Figures

Dear Martha Coakley:

Here's a little something for you:

http://www.shaws.com/pages/toolbar/careers.php

It's a link to the applications page for Shaw's supermarkets in Boston, about the only place you're going to be getting a job around there very soon. Dummy.

Former Democrat
The New Me

One really has to fuck up to lose the Democratically controlled seat held by a Kennedy in Massachusetts for almost 50 years. Seriously, a concerted effort has to be made to lose an election like that.

Well now perhaps we can watch Prop 8 win in the California courts (read, run by the Supremes) Then New Hampshire and a couple others will strike down their current laws regarding marriage, and that'll leave the door open for Florida to criminalize homosexuality, and Gods know the rest of the south will gladly and rapidly follow.

Can you tell it's been gray here for over a month and it portends to continue for at least another week until it snows again. Seriously, I've been looking at real estate where the sun always shines. one doesn't get much for what I can afford, but at least it's not this interminably gray sky that does nothing but spit at us. Hell, I live in 700 sq ft now, what's a 70 sq ft reduction? besides where I'd be I'd always be outside anyway.

There's also the possibility of the mountains with a 200 sq ft increase, and acreage for horses with a National park as a neighbor. So there are many choices to be made.

I'm trying to figure out how to do both and split my time between the two. I think with my work experience I could make it happen, 6 months in one and 6 months in the other. Why not?

Here's the view off the balcony of one of them:


And the Summer house: (I can dream big)


Since the Republicans are going to be taking over the white house again soon I figure I may as well head for the hills and hide out for he remainder of my existence, since no other country wants me cause I'm an American. And this looks like the best way.

then all I'll need is one of these:

And one of these:
>
And so it goes

Cross your fingers.


P.S. my next vehicle will be this:

And though I'd like the next car to be this:

It'll probably just be this:

Probably better than what Martha Coakley will be able to afford.

Love, cause it's all you got.

Americans are so touchy

Yesterday I made mention of the fact that I believe that we elected as President a person of color because he was a person of color, not because he was the most qualified. Not that John McCain was more qualified, he wasn't, but we'd chosen this guy over a much more qualified woman long before it got down to McCain.

However, in my zeal to explain that we did what I think we did,I assisted someone I know in relocating their glutes ABOVE their scapula instead of their regular location.

Like I always, say, they've got the same clothes to get glad in that they got mad in. Funny how my daily disagreements with lack of equal rights for gay people, with a shitty education system, with mans inhumanity to man never get a rise. But let me take exception to Mr. Obama's lack of accomplishment at creating change and woowee I screwed the pooch there. Personally I could give a shit what color the guy is. He could be purple with orange spots for all I care, if he's not getting the damn job done that I voted for him to do, he's not doing what I put him there for. Let's not get all wrought up about someone not thinking the guy is great just because he was first.

Is it something to be excited about that a black man is President, sure it is. Is it still necessary to be realistic about what he's done and what he's going to do? Yes. It's like the old argument about life support in modern medicine, "Just because we can, should we?"

He hasn't changed a damn thing, he hasn't accomplished one thing he said he would, and he shows no sign that he will. That, along with the apparent cockiness of the Democrats over winning Massachusetts which appears to be going to cost them the state for the first time in almost 50 years means that Mr. Obama will be a lame duck. The Republicans will now be able to block anything they don't want. And they don't want a lot of Obama's ideas. If Brown wins today health care is dead. Marriage equality is dead. Banking regulation is dead. Repealing DADT is dead.That's how thin the margin has been, and no change has been made AT ALL!!!

And today Americans are all up in arms, literally, over the notion that when they pour into a country in huge numbers bearing arms along with their H2O and then attempt to run things in a place where they're guests, that the hosts however discombobulated at the moment, might take exception.

Now, I don't say take your water and your food and your heavy equipment and go home, but at least mind your damn manners.

France has no claim to Haiti, and I don't know why they felt it necessary to start pointing fingers, but it doesn't seem unlikely that we'd run into a country and start telling everyone how to run it. Now does it?

Funny we won't do it here, but everywhere else we feel perfectly free to instruct people on how to run their lives. I once lived in a town that proved you could buy one in a box and just put together the pieces. But there were no instructions to tell the hillbillies in charge how to run it. This realization came the day after I'd watched a tornado pass within half a mile of my home only to be informed the next day that "Oh, we don't have any tornado sirens. We decided it cost too much money to install them." Really? Gotta love America the land of dichotomies.

So,in light of the fact that homosexuality is about to be criminalized in America I think I'll go back in the closet, deny my gayness, marry a woman, live a lie, join a church, and vote only conservatively. It's what most people want me to do anyway. It makes it easier for them to bury their heads in the sand if we do what they expect and give no surprises. Toe the line and everything's fine. Make waves and you cause nothing but trouble for everybody.

Everybody who can't face reality that is.

I looked at real estate yesterday on the internet. I have new ideas coming on. I think I like them.

Last night I was watching tv, one of the things I rarely get to do, and someone said "If a man is over 40 and he's not married he's either a rascal or a pouf."

I contend one can be both.

And so it goes:

Love, cause it's all you got.

MLK

Martin Luther King Jr. probably would like to come back to clear up a few things. Like, I doubt he meant that we should just elect any ole black guy who ran for President. I think he held out the hope we'd be smart enough to look for a guy who could actually make a difference. Smart ain't our strong suit Doc.

The guy we got is better than George W. Bush, but what is THAT saying. Hell, I'm a homosexual, atheist, socialist, and I'D be better than George W Bush! But I think the problem is larger than the guy we wound up with being inexperienced.

