it happened again! oh! and Hot Guy Friday too!

I had another one of those moments this morning. I was on my way to work and while driving I guess my mind was wandering, and suddenly I noticed it happened again. My shoulders relaxed, my breath came slower, I felt...well, safe. That's not been the norm for me in a very long time, and with this happening twice so close together, I'm beginning to wonder if this may indicate a trend.

Truth is, a couple of opportunities have presented themselves. I'll say no more cause I'm a little superstitious, but even if they don't pan out, the promise that I can be delivered from evil seems to assuage my stress. Kinda nice. I'll take either one that comes along cause they're both very nice opportunities, but the mere idea is what seems to be helping me in the short term.

I was a little dismayed by that kitchen sink speech last night. That speechwriter missed absolutely no one on his journey down Presidential lane. I know everyone would have howled if they weren't mentioned, but it seemed to me that we could do with a little less inclusion, and a little more "here's what I'm gonna do." and more importantly here's what I CAN'T do. No one seems to think this guy can miss, that he'll deliver everything he's talking about. Well he won't, few of them do. If he gets 30% of it done he's done damn good. I hope he's not the opportunist I think he is. Good Luck to us all with this one.

I rarely go traveling on amateur nights, which is to say I don't get out on the highways on the holidays when people who never leave the neighborhood are wandering about. So, I think I'll stick around here this weekend. I have horses to ride and pots to make anyway, so if the weather cooperates I'll have plenty to do.

And don't think I'm not pissed that David Duchovny is addicted to sex and I just found out about it. The truth is out there, I just don't hear about it in a timely manner.

Dammit!

he's back!!!

the south pacific has rejoined us!!!

Welcome back!

Hope your travels were fun and restful.

Oh! and productive.

Love

We may not be technically illiterate but...

I've always found it odd that most homosexual men can't write. It appears that they're incapable of putting three words together and making a sentence. At least a coherent one. I've long seen it in local gay rags written by well-meaning "journalists" who never quite got the hang of the whole syntax thing. Conversely, I realize there are many who can, and do so beautifully. Perhaps the problem is poor teaching, there's a lot of that out there. This country is so concerned that the students might fuck each other,(which, of course, they're going to do anyway) or actually learn something of practical value that they almost never focus on readin writin and rithmetic. Something evidenced by the apparent need for "no child left behind"and worthless shit of that ilk.

But I digress.

Today's focus is on the self-righteous who would kill us because of who we love because that's just how they roll. There's an article in the most recent issue of Newsweek that addresses this interesting little fact. Apparently there is a need for safe houses in Iraq (the country we currently occupy, coincidentally) for gay men so they're not dragged away in the night and summarily shot to death. Nice.

In the comment section of that article I found a little missive that struck a chord in me. Mostly because I believe it's message completely. It's the impetus of the little diatribe about illiteracy at the top of this post, and I do realize it's possible that language is the real issue here, but still...

So I'm going to post it here without permission, because I have no way of tracking down the author. But in my heart I believe they'd be pleased that someone thought enough of their words to give them to more people. It's truly a reflection of my beliefs about religion and those who would use it to justify their heinous acts.

Without further adieu:

"Why do you, Muslims and Christians insist on hiding behind old books that bring only pain and suffering, and you insist on missing the main point of them. Only God, Jehova, Jesus or Allah can pass judgement on humans. If God or Allah as you wish to call him, is the final judge than you are overstepping on his authority. Only God should decide who live and who dies and for what, that is why it is on the ten comandments, because only God should have the power over life and death. Disobedience is not an excuse for murder, only God will can decide wether to punish homosexuals or not. God created the entire univers and created in it, therefore he created homosexuals. If God did not want homosexuals on earth than there would be none. Science has proven that humans are not always in control of their actions or natures. As for child molestation not being in the ten comandments, girls and women are nothing more than property in the Bible and the Qur'an, they can be sold and discarded like property. Which why it is sickening that so many people follow such books, that degrade the ones that give you life. I would much rather be a slave to desire than a slave to an ancient book, full of hatred and contempt for human life. I do fear the actions of the ancients that are being repeated, such as killing in the name of your God or another God. And the killing of people who differ in their thinking. And killing a woman for speak without the consent of her husband, that is for more frieghtning, because instead of moving forward you and people like you are going backwards, only to please someone that may or may not exist. I do not require the verses, I am sure they exits and are undeniable to you. I have long since grown to know that I do not know the mind of God, if he exist, but I do know that if he exist that my respect for his or hers creations should suffies not to be condemed to eternal torment. Whether you agree or disagree with someone elses life should not give you authority to end it no matter what any book says. You and all like you the think that the killing of people who are not like you will have to answer to your God. And maybe homosexuals will ask God for mercy on your behave, something you would never do."

The following are the lyrics to Holly Near's "I Ain't Afraid", I thought they'd fit nicely with the sentiment of today's post...and I believe them completely also.

