Reflective, nah!

I'd love to say I'm feeling particularly pensive, alas I am not.

Things to do today not to mention I have to work 8 hrs. I must have made the handsome young man who makes my schedule angry somehow. He knows better than to schedule me today, let alone the hours he did.

Big deal getting my annual bottle of Veuve Clicquot yeterday. I went to my local purveyor of spirits and when I found it I almost had chest pains over the price. I looked at several others thinking to myself that since Moet was less expensive I might try that instead, but in the end deciding that I like what I like and it would be worth a trip across town to save over $20.

So over the river and through the woods I went. I located an aging, yet amiable twink who immediately helped me get a bottle out of the locked cabinet. Why it was locked I'll never understand.

Thoroughly satisfied with my purchase I proceeded home to put it in the fridge. I should just put it outside in the snow, it'd be colder.

I'll pick up a few things at the grocery while I'm there, and then come home to a few friends and some champagne. I've decided there needs to be strawberries and chocolate too. I'll light a fire, make a light pasta/scallops dish and have a few toasts. The new year comes but once a year, may as well have a nice one.

Tomorrow I am laying about, dreaming of Luke with croutons. Coy a la mode.

And so it goes:

Love

And the readers of Cnn.Com don't disappoint

Would you be willing to undergo an airport "full body scan"?
This is not a scientific poll
Yes
71%
160148
No
29%
64986
Total votes: 225134
This is not a scientific poll


We're a third world country now folks!

have you heard the cattle calls at the airports?

"Shoes off! Cell Phones off, everything through the scanner!"

Now here's the rub. I intend to start traveling internationally this year.

I've been invited to Ireland, Puerto Rico beckons once again, and there's still the rest of Europe to see.

These places are not easily reached without air travel. So against my better judgment, and certainly against my will to suffer fools, I will at some point line up at the post to be herded into a tube that may or may not contain a person intent on making a statement by talking me out with them in some grand gesture.

Swell.

Sitting here watching it snow, all that seems far far off. On top of the many inches we got Christmas eve last night we got several more. It's still spitting a little and since I've got coffee and a fire going and nowhere I have to be, I'm staying in. I do need to get out a little and buy a bottle of champagne for tomorrow, but that's easy.

Last night I stumbled on a showing of a tv movie of Caryl Churchill's A Number on Showtime. It was wonderful. I stayed up way later than I should have, but I couldn't leave the room! The script is, as almost always with Churchill for me, a tough read, but the disjointed conversations Tom Wilkinson's character has with his "sons" are amazing in their simplicity.

Oh! The trip to change the driver's license was uneventful and it's done. Now I get to start with the credit cards. oy! I haven't screwed my courage up for that project quite yet. I shouldn't worry about that one. Somewhere in there I get to have all my degrees re-issued with the new name and make sure my transcripts are changed.

And so it goes:

love

let's talk

I think it's time we had a discussion about our forefathers. Even those of us born illegitimately are entitled to the freedoms these people oftentimes gave their lives for.

Is our education system so flawed as to have omitted a basic discussion of how our country came to exist? What sacrifices were made on our behalf by those so committed to the tenets of our culture that they were willing to sacrifice their lives to keep them intact. In fact were unwilling to live without them. What, I ask you, is the difference today between those bent on cementing the existence of our country in the 18th century, and those bent on destroying it in the 21st? Very little I fear.

We take so much for granted. And we do so at our own peril. Once again we're sitting in airplanes like sheep, nothing to read, no one to talk to, can't even use the rest room if we need to, and we say, "oh! Ok, thanks for protecting us." We once again willingly sacrifice the liberty that was won by our ancestors with their lives.

As though security measures were enough to prevent what happened on flight 253 the day after Christmas.

Yesterday I began the massive job of changing my legal identity. I started with the Social Security administration, which seemed to go swimmingly. I won't really know until I get the card and then my first statement from them with the correct info, but I have hope. Then I was off to do the the drivers license, but they're closed on Monday so that moved to today. So since the DMV was around the corner I went there.

They gave me a form and told me that I have to ask the leinholders permission to change the name on my registration. You can imagine how well I received that news.

Finally, after procuring the necessary permission slip to send Chrysler Financial I made the observation, "A man can get on a plane with a bomb in what is almost 2010, and I cannot change my name with a court order in my hand."

My mordancy was met with blank stares.

Yet again I pronounce that apathy will be our undoing.

However, I refuse to give up that easily. I intend to shout at the heavens until they hear me or until I have a stroke and die.

I'd like you all to take a few minutes and read the following. I won't tell you where it came from, I'll let you figure that out, but I would like you to notice the parallels from the time it was written to today, and I would like you to consider how important it is that we preserve what was so exigent to these people that they were willing to sacrifice their lives for it. Lose your liberty, even once, and you'll appreciate it forever. Unfortunately I fear we'll give it up without a struggle and never know what we lost until it's too late.