Anyway, poor Michael King Jr. has apparently been misunderstood. Alas, I think we're stuck with what we got, and we'll be really cooked after tomorrow when the Republicans win Massachusetts for the first time in...well longer than I can remember that's for sure. Ted Kennedy will also want to come back and straighten out a few things if that comes to pass I'm sure.

I keep saying that apathy will be our undoing and I fear I'm more right on this point than I want to be.

For some reason my realization that the secret password to getting a job in higher educations is "Where da ya want these bags?" a la Rochester, has hit me pretty hard.

I have long wondered why there are so many people producing incredibly bad theatre in colleges all over the country, and now I know. The administration,
1.) has no clue what we do, nor how we do it.
2.) Doesn't give a shit about that.
3.) They don't want to know how dynamic you are in the classroom.
4.)They don't want to know how creative you are.
5.) Do not really care about the student's opinion of your teaching, unless it's negative.

They are interested in one thing and one thing only. They want to know how much trouble you're NOT going to be. They want you to go over in the corner and do whatever it is that you do without attracting any attention to yourself at all, unless it's gonna make them look good and then they're likely interested.

The entire world is donning rose-colored glasses and those of us who actually WANT to see the truth are being shunted off to the side like smokers with stinky breath.

It's apparently not apathy, it's denial.

This denial is allowing the dregs to rise to the top of the barrel. Like college presidents who lie,cheat, steal and then lie some more to cover it up. Evangelical preachers who profess we should be better than we are who then "keep there meeting for a cat-o-nine beating from a leather clad man named Moe." (thanks Stan).

How can we expect people to want to be realists anyway? If they live up to the ideals of their chosen religion their preacher turns out to be a child molester. They pride themselves on paying all they owe on time every time and the credit card companies screw them anyway. They entrust their children's education to a system that makes their child so stupid they can't find Canada on a map.

Denial is apparently a survival mechanism. But realism, it would seem to me, would be a better one. Let's look at things honestly and then work to fix them. We can change the way we're treated by corporations, we can change the education our child is given, and we can certainly change how this country is governed.

It'll take a revolution of course, but it's apparently necessary. Hate cannot continue to rule the day. Selfishness cannot continue to be our explanation. Denying responsibility is not our road to salvation.

I have to wonder who,what,when,where and why it'll happen and if I'll get to see it. knowing me I'll want to come back and straighten out a few things myself.

And so it goes:

Love

I'm drawn to those that ain't afraid...

Nothing untoward has occurred this week. Let me say that first.

I think it's the mid-winter doldrums that I've been experiencing. That and boredom since school doesn't start until next week, and I've got cabin fever.

But I think I've come to a realization. Higher education is not about free thinking at all! It's about not making waves, about not causing any trouble for one's "superiors," about doing what you do as quietly as possible so as not to draw attention to oneself.

There's been nothing to do these past three weeks but sit around and think. Which is always a danger when one is dealing with a person of higher than average IQ. They love what's happening at first, then they get bored, then they start to plot. I never got to plotting...well not yet anyway.

But it's come to my attention ever so slowly, since I always think everyone is the same person everywhere they go as am I, that it's a myth that college is about learning to think freely. Alas, nothing could be further from the truth.

It's been said, more than once, that I should teach Confrontation 101, that I am who I am wherever I am and no matter who I'm with.

The folks I've met in higher education seem to never find a problem they can't avoid, they seem to need to put a good face on things no matter what the situation. I want to deal with a problem head on, get it solved and move on. I want to look at things realistically and provide solutions. They want to produce Gurney, I want to direct Marber. The pieces don't fit.

I think I've found the secret password to getting a job in higher education and I don't think it's what I wanted it to be in my romantic fantasies. Pity.

I'd be sad if I didn't feel so free suddenly. I'd be angry if I didn't value my education for itself. I'd be depressed if i thought there was nothing else in life. Lucky for me I know none of those things are true.

One of my professors from grad school, an old friend, hadn't sent a letter of rec to a school I applied for in September. I emailed and asked him to do so and he said he would. He didn't. Now, in his defense he's a procrastinator,(part of his charm) he also knows I had no interest in going to the state this school was in because he knows me,(dammit) and he's never been less than enthusiastically supportive, so I have no reason to think he was hedging his bets suddenly.

But for the briefest of moments I did.

And it was during that moment when the light bulb went on over my head, when I realized what I had missed all this time I've wasted thinking that a job in higher ed was going to solve all my problems.

I realized that it's not the answer at all.

I am not known for playing well with others, and there's no reason to think at my advanced age that I'll suddenly find some love for people in general that heretofore hadn't existed.

So, though I'll keep an eye open for a good situation at a school that really does want free thinkers who want to make good theater, I'm casting the net wider.

Fortunately I'm in a comfortable position that I can work from until I find a situation better suited to me.

Oh, thank the Gods, it's like a giant weight has been lifted. Realization is a very cool thing,even if one doesn't realize good things, knowing the truth is always best.

See! Further evidence I don't belong in higher education.

And so it goes:






Love

Falling in love again...

Someone found George W Bush in a restaurant and videotaped their own heckling of the son of a bitch.



Young man I love you.

A blogger friend posted this on his facebook page. I was so grateful.

Now we have a study in contrasts. From someone finally giving George Bush a piece of their mind where he has no recourse except to take it. To this morning's historic court case challenging the constitutionality of Prop 8.

It's not constitutional, we all know it. But let's see what the liberal renegade judiciary says this time. I bet it goes down to defeat...again.

Besides it won't be decided for a long time since it has to go to the Supremes before it can end. We know that too.

Had a lovely conversation with a young guy in Bhopal this morning. I am still trying to get all the name change stuff done on the credit cards and loans and it takes forever.

