Catholics..man they crack me up

Those crazy catholics are at it again. They've come up with more mortal sins! As though the old fashioned ones, like adultery and murder, weren't enough, they wanted more. (sounds like a catholic)

In their latest paroxysm of hypocrisy they've added these to the list:

1. Genetic modification
2. Carrying out experiments on humans
3. Polluting the environment
4. Causing social injustice
5. Causing poverty
6. Becoming obscenely wealthy
7. Taking drugs

Have you ever noticed that most of those of us who make a habit of bad-mouthing the Catholics are those who were raised in that "faith"

If you truly want to know if something is rotting from the inside out, work your way out from the center.

I think becoming obscenely wealthy is my favorite. I can hear Benedict wondering to himself, "Now where did I put that original Da Vinci painting? Ah! Of course, in the closet with my red Prada Shoes and my "assistant."

"Taking drugs" With the recent revelation (pun intended) that Moses may have been tripping his ass off on Mt. Sinai I find this one particularly troubling. I mean really, who goes around seeing burning bushes except someone on acid?


Well, those of us with no faith in organized religion at all have actual work to do to prepare for a much deserved vacation this weekend. If you pray, pray for Benny, he's gonna need it one day when he goes to that great haberdashery in the sky.

(thanks to joemygod.com for the heads up on the latest in sins)

You can smell the desperation

Yes I am desperate. I am desperate to get the fuck out of here. To get a teaching job, to stop engaging in this mind-numbing exercise that is my job at the library every fucking day of my life.

Can you tell I'm in pretty much the same shitty humor I was in last Tuesday?


I am however, desperate.

So desperate in fact that I just applied for job in Ada, Oklahoma.

Yes, ladies, and...well...ladies, I have volunteered for deportation to..........oklahoma.

Well at least I'm not reduced to applying for jobs in Texas...yet.

A friend brought to my attention the fact that my comments on Barack Obama could be interpreted as racist. They're not. I just don't like the guy.

Those of you know me, know better, and those that don't will draw their own conclusions. That's all I'm going to say on the subject, it just winds into endless debate and I refuse to go down that road.

I told you so

I've said for years that they say terrible things when they think we're not listening. NOW do you believe me?



(courtesy of Joemygod.com)

I was joking!

I was, really. Last week when I said I hoped there'd be lots of speedos and pornstaches for this weeks Friday hot guy fest I didn't really mean it. Well, I did, but who expects that stuff to come true?


Anyway, I put in pornstache and up comes Timberlake. I'm not crazy about him, he's terribly young, and in my opinion that lowers my level of interest automatically. I would make an exception for his old boy-bandmate JC Chasez though, that boy is cuuute!, and I hear he's hanging around with some guy lately, and they've moved in together. Hope springs eternal, and the bags under my eyes are going to magically disappear one day. Yeah right.

Anyway here's Justin, I do take exception to the fact that that is not in point of fact a speedo, and his stick on mustache isn't exactly period, but I get the point of the picture and it is fun.



Oldflame used to wear speedos...and boy could he wear those things!

Cocktails and dinner out with friends. Tomorrow is horses, cars, and lots of reading. Besides we lose an hour, which sucks. Sunday I'll lunch with the bro and then back to that thing I do. Oldflame should be in Thailand by now. He's off to Vietnam and Cambodia for a week or two. I think this makes 55 countries. He loves it. That's what's important.

I, on the other hand aspire to seeing California again...one day.

Love

It's redundant but I'll do it anyway

You know how I'm always going on about how stupid people are?
Here's some of that proof I love to see so much:







And then he seemed genuinely surprised that the crocodile wanted to kill him.

It's a mystery to me.
(pictures courtesy of Towleroad.com)

Hillary Clinton may not win the nomination but she's getting in some damn good one-liners. Yesterday she said: "I think you'll be able to imagine many things Senator McCain will be able to say. He's never been the president, but he will put forth his lifetime of experience. I will put forth my lifetime of experience. Senator Obama will put forth a speech he made in 2002."

pretty goood!

I'll bet Barack Obama was a bitch to live with yesterday. He presses those sour grapes a little too publicly for me when he looses.

I mean come on folks, he's a first term Senator from Illinois, with little political experience (yes I know he was an organizer blah blah blah) and no foreign policy experience who is running on one issue and one issue only: and that is, Do you all want change so badly that you're willing to put a completely inexperienced, unoriginal African American in the White House for the next four years? His policy of telling everyone what they want to hear is working well. It's proven that we Americans will believe any shit we're told and he's got no reason not to capitalize on that.

