Hot Guy Friday! And Republican's against illiteracy

Sorry this is late, I've had quite the morning. Tons of fog made it very San Francisco-like here, and the drive to work, hellishly long. Then I arrived to a computer system crash, except for the internet of course, thank GOD! So here's a little fun at the RNC's expense. McCain said he wants a bigger push against illiteracy. I can see why:



And now for the piece de resistance!!!







Those of you who grew up in the era when I did will be happy to see B J McKay of BJ and the Bear fame. Seriously, he was so cute. And as it turns out he was the bear not the monkey.

So Enjoy Greg Evigan then and now, well as close to now as I could find, and I doubt I'm far off. I couldn't find any pictures of him in Melrose Place, which is fine, he mostly looked uncomfortable in frame with Doug Savant anyway.

Love

Welcome to the Tropics

Gustav is here. Well, what's left of him is here anyway. And there's plenty to go around trust me. I think Chicago is next, and though I pity them their weekend weather I will be Sooo glad it's gone. I was going to my first baseball game in a while last night and they were rained out. It was rescheduled for this afternoon, well great, I have to work this afternoon. So no baseball for me for a while yet.

I'm afraid at this point that I might be rained out for the weekend, that would suck. Especially since I just got a new saddle and I want to start breaking it in asap.

I tried to watch Ms. Palin last night, but I just couldn't watch the whole thing. What's up with the bridge to nowhere? She was for it before she was against it? I just wish politicians would get up there and say "Hey, here's what we're trying to do, and here are the ways we've tried to work it out. It's not gonna happen. We just can't make it work this time." But no they're determined to belittle the other guy, exaggerate their own accomplishments, and mislead the people into thinking their opponent is incompetent or worse. Just tell me what's going on and let me make up my mind please.

I have been told I'm getting older and that I need to step aside and let the next generation step up and lead. Fuck that! I'm part of this process too and if they want to get involved then come on in. But don't show me the door cause I'm older. The process is supposed to be for everyone. Obviously I don't agree with the person who told me to step aside.

I'm looking for a blast from the past for tomorrow's Hot Guy Friday post. Those of you who grew up when I did will remember him from tv and if you were a little gay boy in that era you'll remember his fuzzy lttle chest...his co-star's too for that matter. So, until tomorrow.

Love

Prestidigitation is the problem

Is there a resemblance or is it just me?


I'm starting to wonder where it is that I live? I realize that most Americans live in an alternate reality in which things like malicious prosecution can be ignored out of existence, but apparently they do take place.

I just heard an interview on Democracynow with the former Governor of Alabama, Don Siegelman, regarding his prosecution and imprisonment, apparently at the hands of Karl Rove (why am I not surprised?) for bribery and corruption. This guy is not exactly a gifted speaker, but he's very impassioned about finding out what Rove did with the Justice Department to use it for political means.

I hope that someone, at least Gonzales, if not Rove himself, goes to prison over some of the things they did while in positions of power. I hope the message gets sent to their people that staying the course and following the Rove playbook will get them nothing but grief. I, however, think that if Barack Obama gets elected he'll likely have his hands so full with the mess they've left of this country he won't have time nor inclination to pursue and prosecute any of these people. It's fun to think that their puppet, George W. Bush would be left holding the bag, and he may be a lummox, but he's at least smart enough to have a fall guy at the ready. So, I doubt he'll ever go to jail where he belongs.

Regarding Siegelman's allegations toward Rove, Robert Luskin, Rove's attorney had this to say:

“There’s absolutely, positively, no truth to any of the allegations and literally no evidence for any of it."

I like that evidence part. It's so neo-con to say something like that when denying everything. "You can't prove it, neener, neenner, neener."

I'm not going to vouch for the innocence of Siegelman. God knows Democrats are just as corruptible as Republicans, but I will say that if Rove can be brought down, and the rest of that bunch with him, then it's worth holding him in contempt of Congress when he continually refuses to honor their subpoena. Siegelman may well be completely innocent, and I do hope he is, but if his righteous indignation keeps him motivated then go Don! It's not their party affiliation that I'm concerned about, it's their illegal and unconstitutional actions that need prosecuting.

I think what most of the people I know who are Republican are missing is that their party has been hijacked. It's been used as a pawn in a revolution and though it publicly espouses the values and virtues it formerly held, it shows us one thing with the left hand and what we're not watching is what the right hand is doing. I think the values of standing on your own and having less governmental involvement in your life are perfectly fine values to have. But that's not what's going on now, neither major party stands for what it did when my generation came of age to vote in the 1970's.