I have decided however, that I'm going to have a little fun with it, so when I get a young guy on the phone and he's not cooperative I ask him things like "What are you wearing." For some reason that puts them off their game immediately. lol

At that point it'll go one of two ways pretty quickly. Either they'll give me what I ask for, or they'll hang up. It's 50-50 so far.

I discovered long ago that when I'm in a particularly hetero place, like the auto parts store and I'm the fag they're ignoring that I'll take advantage of that too. I start obviously checking out the guys behind the counter.

And TA-DA!! Waited on in record time and on my way. Works every single time!

So today it's the IRS, and Daimler Chrysler financial. that's likely all I'll have the strength for today. After that I have a production meeting and then I have to go to the grocery. Not Maui as some lucky folks get to do.

And so it goes:

I copied this picture from Proceed at your own risk this morning. Richard titled it "men at work" I ask you, how in the hell would one get anything done with THIS hanging around all day?

Love, cause it's all you got.

HGS

Yesterday got completely away from me, no idea how that happened.

But this morning I'll make up for it with an extended HG(S) as it were.

BUT FIRST!

I have to make note of the state of our collective consciousness.

First we have a guy, Steve, who lived all his life in Detroit. Due to economic circumstances he lost his job three years ago as a manufacturing engineer. let's assume Steve made more than a Zamboni driver.

Steve has been unemployed most of the last three years. How this is possible I'll never understand, since I'd starve within the first 12 months after unemployment and the savings ran out. Yes, I'm sure there was a nice severance, but still...

Steve accepted an invitation from his sister to move to Portland Oregon, and try his luck at the job hunt there. He landed a job in a bakery, and a job, yes, you guessed it, driving a zamboni. he's ecstatic that he's been asked to stay on at both jobs after the holidays since they were, in the beginning to be temp jobs.

Now, yes, I'm a snob, and yes, I'm an elitist, and though I acknowledge that's bad, you should see real snobs and elitists in action. I've lived with them all my life, and they're no fun.

But my point here is bigger than that. We're reduced to such a desperate status that we're thrilled to get jobs as menial as driving a Zamboni, which should be a job reserved for a kid in high school, not some old dude with a resume that includes the title Manufacturing Engineer.

Teachers, who should be revered, instead of reviled and hounded from the profession, are reduced to clerks. Engineers who should be designing the new cars powered by natural gas that don't look ugly like the Prius, are driving Zamboni's. Yet Rupert Murdoch, and his ilk are holding our minimum wage earning asses hostage so they can extort more money out of our empty pockets so we can watch Paula Deen teach us how to give ourselves heart disease!

And we pay it.

We are the new serfs. And the Rupert Murdoch's of this world are the landed gentry we answer to. we don't answer to the government, and it certainly doesn't answer to us. That's a myth. We both answer to big business, and we do what we're told because we're too damn apathetic to do otherwise.

Our talents are not valued. Our desire to be a part of something is laughable. Want to write a great novel? No one cares. Want to be a great artist? No one cares. Have a burning desire to explore the human experience through performance?

No
One
Cares.

Now learn to drive a zamboni and live in a hovel burning dung for heat and eating whatever carcinogenic swill the big agricultural conglomerates put out that you can afford without complaint, and you are their kinda folks.
When are you gonna stand up and make it stop? What will it take?

We're not new, this has all been done before, the pity is that we're just going in circles.

If I ever write my memoirs it will be given the title "Everything is a circle in the air." (Credit to Art Bratt)Cause when I'm gone in a few decades, this will all be done again by others who didn't learn, just like we didn't.

A few more concise laments than mine:

George Wilhelm Hegel:

What experience and history teach is this -- that people and governments never have learned anything from history, or acted on principles.

Gustave Flaubert:

Our ignorance of history causes us to slander our own times.
H. G. Wells:

History is a race between education and catastrophe.
Jane Haddam:

People always seemed to know half of history, and to get it confused with the other half.

Karl Marx:

History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.
Walt Whitman:

Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background, the countless minor scenes and interiors of the secession war; and it is best they should not. The real war will never get in the books.

And so it goes:












Love, cause it's all you got.

Blizzard!!!! Yeah!

Well,it was worth the wait in my opinion. I haven't posted in a couple of days but last night I sat and watched a true snow storm, not the wimpy kind we usually have, but one that made me raise the blinds and open the curtains so I could watch it come down. At one point I couldn't see across the street it was blowing so hard. Very cool, especially since I needed nothing and had nowhere I needed to be.

Today is another matter altogether. I still have nowhere to be, but it's cold. Very cold. I know there are those hearty souls in Michigan and Minnesota and farther north where it's even colder than here (-10 tonight)and I applaud their fortitude. This, however, is plenty cold for me, thank you.

I'm desperate to get into he studio and make some pots, but I can't. Even though the studio is right here, there's a ton of snow between me and the door, AND even if I got it warm enough to go out there, I'd let out all the heat the minute I opened the door. Then I'd get to sit there and dip my hands in water all day. Doesn't sound inviting right now. maybe next week when it warms up back into the 30's.

In re-re-reevaluating my chosen career prospects I came to a realization. The two biggest choices I made, Theatre, and "medicine" are the two things I can do well, but don't want to have anything to do with the other side of. Meaning I can make theatre, and pretty good theatre at that, but when it comes to sitting in the audience, forget it. Same goes with "medicine"." I was pretty good at that, but when it comes to visiting someone in a hospital, sitting there doing nothing...can't stand it. Gotta get out. What's up with that?

One would think that I'd get a certain amount of peace from the other side of the issue, but no. Can't do it.

Need to look at that.