I read on some blog yesterday that I found while I was sitting here, completely spacing out my Spanish class, that said something to the effect of "It doesn't matter whether he believes in or worships Jesus." Well, it actually does. His religious beliefs will definitely effect his leadership no doubt about it. It effected Kennedy as a catholic, it effected Nixon as a quaker, even though he was more crazy than religious. It effected Jimmy Carter as a southern baptist,(if I recall correctly Carter declared himself born-again while in office) and it most definitely effects George W Bush who thinks God wanted him to be President. So why in God's name (pun intended) would it not be relevant in this case?

What's more relevant than that to me is that we're all so willing to jump on the empty bandwagon. There's nothing there folks! It's an empty vessel run by a captain who just wants to be the first black American President. Now find me a black guy with some credentials, some real experience on the world stage, hell, find me someone who holds hearings on the NATO committee they're supposed to be chairing in the Senate, and I'll vote for them. Someone of substance with something to say. Someone who can and will stand up and say to the world that we're a responsible nation that takes our role as superpower seriously and comprehends and respects the responsibilities that implies. And then goes out and proves those words are true.

That's a guy I'll vote for.

This guy doesn't impress me at all.

"Be nice to gay people, they're so stupid they might just be the key to me getting elected...then we can forget them."

Well, that's how Bill Clinton got elected...twice. He told us what we wanted to hear and we bought it. And then he fucked us, and not in a good way.

Prepare for more of the same.

I'm not delusional, I know that Hillary Clinton isn't going to fix our problems either, but I do believe she's got a better idea of what it takes to get things done than Obama. If he wants to run again in four years, and he's gotten some real experience and shown his ability to do more than give good speech, as Richard Rothstein said on Proceed At Your Own Risk this morning, I'll campaign for him wholeheartedly. But not this time.

And for something even scarier here's a quote from Rev. John Hagee (who hates fags, of course) about the ecclesiastical possibilities behind Hurricane Katrina:

(from towleroad.com)

"All hurricanes are acts of God, because God controls the heavens. I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God, and they are -- were recipients of the judgment of God for that. The newspaper carried the story in our local area that was not carried nationally that there was to be a homosexual parade there on the Monday that the Katrina came. And the promise of that parade was that it was going to reach a level of sexuality never demonstrated before in any of the other Gay Pride parades. So I believe that the judgment of God is a very real thing. I know that there are people who demur from that, but I believe that the Bible teaches that when you violate the law of God, that God brings punishment sometimes before the day of judgment. And I believe that the Hurricane Katrina was, in fact, the judgment of God against the city of New Orleans."

John McCain just welcomed this guy into his life with open arms.

Are you frightened enough yet?

Wait, wait look over there! A crocodile! Go look at it.

like I'd just shut up after that

I'm cutting and pasting a story I just found on Bilerico.com. The whole issue of Barack Obama and his policy to tell anyone anything they want to hear is abundantly transparent to me. Apparently not to everyone, since they vote for him in droves. But I've found a few who get that he's full of it, and they were speaking on this post.

It's a must read for those of us GLBT voters who are either undecided or are blindly voting for the flavor of the month cause it's fashionable to be "inspirational."

Read this and get a clue:

Posted on Bilerico.com March 4, 2008.

LGBTQ Community Too Sharp For Recycled Propaganda
Filed by: Rev Irene Monroe

If Illinois Sen. Barack Obama's recent flood of campaign literature can be believed, then his recent media buys in Ohio and Texas might be a sign of "a change of heart" or, as we say in religious language, a "conversion," as he demonstrated at Hocking College in Nelsonville, Ohio, where he shared his thoughts on same-sex unions.

"I think that it is a legal right that they [homosexuals] should have that is recognized by the state. If people find that controversial then I would just refer them to the Sermon on the Mount, which I think is, in my mind, for my faith, more central than an obscure passage in Romans," Obama said, which was then used in advertisements in the four largest LGBTQ markets in Ohio and Texas -- Columbus, Cleveland, Dallas, and Houston.
Shop TLA Video

According to Obama's LGBTQ Steering Committee member Eric Stern, purchasing of these ads was "the icing on the cake" leading up to today's primaries.