No man thinks more highly than I do of the patriotism, as well as abilities, of the very worthy gentlemen who have just addressed the House. But different men often see the same subject in different lights; and, therefore, I hope it will not be thought disrespectful to those gentlemen if, entertaining as I do opinions of a character very opposite to theirs, I shall speak forth my sentiments freely and without reserve. This is no time for ceremony. The questing before the House is one of awful moment to this country. For my own part, I consider it as nothing less than a question of freedom or slavery; and in proportion to the magnitude of the subject ought to be the freedom of the debate. It is only in this way that we can hope to arrive at truth, and fulfill the great responsibility which we hold to God and our country. Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of treason towards my country, and of an act of disloyalty toward the Majesty of Heaven, which I revere above all earthly kings.
Mr. President, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and, having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it.
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging of the future but by the past. And judging by the past, I wish to know what there has been in the conduct of the British ministry for the last ten years to justify those hopes with which gentlemen have been pleased to solace themselves and the House. Is it that insidious smile with which our petition has been lately received? Trust it not, sir; it will prove a snare to your feet. Suffer not yourselves to be betrayed with a kiss. Ask yourselves how this gracious reception of our petition comports with those warlike preparations which cover our waters and darken our land. Are fleets and armies necessary to a work of love and reconciliation? Have we shown ourselves so unwilling to be reconciled that force must be called in to win back our love? Let us not deceive ourselves, sir. These are the implements of war and subjugation; the last arguments to which kings resort. I ask gentlemen, sir, what means this martial array, if its purpose be not to force us to submission? Can gentlemen assign any other possible motive for it? Has Great Britain any enemy, in this quarter of the world, to call for all this accumulation of navies and armies? No, sir, she has none. They are meant for us: they can be meant for no other. They are sent over to bind and rivet upon us those chains which the British ministry have been so long forging. And what have we to oppose to them? Shall we try argument? Sir, we have been trying that for the last ten years. Have we anything new to offer upon the subject? Nothing. We have held the subject up in every light of which it is capable; but it has been all in vain. Shall we resort to entreaty and humble supplication? What terms shall we find which have not been already exhausted? Let us not, I beseech you, sir, deceive ourselves. Sir, we have done everything that could be done to avert the storm which is now coming on. We have petitioned; we have remonstrated; we have supplicated; we have prostrated ourselves before the throne, and have implored its interposition to arrest the tyrannical hands of the ministry and Parliament. Our petitions have been slighted; our remonstrances have produced additional violence and insult; our supplications have been disregarded; and we have been spurned, with contempt, from the foot of the throne! In vain, after these things, may we indulge the fond hope of peace and reconciliation. There is no longer any room for hope. If we wish to be free-- if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending--if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained--we must fight! I repeat it, sir, we must fight! An appeal to arms and to the God of hosts is all that is left us!
They tell us, sir, that we are weak; unable to cope with so formidable an adversary. But when shall we be stronger? Will it be the next week, or the next year? Will it be when we are totally disarmed, and when a British guard shall be stationed in every house? Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot? Sir, we are not weak if we make a proper use of those means which the God of nature hath placed in our power. The millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us. Besides, sir, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of nations, and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us. The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave. Besides, sir, we have no election. If we were base enough to desire it, it is now too late to retire from the contest. There is no retreat but in submission and slavery! Our chains are forged! Their clanking may be heard on the plains of Boston! The war is inevitable--and let it come! I repeat it, sir, let it come.
It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace-- but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!

And so it goes:

Love

Merry Christmas

Love

Chicken Little hath spoken

It'll fall here ,no wait, it'll fall there, um on third guess, it'll fall over there!

The snow predictions are coming fast and furious here today. I can tell you one thing, they don't know anymore than I do when where or if it will come.

It'd be nice to have a white xmas and sit here with a fire and have dinner with good friends and all that. But the white xmas isn't necessary. I'll have a good time anyway.

Right now it appears to be beating the crap out of Amarillo Texas, a place, that if you've ever been, you know can't really afford to give up much of it's meager beauty.

Then it seems the plan is to move out over the plains and meander. Been there done that.

It appears there is some notion that I drink to excess among my remaining family members. There was some discussion earlier this week about who was picking me up and driving me home tonight I am told. I guess that impression is my fault. I do speak fondly of gin, though I can't imagine how they got the idea that I would come to a family holiday where their children are celebrating and drink to excess as though that were ok. It wasn't ok with me when I was a kid and certain adults, whom they likely don't remember would do that, so the notion puzzles me.

Besides if I'm going to drink to excess I'll do it with people I feel comfortable around.

The hatches are battened down here just in case the snow finds it's way to my door, but I have this feeling it'll be somewhat dismal tomorrow when I wake, as it is most xmas mornings here. I went out early this a.m. and filled the gas tank so I don't have to face that in the 12 degree weather that they say is imminent. As it was there was a brisk northwesterly breeze blowing down my neck.

Feeling particularly spiritual this holiday season I thought I'd share this email i got this morning.

If it's not yet obvious to you, the real reason for this, and all seasons, is you. A more perfect child of the Universe has never lived. Until now, only celebrations cloaked in myth and mystery could hint at your divine heritage and sacred destiny. You are life's prayer of becoming and its answer. The first light at the dawn of eternity, drawn from the ether, so that I might know my own depth, discover new heights, and revel in seas of blessed emotion.

A pioneer into illusion, an adventurer into the unknown, and a lifter of veils. Courageous, heroic, and exalted by legions in the unseen.

To give beyond reason, to care beyond hope, to love without limit; to reach, stretch, and dream, in spite of your fears. These are the hallmarks of divinity - traits of the immortal - your badges of honor. May you wear them with a pride as great as the immeasurable pride we feel for you.

Your light has illuminated darkened paths, your gaze has lifted broken spirits, and already your life has changed the course of history.

This is the time of year we celebrate you.

