phone, but then reconsidered knowing the dean's proclivity to...well...be a bitch.

I found a computer printed stuff, went to the mailroom and made my own copies. She seemed to enjoy the donuts.

While I was collating and stapling my syllabi the dean came by, my gut tightened. "Do you have everything you need S***?"

Pregnant pause...while I think to myself, "Where's my Dean, and what have you done with her?"

"Yes, and thank you." Is my response. Does shock make you stuporous? I was just wondering.

Then I had to talk to the Dean about getting my classes restored as a student, AND tell her about the name change. She was a gem (pun intended) about the whole thing.

Scary.

Then I went to the University to pick up keys and find out why my email still didn't exist.

That was a nightmare.

I called five times before I went and got the voicemail every single time. Again I entered to find someone twirling a pencil completely alone in their office.

"You don't get a key I only got three and you're the last to arrive, I put in another request."

I was certain she was kidding.

I was immediately whisked into the Dean's office and asked to teach yet another Independent study. I told the student my availability, but she had schedule conflicts. I bet she works them out.


While I was doing that the secretary disappeared. I returned to her office and waited, and waited, and waited.

She returned and said, "What are you still doing here?" "I need a key." I told her.

"I don't have one,(obviously she wasn't kidding) I have to wait...well, let's see if they have it ready yet."

"I also need to get my email working." i said.

"Didn't I email you that info?"

(phone rings)
She proceeds to answer the phone and take a 15 minute call. I will say in her defense that she took some file out of a drawer in the beginning of the call and laid it on her desk.

While she was on the call some guy came in, talked to the dean a minute and then came out and hung around. I have less than 2 hours to drive the 25 miles back home, eat dinner and get to my 6pm class.

(end phone call)

She then introduces me to the guy, and gets into a ten minute conversation with him! "Cathy, I'll just get this stuff on Wednesday." I finally say, after getting a complete gut full of this bullshit.

"I've got it right here!" It was the thing she'd had on her desk since the beginning of the phone call.

"So can you see is the key is ready now?" She did, it was, I left, she knew I was not happy. I'm sure she'll be a bitch to me from now on.

Seriously, I understand that I need to wait my turn, bu I DO NOT expect to lose my place in line when the phone rings or someone else comes in! I don't think that's unreasonable.

I should say here that I am particularly touchy about this stuff since it happens to me ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!

But I digress.

The day was complicated by people, as my days usually are. The class was the best part. I have an acting class with 5 guys and 5 girls.

I'm the envy of acting teachers everywhere.

They seem like a good bunch with few reservations. So today is office hours. I'm cowering inside hoping no one knocks. They think I know stuff, like where things are.

I can barely find my office.

And so it goes:

Love

and for good measure

the web based enrollment system went down on the first day of school!

Here's what the IT dept said in response:

"Thanks you for your patients!"

Here we go...

And thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges

Well I had this whole plan about blogging, having coffee, and then starting the academic year. Silly me. The academic year has it's own ideas about what I'm doing today.

I'm pissed about Obama backing off the Public Option for health care, we really need single-payer, but we'll never get it now.

Oh! And I'm pissed that the internet is spreading ignorance, and not the KKK kind. This is your everyday run of the mill stupid people who either didn't pay any attention in school, or weren't taught very well in the first place.

"Reeking havoc!"

I had chest pain.

I gave a moments consideration to addressing it with the dolt, but then decided it wasn't worth the attitude I'd get in return.

There's a fight at the college between the Fine Arts and the Dean of Humanities, and one of the adjuncts has filed a grievance. It, thankfully,and perhaps surprisingly, wasn't me.

She's always been antagonistic toward us, but now it seems to have come to a head. We'll see where it goes, she's got an awful lot of clout around there.

I just asked the Financial aid dept at the University for work-study students. A decision i just know I'll live to regret. Next on the agenda is a computer in my office. I was shocked there wasn't one already there.

It's the monsoon season...again. It's been raining for three days. There's water everywhere. I keep a rain bucket on the deck to collect water for making pots, and it was empty on Thursday. It's overflowing today.

Well, enough frivolity, the phone is ringing which means someone wants my attention...yet again. Now I have to train a whole new bunch not to call.