That was the time of Watergate, and that really did scare us all. We'd already been living with the notion for a while,that it's possible, and for a lot of us it was likely in our minds, and still is, that a conspiracy so vast as to be able to assassinate the President of the United States on television and make it stay together through all the possible unravelings was frightening enough.

But, then, there was the abuse of power that was so pervasive in the executive branch (and it was obvious that we'd elected a mad man to run the country) that we had no trust in what we were being told at all.

So, those of us currently passing into senior citizenship-ness come from a completely mistrustful place where government is concerned, and that ain't all bad.

I'll close with a photo I found yesterday. I think it was on ThoughtTheater.com, possibly queertoday.com, at any rate the photo gives us that microcosmic glimpse into the world of convention goers everywhere.

This is what they are doing while Rome is Burning:



AND it's September! I've neglected to post the new calendar, but I'm busy, sorry, I know you all await the arrival of this feature with baited breath, so here you go:

It's Tuesday, not Monday!

I keep forgetting that and I thought a little reality orientation might help.

Proceedatyourownrisk.com is making the very valid point that we're the back door crackers of the 21st century today.

And he's right, it's very notable that we can be visible when it's convenient, but not when one of us wants to kiss our boyfriend immediately after one of us wins a gold medal at the Olympics, nor when we give money to a political campaign. Only when it's convenient.

The Bilerico Project is making hay over the fact that there was mention made by many at the DNCC about the gay vote. Need I remind them that we've been asked to the prom before, only to be dumped when a cuter guy came along. We're just the patsy's of the era, and we're glad to be at the table, instead of being outraged that we're taken advantage of ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!! I frequently feel like that dog that gets kicked repeatedly and keeps coming back for more.

"Please Sir, take this check from me. Oh, and give us a little kick in the nuts while you're at it huh?" Thank you!

Well, gay jokes aside, and yes there was one...well, maybe two I was never sure about the second one cause I didn't hear the whole thing, but my gay joke radar is pretty good so I say it was a gay joke anyway. OH and I got called a faggot while I was riding my bike on Sunday, it was quite the weekend for gay verbal abuse.

As I have mentioned, my ex is my best friend's partner's best friend. Work through it, it's very incestuous, but it's understandable eventually.

So we all went to dinner Friday night.

yippee

It is now clear to me that the ex is still not over it. SHIT! I mean seriously, it was five years ago. Get over it already. It didn't work, it's not gonna work! Very disturbing development. Not pleased about it. Lord God I need to go to a new town.

Do you hear me Universe>!????!!!?!?!? I need OUT!!

But! I had quite a busy weekend anyway, I spent Saturday on a horse, Sunday on a bike, and Monday at the wheel making pots. In between bouts of homework and grading papers that is. I saw I Am Legend, which I'd missed, and I watched a Christian Slater movie called "He was a Quiet Man" maybe he can act. It's been so hard to tell these last few years while he beat his wife all the time. I looked at new saddles, and also at horses and their availability in both of the possible new locations. It's promising, but not perfect in either. I'll have to own eventually I can tell.

Well,this week is already shaping up to be one of those four day weeks that seems like ten. Ah well, I can always just hide in my office.

Love

And here's a little pick me up to start your week with. I just love Brendan.

it happened again! oh! and Hot Guy Friday too!

I had another one of those moments this morning. I was on my way to work and while driving I guess my mind was wandering, and suddenly I noticed it happened again. My shoulders relaxed, my breath came slower, I felt...well, safe. That's not been the norm for me in a very long time, and with this happening twice so close together, I'm beginning to wonder if this may indicate a trend.

Truth is, a couple of opportunities have presented themselves. I'll say no more cause I'm a little superstitious, but even if they don't pan out, the promise that I can be delivered from evil seems to assuage my stress. Kinda nice. I'll take either one that comes along cause they're both very nice opportunities, but the mere idea is what seems to be helping me in the short term.

I was a little dismayed by that kitchen sink speech last night. That speechwriter missed absolutely no one on his journey down Presidential lane. I know everyone would have howled if they weren't mentioned, but it seemed to me that we could do with a little less inclusion, and a little more "here's what I'm gonna do." and more importantly here's what I CAN'T do. No one seems to think this guy can miss, that he'll deliver everything he's talking about. Well he won't, few of them do. If he gets 30% of it done he's done damn good. I hope he's not the opportunist I think he is. Good Luck to us all with this one.