Bowing before Greatness,
The Universe

See! We don't need mythical beings to celebrate our spirituality.

And so it goes:

No shirt and a star-studded nipple ring on xmas morning. I didn't know they put fireplaces in double-wides. Lovely sight, but time and place youngster, time and place.
Love

It's de lovely

What a nice xmas season. Turmoil has been not only at a minimum, but it's pretty much been non-existent. Though I could do without surprise bills from the IRS on Dec 12, things seem to be going fine.

I had a lovely visit with the ex yesterday. We chatted about pretty much nothing for over an hour and it was fun. He's off tomorrow to his parents I hope he has a safe trip it's supposed to be snowing where he's going.

I got a few things done I as putting of, and oh yes, I hope you're sitting down...I put up xmas lights. No there will be no pictures...well probably not. We'll see how my vanity goes.

I bought the standing rib roast for xmas dinner and all the fixins yesterday. I bought the pies last night, though I had to pick them up early this morning cause they weren't cool enough to put in covers.

I declined an invite to the annual new years party my friends J and K have.

I don't usually go. There's a laundry list of reasons why, but I really don't have a good time and so I abstain. K will have a fit, J will not understand why he is having a fit. My ex will find it amusing and wonder secretly if K will guilt me into coming at least for a while. I will hate the whole process.

What family doesn't have it's ups and downs?

But today is putting the house in order, oh hell I forgot to go to the florist. Well, that's next on the list. Then wrapping presents, and perhaps putting up one more string of lights. I got a vision.

Then it's xmas eve, and wassail and all that.

After that it's peace and quiet and movies, I cannot wait.

And so it goes:

love

I kept meaning to post and meaning to post

But I was so busy yesterday I never got to it. Of course there is also the issue that I seem to have sleeping sickness. 9 hrs Sunday night and 10 last night. WTF? (there were naps too)

But the season of giving is indeed underway. My brother called me sunday at an in opportune moment to ask me advice about his apparently hijacked computer. (This is the second time they've gone without anti-virus of any kind and the second time they've been hijacked.) I, being their compuer guy,lol, get stuck with figuring it out. The smart money is on wiping the hdd and starting over.

So in an effort to forestall the mess I'm facing with that I just gave my sister-in-law her xmas present. A laptop. She was thrilled, and I am spared the need to have a broken dell box in my living room during xmas dinner. Maybe Saturday.

Today is consumed with making candy, which I've successfully put off for over a week, picking up the pies for Thursday, and shopping for xmas dinner. I've deicded it'll be a stick-it-in-the-oven-and-ignore-it-for-several-hours dinner.

Standing rib roast,
new potatoes,
broccoli in gruyere
homemade yeast rolls,
and pecan pie.

It's that or McDonalds, I'm tired.

Oh, gotta stock up on firewood today it's supposed to start raining or snowing, they never know which, and if it does I'll never get a fire going with wet wood.

Though I do want to live in the country I discovered yesterday that I'll be screwed when it comes to internet tv. I already knew it was bad from my time at the stables. But yesterday I assigned my brother the ask of calling at&t u-verse to find out what his network was or where we'd find it,(I later found it under the modem)and he got into this round robin in which he'd be told by a recording that he'd gotten an update the previous day so power down the mdem and try again and if thatdidn't work call back, then it hung up. UNLESS he hit "O" many times when he'd be tf'd to a person who asked him to pay his bill and then they tf'd him right back to the recording. We never did speak to an actual person. See, if I move to the country at&t will be pretty much my only hope with dish svc and with the level of non-service I got yesterday I feel screwed already, and I'm not even there.

Ecards are being picked up, xmas is in the air with the big build up of a potential snow storm the weather people are giving us. Not really, they're hedging their bets, one says it'll be rain, the other says a little snow on Friday, and yet another says drizzle. They don't fucking know. But they don't get paid to say that.

With 24 hrs of A Christmas Story, and White Christmas in tap for this weekend I think I'll be catching up on films I haven't seen.

So while laying in stocks of food and wood, I feel like I'm in the country already. Maybe here should be a companion. That'd be fun I think.

And so it goes:

Love

This should end with friday

Why is it that I think it won't? It just seems to get better and better.

Last night I was at what is apparently my new career...the grocery, and I was informed by someone I'll call "the kid" that a remark had been made regarding me that I received with shock and awe.

Here's what we have, "the kid" is an 18 y/o very immature boy. He doesn't apparently have an older male role model who talks to him like he's human, and like every young man he craves it.

I have been, until last night, proud to be the guy who provides that. Then "the kid" comes to me and says that the one woman whom I would never suspect of making such a statement had passed behind him while he was working and said, "It's about time you started working and stopped flirting with S****."

I am furious!

She, as we know, can kiss my ass, and "the kid" assures me that she was joking. So for my part I could care less. But she taken from "the kid" something he needs and that's not ok with me. Up until last night that relationship had not been suspect and now that it is. I'm willing to bet that he avoids it. He's just not strong nor confident enough to stand up and say "fuck you," but he should.

So that's the fight this morning. That should be fun, me getting told to go fuck myself when I confront her.

Got my first xmas card yesterday. Who sends xmas cards snail mail anymore? Well she thought of me, more than the guy who professes to love me did.

Found out the identity of the one Christmas present I have to get. Not a hard one AT ALL! Woohoo!!!

Oh! And for those that have become so spoiled in paradise that they think waking up to a 62 degree morning is cold, it's 29!!!