If you're here stay indoors, if not stay away until this goes away.

And so it goes:

Sanded, originally uploaded by evanembee.

Love

What's in back of the sky?

Why, do you suppose, that I am surprised that Bobby DeLaughter's going to jail today?

Surely he knew what he was doing was wrong, surely he knew he would get caught. Apparently not.

He's human, he made mistakes, sure. But with the high profile career he's had, and with the zeal he's approached his biggest cases...

I'm at a loss to explain why such a one would work so hard simply to throw it all away in the end.

Bobby DeLaughter will be lucky to get a job washing dishes next year when he gets out of prison. How did he get there?

Speaking of which, how did the Elton John, Eminem duo come to be? Elton has been helping Marshall kick his drug habit? Is this real is just Elton's self-aggrandizement?

Is Marshall really a homophobe, or is it that he's found a way to get richer being tongue-in-cheek on the subject and we just don't get it? I suspect it's the latter.

It'd be dismaying to find out that Marshall Mathers is the Walt Whitman of our time wouldn't it?

And so it goes:

love
btw this template is temporary, I haven't had time to do anything about the mess Artisteer left me in last week but in an effort to make the blog accessible again I opted for this for now. Hang in there, this too shall pass.

Happy New Year!

Greetings! And welcome to 2010!!!

I have high hopes for 2010. Of course, since 2009 sucked ass there's little room for more suckage. Don't get me wrong 2009 could have sucked far worse than it did. But it did alright for itself in the sucking department.

I have a long list of complaints that I'm just dying to address.

Airport scanners, sports figures drawing guns on each other in the locker room over a gambling debt,(i thought they weren't allowed to bet on games)a President who got elected on a change platform who hasn't changed a damn thing except his address and the size of his bank account. Jobless recoveries, people who think civil rights are their province. The notion that because I'm a white guy I can get anything, when there's direct evidence to prove that I get screwed over more often than anyone else. And let's not forget that Rupert Murdoch (read beelzebub) is trying to hold us all hostage so he can make yet more money.

The ill-conceived idea that giving up our liberty will make us safe. The incredibly insulting revelation that we'd believe that no one in the Bush DOJ could figure out that there was a constitutional problem with the Blackwater murder charges, and that the Obama DOJ continued the charade resulting in what were likely cold-blooded murderers getting off scot-free. Iraq has criticized the decision, and they know as well as we do that their complaints will fall on deaf ears.

The thought that turning to that mythical God in the sky will provide us with some form of salvation, yet using the very tenets of the organizations created to celebrate this mythical God to hurt others and deny them the right to pursue happiness.

The completely offensive voting that says that Justin Bartha


is hotter than Preston.





Don't get me wrong, Justin is plenty cute, and deserves all kinds of accolades because of his looks, but Preston...well, seriously, how can they compare?

Today is devoted to sitting at the pottery wheel and throwing as many pots as I can, while contemplating the hotness of Preston.

I think that's how 2010 should be started.

And so it goes.


Love

Reflective, nah!

I'd love to say I'm feeling particularly pensive, alas I am not.

Things to do today not to mention I have to work 8 hrs. I must have made the handsome young man who makes my schedule angry somehow. He knows better than to schedule me today, let alone the hours he did.

Big deal getting my annual bottle of Veuve Clicquot yeterday. I went to my local purveyor of spirits and when I found it I almost had chest pains over the price. I looked at several others thinking to myself that since Moet was less expensive I might try that instead, but in the end deciding that I like what I like and it would be worth a trip across town to save over $20.

So over the river and through the woods I went. I located an aging, yet amiable twink who immediately helped me get a bottle out of the locked cabinet. Why it was locked I'll never understand.

Thoroughly satisfied with my purchase I proceeded home to put it in the fridge. I should just put it outside in the snow, it'd be colder.

I'll pick up a few things at the grocery while I'm there, and then come home to a few friends and some champagne. I've decided there needs to be strawberries and chocolate too. I'll light a fire, make a light pasta/scallops dish and have a few toasts. The new year comes but once a year, may as well have a nice one.

Tomorrow I am laying about, dreaming of Luke with croutons. Coy a la mode.

And so it goes:

Love

And the readers of Cnn.Com don't disappoint

Would you be willing to undergo an airport "full body scan"?
This is not a scientific poll
Yes
71%
160148
No
29%
64986
Total votes: 225134
This is not a scientific poll


We're a third world country now folks!

have you heard the cattle calls at the airports?

"Shoes off! Cell Phones off, everything through the scanner!"

Now here's the rub. I intend to start traveling internationally this year.

I've been invited to Ireland, Puerto Rico beckons once again, and there's still the rest of Europe to see.

These places are not easily reached without air travel. So against my better judgment, and certainly against my will to suffer fools, I will at some point line up at the post to be herded into a tube that may or may not contain a person intent on making a statement by talking me out with them in some grand gesture.

Swell.

Sitting here watching it snow, all that seems far far off. On top of the many inches we got Christmas eve last night we got several more. It's still spitting a little and since I've got coffee and a fire going and nowhere I have to be, I'm staying in. I do need to get out a little and buy a bottle of champagne for tomorrow, but that's easy.

Last night I stumbled on a showing of a tv movie of Caryl Churchill's A Number on Showtime. It was wonderful. I stayed up way later than I should have, but I couldn't leave the room! The script is, as almost always with Churchill for me, a tough read, but the disjointed conversations Tom Wilkinson's character has with his "sons" are amazing in their simplicity.

Oh! The trip to change the driver's license was uneventful and it's done. Now I get to start with the credit cards. oy! I haven't screwed my courage up for that project quite yet. I shouldn't worry about that one. Somewhere in there I get to have all my degrees re-issued with the new name and make sure my transcripts are changed.