The price of being indispensable I guess.

Monday morsel:


Love

What a week!

I'm all excited that it's Friday and I've no idea why. I have so many things to do between now and Monday morning that I'm certain I'll never get them all done.

But I can tell you this. It's hella better than sitting here wondering where my next dollar is coming from. Unemployment has scheduled a hearing, so if that gets resolved in my favor I'll get that...finally.

I've got to run around all day and then sometime figure out how and when to read this play and start brainstorming about the set. I've got to get with the Financial Aid dept to request work-study students. I've got four syllabi to write. I've bitched a lot this week about writing syllabi, Perhaps you get the idea that I don't much care for writing them. I don't. They're a pain in the ass and no one ever reads them, evidenced by the inevitable argument some student tries to launch late in the semester when they say they were never told about something which is clearly in the syllabus.

But they save my ass if they're on file in the Dean's office and they can show the complainer that i wrote it down and handed it to them the day we met.

Jefferson City says I have about three weeks more to wait for the amended birth certificate. Which complicates the hell out of getting two new jobs. The community college is not new but it may as well be. Every semester you have to renew your direct deposit info and it's as if you've never been heard of before. My entertainment is that I've decided to start using the checking acount connected with the ING acct. It's all electronic. No paper...AT ALL! It confuses one and all.

They want a paper check to use for the direct deposit and that is all there is to it. One would think in this day and age that people and organizations would be more able to respond to such things without all this getting torqued out over new stuff. They do not seem capable of wrapping their brains around the concept that there is not a check to give them. After the many years of headaches Payroll/Human Resource departments have given me, I relish this small measure of revenge.

I also have to ride the bike, it's been days. After the holiday I'm returning to the stables. I've been either too busy to go this summer, or it's rained every single time I tried to get out there. I bet my reception is chilly. I'm thinking it might be time to find a place I can just go ride without all the stuff that the current place involves. I really want to work with the horses, but not with the humans. I'll have to work on that.

I dropped the two classes I wanted at the community college this semester. They revised the policy telling us we had to pay 25% of the cost and we basically told them to go fuck themselves. So I dropped the classes, and found out at orientation that they'd changed their minds and those of us who'd had the benefit would keep it. Now of course both those classes are closed and I'm trying desperately to get back in. It's a hassle. I'm going to try to do both independent study we'll see how they take to that.

Alas, Hot Guy Friday must get underway as I have Promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.





Love

Getting paid

Well, this semester will mark a milestone. For the first time ever the majority of my income will be derived from education, and not in the form of borrowing money to attend.

I will be teaching...more than I expected.

yesterday I agreed to teach that honors section I was talking about. It's independent study so it works for me, and it brings in a little more money so YEAH.

AND it appears that both of my classes at the community college made. In truth I'm one short of the required enrollment, so technically they could still cancel it, which I would learn today, but this morning when I looked at my roster it showed the class intact, so I'm sticking with the positive.

Today another meeting, which I adore, about concept and production. Then the rest of thew eek will be spent on syllabi and preparing lessons for my classes. That acting class needs some sprucing up. Last semester was my first time with it, and I pretty much made it up as I went along. It worked though and I'll be doing much of the same work in any case, so both classes next week will likely be the usual, Hi, here's the plan for the semester and what's expected of you, get together. At which point I'll bow out to buy myself another week to be well prepared for them the rest of the year. I've discovered it's not lazy on the instructor's part, they're just not ready to stand there for three hours and blather at you. I hear rumors that the dean doesn't like that approach, but I'm going to let her tell me that herself. I never liked her much, and I get the feeling it's mutual. So she can learn a little respect of flex her muscles at me if she so chooses. I'll be a good boy if that's what she wants, but she has to ask.

Speaking of being a good boy, it certainly gets you a lot of consideration in the financial department when things go awry if you've been good. Cause august is positively sucking in the income department. I'm loathe to start taking money out of savings, even though that's what it's for, to pay bills. So I'm begging off as many as possible. They don't jump for joy at the prospect, but they're all agreeing so far. and the single creditor whom I expected to be the most disagreeable, Capital One, has been the best. "What can we do for you Sir?" "Well...since you asked."