Work at 9 martini's at 5!

See. I've got to become a potter.

And so it goes:




Unbuttoned shirts was todays theme and all I could find were skinny twinks, ah well.
Love

And then there were none

Yesterday was a bad news/good news kinda day. And the one piece of news I got was both wrapped into one.

The official story I was given was that all but three of the classes in our department for next semester were eliminated and therefore I will not be back. I don't think that's the whole story however and I'll never know. And I think that's what bothers me most.

What little they paid me, and what enormous aggravation they were means very little in the area of numbers, but in other areas it meant something, it meant something to me.

So I'll let the possibilities I'd dreamed go a little at a time until the whole episode fades into a quick little memory I can ignore if I choose. Right now it's just another incident in the "disappointment" file.

Knee jerk reaction says go. Go and look for what it is that you want that you are not finding here. Look for whatever it is that you seem to need that's not fulfilling in this place. Practicality says, "How the fuck are you going to pay for that?" Practicality hasn't been much considered so far in this life so I may just ignore that and start looking at alternatives.

But first I need to get grounded again.

I'll let the holidays pass before taking up the mantle again. I need the rest. I need peace.

Now that I'd like to find.

And so it goes:


Love

Blown...away

In this world of Accidentally on Purpose, and How I met your mother pablum, which we as good TV watchin' Americans embrace with zeal, it's almost impossible for me to imagine writing of the caliber I've seen this week on Showtime.

Dexter blew me away by killing one of it's principal characters, an act I completely didn't expect. This show has managed to come back once again from the precipice of banality, and no the irony of banality is not lost on me when the show is about the struggles of daily life when one is a serial killer, to impress me with it' insight into human character and the lengths we will go to in order to get what we think we need.

Last night I watched Hank Moody implode once again on Californication. Yet, this time there was a tone to it that I didn't expect. The show suddenly moved it's characters from an odd and slightly quirky life into a darkness usually reserved for network drama's about ethnic groups. It was nice to see someone acknowledge that white people do this stupid shit too.

In retrospect it's obvious that Hank has been heading in a dark and tragic direction all season, yet it just seemed to me to be a stupid progression of events created by a man left to his own self-destructive devices. I never suspected he'd take it over the edge, or, in fact that he already had and that it was about to come back and bite him in the ass.

The Hank/Karen relationship is continually in some adolescent upheaval. It's perpetually arrested at a time in life when one member does everything in their power to destroy all the good they have ever possessed or accumulated. Hank, though a sarcastic and somewhat bitter straight guy always seems to have one foot in a grounded reality where he knows who he is and what he's capable of. Yet last night even he seemed surprised by what he'd wrought.

Becca, insipid, insightful little character she's always been has never seemed to me so whole as a person, nor as raw on the inside as her exposure to her parents relationship has made her. Inspiring was never an adjective I expected to assign to her character. But then came her confession to her father that she'd willingly given her virginity to a stranger the previous week. How could a child feel that close to a parent that they could confidently tell such a secret and know they'd be accepted for also being a flawed human being like the rest of us?

Hank/Karen have mangled everything they've touched, yet they've managed somehow to impart to their child that it has nothing/everything to do with her, and that she is loved beyond any dysfunction they can conceive. Her thoughtless dash toward her bleeding, broken father being loaded into the police car in the middle of the street demonstrated her understanding of their kinship.

None of this should be any surprise to those of us who've managed to hang on while Hank does the neutron dance right in front of us. But it always is, I think that's the point. It's always the person right in front of you who's rending themselves into oblivion that you never suspect will actually take it all the way. But straight men in this culture frequently have to at least touch the bottom of the pond in order to accept their place in the order of things.

Hank says "writing is hard" and it is, you have to pull out of yourself the things you'd never admit exist and then willingly assign them to another character and act as though they're not a part of you, that you'd never do "that." It's courageous writing the staff of Californication have done, and it's courageous producing Showtime has done in not interfering in it's presentation.

I can't wait to see if Hank acknowledges he's nothing more than pond scum like the rest of us, or if he continues to deny his humanity and what it costs him.

And so it goes:


Love

Well I thought you'd never say it

It finally happened! I got tagged for a meme. I've never been tagged before, so there goes yet another virginity. But it was taken by one of the best bloggers I know, so it was given willingly albeit unknowingly.

The task at hand is to talk about five things I enjoy, so here goes:

1.) I love teaching. I'll be honest, I got into it so I could do something else in the summer, but miracle of miracles I find I LOVE watching that light come on in people's eyes when they understand something for the first time. It's amazing and the way they look at you when they suddenly feel part of the fraternity is totally fulfilling. It's not diffficult to encourage someone who really wants to know, and when they do, I just want to help them figure it out.

It doesn't hurt that I have a total passion for the subject I teach either. It's truly the substitute for the interpersonal relationship I never had. It comes and gets me,then throws me out in the street like an old shoe,and every time it comes back for me I go willingly.

Buddy Zimmer,my high school theatre teacher, may he rest in peace,got to teach in the fall and winter,and then direct plays in the summer. It was a life I always envied him. His passion for it when he was young,was the reason I pursued it. I felt lucky that I got to spread his ashes in not one,but two of the theatres he taught in.

2.) I love being a potter. It gives me a creative outlet that I think about ALL the time. I think of colors,and glazes, and shapes,and having a true studio in which I can work whenever I want. Doing the work gives me a sense of accomplishment,and produces work that as opposed to theatre is tangible and lasting. It calms me in ways I find hard to describe.