And so it goes:

love

let's talk

I think it's time we had a discussion about our forefathers. Even those of us born illegitimately are entitled to the freedoms these people oftentimes gave their lives for.

Is our education system so flawed as to have omitted a basic discussion of how our country came to exist? What sacrifices were made on our behalf by those so committed to the tenets of our culture that they were willing to sacrifice their lives to keep them intact. In fact were unwilling to live without them. What, I ask you, is the difference today between those bent on cementing the existence of our country in the 18th century, and those bent on destroying it in the 21st? Very little I fear.

We take so much for granted. And we do so at our own peril. Once again we're sitting in airplanes like sheep, nothing to read, no one to talk to, can't even use the rest room if we need to, and we say, "oh! Ok, thanks for protecting us." We once again willingly sacrifice the liberty that was won by our ancestors with their lives.

As though security measures were enough to prevent what happened on flight 253 the day after Christmas.

Yesterday I began the massive job of changing my legal identity. I started with the Social Security administration, which seemed to go swimmingly. I won't really know until I get the card and then my first statement from them with the correct info, but I have hope. Then I was off to do the the drivers license, but they're closed on Monday so that moved to today. So since the DMV was around the corner I went there.

They gave me a form and told me that I have to ask the leinholders permission to change the name on my registration. You can imagine how well I received that news.

Finally, after procuring the necessary permission slip to send Chrysler Financial I made the observation, "A man can get on a plane with a bomb in what is almost 2010, and I cannot change my name with a court order in my hand."

My mordancy was met with blank stares.

Yet again I pronounce that apathy will be our undoing.

However, I refuse to give up that easily. I intend to shout at the heavens until they hear me or until I have a stroke and die.

I'd like you all to take a few minutes and read the following. I won't tell you where it came from, I'll let you figure that out, but I would like you to notice the parallels from the time it was written to today, and I would like you to consider how important it is that we preserve what was so exigent to these people that they were willing to sacrifice their lives for it. Lose your liberty, even once, and you'll appreciate it forever. Unfortunately I fear we'll give it up without a struggle and never know what we lost until it's too late.

No man thinks more highly than I do of the patriotism, as well as abilities, of the very worthy gentlemen who have just addressed the House. But different men often see the same subject in different lights; and, therefore, I hope it will not be thought disrespectful to those gentlemen if, entertaining as I do opinions of a character very opposite to theirs, I shall speak forth my sentiments freely and without reserve. This is no time for ceremony. The questing before the House is one of awful moment to this country. For my own part, I consider it as nothing less than a question of freedom or slavery; and in proportion to the magnitude of the subject ought to be the freedom of the debate. It is only in this way that we can hope to arrive at truth, and fulfill the great responsibility which we hold to God and our country. Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of treason towards my country, and of an act of disloyalty toward the Majesty of Heaven, which I revere above all earthly kings.
Mr. President, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and, having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it.
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging of the future but by the past. And judging by the past, I wish to know what there has been in the conduct of the British ministry for the last ten years to justify those hopes with which gentlemen have been pleased to solace themselves and the House. Is it that insidious smile with which our petition has been lately received? Trust it not, sir; it will prove a snare to your feet. Suffer not yourselves to be betrayed with a kiss. Ask yourselves how this gracious reception of our petition comports with those warlike preparations which cover our waters and darken our land. Are fleets and armies necessary to a work of love and reconciliation? Have we shown ourselves so unwilling to be reconciled that force must be called in to win back our love? Let us not deceive ourselves, sir. These are the implements of war and subjugation; the last arguments to which kings resort. I ask gentlemen, sir, what means this martial array, if its purpose be not to force us to submission? Can gentlemen assign any other possible motive for it? Has Great Britain any enemy, in this quarter of the world, to call for all this accumulation of navies and armies? No, sir, she has none. They are meant for us: they can be meant for no other. They are sent over to bind and rivet upon us those chains which the British ministry have been so long forging. And what have we to oppose to them? Shall we try argument? Sir, we have been trying that for the last ten years. Have we anything new to offer upon the subject? Nothing. We have held the subject up in every light of which it is capable; but it has been all in vain. Shall we resort to entreaty and humble supplication? What terms shall we find which have not been already exhausted? Let us not, I beseech you, sir, deceive ourselves. Sir, we have done everything that could be done to avert the storm which is now coming on. We have petitioned; we have remonstrated; we have supplicated; we have prostrated ourselves before the throne, and have implored its interposition to arrest the tyrannical hands of the ministry and Parliament. Our petitions have been slighted; our remonstrances have produced additional violence and insult; our supplications have been disregarded; and we have been spurned, with contempt, from the foot of the throne! In vain, after these things, may we indulge the fond hope of peace and reconciliation. There is no longer any room for hope. If we wish to be free-- if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending--if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained--we must fight! I repeat it, sir, we must fight! An appeal to arms and to the God of hosts is all that is left us!
They tell us, sir, that we are weak; unable to cope with so formidable an adversary. But when shall we be stronger? Will it be the next week, or the next year? Will it be when we are totally disarmed, and when a British guard shall be stationed in every house? Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot? Sir, we are not weak if we make a proper use of those means which the God of nature hath placed in our power. The millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us. Besides, sir, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of nations, and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us. The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave. Besides, sir, we have no election. If we were base enough to desire it, it is now too late to retire from the contest. There is no retreat but in submission and slavery! Our chains are forged! Their clanking may be heard on the plains of Boston! The war is inevitable--and let it come! I repeat it, sir, let it come.
It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace-- but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!