I rarely go traveling on amateur nights, which is to say I don't get out on the highways on the holidays when people who never leave the neighborhood are wandering about. So, I think I'll stick around here this weekend. I have horses to ride and pots to make anyway, so if the weather cooperates I'll have plenty to do.

And don't think I'm not pissed that David Duchovny is addicted to sex and I just found out about it. The truth is out there, I just don't hear about it in a timely manner.

Dammit!

he's back!!!

the south pacific has rejoined us!!!

Welcome back!

Hope your travels were fun and restful.

Oh! and productive.

Love

We may not be technically illiterate but...

I've always found it odd that most homosexual men can't write. It appears that they're incapable of putting three words together and making a sentence. At least a coherent one. I've long seen it in local gay rags written by well-meaning "journalists" who never quite got the hang of the whole syntax thing. Conversely, I realize there are many who can, and do so beautifully. Perhaps the problem is poor teaching, there's a lot of that out there. This country is so concerned that the students might fuck each other,(which, of course, they're going to do anyway) or actually learn something of practical value that they almost never focus on readin writin and rithmetic. Something evidenced by the apparent need for "no child left behind"and worthless shit of that ilk.

But I digress.

Today's focus is on the self-righteous who would kill us because of who we love because that's just how they roll. There's an article in the most recent issue of Newsweek that addresses this interesting little fact. Apparently there is a need for safe houses in Iraq (the country we currently occupy, coincidentally) for gay men so they're not dragged away in the night and summarily shot to death. Nice.

In the comment section of that article I found a little missive that struck a chord in me. Mostly because I believe it's message completely. It's the impetus of the little diatribe about illiteracy at the top of this post, and I do realize it's possible that language is the real issue here, but still...

So I'm going to post it here without permission, because I have no way of tracking down the author. But in my heart I believe they'd be pleased that someone thought enough of their words to give them to more people. It's truly a reflection of my beliefs about religion and those who would use it to justify their heinous acts.

Without further adieu:

"Why do you, Muslims and Christians insist on hiding behind old books that bring only pain and suffering, and you insist on missing the main point of them. Only God, Jehova, Jesus or Allah can pass judgement on humans. If God or Allah as you wish to call him, is the final judge than you are overstepping on his authority. Only God should decide who live and who dies and for what, that is why it is on the ten comandments, because only God should have the power over life and death. Disobedience is not an excuse for murder, only God will can decide wether to punish homosexuals or not. God created the entire univers and created in it, therefore he created homosexuals. If God did not want homosexuals on earth than there would be none. Science has proven that humans are not always in control of their actions or natures. As for child molestation not being in the ten comandments, girls and women are nothing more than property in the Bible and the Qur'an, they can be sold and discarded like property. Which why it is sickening that so many people follow such books, that degrade the ones that give you life. I would much rather be a slave to desire than a slave to an ancient book, full of hatred and contempt for human life. I do fear the actions of the ancients that are being repeated, such as killing in the name of your God or another God. And the killing of people who differ in their thinking. And killing a woman for speak without the consent of her husband, that is for more frieghtning, because instead of moving forward you and people like you are going backwards, only to please someone that may or may not exist. I do not require the verses, I am sure they exits and are undeniable to you. I have long since grown to know that I do not know the mind of God, if he exist, but I do know that if he exist that my respect for his or hers creations should suffies not to be condemed to eternal torment. Whether you agree or disagree with someone elses life should not give you authority to end it no matter what any book says. You and all like you the think that the killing of people who are not like you will have to answer to your God. And maybe homosexuals will ask God for mercy on your behave, something you would never do."

The following are the lyrics to Holly Near's "I Ain't Afraid", I thought they'd fit nicely with the sentiment of today's post...and I believe them completely also.