The weekend is in view! I'm so glad. I need it. I'm told my martini crew may all be out of town this week, BOO. The ex is in the hinterlands caring for his parents, the bff may be caught in a family thing at the lake, and I will likely be left to my own devices. Which means gin and tonic and pool at the local blues watering hole. At least I can walk there. Saves the environment, gas, bail money, all kinds of good things.

Time to motivate, have a morsel:


Love

Borrowing Trouble

Well, yesterday's meeting didn't go nearly as bad as it could have.

The person I was concerned about didn't seem to have any memory of me at all, which is fine, however he wants to handle it is fine with me, as long as it's not war.

anyway, they four of us walked the theatre, chose offices, and generaly came up with a plan for the immediate future.

Wisely no one looked to me for any extra stuff like, well, the slave labor that all shows require. I have quite enough on my plate.

i saw the stage for the first time in many years.

My living room is bigger.

If you'd seen my living room you'd know this is not good news.

So once I have a script in hand I'll figure out how to approach this thing. It's been a long time since I even saw this show, but I'm thinking one unit that does everything.

You know, a table that folds out gets two posts and becomes a bed etc.

I hope I can make such an animal anymore. It's been a long time, and I still need to make room onstage for 7 people.

I just looked around my living room and wondered where 7 people would fit. Thank God this thing is a comedy.

Today is enrollment at the community college so I get to find out if I'll be getting paid from them or not this semester..fingers crossed.


Today's mission is to concentrate on the now and not look for how much trouble people can be. Pray for me it's a new experience.

Incongruous morsel, I can't reconcile any of the elements in this photograph, they just don't seem to belong together.

But he's lovely anyway:



Love

The word is failure

Not that I've actually failed. I haven't. In fact I haven't quite yet started anything new. However, I do see myself focusing on the prospect of failure more than success lately.

I can't imagine why.

Let's see, after acquiring shitloads of education I've spent the last 6, count 'em, 6 years looking for a full time teaching job.

I was privy to a communication I really shouldn't have been, and as soon as I heard it wished I hadn't been either. In reviewing my application for a job at a University where I am acquainted with someone who already works there I was informed that the person in charge of deciding who gets interviewed and who doesn't, that "I'm not interviewing this guy. With this resume he could get a job ANYWHERE."

Seems this is the consensus, but no one seems to get that THEY might be that anywhere and here I sit.

But this week I have meetings at the schools where I do teach, and yesterday I was at the community college. ho-hum. It was the same old drone they always deliver, and then they taught us the new registration and grading computer system, which didn't work correctly and many couldn't get access to. Not that that was all their fault. There was the dolt who interrupted the meeting to ask who he should talk to to get access to the system after being away for 6 years. (this was covered in the instruction book we were given) and then the people who couldn't figure out how to work pull-down menus. oy! I stepped outside because I was standing in the back of the room since there weren't enough computers to go around.

Today I have immense trepidation about this meeting of the "new" department I'm now a part of at the university that hired me a few weeks ago. The person "in charge" is someone I have a brief history with, who likely is not over our little confrontation of 20 years ago. So, since he came off a dolt, which he is, I'm wondering how he's going to handle our meeting.

I could be wrong, he could be completely professional, and not let on that it ever happened, he's not really the type, so I doubt it. I anticipate some underhanded thing designed to cause me headaches. They're paying adjunct money, they're getting adjunct hours...that's my position.

Also, it's coming to my attention that I'm being passed over for things I should be doing. After I was told the class I was slated to teach at the University was canceled due to lack of enrollment,then they hired someone to teach creative drama. (hello!) On top of which indignity I discovered that I was not asked to direct a show at the community college and someone I never heard of was asked to do it.

So, you see my conundrum.

My current position is somewhat Machiavellian. Take their money and their appointment and parlay it into a full time job elsewhere and shuffle off the petty coil of this town.

My gut says "kick somebody's ass" but that seems counterproductive. Besides at my age it'd take forever.

So we'll see what today brings. I've been asked to mentor a student in the honors program who has a project in scene design, oy, and though I've agreed I'm finding that the woman who initiated the contact with me is a bit of a pest. I'm meeting with them tomorrow.