And so it goes:

Love

Merry Christmas

Love

Chicken Little hath spoken

It'll fall here ,no wait, it'll fall there, um on third guess, it'll fall over there!

The snow predictions are coming fast and furious here today. I can tell you one thing, they don't know anymore than I do when where or if it will come.

It'd be nice to have a white xmas and sit here with a fire and have dinner with good friends and all that. But the white xmas isn't necessary. I'll have a good time anyway.

Right now it appears to be beating the crap out of Amarillo Texas, a place, that if you've ever been, you know can't really afford to give up much of it's meager beauty.

Then it seems the plan is to move out over the plains and meander. Been there done that.

It appears there is some notion that I drink to excess among my remaining family members. There was some discussion earlier this week about who was picking me up and driving me home tonight I am told. I guess that impression is my fault. I do speak fondly of gin, though I can't imagine how they got the idea that I would come to a family holiday where their children are celebrating and drink to excess as though that were ok. It wasn't ok with me when I was a kid and certain adults, whom they likely don't remember would do that, so the notion puzzles me.

Besides if I'm going to drink to excess I'll do it with people I feel comfortable around.

The hatches are battened down here just in case the snow finds it's way to my door, but I have this feeling it'll be somewhat dismal tomorrow when I wake, as it is most xmas mornings here. I went out early this a.m. and filled the gas tank so I don't have to face that in the 12 degree weather that they say is imminent. As it was there was a brisk northwesterly breeze blowing down my neck.

Feeling particularly spiritual this holiday season I thought I'd share this email i got this morning.

If it's not yet obvious to you, the real reason for this, and all seasons, is you. A more perfect child of the Universe has never lived. Until now, only celebrations cloaked in myth and mystery could hint at your divine heritage and sacred destiny. You are life's prayer of becoming and its answer. The first light at the dawn of eternity, drawn from the ether, so that I might know my own depth, discover new heights, and revel in seas of blessed emotion.

A pioneer into illusion, an adventurer into the unknown, and a lifter of veils. Courageous, heroic, and exalted by legions in the unseen.

To give beyond reason, to care beyond hope, to love without limit; to reach, stretch, and dream, in spite of your fears. These are the hallmarks of divinity - traits of the immortal - your badges of honor. May you wear them with a pride as great as the immeasurable pride we feel for you.

Your light has illuminated darkened paths, your gaze has lifted broken spirits, and already your life has changed the course of history.

This is the time of year we celebrate you.

Bowing before Greatness,
The Universe

See! We don't need mythical beings to celebrate our spirituality.

And so it goes:

No shirt and a star-studded nipple ring on xmas morning. I didn't know they put fireplaces in double-wides. Lovely sight, but time and place youngster, time and place.
Love

It's de lovely

What a nice xmas season. Turmoil has been not only at a minimum, but it's pretty much been non-existent. Though I could do without surprise bills from the IRS on Dec 12, things seem to be going fine.

I had a lovely visit with the ex yesterday. We chatted about pretty much nothing for over an hour and it was fun. He's off tomorrow to his parents I hope he has a safe trip it's supposed to be snowing where he's going.

I got a few things done I as putting of, and oh yes, I hope you're sitting down...I put up xmas lights. No there will be no pictures...well probably not. We'll see how my vanity goes.

I bought the standing rib roast for xmas dinner and all the fixins yesterday. I bought the pies last night, though I had to pick them up early this morning cause they weren't cool enough to put in covers.

I declined an invite to the annual new years party my friends J and K have.

I don't usually go. There's a laundry list of reasons why, but I really don't have a good time and so I abstain. K will have a fit, J will not understand why he is having a fit. My ex will find it amusing and wonder secretly if K will guilt me into coming at least for a while. I will hate the whole process.

What family doesn't have it's ups and downs?

But today is putting the house in order, oh hell I forgot to go to the florist. Well, that's next on the list. Then wrapping presents, and perhaps putting up one more string of lights. I got a vision.

Then it's xmas eve, and wassail and all that.

After that it's peace and quiet and movies, I cannot wait.

And so it goes:

love

I kept meaning to post and meaning to post

But I was so busy yesterday I never got to it. Of course there is also the issue that I seem to have sleeping sickness. 9 hrs Sunday night and 10 last night. WTF? (there were naps too)

But the season of giving is indeed underway. My brother called me sunday at an in opportune moment to ask me advice about his apparently hijacked computer. (This is the second time they've gone without anti-virus of any kind and the second time they've been hijacked.) I, being their compuer guy,lol, get stuck with figuring it out. The smart money is on wiping the hdd and starting over.

So in an effort to forestall the mess I'm facing with that I just gave my sister-in-law her xmas present. A laptop. She was thrilled, and I am spared the need to have a broken dell box in my living room during xmas dinner. Maybe Saturday.

Today is consumed with making candy, which I've successfully put off for over a week, picking up the pies for Thursday, and shopping for xmas dinner. I've deicded it'll be a stick-it-in-the-oven-and-ignore-it-for-several-hours dinner.

Standing rib roast,
new potatoes,
broccoli in gruyere
homemade yeast rolls,
and pecan pie.

It's that or McDonalds, I'm tired.

Oh, gotta stock up on firewood today it's supposed to start raining or snowing, they never know which, and if it does I'll never get a fire going with wet wood.

Though I do want to live in the country I discovered yesterday that I'll be screwed when it comes to internet tv. I already knew it was bad from my time at the stables. But yesterday I assigned my brother the ask of calling at&t u-verse to find out what his network was or where we'd find it,(I later found it under the modem)and he got into this round robin in which he'd be told by a recording that he'd gotten an update the previous day so power down the mdem and try again and if thatdidn't work call back, then it hung up. UNLESS he hit "O" many times when he'd be tf'd to a person who asked him to pay his bill and then they tf'd him right back to the recording. We never did speak to an actual person. See, if I move to the country at&t will be pretty much my only hope with dish svc and with the level of non-service I got yesterday I feel screwed already, and I'm not even there.