I ain't afraid of your Yahweh
I ain't afraid of your Allah
I ain't afraid of your Jesus
I'm afraid of what you do in the name of your God

I ain't afraid of your churches
I ain't afraid of your temples
I ain't afraid of your praying
I'm afraid of what you do in the name of your God

verse
Rise up to your higher power
Free up from fear, it will devour you
Watch out for the ego of the hour
The ones who say they know it
Are the ones who will impose it on you

I ain't afraid of your Yahweh
I ain't afraid of your Allah
I ain't afraid of your Jesus
I'm afraid of what you do in the name of your God

I ain't afraid of your churches
I ain't afraid of your temples
I ain't afraid of your praying
I'm afraid of what you do in the name of your God

verse
Rise up, and see /find/ know/ hear a higher story
Free up from the gods of war and glory
Watch out for the threats of purgatory
The spirit of the wind won’t make a killing off of sin and satan

I ain't afraid of your Bible
I ain't afraid of your Torah
I ain't afraid of your Koran
Dont let the letter of the law
Obsure the spirit of the your love--it's killing us

I ain't afraid of your Yahweh
I ain't afraid of your Allah
I ain't afraid of your Jesus
I'm afraid of what you do in the name of your God

I ain't afraid of your churches
I ain't afraid of your temples
I ain't afraid of your praying
I'm afraid of what you do in the name of your God


Money
Culture
Choices
I’m afraid of what you do in the name of your God

Sunday
Spirit
Teachers
I’m afraid of what you do in the name of your God

Sabbath
Borders
Dances
I’m afraid of what you do in the name of your God double

Children
Music
Stories
I’m afraid of what you do in the name of your God

Rise up to your higher power
Free up
Rise up to your higher power
Free up
Let's try to be highly evolved
I aint afraid

being favored

I've just got a minute today but this morning I was driving to work and I saw this car with a vanity plate that said "Godsfav."

I sat at the light looking at this woman and wondered what incredible lack of self-esteem, what damage could have been done to her that she had to tell the world that she's favored, in her estimation, by a mythical being that she's put all her faith in. What prevents her from announcing the she's her own favorite? Or her family's?

What made her think that the rest of us needed to know she was "Godsfav." and what does that say to us? That since she is we're not? That even if we wanted to be we couldn't? Puzzling.

Kinda sad really. Put some esteem into that gaze in the mirror honey it works wonders.

Why wait?

I was listening to Democracy Now on the radio coming to work today. I like to do that, it starts that great big dose of gloom and doom I'm going to get from NPR all day off with just the right tone. But of course with the convention in full swing things are all about the eight year long screwing we've gotten.

What I had to wonder was, why wait til now? Why is all this spying, profiling, civil rights violating news coming out when these people are leaving? Apparently there were those who knew for quite a while, so why weren't they screaming way back when? Perhaps we could have had better luck with the whole impeachment idea if they had?

And this begs the question; "Why is Nancy Pelosi not actively pursuing those articles of impeachment that Kucinich introduced a couple of weeks ago?"

So, my daily dose of gloom and doom makes me wonder why the democrats are only now actively going after the Bush administration. What was the holdup? What prevented them from speaking out before? Something did Im sure of it, I wonder what it was?
Don't you?

good days and then great ones

I had a date on Friday night. Oy!

Have you ever had a date that was obviously going to go so bad that you considered just getting up and leaving without a word early in the evening? I'd never had that experience before Friday night.

This guy would not shut his mouth. EVER! Now, I talk a lot..A LOT! So, if I'm saying, you should shut up, it's really something you should look into.

This guy told me the entire history of his life from day one. It's possible that I may have been interested in some of it at some point, but not all at once, and certainly not the intimate details of how he came to know his sexuality. It wasn't puzzling, it was positively off-putting.

I'd allowed someone to set me up, which I never do. Unfortunately I also didn't realize that they never listened to a word I said about men I'd be interested in. Tall men are of no interest to me. This guy was 6'3." Talkative men are great, but really take a breath between sentences ok guy? ugh! Thankfully it was brief, I ended the evening right after dinner and ran, not walked to my car. He emailed me this morning anyway asking for another date...WTF?

Saturday promised little improvement when I was awakened at 5am by a thunderstorm. I looked at the local radar and came to the conclusion that riding horses would be out of the question. So when I got up I started shopping online for new saddle. I emailed my friends some questions since they have far more knowledge on the subject than I, and they told me that the stables got almost no rain and that I should come ride. Of course I did. The rest of the weekend I spent with friends, at the museum, a baseball game, and seeing The Dark Knight. It turned out pretty good.

I had a moment on Saturday night that surprised me. I felt connected to things suddenly. I had just left some friends after seeing The Dark Knight, and was on the way to the blues club when I stopped at a light and while sitting there suddenly my shoulder muscles relaxed and I felt a viable human being for just a second. The non-stop stress of the last 3 years left me for that instant and I realized that I would become whole again, that I would rejoin the human race after what was done to me by those I trusted most. That I would recover, and have my life back. I entertained the notion of going home for a good cry, but decided that might be just a little self-indulgent, and went to the club for a couple of games of pool instead. It felt pretty good to know I wasn't irreparably damaged like I thought.

Sunday was nice, before I went to the museum I rode the bike 20 miles. I had plans to ride farther, but there was this wicked easterly wind and I had to change my planned route at the last minute and it shortened things a bit. Still... lots of smiling.

I'm almost caught up at work from last week's "party" debacle. The whole thing went off without a hitch, except that it decimated my schedule and I wound up a bit behind, like half a day.