I'm trying to convince myself that this is only a means to and end and if I'm patient I'll get at least a resemblance of what I want.

What I want is a little place in the country with a horse or two and a little place in the city (not necessarily this one) where I can retreat to when I need a little excitement. Is that too much to ask?

Oh! Sunday I refused to take a check at the grocery. There was a scene.

The woman in question whipped out a check for a $4.00 bill and proceeded to change absolutely everything ON the check except the signature. She changed the date, the amount, (adding $50 so she'd get cash back) and then changed who it was made out to. I watched her do this and said, "You're kidding me, right?" She had the nerve to not be amused. I told her I would not under any circumstances cash that check. She was a bold one and challenged me.

It was not lost on me that this is a store where people with influence and money trade so she'd likely get her way if she was the least bit blustery, and she did. The manager on duty cashed the check.

It was stolen.

I was asked about it yesterday, now the fight is on. They'd never try to make me pay the loss, they know I'd go batshit insane and they'd lose. They also know that I was smart in calling the manager over to ok the check. Which by the way wouldn't even go through the automated system. So they have little recourse except to ask me about it and then take my story to the woman who accepted a check I wouldn't.

So it seems that the only way to avoid conflict with people is to avoid THEM altogether. I'm increasingly inclined to withdraw and make pots and ride my horse. It's just not worth it.

Oh and the ex is out of town tending to his parents who are both very ill and I called to express my concern...nada, nothing, no response, no communication, nothing.

People are nothing if not disappointing.

Focus on success...focus on success...focus on success...

I need a morsel to start the day: (a little gin wouldn't hurt either)


Love

Where to begin

Honestly, I hardly know where to begin.

Should I tell of my really great vacation, or should I move right into the newly rising feelings that it's truly time to move on? Can't decide, so I think I'll start with the vacation.

It was pretty great.

I left earlier than I'd planned, and drove all night. I was exhausted when I set up camp but since it was cool and drizzly I went inside and slept most of the day. I did take a short hike at one point, which, though it was nice allowed me to discover that at 10k feet I no longer have any stamina. I could only hike for about 20-30 minutes before needing to stop and rest for ten. It was kind of amusing. In the beginning.

The next morning I hiked a while and then decided I needed a horse. So I set out looking for someplace to rent one.

I ran across a stables run by an old man and his son,they took me out for a couple of hours.

Dad droned on about this and that. "Over there, is a tree from which a criminal of no consequence, and who you never heard of was hanged in 18 umpty-ump." (ok)
"And down this road a piece is where John Smith, or Lewis and Clark or whoever, (whatever) holed up after Sacajawea died. Her grave is hell and gone over by the east side of Yellowstone someplace..."

You get the picture.

Son, however, was a pretty cool guy who rode along quiet most of the time, and when we got back asked what I was doing Wednesday. I checked my extensive schedule and informed him I was free all day. he said, "Well I've got to exercise a couple of horses tomorrow, come by and you can ride with me."

I did and we were out for almost four hours.

I learned a very valuable lesson about taking pictures with the camera on one's phone. (they're horrible) So unless I can photoshop them into usefulness there may never be any.

At one point we came over this hill and below us was this very green (everything there is green) valley, in which was this little cabin. It looked new and had furniture on the deck. but no place to park a car. I was, and still am puzzled.

At first I thought well, they use it for temporary stuff, but then on closer examination I realized this place had a solar panel and an outhouse. But no place to store transportation.

I'm not looking for a garage here, I'm looking for a pad where the car sits at night, or a spot by the door where a vehicle gets parked in the "yard" which is the national forest, but there's nothing.

Then this guy rides up on a horse, ties it to a post I cannot see from this vantage point, and goes inside.

Seriously?

Where the hell do I sign up to own THAT place?

Next stop was this little lake we found. I'm sure Guy knew it was there, but everything was a discovery for me. Very cool little place up in the Tetons where people were fishing. We sat there and just looked at it a while.

Then came the real fun of the trip.

As we came over this little rise we both stopped dead in our tracks.

Below us was a small canyon.