I ain't afraid of your Yahweh
I ain't afraid of your Allah
I ain't afraid of your Jesus
I'm afraid of what you do in the name of your God

I ain't afraid of your churches
I ain't afraid of your temples
I ain't afraid of your praying
I'm afraid of what you do in the name of your God

verse
Rise up to your higher power
Free up from fear, it will devour you
Watch out for the ego of the hour
The ones who say they know it
Are the ones who will impose it on you

I ain't afraid of your Yahweh
I ain't afraid of your Allah
I ain't afraid of your Jesus
I'm afraid of what you do in the name of your God

I ain't afraid of your churches
I ain't afraid of your temples
I ain't afraid of your praying
I'm afraid of what you do in the name of your God

verse
Rise up, and see /find/ know/ hear a higher story
Free up from the gods of war and glory
Watch out for the threats of purgatory
The spirit of the wind won’t make a killing off of sin and satan

I ain't afraid of your Bible
I ain't afraid of your Torah
I ain't afraid of your Koran
Dont let the letter of the law
Obsure the spirit of the your love--it's killing us

I ain't afraid of your Yahweh
I ain't afraid of your Allah
I ain't afraid of your Jesus
I'm afraid of what you do in the name of your God

I ain't afraid of your churches
I ain't afraid of your temples
I ain't afraid of your praying
I'm afraid of what you do in the name of your God


Money
Culture
Choices
I’m afraid of what you do in the name of your God

Sunday
Spirit
Teachers
I’m afraid of what you do in the name of your God

Sabbath
Borders
Dances
I’m afraid of what you do in the name of your God double

Children
Music
Stories
I’m afraid of what you do in the name of your God

Rise up to your higher power
Free up
Rise up to your higher power
Free up
Let's try to be highly evolved
I aint afraid

being favored

I've just got a minute today but this morning I was driving to work and I saw this car with a vanity plate that said "Godsfav."

I sat at the light looking at this woman and wondered what incredible lack of self-esteem, what damage could have been done to her that she had to tell the world that she's favored, in her estimation, by a mythical being that she's put all her faith in. What prevents her from announcing the she's her own favorite? Or her family's?

What made her think that the rest of us needed to know she was "Godsfav." and what does that say to us? That since she is we're not? That even if we wanted to be we couldn't? Puzzling.

Kinda sad really. Put some esteem into that gaze in the mirror honey it works wonders.

Why wait?

I was listening to Democracy Now on the radio coming to work today. I like to do that, it starts that great big dose of gloom and doom I'm going to get from NPR all day off with just the right tone. But of course with the convention in full swing things are all about the eight year long screwing we've gotten.

What I had to wonder was, why wait til now? Why is all this spying, profiling, civil rights violating news coming out when these people are leaving? Apparently there were those who knew for quite a while, so why weren't they screaming way back when? Perhaps we could have had better luck with the whole impeachment idea if they had?

And this begs the question; "Why is Nancy Pelosi not actively pursuing those articles of impeachment that Kucinich introduced a couple of weeks ago?"

So, my daily dose of gloom and doom makes me wonder why the democrats are only now actively going after the Bush administration. What was the holdup? What prevented them from speaking out before? Something did Im sure of it, I wonder what it was?
Don't you?

good days and then great ones

I had a date on Friday night. Oy!

Have you ever had a date that was obviously going to go so bad that you considered just getting up and leaving without a word early in the evening? I'd never had that experience before Friday night.

This guy would not shut his mouth. EVER! Now, I talk a lot..A LOT! So, if I'm saying, you should shut up, it's really something you should look into.

This guy told me the entire history of his life from day one. It's possible that I may have been interested in some of it at some point, but not all at once, and certainly not the intimate details of how he came to know his sexuality. It wasn't puzzling, it was positively off-putting.

I'd allowed someone to set me up, which I never do. Unfortunately I also didn't realize that they never listened to a word I said about men I'd be interested in. Tall men are of no interest to me. This guy was 6'3." Talkative men are great, but really take a breath between sentences ok guy? ugh! Thankfully it was brief, I ended the evening right after dinner and ran, not walked to my car. He emailed me this morning anyway asking for another date...WTF?

Saturday promised little improvement when I was awakened at 5am by a thunderstorm. I looked at the local radar and came to the conclusion that riding horses would be out of the question. So when I got up I started shopping online for new saddle. I emailed my friends some questions since they have far more knowledge on the subject than I, and they told me that the stables got almost no rain and that I should come ride. Of course I did. The rest of the weekend I spent with friends, at the museum, a baseball game, and seeing The Dark Knight. It turned out pretty good.

I had a moment on Saturday night that surprised me. I felt connected to things suddenly. I had just left some friends after seeing The Dark Knight, and was on the way to the blues club when I stopped at a light and while sitting there suddenly my shoulder muscles relaxed and I felt a viable human being for just a second. The non-stop stress of the last 3 years left me for that instant and I realized that I would become whole again, that I would rejoin the human race after what was done to me by those I trusted most. That I would recover, and have my life back. I entertained the notion of going home for a good cry, but decided that might be just a little self-indulgent, and went to the club for a couple of games of pool instead. It felt pretty good to know I wasn't irreparably damaged like I thought.