But before the Obama campaign have their cake and eat it too in celebration of their outreach to these targeted queer communities, perhaps they need to chew on this as well: What about the queer newspapers in Rhode Island and Vermont that run throughout the New England states, one of which I write for?

Perhaps the LGBTQ populations are two small in numbers to matter and the states too weak in delegate power in helping Obama clench the presidential nomination?

But let me refer Obama to Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, when Jesus says in Matthew 5:5 "Blessed are the meek, for they too shall inherit the earth."

And but our community here needs to hear this from you as well if we're going to ever believe that you want to be part of us.

This timely conversion might appear more faith-driven than politically motivated, but the language of Christian equality was non-existent in Obama's "Open Letter from Barack Obama to the LGBT Community" as a guest blogger here on The Bilerico Project just last week, in which he said:

I personally believe that civil unions represent the best way to secure that equal treatment. But I also believe that the federal government should not stand in the way of states that want to decide on their own how best to pursue equality for gay and lesbian couples -- whether that means a domestic partnership, a civil union, or a civil marriage.

The differences between civil union vs. civil marriage for same-sex couple is approximately 1,049 benefits and protections that are conferred upon heterosexual marriages. And the differences have been explained and expounded upon to Obama and his campaign ad nauseum. However, his repackaging the same pro-civil union rhetoric since his run for the White House is like re-gifting your undesirable Christmas presents. Sooner or later, when these gifts are passed around enough, someone will take them.

But, Obama, not everyone is buying your re-gift.

A commenter at Pam's House Blend wrote:

Obama not only thinks that separate-but-equal is just ducky for LGBT couples. It was a gimmick from an era in which Obama could have aspired to no position in the White House higher than that of head janitor..., Once he's in office, LGBT citizens will be forgotten. Fast.

Obama is also in favor of the "States Rights" approach to the whole marriage equality issue. This was a principle sacred to the White Citizens' Councils a half-century ago and is just as unconstitutional now.

This isn't a compromise or incremental approach to marriage equality; it's flat-out opposition to it -- and on the basis of old segregationist tricks at that all.

But there's no limit to the ability of some voters to believe whatever is presented to them in a slick package, apparently.

Another commenter there wrote:

People are very galvanized by Barack (who is my Senator) in a way that surprises me. I am all for hope and change and then the question becomes what will the change be on the issues I care most about. My husband and I have two kids and face constant challenges, great and small, by not being treated as legally married (which we are in Canada) so protecting my family is critical for me. Here, Barack advocates something less than marriage (and since he is very popular and very persuasive, this reassures a lot of people that they, too, can be against marriage). This has particular sting because he presents himself, as Karen noted, as a constitutional law expert. As such he knows that the right to civil marriage is constitutionally protected and has been held to be so important it cannot be denied even to convicted serial killers (who can lose the right to vote and other civil rights). Why do we deserve less? No one ever asks him.

Since Obama doesn't often defend his position on civil unions to members of the GLBT media, it is politically prudent for him to buy ads speaking to us because doing so lets him control his interactions with the LGBTQ community and the topics on which he doesn't want to be challenged.

Let me suggest that Obama take his time and read the entire Sermon on the Mount, chapters 5-7, from which he referenced recently. It contains the central tenets of Christian ethical teachings on which he claims to base his campaign. And I strongly suggest that he reads all of Matthew 7, the concluding chapter. It emphasizes the difficulty of doing what is right, but the moral imperative to do so nonetheless

I told you so!

Pestilence

I'm going to post a cropped version of the March calendar. the pictures really don't do it justice. I've been feeling particularly useless today and found myself staring at it quite a lot this morning. It's really cool.

I'm truly sad I can't make it to Berkeley for the final performances of Jukebox Stories there. Men touching men is always a worthwhile activity to pay to see. But men touching barely legal men...now that's must see theatre!

The weather managed to give us a little tug this weekend and that was all. Sadly we're back to cold and shitty. I'll be sooo glad when it's spring and I can bitch about the heat and humidity and the pollen and the rain and......

The medical establishment is truly screwing us. I just came to that realization the other day when I got over 1k of bills for three tests which they're attributing to a mysterious new deductible. Humana sucks it, and for 1400 bucks they better suck it good.

I am now a tireless advocate of universal health care. This shit has got to go. That along with big oil. Rid ourselves of those two and we'd all be better off. Especially if we were walking. Better air, better health. What's so bad about that?

Yeah I think they have to go.

If I hear one more of you say you're going to vote for inspiration I'm going to puke!