Well have a good Monday. I'm already thinking of Hot Guy Friday and who I might choose this week.

Love

Hot Guy Friday!

Chad Allen (an abbreviated name if ever I heard one) is somewhere in his mid 30's. I agree with some, that he may not be as hot as he's gotten older as he once was, but which of us is?

Chad's my guy this week, I love him because not only do I think he's still hot, but he's even hotter to me in that he's an out actor in Hollywood. I have to wonder how much that hurts him in casting sessions. A lot I'm willing to bet. That willingness to put himself out there makes him that much hotter in my estimation.

Happy Hot Guy Friday Chad-baby.

Religiosity

It has come to my attention that the "forum" that Obama and McCain participated in recently was actually a test of their fitness when it comes to religion. Such tests, by the way are prohibited by the constitution, but why should we let a little thing like the document on which this country is based stand in the way of our fevered religious probings? Seriously.

What astounds me is that both of these idiots stood for it. They went there voluntarily and answered very personal questions about their beliefs and their "Christian-ness." Unfuckingbelievable!

It should be noted that their stands on Buddhism, Islam, Wicca, Judaism, and any religion other than Christianity was not on the menu. Meaning that if you're not a Christian you're totally irrelevant in this country.

I am having what I will mildly call a crisis of incredulity over the religious fervor that has gripped this country and that NOTHING is being done to stop the discrimination, the persecution, the promotion of hatred and paranoia that is always a result of such unchecked fervor.

I rail about the fucking Catholics all the time, mostly because I suffered at their hands for over 12 years while being "educated." But this Christian righteousness is tantamount to a jihad on religious freedom in the United States. This religion test was the last straw for me. Both candidates of the major parties in this country are unfit to lead.

I am considered "unchurched" by a recent survey. There are many assumptions made about me in this survey of ridiculousness, but one of the most offensive is that I, as an unwashed, unchurched leech on society I am "less likely to participate in elections, or to donate to non-profit organizations, and less likely to use media or to engage in community activities." (Barna group survey, courtesy of Bilerico project)

Now I am PISSED!

I won't list all the reasons that this judgmental, condescending, skewed report exists only to shame me into becoming a heterosexual joiner who sends his kids to Liberty University is a farce. (It's ALWAYS gays vs. straights btw) What I'd really like to know is when the intelligent people of this country became mute. When did anyone with a brain stop speaking up and standing up to this kind of religious bullying?

Of course they're going to immediately scream religious persecution, wail that their right to religious freedom is being curtailed, point the finger of blame in every direction but at the mirror where it squarely belongs. And we're gonna let them.

I anxiously await the day when someone, anyone, stands up and tells these people what needs to be said. I have to wonder if our pitiful education system has ever made mention of the words of Edward R. Murrow when addressing the threat of Senator McCarthy to the freedoms on which this country was founded:

-"[T]he line between investigating and persecuting is a very fine one and the junior senator from Wisconsin has stepped over it repeatedly. … We must remember always that accusation is not proof and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law. We will not walk in fear, one of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason. … (W)e are not descended from fearful men — not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate, and to defend causes that were, for the moment, unpopular. This is no time for men who oppose Senator McCarthy's methods to keep silent. … "

And I have to wonder when someone, anyone, is going to recognize the significance of those words to the world we live in today. America must return to its roots, to it's founding principles if it is to survive, and that means that we have to stand on our moral principles, not our religious righteousness, to set the example for the world that we used to pride ourselves on.

Our image has been destroyed, our moral imperative has been decimated by our actions these last eight years, and it will likely take more years than I will be on this earth to restore our reputation throughout the world, if we can. But we need to see the error of our ways and get to work repairing the damage caused by the revolution we've suffered at the hands of those who would rule with their religion, not their conscience. Fascism,(a political philosophy, movement, or regime, that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition.) by any other name, is still Kryptonite to democracy. Exposing it, and fighting it, is the responsibility of every real patriot.

weekend update

Great weekend, which actually started on Thursday night. My friend A was here from another state. We always have great visits, and this was no exception. After an extended period of unemployment, she has found something she really loves, so I'm glad tho hear that. I do hope she still has aspirations to escape that particular state though. She shouldn't languish there.

Saturday I was on a horse from 8-3. It was an incredible day with horses. The best ever. I rode and rode and rode. The poor horse I was riding hadn't been ridden in almost a year, so he was dog tired when we got back and in fact was stumbling a lot at the end. Of course, true to form I was impatient as always with him and only when I got back did I realize it was due to him being worn out. Well he'll be glad for the rest this week, cause Saturday we're going out again.

I rode the bike Sunday, I kept close to home, not because of any particular design, but because I kept forgetting shit. First I got to the corner and then realized I had no sunglasses. Then I got to the first main street and realized I had no sunscreen, then I got a little farther than that and realized I had not aired the tires and they were both low. So, though I covered quite a bit of ground, I didn't really go far. When I finally got it together I rode to the river and back. The weather this summer has been incredible for riding, so I took full advantage.