Sunday was nice, before I went to the museum I rode the bike 20 miles. I had plans to ride farther, but there was this wicked easterly wind and I had to change my planned route at the last minute and it shortened things a bit. Still... lots of smiling.

I'm almost caught up at work from last week's "party" debacle. The whole thing went off without a hitch, except that it decimated my schedule and I wound up a bit behind, like half a day.

Well have a good Monday. I'm already thinking of Hot Guy Friday and who I might choose this week.

Love

Hot Guy Friday!

Chad Allen (an abbreviated name if ever I heard one) is somewhere in his mid 30's. I agree with some, that he may not be as hot as he's gotten older as he once was, but which of us is?

Chad's my guy this week, I love him because not only do I think he's still hot, but he's even hotter to me in that he's an out actor in Hollywood. I have to wonder how much that hurts him in casting sessions. A lot I'm willing to bet. That willingness to put himself out there makes him that much hotter in my estimation.

Happy Hot Guy Friday Chad-baby.

Religiosity

It has come to my attention that the "forum" that Obama and McCain participated in recently was actually a test of their fitness when it comes to religion. Such tests, by the way are prohibited by the constitution, but why should we let a little thing like the document on which this country is based stand in the way of our fevered religious probings? Seriously.

What astounds me is that both of these idiots stood for it. They went there voluntarily and answered very personal questions about their beliefs and their "Christian-ness." Unfuckingbelievable!

It should be noted that their stands on Buddhism, Islam, Wicca, Judaism, and any religion other than Christianity was not on the menu. Meaning that if you're not a Christian you're totally irrelevant in this country.

I am having what I will mildly call a crisis of incredulity over the religious fervor that has gripped this country and that NOTHING is being done to stop the discrimination, the persecution, the promotion of hatred and paranoia that is always a result of such unchecked fervor.

I rail about the fucking Catholics all the time, mostly because I suffered at their hands for over 12 years while being "educated." But this Christian righteousness is tantamount to a jihad on religious freedom in the United States. This religion test was the last straw for me. Both candidates of the major parties in this country are unfit to lead.

I am considered "unchurched" by a recent survey. There are many assumptions made about me in this survey of ridiculousness, but one of the most offensive is that I, as an unwashed, unchurched leech on society I am "less likely to participate in elections, or to donate to non-profit organizations, and less likely to use media or to engage in community activities." (Barna group survey, courtesy of Bilerico project)

Now I am PISSED!

I won't list all the reasons that this judgmental, condescending, skewed report exists only to shame me into becoming a heterosexual joiner who sends his kids to Liberty University is a farce. (It's ALWAYS gays vs. straights btw) What I'd really like to know is when the intelligent people of this country became mute. When did anyone with a brain stop speaking up and standing up to this kind of religious bullying?

Of course they're going to immediately scream religious persecution, wail that their right to religious freedom is being curtailed, point the finger of blame in every direction but at the mirror where it squarely belongs. And we're gonna let them.

I anxiously await the day when someone, anyone, stands up and tells these people what needs to be said. I have to wonder if our pitiful education system has ever made mention of the words of Edward R. Murrow when addressing the threat of Senator McCarthy to the freedoms on which this country was founded:

-"[T]he line between investigating and persecuting is a very fine one and the junior senator from Wisconsin has stepped over it repeatedly. … We must remember always that accusation is not proof and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law. We will not walk in fear, one of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason. … (W)e are not descended from fearful men — not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate, and to defend causes that were, for the moment, unpopular. This is no time for men who oppose Senator McCarthy's methods to keep silent. … "

And I have to wonder when someone, anyone, is going to recognize the significance of those words to the world we live in today. America must return to its roots, to it's founding principles if it is to survive, and that means that we have to stand on our moral principles, not our religious righteousness, to set the example for the world that we used to pride ourselves on.

Our image has been destroyed, our moral imperative has been decimated by our actions these last eight years, and it will likely take more years than I will be on this earth to restore our reputation throughout the world, if we can. But we need to see the error of our ways and get to work repairing the damage caused by the revolution we've suffered at the hands of those who would rule with their religion, not their conscience. Fascism,(a political philosophy, movement, or regime, that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition.) by any other name, is still Kryptonite to democracy. Exposing it, and fighting it, is the responsibility of every real patriot.

weekend update

Great weekend, which actually started on Thursday night. My friend A was here from another state. We always have great visits, and this was no exception. After an extended period of unemployment, she has found something she really loves, so I'm glad tho hear that. I do hope she still has aspirations to escape that particular state though. She shouldn't languish there.