Let's see if you can eat or run your car on inspiration in three years.

The last thing I wanted to do today was ask a question:

Is this the face of evil or what?



First of all you are sooo fallible when you wear colors that clash that badly. And second I'm waiting for a bolt of lightning to come flashing out of that gnarled talon any second. The catholic church is the source of all evil I swear it.

Is it apparent that I am not playing well with others today?

So Sorry!

I'm a bit over scheduled today. What happened Friday I can't tell you cause I don't remember, but I do know I forgot to post the picture of the Freaking Amazing Ancient Egyptian 2008 Popup Calendar.

So here:



It's entirely possible that I was so enamored of Taye Diggs abs that I spaced out the calendar altogether and most of you will know that's not only possible it's likely, so I know I'm forgiven.

Today I scheduled a chiropractor follow-up visit, a meeting, calls to the health insurance co who is seriously trying to screw me over some tests (you wouldn't believe what they've billed me) calls to the courthouse to get those people to start giving out correct info. (Adoption records in Kansas are not sealed and they're telling people they are.) Make an appt to get the brakes on the car serviced. Do my regular work, which is a lot on Monday, AND go to Spanish class this afternoon (in an hour to be precise) after which I have to go get my TB skin test read(schools require you have one as a teacher) and then off to pottery class.

So do I have time for you? NO. Do I love you so much and crave the attention that like 150 people have given me since the first of the year that I will cram a few minutes into my day to get this pic posted and say hello. Of course I will.

I'm still trying to formulate a plan about the adoption thing. I have decided to ask the courts to put my name back on my birth certificate, keeping the fist name. I'm too old to change that one now. As for contacting Mommy Dearest about Daddy's name. I think a letter is the best way. She'll ignore it and then I'll send another and another and finally she'll get scared enough that I'll re-appear and tell her husband and children that I'm her dirty little secret that she'll give it up. (she's never told anyone about me, so I've got great leverage should I have to resort to extortion. lol)

Either that or one of us will succumb to the vagaries of time and stress and just die, and then it won't really matter will it?

Love

and the worm turns

OMG! I'm still digesting all the information I have received today.

I opened my mailbox to find an envelope from the state child welfare division, and all the way back to my apt I couldn't figure out what it was.


It appears the woman at the vital record office at teh county courthouse was wrong. Kansas is an open record state, and today I received all the offocial papers regarding my adoption decree. Daddy was never named, but Mommy dearest was apparently white trash from the get-go.

JoAnn Taylor was indeed my biological mother. I am so putting that on the internet!

I'm kind of reeling from it all, so all I'm going to say until i come to some rational decisions, which are not likely on this $100 bottle of wine I just opened, is...

My name is Douglas Taylor.

How I could have neglected to post a picture of Taye Diggs for the entire month I'll never know. But as we wind up Black history month it's worth noting that Taye is drop dead gorgeous, well, he is.




I love Blair Underwood too, there's something about that mischievous little grin.

Well I hope your Black History Month was exciting. March's theme has not been decided yet. probably something spring-y. Lots of speedos and pornstaches I hope.

I'm back on the adoption records trail. It appears now that the adoption was handled in Kansas which is an open records state and I've sent off requests to find out what I can. I've questioned my motives a couple of times in this little drama, but in the end I've decided I have the right to know where I came from and who I am, technically, and I'm going to exercise those rights.

Speaking of exercise, it's supposed to be 60 degrees here tomorrow which means I'll be riding at some point. I cannot wait to get on a bike. I'd like to get on a horse too, but one thing at a time.

Dinner with oldflame this evening, lunch with my brother tomorrow, and then I think I'll go see my HB, to borrow a term I'm rather fond of from a fellow blogger. (HB means hook-up boy, and I really like the term. It puts the entire relationship in perspective no one gets confused about their role that way.) Sunday if it's nice I'll go ride a horse and then attempt to grade the papers I got yesterday.

It seems no one listened to me. I told them a million times I did not want a book report and that's exactly what they gave me, to a person. I'm torn over whether I should throw a fit and make them do it over, or just accept these and make their Medea assignment even harder. (unfortunately one of them thought I was referring to Tyler Perry when I mentioned Medea the first week of class, so this may all be moot) I'm incredibly impatient today so I may hold off on that decision until I'm a little more easy-going...ok, ok, stop laughing, a little less wild-eyed, how's that?

Have a good weekend.

Love

Bulletin: Earth Off Axis!