Ecards are being picked up, xmas is in the air with the big build up of a potential snow storm the weather people are giving us. Not really, they're hedging their bets, one says it'll be rain, the other says a little snow on Friday, and yet another says drizzle. They don't fucking know. But they don't get paid to say that.

With 24 hrs of A Christmas Story, and White Christmas in tap for this weekend I think I'll be catching up on films I haven't seen.

So while laying in stocks of food and wood, I feel like I'm in the country already. Maybe here should be a companion. That'd be fun I think.

And so it goes:

Love

This should end with friday

Why is it that I think it won't? It just seems to get better and better.

Last night I was at what is apparently my new career...the grocery, and I was informed by someone I'll call "the kid" that a remark had been made regarding me that I received with shock and awe.

Here's what we have, "the kid" is an 18 y/o very immature boy. He doesn't apparently have an older male role model who talks to him like he's human, and like every young man he craves it.

I have been, until last night, proud to be the guy who provides that. Then "the kid" comes to me and says that the one woman whom I would never suspect of making such a statement had passed behind him while he was working and said, "It's about time you started working and stopped flirting with S****."

I am furious!

She, as we know, can kiss my ass, and "the kid" assures me that she was joking. So for my part I could care less. But she taken from "the kid" something he needs and that's not ok with me. Up until last night that relationship had not been suspect and now that it is. I'm willing to bet that he avoids it. He's just not strong nor confident enough to stand up and say "fuck you," but he should.

So that's the fight this morning. That should be fun, me getting told to go fuck myself when I confront her.

Got my first xmas card yesterday. Who sends xmas cards snail mail anymore? Well she thought of me, more than the guy who professes to love me did.

Found out the identity of the one Christmas present I have to get. Not a hard one AT ALL! Woohoo!!!

Oh! And for those that have become so spoiled in paradise that they think waking up to a 62 degree morning is cold, it's 29!!!

Work at 9 martini's at 5!

See. I've got to become a potter.

And so it goes:




Unbuttoned shirts was todays theme and all I could find were skinny twinks, ah well.
Love

And then there were none

Yesterday was a bad news/good news kinda day. And the one piece of news I got was both wrapped into one.

The official story I was given was that all but three of the classes in our department for next semester were eliminated and therefore I will not be back. I don't think that's the whole story however and I'll never know. And I think that's what bothers me most.

What little they paid me, and what enormous aggravation they were means very little in the area of numbers, but in other areas it meant something, it meant something to me.

So I'll let the possibilities I'd dreamed go a little at a time until the whole episode fades into a quick little memory I can ignore if I choose. Right now it's just another incident in the "disappointment" file.

Knee jerk reaction says go. Go and look for what it is that you want that you are not finding here. Look for whatever it is that you seem to need that's not fulfilling in this place. Practicality says, "How the fuck are you going to pay for that?" Practicality hasn't been much considered so far in this life so I may just ignore that and start looking at alternatives.

But first I need to get grounded again.

I'll let the holidays pass before taking up the mantle again. I need the rest. I need peace.

Now that I'd like to find.

And so it goes:


Love

Blown...away

In this world of Accidentally on Purpose, and How I met your mother pablum, which we as good TV watchin' Americans embrace with zeal, it's almost impossible for me to imagine writing of the caliber I've seen this week on Showtime.

Dexter blew me away by killing one of it's principal characters, an act I completely didn't expect. This show has managed to come back once again from the precipice of banality, and no the irony of banality is not lost on me when the show is about the struggles of daily life when one is a serial killer, to impress me with it' insight into human character and the lengths we will go to in order to get what we think we need.

Last night I watched Hank Moody implode once again on Californication. Yet, this time there was a tone to it that I didn't expect. The show suddenly moved it's characters from an odd and slightly quirky life into a darkness usually reserved for network drama's about ethnic groups. It was nice to see someone acknowledge that white people do this stupid shit too.

In retrospect it's obvious that Hank has been heading in a dark and tragic direction all season, yet it just seemed to me to be a stupid progression of events created by a man left to his own self-destructive devices. I never suspected he'd take it over the edge, or, in fact that he already had and that it was about to come back and bite him in the ass.

The Hank/Karen relationship is continually in some adolescent upheaval. It's perpetually arrested at a time in life when one member does everything in their power to destroy all the good they have ever possessed or accumulated. Hank, though a sarcastic and somewhat bitter straight guy always seems to have one foot in a grounded reality where he knows who he is and what he's capable of. Yet last night even he seemed surprised by what he'd wrought.

Becca, insipid, insightful little character she's always been has never seemed to me so whole as a person, nor as raw on the inside as her exposure to her parents relationship has made her. Inspiring was never an adjective I expected to assign to her character. But then came her confession to her father that she'd willingly given her virginity to a stranger the previous week. How could a child feel that close to a parent that they could confidently tell such a secret and know they'd be accepted for also being a flawed human being like the rest of us?

Hank/Karen have mangled everything they've touched, yet they've managed somehow to impart to their child that it has nothing/everything to do with her, and that she is loved beyond any dysfunction they can conceive. Her thoughtless dash toward her bleeding, broken father being loaded into the police car in the middle of the street demonstrated her understanding of their kinship.