Saturday I was on a horse from 8-3. It was an incredible day with horses. The best ever. I rode and rode and rode. The poor horse I was riding hadn't been ridden in almost a year, so he was dog tired when we got back and in fact was stumbling a lot at the end. Of course, true to form I was impatient as always with him and only when I got back did I realize it was due to him being worn out. Well he'll be glad for the rest this week, cause Saturday we're going out again.

I rode the bike Sunday, I kept close to home, not because of any particular design, but because I kept forgetting shit. First I got to the corner and then realized I had no sunglasses. Then I got to the first main street and realized I had no sunscreen, then I got a little farther than that and realized I had not aired the tires and they were both low. So, though I covered quite a bit of ground, I didn't really go far. When I finally got it together I rode to the river and back. The weather this summer has been incredible for riding, so I took full advantage.

Yesterday I had yet another visit from one of my favorite people. My friend K from Hawaii came through town and we had dinner and a nice long visit. So, having had a good run through my favorite time of year, when all my friends come to visit. I'm hoping one more has a chance to come for a convention this year, as he has in the past, and then my late summer will be perfect. Great weather and all my favorite people visiting.

Tomorrow will the the party at work I mentioned previously, so I doubt I'll have time to post. HOW did I ever get on THAT particular committee?

School has started, it's getting to be old hat by now, but it's still that job I'd do for free.

OH! I got the wheel working at home this weekend and I'm throwing almost every day there. Good for my skills, and Gods know they need the work.

Just exactly how I'm going to handle the issue of firing I haven't quite worked out yet. I have no access to a kiln right now. I'll find someone to do it.

Hot Guy friday!

Welcome to another installment of my favorite..and only regular feature Hot Guy Friday.

Matt Keeslar just appeared one day on my tv screen in an episode of Law & Order. I've never properly thanked the producers.






This morning I was checking on the blogs I read daily and saw that Richard Rothstein over at Proceedatyourownrisk.com is getting mail telling him he's a pessimist. Weeeeelll, I'm not in agreement with that.

Richard comes from a time in this country when people were not only ridiculed, but jailed because of who they loved. Talk about crazy! He is from a time when our sexual orientation was classified as a sickness, as am I. I vividly remember finding out that I was defective and being terrified as a very young child of what could happen to me if anyone ever found out. Of course they did find out, and of course, they whisked me off to a psychiatrist who was obviously as repulsed as everyone else at my existence.

So, to those who have benefited from the experience, the hard won, and grudging, acceptance, the sacrifice of those who came before. Learn where you came from. Don't assume that those of us who are older and have lived very different lives from you have nothing to offer. We are a wealth of information and certainly in this case cautionary tales.

I was also listening this morning to a radio program talking about the incredible erosion of Human rights in the United States since September 11. It makes me wonder where we're headed. We,as a country vote our convenience, not our conscience.

If it doesn't affect our SUV, our ipod, or our cable tv we are not the least bit interested. We are being led down the primrose path to the White House by an opportunist who WILL NOT be able to fulfill the promises we think he made. On one blog I saw a comment that said "Barack Obama is probably a better candidate than we deserve." That scared me more than any of the other negative stuff I read and heard this morning. You have to be kidding?

If this is truly what someone in this country, in this time, thinks, our education system has failed miserably and we are about to witness the cost of such folly.

I sometimes entertain the notion of withdrawing. Of just packing up and heading to someplace small and quiet where I can attain my heart's desire, which is to be left alone. I unfortunately have obligations, ambitions, aspirations, and can't reconcile the peace of solitude with the desire to be included, the obligation of a responsible adult. So there I stand, astride a fence of swords. Would I be able to live a solitary life and watch as the gains I, and others strove so mightily for be eroded and inevitably eliminated? Would I be able to be so selfish as to ignore what is going to happen to a country of men and women who live lives of such blissful ignorance? Can anything really be done to prevent what I think is coming?

Mind you, what I see coming isn't concentration camps and extermination, but marginalization, persecution, elimination of a segment of society from the mainstream in a systematic and unpreventable way. I see many younger men and women who live as though they are legally protected from such horrors. You are not! And you will not be any time in the foreseeable future. I suggest you act accordingly and protect yourselves as best you can.