I'm sure there is something wrong in the universe. Things can't be right. There was justice in Hollywood last night, that's a sure sign of the apocalypse. I'd advise you to repent and right soon, cause this shit ain't right. I'm not sure what the repercussions will be, either locusts or John McCain, I'm not sure which, but you can bet your ass it'll be bad.

No Country for Old Men was indeed the best picture of the year and I could not hide my surprise when I didn't hear "Atonement" announced as the winner. I thought for sure that sappy (though pretty good) thing was going to get it. Who'da thunk it? I mean after the travesty that was the 2006 Oscars when that POS Crash won instead of what was actually the best picture of the year, and yes it pains me to say that Brokeback Mountain was the best picture, but it was. And though no one could have known what was to happen, the Best Actor Oscar should have gone to Heath Ledger that year, because he was the only one nominated who wasn't doing an imitation of someone else. I never understood the whole "he's so handsome" thing because I didn't think he was, but I did think he was quite a good actor. And Ennis Del Mar was a seamless creation.

Diablo Cody, wow, that was a surprise, and well deserved. And Tilda Swinton...love her (probably cause she was such a cool Mom in Deep End) but in any case her win for Michael Clayton was the right choice. See why I'm so concerned about the future? The Academy NEVER gets this shit right.

Daniel Day-Lewis Is sooo good, and in There Will be Blood, he was amazing. Another correct choice, though you'd probably get a big Nuh Uh! from Tommy Lee Jones. His face said he REALLY wanted that Oscar last night and was really not happy to hear someone else's name announced. Tommy Lee really does deserve one, but not for Valley of Elah.

This is also noteworthy in that I don't do award shows! I really don't believe in them. I'd prefer that the stars just got up on stage and masturbated, which is what all this amounts to anyway. THAT would be far more entertaining than to see who won the Drama Prom popularity contest. Well, until next year..if there is one after this.

Tomorrow the application to the school in the California desert goes out. Cross your fingers. I really want this one. Though I don't treasure living in California again, this might be ok since it's not exactly where they keep all those...people. At any rate the job is exactly me so here's hoping.

Happy Monday all. And prepare yourselves for the excitement that will be Friday, cause we'll be unveiling the month of March on the Freaking Amazing Ancient Egyptian 2008 Popup Calendar. It's excellent. But just you wait till the month of my birth...May... it's truly the shizzle. That month my Office will shine with a glow of Fabulousness not previously known to exist in the universe.

Out all over the place

Buddy X and his big outie are this weeks favorites.

I love Lenny's music but does he HAVE to be so impossibly cool all the time???

Happy Friday!

If you're fighting these winter blues with me, hang in there February is almost over.

Martini's at 5! (thankfully they're not trendy anymore. I hated all those martini concoctions the bars were coming up with. Give me some gin in a glass with a little vermouth somewhere in the room and I'm good. Teaching me the art of the Martini is the best thing Art Bratt ever did for me. I've been drinking those things for decades.)

And in just a few hours I'm gonna have a couple...and then some really good pasta too.

Oh Magoo...you've done it again!

Our shining example of an education system has stuck yet another feather in its cap.

Of course, as Tyler Durden said: "Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken." (remember Tyler Durden? He was a character created by Brad Pitt back when he used to act and not rely on his good guy personality to get him through)

The results of a study were released recently. In this study the educators of America came to a stunning conclusion...children need downtime.

Apparently they need time to themselves to process what they've learned, to apply it, and to develop skills and personality traits all their own. FUCKING AMAZING!!! Who knew?

Apparently everyone but our educators. Does anyone see this as a problem besides me? I mean really, how can a teacher possibly be expected to be an effective educator when they're led by morons who think that the results of this study are newsworthy.

I have to wonder how much it cost.

I am a Person

I suppose it's convention to use colloquialisms.

For example, "No Problem." There's one that'll make my blood boil. The young man from the grocery store carries my things to the car, "Thanks," I say. "No Problem." is his response.

Apparently what he fails to understand is that I have absolutely no interest whether it was a problem for him to do his job or not. What I did was thank him for doing said job. The correct response is "You're welcome."

The other day on NPR they were interviewing some illiterate and at the end of the interview..."thanks for talking with us." " No Problem." Why the assumption that we're all so concerned about people's problems suddenly? We're not even concerned that they're people!