Yesterday I had yet another visit from one of my favorite people. My friend K from Hawaii came through town and we had dinner and a nice long visit. So, having had a good run through my favorite time of year, when all my friends come to visit. I'm hoping one more has a chance to come for a convention this year, as he has in the past, and then my late summer will be perfect. Great weather and all my favorite people visiting.

Tomorrow will the the party at work I mentioned previously, so I doubt I'll have time to post. HOW did I ever get on THAT particular committee?

School has started, it's getting to be old hat by now, but it's still that job I'd do for free.

OH! I got the wheel working at home this weekend and I'm throwing almost every day there. Good for my skills, and Gods know they need the work.

Just exactly how I'm going to handle the issue of firing I haven't quite worked out yet. I have no access to a kiln right now. I'll find someone to do it.

Hot Guy friday!

Welcome to another installment of my favorite..and only regular feature Hot Guy Friday.

Matt Keeslar just appeared one day on my tv screen in an episode of Law & Order. I've never properly thanked the producers.






This morning I was checking on the blogs I read daily and saw that Richard Rothstein over at Proceedatyourownrisk.com is getting mail telling him he's a pessimist. Weeeeelll, I'm not in agreement with that.

Richard comes from a time in this country when people were not only ridiculed, but jailed because of who they loved. Talk about crazy! He is from a time when our sexual orientation was classified as a sickness, as am I. I vividly remember finding out that I was defective and being terrified as a very young child of what could happen to me if anyone ever found out. Of course they did find out, and of course, they whisked me off to a psychiatrist who was obviously as repulsed as everyone else at my existence.

So, to those who have benefited from the experience, the hard won, and grudging, acceptance, the sacrifice of those who came before. Learn where you came from. Don't assume that those of us who are older and have lived very different lives from you have nothing to offer. We are a wealth of information and certainly in this case cautionary tales.

I was also listening this morning to a radio program talking about the incredible erosion of Human rights in the United States since September 11. It makes me wonder where we're headed. We,as a country vote our convenience, not our conscience.

If it doesn't affect our SUV, our ipod, or our cable tv we are not the least bit interested. We are being led down the primrose path to the White House by an opportunist who WILL NOT be able to fulfill the promises we think he made. On one blog I saw a comment that said "Barack Obama is probably a better candidate than we deserve." That scared me more than any of the other negative stuff I read and heard this morning. You have to be kidding?

If this is truly what someone in this country, in this time, thinks, our education system has failed miserably and we are about to witness the cost of such folly.

I sometimes entertain the notion of withdrawing. Of just packing up and heading to someplace small and quiet where I can attain my heart's desire, which is to be left alone. I unfortunately have obligations, ambitions, aspirations, and can't reconcile the peace of solitude with the desire to be included, the obligation of a responsible adult. So there I stand, astride a fence of swords. Would I be able to live a solitary life and watch as the gains I, and others strove so mightily for be eroded and inevitably eliminated? Would I be able to be so selfish as to ignore what is going to happen to a country of men and women who live lives of such blissful ignorance? Can anything really be done to prevent what I think is coming?

Mind you, what I see coming isn't concentration camps and extermination, but marginalization, persecution, elimination of a segment of society from the mainstream in a systematic and unpreventable way. I see many younger men and women who live as though they are legally protected from such horrors. You are not! And you will not be any time in the foreseeable future. I suggest you act accordingly and protect yourselves as best you can.

So, I live in a quandary. Can I help? Can I prevent even a small measure of what is about to come? Or am I just standing on a hilltop railing at the see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, Unites States of the 21st century?

In search of...

Wasn't that the name of a tv documentary series voiced by Spock long ago? I just thought of that when typing the title.

Anyway, no news on Daddy. He may be a bit more elusive than Mommie Dearest since no legal documents exist to tie me to him, and I don't know where to start to find documents that tie him to the area. So it's a slow process.

I'm learning all about searching for someone via the internet. It's intriguing. Sort of Cloak and Dagger without the inconvenience of having to leave the house.

My friend C is off to greener pastures. She did indeed get the job out of state, and will be leaving in about 60 days. I envy/pity her. It sounds like a very cool adventure, yet the thought of packing up and moving is always daunting. Especially when moving several hundred miles. I'd better change my mindset about THAT one soon.

I'm still looking for something in New Mexico...anything. Well, that's not entirely true. I've reached the point in life that a job behind the counter at the local convenience store just won't cut it anymore. I want some money dammit!

We're having a party at work next week, and it seems that even here there are a thousand details to attend to before the big day comes. SO! That's what I'm off to do.

Love

Just when you think it's safe to open the mailbox...

Truthfully, I had forgotten all about what I'd started a few weeks ago. Life had intervened and I'd moved on. It just seemed a foregone conclusion that I would be ignored in my request, and that,as they say, would be that. I hate it when I'm that wrong.

Yesterday I mentioned the need for adrenaline to get me going. Well, my adrenals got good and squeezed, but not until after the workday had ended.

I had several errands to run after work, but I'd neglected to bring my wallet so I had to go home first. The mailboxes at my apartment complex are not exactly user friendly. They're outside under this hut like thing and they're about a block from my apartment. So the first stop at the end of the day is always the mailbox.

There wasn't much, a piece of mail that didn't look like my name, it's difficult to tell,, because somehow I ALWAYS get to the mailbox without my glasses and I just grab what there is and go. But the other was a plain envelope, with the address typed on the front, that much I could tell.