Keith D. Smith, an old friend I haven't seen in many years was the reason this passion came to me. I moved to New Mexico the first time in the 80's mostly because I knew him and it was easier to start off in a town where I knew someone. But also because I felt pulled there for some reason. In any case he was doing an internship as a potter and I stumbled in on it. He volunteered to teach me how to throw, and though I didn't follow it at that time I found it was one of those things that kept coming back to me. This latest time I've re-discovered it I think it'll stick.

3.) Horses. I love working with horses. They teach me something every single day. They show me that I'm small and in the order of things pretty fragile and insignificant, and that it's a miracle that we humans survived at all as dumb as we are. They're huge scared-y-cats with no good reason except that flight is their only defense from anything. And man can they do flight good. I can work with them for hours and think I've accomplished something and suddenly find they've outsmarted me and negated the whole lesson. They live right here and right now and that is a lesson I haven't perfected. They also get me outside rain or shine and that is good for my soul.

Oldflame, whom I haven't mentioned here in a longtime was the inspiration for this passion. He used to ride fairly often and really liked it. I thought it sounded like fun, but being the compartmentalist he is, we never pursued it. But his interest in it piqued mine and I took lessons. I got lucky,the guy who taught me also had a passion for horses and he was a very encouraging teacher. So I've sought out opportunities to work with them ever since and one day soon I think it'll be time to have one or two of my own.

4.) Being gay. That teaches me that I'm part of something bigger all the time. Like right now in this era there's a struggle for civil rights, and there are differing opinions on the subject. An entire generation has come along with their own life experience and thus their own views on the subject. I belong to this group, not by choice, but by birthright, by virtue of who I am, by being true to myself and wanting to be a free man on the earth.

This passion I can attribute to me. I certainly had the choice of being honest about who I am or not. I had women in my life, and certainly at least one who loved me enough that I think I could have led a very different life than the one I have. But it wouldn't have been an honest one. It wouldn't have been very fulfilling if I knew in my heart I was hiding something, not only from others but from myself. I lived enough of my life in the shadow of others expectations that I am truly glad I didn't succumb to that pressure. I also think I'm lucky to be finally slowing down enough as I age that I think I can handle a relationship...finally.

5.) My bike. I'd love to be able to ride my bike more than the weather in this climate allows. There's a perspective of life on a bike that you can't get from a car. It can take you places you'd never go otherwise, and when we finally educate drivers here in America of the dangers of getting too close, we might just find it'll take off as a form of personal transport.

The first charity ride I did in 1992 was 50 miles and a lot of it was along and close to the Missouri River Just north of here. At one point we passed through this town, the same town coincidentally in which I now teach, and as we left there I came around a curve and to my left was a field. It was river bottom land and it was planted for the season. It was still early in the day and there was a fog over the field. It was utterly still. A hawk was playing with some prey darting in and out of the fog. Suddenly a passenger train streaked through this bucolic vista startling me back to the task at hand. I'd never have been there if it weren't for my bike.

Thanks Bigg! This was a great way to start my week. I'm done working for the holiday season. I have to post grades today and tomorrow and then it's the last of the shopping. There's candy to make and lights to hang and general holiday cheer to impart. This was more fun than I had thought it would be. Now I have to tag five friends. Here goes:

Thomasina, you're up dear. Warren, I think it's time you stepped up too. And though I don't think he's a meme kind of guy, nor do i thin he's in the mood right now but I'm going to tag Justin just because I think he needs to think of something positive right now instead of the incessant BS he's dealing with. I think my friend in HI should do this too, but he doesn't have a blog so the challenge will have to be found here.

And so it goes:

Love

Friday!!! Wohoo!

There's plenty to talk about this morning, yet I have no time, I've sat here and perused other blogs all morning and now I have to go to work, so have a safe and happy weekend and DO NOT drink and drive!!!

And so it goes.

Happy HGF also:





Love

No fear

I always thought that was a stupid saying back in the day when it was popular, but strangely it applies to today, well, yesterday actually.

I got another of those cryptic emails from the dean's secretary at the university..."The dean would like to meet with you on December 16th after 11am. Please advise as to the best time for you."

And???

Seriously, this could mean anything from "hey, thanks for busting your ass this semester for us." To, "Get the fuck out you whiney troublemaker."

And though I'd loooove to ruminate about it endlessly I simply can't. I'm too damn busy.

Christmas is here, finals are actually happening, all kinds of interpersonal things are going on, mostly in my my head, and quite frankly I simply do not care.

If they say, "hey, thanks." well then great, and whatever. If they say "Get the fuck out." well then great, and whatever.

I'm hard pressed to see how I'll notice a difference in my income since they only paid me once this semester and even that I had to fight tooth and nail to get. So, onward I say.

I am told by those far more tenured than I, that this is the way of the world in academia. "Hey! Thanks for coming onboard. Here's your keys, now if you wouldn't mind please go over there, do what you do, do it quietly and please, do not bother us."

I, not being a "don't bother us" kinda guy, think I may not be the best candidate for such things, but considering the complete lack of interest the administration seems to have about me I may stay in academia. I do love my anonymity.

Anyway. Obama is in Norway as I understand it, collecting an award he didn't earn. Uganda will apparently relent and not kill or imprison gays with their new legislation. I guess they like our money more than killing. Figures.