Seriously, no one gives a damn if I'm resentful today that I don't have a better job in education with my experience and credentials than I do. They just want me to do the job I have and shut the hell up. I should say "No problem" you'll pardon the expression.

Another is the word "individual." When exactly did we become so depersonalized that everyone is an individual instead of a person?

A quote from the editor of a local magazine which bills itself as the..."Voice for the LGBT and Allied Communities."

"Letters to the editor and most SpeakOut opinion pieces are written by individuals in the community."

I've never heard of them though they've apparently existed for five years now. See how I am involved in the community as an individual?

"'There were probably weeks of this student being subjected to harassment,' said Joe Gonzales, parent of a student at E.O. Green Junior High in Oxnard, where King was killed Feb. 12." Where is Larry King's name in that parents statement?

Does anyone notice a pattern here?

I recall a flight from France to Toronto a couple of years ago in which the pilots screwed up and ran off the runway resulting in a crash and fire.However, the rest of the flight crew was on their game and got all of the passengers out of the aircraft in record time and the incident was immediately referred to as a "Miracle"

How about a little credit for the PEOPLE who did the job they were trained to do? How about a little credit for the PEOPLE who got all those PEOPLE off that plane without losing one?

Why in our society today is everything referred to as a miracle when it goes well?

If things go bad it's..."oh well..shit happens." or "I wasn't told information I needed to make that decision so its someone else's fault." or " I didn't do anything. I just told people what happened and they went and caused all the trouble." or "If we're blessed and get the nomination." as Barack Obama said yesterday...completely losing any chance I'd vote for him, ever, with that one reference to a divine hand being necessary for any human to accomplish anything.
No one is actually responsible for anything. Unless, of course, they get caught red-handed committing a crime and then it's "Fry the bastards."

Let's start calling people people, instead of individuals. Let's make a concerted effort to look at each person as though their feelings mattered and that we give a damn about them even if it's only for that instant we're dealing with them that day. Even if we have to pretend at first,and most of us will have to, let's do it anyway. Maybe we'll start seeing each other as human beings instead of obstacles to our personal needs and wishes.

People have accomplished plenty without divine intervention,(if there even is such a thing) and our custom of late is to give them no credit. To take that credit and just negate it with divinity. Give to a diety, to an idol, to someone or something that may or may not exist. But people do exist! And they do accomplish great things. And they do make a difference and they do deserve credit, and they do deserve our thanks.

I do not like it, Sam I am!

"We are saying you don't need to accept people who are gay, but you should tolerate them." -a quote from the article in the Los Angeles Times covering the Lawrence King Memorial in Oxnard.

I loathe being tolerated.

DO NOT TOLERATE ME!!!

I am forced to tolerate heterosexual people and their bizarre ways every single day of my life. And I do not suffer fools. So you can imagine how my interaction with "them" frequently ends up.

Sunday, I worked at the grocery. I was waiting on someone and while she was writing her check I put the few things she had in a sack. When I turned around I found that some guy had come up, placed his basket on the counter, and his three children had proceeded to commandeer my cash register and were scanning things onto the lady's order that wasn't finished.

I am truly surprised I still have that job.

After removing the items from the children's hands and shooing them back around to the end of the counter I looked at Daddy and said, "It's called social skills. Let's pretend we know that."

I then had to void all the things that the kids had put on current customer's bill.

Daddy took the urchins to another register.

In retrospect I didn't react strongly enough. Just putting it down here made me mad all over again.

Heterosexuals, (I refuse to use the word straight, it gives them such a sense of superiority to think that I am somehow twisted and they're not. fuck them.) just run amuck all over the place and no one does anything to stop them! It's like they have special rights or something.

Fuck them. Did I say that already?

I shall never tolerate heteros very well. So they shouldn’t condescend to do me the favor in return.

Dickheads.

Think how crabby I'd be today if I hadn't gotten a good night's sleep last night!

If you can, go visit Proceed At Your Own Risk(NSFW) today (User Name: PAYOR Password:PASSWORD, all caps) Richard is talking today about Brandon McInerney, the poor kid who will likely now spend the rest of his life in prison for killing Lawrence King. The person who taught him to hate like that should do a few centuries too, and I said as much on Friday.

But as usual Richard is far more eloquent than I.

Friday Good Friday Bad

I have always thought Don Cheadle is handsome. He's a noteworthy contribution to our celebration of Black history month. The second guy is no slouch either, if you like that outrageously hot, outdoorsy, wildly cut, surly kinda thing...ooh I gotta stop!