So, I live in a quandary. Can I help? Can I prevent even a small measure of what is about to come? Or am I just standing on a hilltop railing at the see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, Unites States of the 21st century?

In search of...

Wasn't that the name of a tv documentary series voiced by Spock long ago? I just thought of that when typing the title.

Anyway, no news on Daddy. He may be a bit more elusive than Mommie Dearest since no legal documents exist to tie me to him, and I don't know where to start to find documents that tie him to the area. So it's a slow process.

I'm learning all about searching for someone via the internet. It's intriguing. Sort of Cloak and Dagger without the inconvenience of having to leave the house.

My friend C is off to greener pastures. She did indeed get the job out of state, and will be leaving in about 60 days. I envy/pity her. It sounds like a very cool adventure, yet the thought of packing up and moving is always daunting. Especially when moving several hundred miles. I'd better change my mindset about THAT one soon.

I'm still looking for something in New Mexico...anything. Well, that's not entirely true. I've reached the point in life that a job behind the counter at the local convenience store just won't cut it anymore. I want some money dammit!

We're having a party at work next week, and it seems that even here there are a thousand details to attend to before the big day comes. SO! That's what I'm off to do.

Love

Just when you think it's safe to open the mailbox...

Truthfully, I had forgotten all about what I'd started a few weeks ago. Life had intervened and I'd moved on. It just seemed a foregone conclusion that I would be ignored in my request, and that,as they say, would be that. I hate it when I'm that wrong.

Yesterday I mentioned the need for adrenaline to get me going. Well, my adrenals got good and squeezed, but not until after the workday had ended.

I had several errands to run after work, but I'd neglected to bring my wallet so I had to go home first. The mailboxes at my apartment complex are not exactly user friendly. They're outside under this hut like thing and they're about a block from my apartment. So the first stop at the end of the day is always the mailbox.

There wasn't much, a piece of mail that didn't look like my name, it's difficult to tell,, because somehow I ALWAYS get to the mailbox without my glasses and I just grab what there is and go. But the other was a plain envelope, with the address typed on the front, that much I could tell.

When I got back to the car and some more light, I saw that it was indeed addressed to me, but there was no return address...it was thick. Momentary intrigue and then the light bulb went on over my head. Mommie Dearest!

Yes, folks, she caved. I can't remember the entire text of the letter I sent, but the first sentence was something like " It's time to get serious." and one of the last sentences was "...you'll never hear from me again."

These must have been important to her since she highlighted them. What she wants is for me to stop sending her letters. She's been lucky so far. She got a phone call and denied to the woman who called that she is who she is, then she got a letter and blew it off. This year she got another letter and I'm sure she realized that this won't stop until she does something to make it stop. And her luck won't hold out forever. What if her husband got the mail one day and opened a letter with as many details of her life as the one I just sent? She can't really go public with the story since she's never told her husband and son, so she had to give in to my request. So, I will, I'll leave her alone. She did what she did for her own reasons back in the day, and there is no reason it should keep coming back to haunt her. Besides, I've had quite enough "family" for one lifetime thank you anyway. So Jo Ann Taylor-Lasher, you're off the hook. Thanks for the info. Later.

I'd included a self-addressed stamped postcard and asked her to write Daddy's name on it and send it back. She'd started to write on it, and then I assume decided that was too personal. so she whited out the H U she'd started to write and then inserted it in her typewriter and wrote the very personal and heartfelt message-


William Hudson.

That's it! That's the sum of my contact with my biological mother in this life. Ain't she a sweetheart? Well, I got what I was after, that's enough. I think.

So now the hunt is on for Daddy. I assume it's William Douglas Hudson, since I know Doug was what he was called. My cousin told me that much many years ago, and it was confirmed last year when I got the adoption decree and found that I was given his first name at birth, or at least his nickname. So I have to assume Doug was his middle name. It'd be interesting to find him, and see what he has to say on the subject, if anything.

(deep breath)

Here we go.

I don't get it

I just had to come back today to ponder the notion that John Edwards affair matters in any whatsoever. He's not a candidate...for ANYTHING. He's not on the short list for VP. He's not pretending he wants to run for president again in 2012. Um, what the fuck?