This does not much mitigate the notion that the world at large is becoming a more hostile place for gay people to be, but it should at least give us an indication of how to manage things in the future. People are motivated by money, remember that and you will succeed in your efforts. Or you could just ask Joe Solmonese, he can tell you how much money motivates.

Moments ago I joined a music site called emusic, I'm already sorry. Cryptic messages and buttons that are unexplained make me crazy-er...than normal, and they already heard from me. I'm looking for the soundtrack to Out of Africa, which i inadvertently left in my old cars cd player when I traded it in several years ago. Last night Out of Africa was on tv and I instantly wanted to listen to the soundtrack.

I was introduced to it circa 1989 when I worked with a women who is now the Executive Director of a regional Shakespeare festival. I always liked her, and was so happy to hear she'd gotten that job. If anyone ever deserved to be in a position like that she does. She was, at the time, a vastly entertaining co-worker, and we bonded pretty well I thought. Considering that we were both in love with the same man. (I had the better chance, she had the better claim...alas)

And so it goes:


love

The danger of ignorance

I am,as I write, attempting to listen to Rachel Maddow interview/skewer Richard Cohen, author of "Gay Children, Straight Parents"

Cohen is a complete tool. He contends that homosexuality is a choice and one can "choose" to be heterosexual. He's written a couple of books on the subject as well. Maddow has a good time taking him and his weak-ass arguments apart, and quite rightfully notes that he's not a licensed anything, and in fact was kicked out of The American Counseling Association for multiple ethics violations, and THIS is what ignorant, backwards, frightened, idiots want us to believe is the way to rid the world of homosexuality.

Uganda is considering a law that would criminalize homosexuality. Those identified as homosexual would be imprisoned, and possibly executed as a result of their "crimes." This idiot is, however unwittingly, being used by the proponents of this bill to argue the need for it.

Maddow, though she makes light in some ways, of Cohen and his idiocy, takes him to task for the sheer irresponsibility of putting human lives at risk.

Now, we cannot stop this legislation, and I do think it will become law, but we need to make every effort to put pressure on the Ugandan government to make it unenforceable.

People will die because of who they love, and this in the 21st century. We know about this, beforehand, we know it's possible, and we know that if the law is enacted it will be enforced.

Our government, despite it's protestations that it's our friend, remains suspiciously silent on the subject.

Stand up Mr. President. People are going to die if you don't. They'll die because of ignorance and hatred and you'll have blood on your hands just like the Ugandan government.

Cohen for his part, talks of love and states his belief that his writings are being take out of context to support this bill. However, Maddow quotes him as as saying that "..Divorce, death of a parent, race, and the need for the love of a mother or father can be contributing factors to homosexuality. All quotes directly cited in a speech to the Anti-Homosexuality Conference in Uganda.

Seriously? I miss my mommy so I like guys? Sheer ignorance. Maddow notes on more than one occasion that Cohen is irresponsible for the title "Gay Children, Straight Parents" in that there is no representation to the person who purchases this book that he's tacitly suggesting that homosexuality can be "cured."

This guys is a charlatan, he's using people's desperation and fear to make money, he's nothing new. Maddow, is doing exactly what we all should be doing, confronting the source and support of the ignorance that allows us to be kept second-class citizens.

Would that we all had the courage.

And so it goes:

Love

Let it snow...somehwere else

As usual the weather people have given a snowstorm the big build-up, and it isn't happening.

The last three days they've been screaming that the sky is falling, and I've yet to see a flake. Well, of the snow variety at least.

Pushing from afar for inclusion at the University. Not for me, I don't care if I'm included, but I think there is an instructor who feels excluded from things and there's no reason for that. I get the distinct impression that she doesn't like me, and again, don't care, but I do not want strife amongst the ranks. We're pretty much all we've got there, it's plain the administration doesn't want to be bothered, and if we can't get our own shit together we're doomed.

I've ventured the idea that she might direct The Vagina Monologues this February for V-Day, and to increase our visibility. I thought that would help things all round, but it's been met with lukewarm interest. People are funny, they'll bite off their noses to spite their faces.

Harry Reid is baiting the Republicans for some reason, and it appears to be working, at least in the short term.

I can't imagine that any worthwhile health care bill wil ever reach Obama's desk, but stranger things have happened I guess.

With temps in the 20's and clouds and snow in the area I guess it's a sit and read all day kinda day. Gods know I have plenty of stuff to read. I've got three textbooks to make lesson plans out of for next month, I've got a play to read and analyze, and plenty of personal reading stacked up as well. So since I don't have to leave the house I guess it's soup and grilled cheese while hatching plans for next semester.

And so it goes:

"And the dreams you dare to dream really do come true." Finally! A decent picture of Jeff Gordon without a shirt!
Love

And the south rises again

How do I introduce this latest round of lunacy from the south? How is is possible hat someone in a position of power is so stupid? Wait, don't answer that, I lived trough the Nixon years.

This guy thinks that Barack Obama has the time to sit and consider what tv program he's pre-empting. In this case it was A Charlie Brown Christmas. This nutbag thinks it was not only intentional, but that it was done by our "muslim" President.

This, combined with an email from a student protesting a "c" that was given on a paper she wrote without even a conclusion, were the things I awoke to this Monday morning.

Does this bode well?

I'll let you judge for yourself the wisdom of the southern gentleman who thinks Barack Obama is our to get his kids minds. (as though coming from him they had any)

(Arlington, TN 12/04/09) President Barack Obama is Christian, but don't tell that to Arlington's mayor.