None of this should be any surprise to those of us who've managed to hang on while Hank does the neutron dance right in front of us. But it always is, I think that's the point. It's always the person right in front of you who's rending themselves into oblivion that you never suspect will actually take it all the way. But straight men in this culture frequently have to at least touch the bottom of the pond in order to accept their place in the order of things.

Hank says "writing is hard" and it is, you have to pull out of yourself the things you'd never admit exist and then willingly assign them to another character and act as though they're not a part of you, that you'd never do "that." It's courageous writing the staff of Californication have done, and it's courageous producing Showtime has done in not interfering in it's presentation.

I can't wait to see if Hank acknowledges he's nothing more than pond scum like the rest of us, or if he continues to deny his humanity and what it costs him.

And so it goes:


Love

Well I thought you'd never say it

It finally happened! I got tagged for a meme. I've never been tagged before, so there goes yet another virginity. But it was taken by one of the best bloggers I know, so it was given willingly albeit unknowingly.

The task at hand is to talk about five things I enjoy, so here goes:

1.) I love teaching. I'll be honest, I got into it so I could do something else in the summer, but miracle of miracles I find I LOVE watching that light come on in people's eyes when they understand something for the first time. It's amazing and the way they look at you when they suddenly feel part of the fraternity is totally fulfilling. It's not diffficult to encourage someone who really wants to know, and when they do, I just want to help them figure it out.

It doesn't hurt that I have a total passion for the subject I teach either. It's truly the substitute for the interpersonal relationship I never had. It comes and gets me,then throws me out in the street like an old shoe,and every time it comes back for me I go willingly.

Buddy Zimmer,my high school theatre teacher, may he rest in peace,got to teach in the fall and winter,and then direct plays in the summer. It was a life I always envied him. His passion for it when he was young,was the reason I pursued it. I felt lucky that I got to spread his ashes in not one,but two of the theatres he taught in.

2.) I love being a potter. It gives me a creative outlet that I think about ALL the time. I think of colors,and glazes, and shapes,and having a true studio in which I can work whenever I want. Doing the work gives me a sense of accomplishment,and produces work that as opposed to theatre is tangible and lasting. It calms me in ways I find hard to describe.

Keith D. Smith, an old friend I haven't seen in many years was the reason this passion came to me. I moved to New Mexico the first time in the 80's mostly because I knew him and it was easier to start off in a town where I knew someone. But also because I felt pulled there for some reason. In any case he was doing an internship as a potter and I stumbled in on it. He volunteered to teach me how to throw, and though I didn't follow it at that time I found it was one of those things that kept coming back to me. This latest time I've re-discovered it I think it'll stick.

3.) Horses. I love working with horses. They teach me something every single day. They show me that I'm small and in the order of things pretty fragile and insignificant, and that it's a miracle that we humans survived at all as dumb as we are. They're huge scared-y-cats with no good reason except that flight is their only defense from anything. And man can they do flight good. I can work with them for hours and think I've accomplished something and suddenly find they've outsmarted me and negated the whole lesson. They live right here and right now and that is a lesson I haven't perfected. They also get me outside rain or shine and that is good for my soul.

Oldflame, whom I haven't mentioned here in a longtime was the inspiration for this passion. He used to ride fairly often and really liked it. I thought it sounded like fun, but being the compartmentalist he is, we never pursued it. But his interest in it piqued mine and I took lessons. I got lucky,the guy who taught me also had a passion for horses and he was a very encouraging teacher. So I've sought out opportunities to work with them ever since and one day soon I think it'll be time to have one or two of my own.

4.) Being gay. That teaches me that I'm part of something bigger all the time. Like right now in this era there's a struggle for civil rights, and there are differing opinions on the subject. An entire generation has come along with their own life experience and thus their own views on the subject. I belong to this group, not by choice, but by birthright, by virtue of who I am, by being true to myself and wanting to be a free man on the earth.

This passion I can attribute to me. I certainly had the choice of being honest about who I am or not. I had women in my life, and certainly at least one who loved me enough that I think I could have led a very different life than the one I have. But it wouldn't have been an honest one. It wouldn't have been very fulfilling if I knew in my heart I was hiding something, not only from others but from myself. I lived enough of my life in the shadow of others expectations that I am truly glad I didn't succumb to that pressure. I also think I'm lucky to be finally slowing down enough as I age that I think I can handle a relationship...finally.

5.) My bike. I'd love to be able to ride my bike more than the weather in this climate allows. There's a perspective of life on a bike that you can't get from a car. It can take you places you'd never go otherwise, and when we finally educate drivers here in America of the dangers of getting too close, we might just find it'll take off as a form of personal transport.

The first charity ride I did in 1992 was 50 miles and a lot of it was along and close to the Missouri River Just north of here. At one point we passed through this town, the same town coincidentally in which I now teach, and as we left there I came around a curve and to my left was a field. It was river bottom land and it was planted for the season. It was still early in the day and there was a fog over the field. It was utterly still. A hawk was playing with some prey darting in and out of the fog. Suddenly a passenger train streaked through this bucolic vista startling me back to the task at hand. I'd never have been there if it weren't for my bike.

Thanks Bigg! This was a great way to start my week. I'm done working for the holiday season. I have to post grades today and tomorrow and then it's the last of the shopping. There's candy to make and lights to hang and general holiday cheer to impart. This was more fun than I had thought it would be. Now I have to tag five friends. Here goes:

Thomasina, you're up dear. Warren, I think it's time you stepped up too. And though I don't think he's a meme kind of guy, nor do i thin he's in the mood right now but I'm going to tag Justin just because I think he needs to think of something positive right now instead of the incessant BS he's dealing with. I think my friend in HI should do this too, but he doesn't have a blog so the challenge will have to be found here.

And so it goes:

Love