When I got back to the car and some more light, I saw that it was indeed addressed to me, but there was no return address...it was thick. Momentary intrigue and then the light bulb went on over my head. Mommie Dearest!

Yes, folks, she caved. I can't remember the entire text of the letter I sent, but the first sentence was something like " It's time to get serious." and one of the last sentences was "...you'll never hear from me again."

These must have been important to her since she highlighted them. What she wants is for me to stop sending her letters. She's been lucky so far. She got a phone call and denied to the woman who called that she is who she is, then she got a letter and blew it off. This year she got another letter and I'm sure she realized that this won't stop until she does something to make it stop. And her luck won't hold out forever. What if her husband got the mail one day and opened a letter with as many details of her life as the one I just sent? She can't really go public with the story since she's never told her husband and son, so she had to give in to my request. So, I will, I'll leave her alone. She did what she did for her own reasons back in the day, and there is no reason it should keep coming back to haunt her. Besides, I've had quite enough "family" for one lifetime thank you anyway. So Jo Ann Taylor-Lasher, you're off the hook. Thanks for the info. Later.

I'd included a self-addressed stamped postcard and asked her to write Daddy's name on it and send it back. She'd started to write on it, and then I assume decided that was too personal. so she whited out the H U she'd started to write and then inserted it in her typewriter and wrote the very personal and heartfelt message-


William Hudson.

That's it! That's the sum of my contact with my biological mother in this life. Ain't she a sweetheart? Well, I got what I was after, that's enough. I think.

So now the hunt is on for Daddy. I assume it's William Douglas Hudson, since I know Doug was what he was called. My cousin told me that much many years ago, and it was confirmed last year when I got the adoption decree and found that I was given his first name at birth, or at least his nickname. So I have to assume Doug was his middle name. It'd be interesting to find him, and see what he has to say on the subject, if anything.

(deep breath)

Here we go.

I don't get it

I just had to come back today to ponder the notion that John Edwards affair matters in any whatsoever. He's not a candidate...for ANYTHING. He's not on the short list for VP. He's not pretending he wants to run for president again in 2012. Um, what the fuck?

I think the problem is that there are so many republican's porking their male assistants their pages, their... well, anything that will stand still in front of them, that the media had to take a break and report on a democrat doing it. Which, of course, is supposed to rock the world. I just don't get it. What does this have to do with someone's ability to do their job? Bill Clinton last got a hummer about a decade ago and we're STILL hearing about it. Seriously, what the fuck for?

This country is so damned fucked up about sex that the whole thing could get carted off from under our noses and we're all over in the corner, gossiping about the guy who got his knob polished.

Pay attention to the important stuff and forget this shit already.

Oh btw I present to you the leader of the free world:



Seriously.

Monday

In direct contrast to my horoscope, I have NO energy today. There's plenty to do, yet no desire to do it.

Work is laying all around this office, I need to ride, which I didn't do yesterday in my slothful mood. I really should be sending the application and check for that grant writing program in the next couple of days, I have two textbooks I should be reading to teach out of next week, and here I sit blogging. Well, that's the general direction the day seems to be taking. I'm just going with the flow.

The panic of getting it all done will settle in right around lunch time, that should be fun. Maybe a little adrenaline is what I need to get motivated today.

The remainder of the weekend was fairly uneventful, I'm still mindful of taking that girl out to ride Saturday, that was pretty fun. They're now saying we might get rained out this Saturday, I hope not, I'd like to do that again.

In any case I have someone from one of the part time jobs who wants to ride and I'll probably take her Saturday.

God I just feel like I'm moving through molasses today.


Guests from out of town all week, maybe that will perk me up.

Experience is the best teacher

I don't normally post on the weekend, but today I had the most incredible morning I just had to share before I headed out for the remainder of the day.

This morning I took a girl, her sister, brother and mother out on a ride. The girl has leukemia, and before she goes into the hospital in two weeks for a bone marrow transplant she has said she wants to ride a horse, eat at a nice restaurant, and another thing she wanted that I can't remember right now because I'm getting old and I forget shit.

But the experience was incredible. To see a first ride through the eyes of someone who's so sick and may or may not ever get to do it again. It reminded me how easily that kind of stuff just takes over your life. Guess we need those reminders from time to time so we don't keep focusing on the petty crap that heaps on us daily.

It was great though, and I promised her if she's up to it we'll go next week too.

People! Ya know I love 'em! AND Hot Guy Friday!

I've always been of the mind that my dear departed mother knew she wouldn't be around to watch me grow up. She just did and said things that made it clear to me. No one else seemed to notice.

She taught me to sew, to vacuum, to sort laundry, write a check, pay a bill, and had me behind the wheel of a car at 13. She knew.

One of the things she tried to instill in me, and with quite a bit of success I've always felt, was to know people. To be able to discern early on in any interaction just exactly who I am dealing with.

"Doc", she said,"You're going to run across all kinds of people in your life. Some good, some not so good, and some will be just...well son, they're called white trash. It's not a very nice term but it's accurate. They're trash, they're definitely disposable. If you stay out of the South you'll likely avoid most of them, but they're pretty much everywhere. Now, they'll be easy to spot. One of the first things they'll do is to use the "n" word. It's as though they assume that it's an unspoken white person thing, that we all do it, and that it's really ok. You now it's not, and remember that anyone who does use it is telling you up front they're low class."