The small town mayor is under fire for what he wrote about the President online. Mayor Russell Wiseman called President Obama a Muslim on his Facebook page, attacked Obama supporters, and said the President's prime time address on Tuesday was an effort to block the Christian message of "A Charlie Brown Christmas".

According to the Commercial Appeal, Wiseman wrote, "We sit the kids down to watch 'The Charlie Brown Christmas Special' and our muslim president is there, what a load... try to convince me that wasn't done on purpose."

"There are a lot more important things to be thinking about than trying to block Charlie Brown on TV," laughs Jeff Shackelford.

"I just think its ridiculous that people blow stuff like this way out of proportion," says Ryan Williams. "He's trying to lead a country, not change religious values here."

The Town Supervisor, Ed Haley, calls the part-time mayor's comment "unfortunate". Haley says, "As a public official you need to be careful about what you say... I don't think he meant anything negative by it, but it certainly came across that way."

Some in Arlington call the mayor's conspiracy theory "far-fetched". The post has made Arlington front page news on networks and political blogs. On Facebook, critics typed back "Tell Russell Wiseman to respect Charlie Brown and our President". Another Facebook page was dedicated to supporting Wiseman. The question for some is whether Wiseman will face political fallout for posting those fiery comments. For voters, it may not go away quietly. Wiseman has not returned our calls, but he told the Commercial Appeal the story is making a "mountain out of molehill". The lesson for many: freedom of speech comes with a cost.

"It's like anything in life; you can do anything you want to do, just be willing to take the consequences," says Shackelford.

Simply put, "Good grief".

(Arlington, TN 12/4/2009) Lots of people are talking about what one Memphis area mayor posted on his Facebook page online.

Arlington Mayor Russel Wiseman said President Obama timed his speech on Afghanistan earlier this week, to block the annual airing of the "Charlie Brown" Christmas TV special.

The Commercial Appeal quotes part of the status update, ""We sit the kids down to watch 'The Charlie Brown Christmas Special' and our muslim president is there, what a load...try to convince me that wasn't done on purpose."

One of Wiseman's Facebook friends sent the status update to the Commercial Appeal newspaper. The update said Obama wanted to pre-empt the special and also called him a Muslim and said Obama followers should move to a Muslim country.

When, exactly is Christmas? I just want to know when all this brotherly love is going to end so I can have my morning coffee in peace.

And so it goes:


Love

HGF, Friday, and cooold!

It's 16 degrees. I was not prepared to know that so soon. Certainly not to feel it like I will in about half an hour when I leave.

Busy day, time at the grocery, then a quick long drive to the university for a faculty meeting,then back to the city for martini's and dinner with friends. Thanks God I have tomorrow with nothing to do.

Was gonna buy wii's for the nephew and niece for their families this Christmas, but the place with the best price just sent me a "special Offer" which was higher than the price I've been balking over the last two weeks. Back to the drawing board.

the computer has some weird problem, every time i leave it for any length of time it won't get online. The "work offline box gets mysteriously checked, and I have to reboot the computer ans reset the modem and router. Sounds like it's virus rime again...shit.

Some woman was on Towleroad this morning weeping because marriage equality didn't pass in New York state. Did she expect that it would? Seriously? Simply put, those that do not want us to have equal rights are large enough in number, and well enough organized to prevent it. We must either defeat them at their own game, and good luck with that as apathetic as people are nowadays, or find another way. Going at them head to head with the intention of beating them at their own game is NOT going to work. Why is this a mystery?

did I mention that imnow official, that the birth certificate arrived on Wednesday? I'm so happy. Of course, I'll be on here bitching next week when I start the process of going to social security, the dmv etc, cause I assure you they'll not be as helpful as they could. Well, not all of them anyway.






Love

kids! Ya know I love 'em!

Yesterday's meeting turned out to be an ambush. The student brought in another faculty member to be there I think she was expecting I'd throw down. I gave in without a fight and then went to the head of the honors program and told her I felt bullied into what I agreed to. I was told not to do it.

The student tried to organize a mutiny. What she does not know is that I have organized more mutinies than she has teeth. Poor thing.

It's not over, but I'm not inclined to acquiesce. The story is longer than that but I have to go.

And so it goes:

Love

And the band played on

Let's see, teach at 8, office hrs 9-11, faculty meeting at 11, pottery class at 1, website meting at 4, teach at 6. I think I have a full day.

The week is working out far better than I thought. After I have a day like this I find myself able to loll about until at least noon the following day, so I'm not relapsing like I was last week. I may actually get over this infection yet. In fact I woke up early this morning, I assume it's because I'm well rested and finally feel like accomplishing something.

What I really want is to sit down at a wheel and make pots all day, alas, that pesky four job thing is gonna get in the way today. I'm thinking that if the weather is not too bad after next week, then I'll have time to sit down and make stuff while I'm off for the holidays. there's plenty to do in that regard.



A couple of years ago my last maternal aunt died, and left behind her only son who's 62. He's a bit of a puzzle since he's somewhat developmentally disabled. he's functional, he held a job for 34 years, and is now retired yet debilitated by a stroke, but not functional emotionally. I didn't attend her funeral, nor do I intend to attend any other funerals from here on out. So I haven't seen him since shortly before her death. But this past three days he's been on my mind a lot, no idea why. I'm not going down that road of contacting him, it'd lead to trips to his house and taking him places, and getting "involved," as it were, and I got the cure for that shit several years ago. I'm just wondering about him.