I think the problem is that there are so many republican's porking their male assistants their pages, their... well, anything that will stand still in front of them, that the media had to take a break and report on a democrat doing it. Which, of course, is supposed to rock the world. I just don't get it. What does this have to do with someone's ability to do their job? Bill Clinton last got a hummer about a decade ago and we're STILL hearing about it. Seriously, what the fuck for?

This country is so damned fucked up about sex that the whole thing could get carted off from under our noses and we're all over in the corner, gossiping about the guy who got his knob polished.

Pay attention to the important stuff and forget this shit already.

Oh btw I present to you the leader of the free world:



Seriously.

Monday

In direct contrast to my horoscope, I have NO energy today. There's plenty to do, yet no desire to do it.

Work is laying all around this office, I need to ride, which I didn't do yesterday in my slothful mood. I really should be sending the application and check for that grant writing program in the next couple of days, I have two textbooks I should be reading to teach out of next week, and here I sit blogging. Well, that's the general direction the day seems to be taking. I'm just going with the flow.

The panic of getting it all done will settle in right around lunch time, that should be fun. Maybe a little adrenaline is what I need to get motivated today.

The remainder of the weekend was fairly uneventful, I'm still mindful of taking that girl out to ride Saturday, that was pretty fun. They're now saying we might get rained out this Saturday, I hope not, I'd like to do that again.

In any case I have someone from one of the part time jobs who wants to ride and I'll probably take her Saturday.

God I just feel like I'm moving through molasses today.


Guests from out of town all week, maybe that will perk me up.

Experience is the best teacher

I don't normally post on the weekend, but today I had the most incredible morning I just had to share before I headed out for the remainder of the day.

This morning I took a girl, her sister, brother and mother out on a ride. The girl has leukemia, and before she goes into the hospital in two weeks for a bone marrow transplant she has said she wants to ride a horse, eat at a nice restaurant, and another thing she wanted that I can't remember right now because I'm getting old and I forget shit.

But the experience was incredible. To see a first ride through the eyes of someone who's so sick and may or may not ever get to do it again. It reminded me how easily that kind of stuff just takes over your life. Guess we need those reminders from time to time so we don't keep focusing on the petty crap that heaps on us daily.

It was great though, and I promised her if she's up to it we'll go next week too.

People! Ya know I love 'em! AND Hot Guy Friday!

I've always been of the mind that my dear departed mother knew she wouldn't be around to watch me grow up. She just did and said things that made it clear to me. No one else seemed to notice.

She taught me to sew, to vacuum, to sort laundry, write a check, pay a bill, and had me behind the wheel of a car at 13. She knew.

One of the things she tried to instill in me, and with quite a bit of success I've always felt, was to know people. To be able to discern early on in any interaction just exactly who I am dealing with.

"Doc", she said,"You're going to run across all kinds of people in your life. Some good, some not so good, and some will be just...well son, they're called white trash. It's not a very nice term but it's accurate. They're trash, they're definitely disposable. If you stay out of the South you'll likely avoid most of them, but they're pretty much everywhere. Now, they'll be easy to spot. One of the first things they'll do is to use the "n" word. It's as though they assume that it's an unspoken white person thing, that we all do it, and that it's really ok. You now it's not, and remember that anyone who does use it is telling you up front they're low class."

"One of the other things they'll do, son, when you push their buttons, and their buttons are easily pushed, will be to tell you how tough they are. Don't worry about that either. Trash is almost always nothing but talk. They're just like a bully, can't shut their mouths, unless they're afraid.And you were taught to always stand up to a bully, don't forget that...ever. It's cowardice is all it is, don't let it put you off. But the most important thing you have to remember is that it's largely not their fault. They're just born that way, and they can't help it. You'll decide early on that you don't really want anything to do with their smelly ilk and that's ok."

What she was really saying here to a child who couldn't yet understand is that you know real quick that you wouldn't piss in their mouths if their teeth were on fire.

"But what's most important is that you take the high road son. Don't get involved with those dirt floor crackers. It's surely never worth a minute of the aggravation. They're only friendly when they want something, and if they think you can't or won't give it to them, they'll turn on you as quick as they can. That's the true sign you're dealing with a senseless and simple minded creature. Just remember how important it is to take the high road, it makes you the better person."

As if THAT weren't a foregone conclusion.

It's amazing how right she was, and that today brought that conversation back to mind.

But on to more pleasant matters and leaving the crackers where they belong.

Nascar season is gearing up, so Jeff Gordon will be a lot more visible...thank GOD!

Personally, I could watch Jeff Gordon go around in circles for hours car or no.