"One of the other things they'll do, son, when you push their buttons, and their buttons are easily pushed, will be to tell you how tough they are. Don't worry about that either. Trash is almost always nothing but talk. They're just like a bully, can't shut their mouths, unless they're afraid.And you were taught to always stand up to a bully, don't forget that...ever. It's cowardice is all it is, don't let it put you off. But the most important thing you have to remember is that it's largely not their fault. They're just born that way, and they can't help it. You'll decide early on that you don't really want anything to do with their smelly ilk and that's ok."

What she was really saying here to a child who couldn't yet understand is that you know real quick that you wouldn't piss in their mouths if their teeth were on fire.

"But what's most important is that you take the high road son. Don't get involved with those dirt floor crackers. It's surely never worth a minute of the aggravation. They're only friendly when they want something, and if they think you can't or won't give it to them, they'll turn on you as quick as they can. That's the true sign you're dealing with a senseless and simple minded creature. Just remember how important it is to take the high road, it makes you the better person."

As if THAT weren't a foregone conclusion.

It's amazing how right she was, and that today brought that conversation back to mind.

But on to more pleasant matters and leaving the crackers where they belong.

Nascar season is gearing up, so Jeff Gordon will be a lot more visible...thank GOD!

Personally, I could watch Jeff Gordon go around in circles for hours car or no.

I need a vacation

And this is bad news since I am currently entering the busy phase of my year.

School starts in 10 days, I will be teaching and taking 9 hours, I'm also taking a grant writing certificate class, and classes to obtain a certificate to teach ESL. I also have a full time and part time job. I need a vacation from just putting that all down here.

I rejected my first anonymous comment yesterday. Not that I feel it's an accomplishment, it's just notable that people don't really read what you tell them and if they do they pay it no attention. It was a link to sweet/salty, the blogger who got plagiarised by Cooper's Corridor (blah blah blah)and in that post was a link to ANOTHER site where someone I'd never heard of tried to explain away all the ridiculousness by telling us this "heartwrenching" story of a troubled person who goes around stealing other people's blogs and using them as their own since they identify as male when they're physically female. See! This is why I don't intend to get involved with the blogosphere, too many people with too much time on their hands who need their meds adjusted. Could not be less interested. Sweet/salty needs to get over it and move on to another chapter. And PLEASE leave me out of it.

It's really nice here, so I'm going to get stuff caught up and go for a nice long bike ride on my lunch hour. That is if the American Idol auditions have left town. They were at the arena I ride by yesterday and I don't think going down there is a good idea if it's still...well...idolized. There are other routes. I don't like them as well, but they'll do.

Quite by accident I found an old friend on myspace this morning. For reasons passing understanding I looked up a former bf and found her among his friends. I was glad to find her, I'd lost track of her 5 years ago when we graduated. I intended to return to grad school for the drama prom that year but unfortunately my bf at the time gave me food poisoning and I was unable to attend. I was not happy. So I'd lost track of a lot of them. It's nice to find the ones you want to keep.

I heard some woman the other day on NPR mention Barack Obama's Presidency. I thought that a bit presumptuous. If I'm not mistaken there's still another candidate. He's old and he's crazy, but that didn't stop the American people in 1980, and 1984, so what's to say we couldn't invite Armageddon and do it again. Maybe I'll vote green, they have a candidate don't they?

Update:

I just looked at the Green Party website. Their Candidate is Cynthia Mckinney. You may remember her, she's the U.S. rep from Georgia who got into that silly slapping-a-capitol-police-officer thing awhile back. Barack Obama, John McCain, Cynthia Mckinney, Ralph Nader, and Bob Barr, the guy who said Jesse Helms was a great American. These are my fucking choices for President of the United States?!??!

I'd rather vote for Wade the adorable little Radio Shack clerk down the street from my apartment. Can I write him in?

I love the streamway trail

I do! I love that trail. It's 17 miles of paved trail along a creek that provides me with what I consider to be a safe and enjoyable bike ride several times a week.

It is, however, frequently populated by...people. Now they wouldn't really be much of an issue if they didn't have this innate sense of entitlement. "It's my driveway and I'll walk right down the middle, and you can go to hell." is pretty much the sentiment. Not very neighborly if you ask me, but there it is. This is all complicated by the fact that my personal space has been estimated by some to be approximately the size of Delaware. I am acutely aware of this fact, and try to account for it when dealing with those who'd dare violate the generous space I'd prefer to have around me at all times.

I try to go early in the morning to minimize human contact. But they've figured that out too, so even if I get there between 5:30 and 6am I still spend the last 45 mins. to an hour dodging pedestrians who think my presence is a deterrent to the enjoyment of "their" trail, and I should be hassled as much and as often as possible.