In this canyon was a herd of about 20 wild Mustang.

We both looked at each other and simultaneously spanked our horses.

"Hah!"

We chased those poor horses up and down that canyon back and forth until our horses were too tired to go on. Laughing like maniacs the whole time.

We rested the horses and then headed back. I got the impression that is what I was meant to see by my host.

He'd been very gracious and told me if I was ever there again to come by, when his dad retires he'll be taking over the stables so he plans to stay there the rest of his life. I will be taking him up on that offer if I ever go back.

That evening I was sitting at my campsite reading when a young man on a motorcycle rode slowly by checking out campsites and he stopped. "Excuse me sir."

I so love being called sir by young men, it makes me feel so...oh I don't know...fucking old I guess is the best way to put it.

"Yes?"

"Is there a camp host I should report to?"

"Yeah, you just passed their campsite, it's where that truck is with the sign on the side."

"ok, thanks."

One can only hope that THAT is the sum total of conversation to be had with one's neighbors on a camping trip.

Anyone who reads this blog regularly knows that is not how my life works.

I was like this guys mentor, or some shit.

Let me stop here and qualify this rant. This kid was very nice, he was very respectful, and he was interesting to be around. I just wanted to be alone, which made my inability to say no to him all the more frustrating.

He came over and introduced himself Wednesday night and we ended up cooking our respective meals over my campfire since he couldn't get his going. Then we wound up getting drunk from his bottle of Wild Turkey. I half expected him to pull out a joint and offer it to me, but he never did. I guess old people are seldom suspected of getting high. Dammit.

He asked me if I wanted to go hiking with him on Thursday morning and we went out for a couple of hours. I would have insisted I go alone if everyone hadn't come to my campsite one by one and put the fear of God in me about bears after my first hike.

They were all like, "You really shouldn't be going out here alone without telling someone where you are,man." "I left a note on the windshield of my car and signed in at the trailhead like I'm supposed to!" "Yeah, but still, there's bears around here."

Well. Fuck.

A lot of the point of these little camping trips is that no one in the entire world knows where I am. Thereby rendering them completely unable to find me. Which knowledge I love. Alas.

So I decided they were right and took Rob with me. We had fun and he was infinitely patient with the old man who had to keep resting as we climbed to 13k feet. Of course he showed no sign of even being winded the entire time, fucker.

No I don't know what possessed me, but let me tell you it was worth every minute of misery on the trail. Incredible views. Took forfuckingever at my pace.

So Thursday afternoon I decided it was time to head for home and Friday morning I broke camp and set forth on the trek back across Wyoming.

By the way, do not mention Matthew Shepard in Laramie. I didn't, but I saw someone who did, and it was not well received. They're not a friendly lot to begin with, and this didn't aid their disposition. I went to see the place he was killed. If you haven't seen it, and want to I recommend being in a good place emotionally when you do, because it'll wreck you. It's pretty much sealed off and it takes some doing to find, but it's discernable if you work at it.

I've tried to formulate some coherent sentence about it, but I can't. May McKinney and Henderson rot in hell.

So I made quick work of Laramie and headed for home.

Oh, I've completely forgotten to tell you he funny part of my camping trip!

The camp host was a woman.

Let's call her Ma Kettle, the woman she most resembled.

Her husband was hotter than hell.

Think white trash Eion Bailey:


this was problematic enough without the blue eyes:


While I was at my car filling out the envelope to pay formy campsite he noticed I was from Kansas and I heard him tell her.

"You from Kansas?" She bellowed.

"Yep."

"You know Dorothy?"

Now here is where a more circumspect person would have thought this a strange question. I, however, am so accustomed to people asking me odd questions that I answer without thinking twice...or at all actually.

"Yep, we're good friends."

You know those moments when you've said something that you immediately know you shouldn't have, cause it's going to complicate your life endlessly?

This was one of them.

Hubby perked right up and made it a point to come to my campsite at least twice a day to visit. He was always reaching up under his t-shirt to scratch giving me a view of that oh so tempting trail, and grinning when I looked at it.

Shit. Like I need to get hatcheted to death by the camp host after jumping on her husband.

I passed.

It was not easy.

Love