Speaking of the cure for helping people in my "family." I got a call the other day from my brother telling me his sister asked him if he thought I'd entertain the notion of meeting her somewhere so we could bury the hatchet.

Seriously.

Fortunately I was spared from supplying an answer because he told me his response was "NO!"

No indeed.

Down to three plays to read and then I can decide which one I'm directing in the spring.

Perhaps today I can finally start to use the new exercise equipment I got two weeks ago. I've been sick ever since I got it so it's sitting her moldering, not unlike it's owner.

Today's office hrs include a meeting with a student whose suggestions I'm afraid I may well have to take seriously. This particular student knows more about the operation of this theatre than I do and could well and easily transfer out and leave me high and dry. So I'm hoping whatever it is she wants, that it's not too tough a pill to swallow. I wish that place were viable, yet I know it's on it's knees and the administration intends to keep it there. They need to spend money on it and get it up in shape, and we need to rebuild it so it's a viable alternative to the other schools in the city, but with everyone having to scrape by just to make ends meet with other jobs it's unlikely.

Facebook messaged with the old bf yesterday. Why am I so conflicted about getting involved with him again?

The annual Christmas pottery sale is Saturday, let's hope I make as much as I did last year. That would put me in good stead to plow the windfall back into the business. Maybe I can actually have my dream studio after all.

I know why I'm so conflicted about the old bf. He hates horses, he's set in his ways, he's not one for compromise, and though I'm willing to compromise I'm not willing to do it all. He doesn't want to live in the country, he doesn't want to relocate, he doesn't want to return to northern California to live, not that I'm set on such a thing, but the possibility would be nice. He doesn't want to live in New Mexico, and I have to wonder if I'd ever get him to sell that horrible condo in the ghetto he just bought last year. I say horrible, and that's not true. It's fine, but there's no perks. No place to park the car that's even covered, no yard, since he's on the top floor, no place to have a studio, no place to have any kind of a workshop, it's essentially an apartment. A three bedroom apartment, but an apartment none the less. He's a bit critical, and I'm sorry but that position in my life is well filled. I don't need more criticism, I need someone to balance the load.

But he does make me laugh.

And so it goes:

Love

And that's uncle joe, he's a-movin' kinda slow..at the junction

That would be me today. I've hardly motivated beyond the bathrobe and coffee and it's 9am already. I'm gettin' old.

But today is a late day, and a pretty easy one at that. Things don't start until 3:30, and they're all done at 9:30, so I can take it easy around here if I want. And I do.

Does it make sense to try it again with my former bf? This is the ecouter du jour. I could go back there if I wanted, and though I'd love to be in a relationship again, it begs the question, do I want to be in a relationship with him? He's a good guy, a little, rather a lot neurotic, but who isn't. He can be rather difficult at times, no, I was referring to the former bf not myself. though it is accurate for us both.

oh! I got fixed up on facebook. Isn't THAT weird? A (straight)guy I knew years ago, and briefly at that, (we did a show together), has introduced me to a friend of his. Guy lives in the east I think, friend is still here, and guy decided we should meet. What's up with that? So out of courtesy I sent friend a message saying hello. Odd, this facebook thing. Friend hasn't responded yet. I can't imagine why.

Class wasn't very exciting this week. I felt bad for them that I wasn't on top of things, but I can't get over this sinus infection and it keeps me a bit lethargic.

Next week is their last week of rehearsal, and then it's showtime. There are two who've stopped showing up at all and I'm not giving them the out of dropping them at this late date. I'll just give them incompletes and see what happens to their Pell grants. That should get their attention. I like being thought of as an easy-going teacher, but there are limits.

Got a bunch of pots out of the kiln yesterday and there's one that's given me a dilemma. I originally intended to dip it in a floating blue glaze after the original firing and fire it again but it came out so well I'm tempted to leave the damn thing alone. I still think it would look cool as hell if I re-fired tough.





See my dilemma?

But I should stop pondering such lofty subjects. I still have two sets of dinnerware to make, and a pitcher, and 6 pie plates (which are needed before christmas.oops)So I have work to do and pondering the aesthetics of my "art" is a bit silly, though very fun.

Submitted a proposal yesterday to the University. They need a staffer to handle the facility, provide support for people using the building and equipment etc, but don't have it. I proposed a 20 hr a week position which would pay me rather generously, affording me the opportunity to stop running a cash register, which I would love. I also asked how they intend to handle the rather sizable sum they're going owe me for doing everything I'm doing next semester. They can combine stuff and offer me less, which I won't do. They can combine stuff and offer me a job, which I would do. Or they can choose to do nothing and I'll let them drown. We'll see.

I got new office furniture yesterday. The desk does not fit in my office, but I'll make do. It's ginormous, but it was the smallest one they had! They're going to fix my door issues, and give me a name plate for the door. It's astounding. I'm being treated like faculty! I hardly know how to act.

Still in the throes of Christmas shopping. I cannot get an answer out of my niece and nephew as to what they want. So if they don't answer soon it's Omaha steaks or nothing. I keep thinking I have no time to shop, but after the 15th I'm done teaching for almost a month and I'll have plenty of time, no money, but lots of time.

Well, the coffee's cold, and the pottery and bf issues must be ruminated over some more, so enough of this.

And so it goes:

Love