Now, as most of you know, I do not suffer fools...at all. This frequently complicates matters. Sunday, as I mentioned in yesterday's post, I went out for a ride and overdid a bit. I guess I shouldn't be riding 25 miles in godawful heat, but I'd done it already and was on my way back to the car. There is a stretch in which one descends from a hilltop rather quickly and I always try to keep the speed down because one never knows when a clueless pedestrian will be standing smack in the middle of the trail as you careen around a curve, oblivious to the fact that they're not the only person in the world and completely surprised that you have appeared, bearing down on them, bemused at their mad scramble to safety. So it's prudent to just use the brakes and hope you're going slow enough to avoid the porcin-ity that is potentially around each and every turn.

I had thankfully already made this particular descent and was rounding a bend headed for a bridge at a rather respectable 7mph when I was faced with not one, not two, but four of them. The ladies were leading the pack and the one closest to the center obviously had some experience with the matter cause she was looking like a linebacker ready for the scrimmage. She wasn't giving an inch. (Think William "the refrigerator" Perry.)

Being the good neighborly rider I try to be, and yes those who know me realize how difficult that is, I bore a bit farther to my right so as to get around her. This, unfortunately, put me a bit off balance and I had to correct to stay upright, which maneuver placed me in the direct path of husband number one. He danced a jig the likes of which I haven't seen in quite some time, if ever from a heterosexual. The entire pog stopped in anticipation, I assume, of the impending crash, which both he and I managed somehow to avoid.

However, the entire episode sent me right over the edge. "Pay attention folks! There are other people in the world. This isn't your fucking driveway!"

Perhaps I could have stated all that better, but I was already heading over the bridge and there seemed little time to covey my message, so fuck 'em.

In their defense I had earlier talked with a bike rider about his road manners. He was riding the trail with headphones, something that always endears weekend warriors to me as I completely understand wanting to drown out the sound of the creek and the birds and the crickets as you ride your way to health via the sounds of Rush Linbaugh droning in your ears with some barbiturate saturated paranoia. Yeah, that's the way to experience nature alright.

He was approaching and passing everyone without one word of warning. It's custom to say "on your left." as you approach someone so they know you're about to pass. This guy? nada, no clue. He had not the vaguest notion that he should do that. I know this because I saw him stop to talk to a couple of other bikers and he seemed to have good social skills, which I told him as I gave him hell for scaring the shit out of everyone else as he suddenly appeared at their left shoulder merrily hauling ass down the trail without regard for anyone. So the bicyclists aren't any better than the pedestrians in many respects, and apparently it falls to me to point that out to all of them. It's a damn dirty job...

I still love the trail. This morning I was riding it's companion just a mile or two from my apt and while rounding a bend on the way home I saw two stags, eating away along the creek. Very cool. It's moments like that which make all the 'human' interaction that is necessary on the trail worth the trouble.


Love

sidebar

You may have noticed that I have added a new picture to the sidebar. Another dead kid killed by people who beat him to death because he was gay. Anybody notice a trend here? And the ones in the sidebar are only the ones I know about, there are tons more. I'll find them and post them if it'll help you understand how sick our society is.

THAT should generate some anonymous comments. Cowards.

Stupidity rules

I was all set to rant about...well I will rant about it in just a second, but first...

I just published a comment on last Friday's Hot Guy Friday post. I did this because I believe in fairness and publishing whatever people have to say here. However, and this commenter is NOT an offender of this new policy it just brought it to mind. I'm no longer going to publish anonymous comments.

As I said Zeph, whoever he/she may be, did put their name on the comment and it got published, as will always be the case. I don't obviously agree with Zeph and really would impose a literacy clause on comments, but that may be too much to ask. So, like I said, Those of you who have enough fortitude to put your name on your comments will get published, if not you will be rejected and in fact, roundly ridiculed on a public forum. (I would have to ask Zeph who ty is? That part I really didn't get.) Wait! I suddenly got it! ty is thank you, IT'S SIX MORE FUCKING KEY STROKES ZEPH! CAN YOU MANAGE TO ACTUALLY SPELL IT? For God's sake. And I'm not gambling with your money I'm using my own, I don't want yours, just mine, thank you. (see how easy that was?) I'd venture to say you're pretty healthy. Boy, do surprises await you.

Now to rant about stupid people. I am sick and tired of God, whoever that may be to you, getting all the credit for human work. It's ridiculous! in fact as I write this I realize it's yet another symptom of Americans not being able to take responsibility for their actions. It's always someone else's fault. In this particular case some idiot got on tv because she attributes her ability to pay her fucking bills to God. She was so simple minded that she had 100, yes ONE HUNDRED credit cards. And she paid them off "with the help of God." Give me a fucking break. She got off her ass and paid all the bills she'd run up over the years and is now beginning to see the dim light of solvency at the end of the tunnel and SHE had nothing to do with it! DAMMIT! Why can we not take responsibility for what we do? Why can we not take the credit for the hard work and appropriate actions we put in to being responsible adults?

Now, if she were a criminal...fry her ass, would be the hue and cry from the populace. That must be taken responsibility for. If someone does something bad, oh yeah, fuck 'em. THAT, all the Christians want to see.

Hard work, doing a good job, getting well after being sick and working hard to return to a normal life...nope. Give all the credit to God.

"It's a miracle!" I hear that shit about five or six times a week. How many miracles are in that book y'all value so highly? Did Jesus go around performing miracles all the time? Then what made them so fucking special?

Maybe someone gets better because they got good health care! Maybe they got better because the exact part of their brain that was injured wasn't going to keep them in a coma permanently. Maybe they just woke up! Maybe someone survived a fire because someone else risked their own life to go in there and get them out! Maybe someone survived an auto accident because they actually did wear their seat belt and it worked. Stop being sheep who have been convinced they're so stupid and worthless as to be incapable of doing good, of being responsible, of taking care of themselves, of doing what is right.

Stop reducing the importance of miracles (maybe they do happen, just not every 15 minutes), and stop reducing the importance of people and their valuable contributions.

It seems that woman last night pissed me off a little huh?

BTW: A Tribute to Heath Ledger by Chris Roberts just came across my desk. On pg 78, caption of picture identifies Heath and Jack Gyllenhaal. You'd think someone would have noticed that.

Oops! My mistake.

I slightly overdid this weekend in the heat. Friday started out as normal, cocktail party then dinner with friends. But Saturday is where I started to go wrong. I went to the stables early, and went out with not one, but two groups not stopping until almost Noon, at which point it was 95 degrees with 80% humidity. In retrospect, it just doesn't seem smart at all.

Not to be deterred by a little swampish weather action, I went immediately home where I undertook to organize the new closets and cabinets, stopping only at the liquor store, wal-mart for blueberries and strawberries, and GNC for allergy stuff.(I'm such a health nut) After which I went to dinner and the blues club with a friend. I'm also particularly bad at playing pool, (though I love it) and we spent an inordinate amount of money playing these other guys who roundly beat our asses...repeatedly. And I wonder why the light bill gives me chest pains.

Speaking of which, that damn thing came on Friday. Oh Shit! There'll be conservation measures implemented immediately! The fucking light bill was more than the car payment! After the paramedics left, I re-thought that budget for August.

Sunday, as usual I got up and took the bike for a 25 mile ride. That may have been a bit too much in the heat, considering that I was back in bed at 10am, and nauseous the rest of the day. OK! OK! I'm not 25 anymore. I'll take it easy until the heat abates. You must understand though that this bike thing becomes an addiction just like anything else. Your body starts to crave those endorphins and you just gotta ride. It's pathetic that we're motivated by our addictions.

Monday promises to be pretty quiet, so I may just take this opportunity to catch up on some of that stuff I never do at work that I'm, shall we say, a bit behind on. Meaning, I should start working on 2008.

And in that frame of mind I leave you.

Love

It's august 1!

And here's the latest view from the Freaking amazing 2008 ancient egyptian popup calendar.

Won't you be glad when December comes?

Hot Guy Friday!

Dave Annable, from Brothers and Sisters is today's subject. He's very cute, though thin in that way that tv people are thin. Which is to say a little more manmeat is needed on those cute little bones. Also, someone who should be terminated from their job had the terrible idea to manscape Dave in his first shirtless appearance on Brothers and Sisters. He looked like a rat. That face though...nothing but trouble. I like that.

I had an incident this morning that surprised me, in that it was kind of an obvious ripoff. I went to a new gas station in the new neighborhood on Tuesday and paid cash. The pump reset, not to zero, but to .08. Odd. I went back in and told the guy and "Oh! Sorry, about that, hehe. Try it again." This time it was zero. Well, machines malfunction, no big deal I thought. Then the pump clicked off as though my car was full and when I got in the gauge was 1/8 of a tank from actually being full. Again, I chalked it up to the heat, machines, liquids etc.

Then this morning I went back. I used my credit card. I went to a different pump. I didn't get any gas because this pump also reset to .08. I now have this feeling that this guy is making up for what all this craziness over gas prices is costing him .08 at a time. Not with my money though. Handily, the number for the state dept of weights and measures was on a sticker on the pump. I gave them a little heads up. I'll go back next week and see how things turned out. If I don't get shot, I'll let you know how it turned out.

Everything outdoors has to be done early this weekend. It's hot, and forecasted to get hotter. I am sooo looking forward to my first electric bill in four years. Two years taking care of that ingrate of an adoptive father, and then another year in the hellhole kept me from having utility bills. Now the chickens are coming home to roost, I fear. And as cheap as I am, I'll likely have chest pain when the bill comes.

Oh, speaking of chest pain and being cheap! I went to the dr about my sleep issues the other day and he said to try this different combination of my allergy meds which had no effect, and when I called to tell him he said that instead of trying a different medication, he wanted to send me for a sleep study. I got a call the next day from the lab and they informed me that even though I've already paid over $1400 this year, that Humana, those bastards, are only counting 40% of that toward my deductible and that I'd have to pay almost half the cost of the sleep study. Well, that ain't happening. So another call to the state insurance commission was in order. I've yet to hear from them on the subject, but I suspect the answer will be "tough shit pal, pay up or do without."

I am now a diehard advocate for universal health care. Insurance companies need to be dismantled and preferably banished. Who gets all the money we pay those bastards? It isn't the patients, that's for sure.

I think I'll spend the hot afternoons organizing kitchen cabinets and closets this weekend. I should be reading textbooks and making lesson plans, but somehow that doesn't seem like much fun. Maybe after I get all the fun cabinet organization done...woohoo. My life is just a whirlwind.