But enough of the frivolity. I'm sadly not stunned or even surprised that a 15 year old kid was shot in the head because he's gay the other day.

What I want to know is when are we going to wake up and understand that kids are kids, they simply do not yet have the capacity to understand and rationalize that they will as adults. The shooter, at his age, is only imitating what he's seen, and reacting to what someone has taught him. When are we going to stop teaching our children to hate?

I've been "the family friend who we love because he's always been around and we love him even though he's gay." But I've seen those same people exhibit hate for gay people and I was through with them. They never seemed to understand their hypocrisy.

And where are all these guns that kids can get ahold of? I'm 50 and I don't own a gun! I wouldn't even know where to get one? I assume there are stores where one can buy a gun, but the process,as I understand it takes days for background checks, and you have to be a certain age. This kid is 14 or 15 and he has a gun? What kind of idiot gives a kid that age a gun?

I now understand why we need to defend marriage and safeguard the family in America by preventing gays from marrying and adopting. They might fuck up the stellar umblemished record of all these straight people who reproduce because it's a biological function, not because they have anything to contribute.

China may have been onto something when they started controlling the ability of their citizenry to reproduce.

Lawrence King, no matter what he wore to school, no matter how gay he acted, no matter what the other kids thought about him, did not deserve to die. And Brandon McInerney deserved to be taught better than to solve a dispute with a gun, but he wasn't.

Stop right now and think about these kids for a minute...think about your own kid if you have one, and how you'd feel if someone just blew their head off because they didn't like something about them.

Now what are you going to do about it?

And don't just act locally either.

Bouy-ed

It seems everyone has the mid-winter doldrums. Most people aren't even posting to their blogs, at least the ones I read.

The very few who are read like they're so lethargic they can hardly get one foot in front of the other.

It's truly the age of S.A.D.

I need to go outside and stand in the sun, the possibility of Melanoma notwithstanding, and just bask for a few minutes. I need to breathe fresh air, such as it is. I need to see that nature is still working it's magic out there, instead of watching through a piece of glass like it was tv. I've got Cabin Fever worse than when it's late August and I'm confined by the tropical heat.

I think lots of you do. Of course those of you in CA and HI are living it up this time of year. It's when you really get to gloat.

What I really need is some sleep. A whole day when I wasn't interrupted or called or heard banging and clanking or got retaliation thumping from the moron upstairs so I could just sleep.

That would be heavenly.

I know there are those of you with kids who haven't slept in years, but that falls squarely under the category of NOT MY PROBLEM!!!

You chose to have kids, I did not. I have an 18 y/o neighbor who refuses to acknowledge that other people live in this world and as long as he can party all night and sleep all day what's the fucking problem.

I did ask for a different apt this morning. We'll see how much that's going to cost. Then I'm going to go after Mr-stay-up-all-night and see if I can make him pay for it.

There's no reason I should incur the expense if I have to make a move just to sleep when I could do that where I am if he'd just let me.

Today I'm going on just under 4 hours. And I have to teach tonight. You can bet they're gettin' out early.

I guess I'll just sleep in the garage.

And before I get away Happy Valentine's Day to you all. Whatever it is, whoever it is, hold them/it close to your heart today and whisper "Thank You" because you'll never get a better gift.

puzzles

sometimes these little quizzy things are annoying in their prescience:

You're The Lion, the Witch and the
Wardrobe!

by C.S. Lewis

You were just looking for some
decent clothes when everything changed
quite dramatically. For the better or for the worse,
it is still hard to tell. Now it
seems like winter will never end and you feel cursed.
Soon there will be an epic
struggle between two forces in your life and you are
very concerned about a betrayal
that could turn the balance. If this makes it sound
like you're re-enacting Christian
theological events, that may or may not be
coincidence. When in doubt, put your trust
in zoo animals.


I've trusted Zoo Animals all my life...look where it's got me.

On the other hand sometimes they're sooo wrong it's amusing.

You Are Upper Middle Class

You're stuck in an interesting middle area between upper and middle class. You're wealthy enough for most people to call you rich (or at least comfortable), but you don't feel rich! Climbing your way to the top is hard work. And you've often feel stretched for time and resources. If only you had a little more money! You can't help but wish you had the lifestyle of the upper class. You may end up: A manager, high school teacher, or accountant. Other people who share your class: "White collar" professionals and business people

What Class Are You?

Imagine me High School Teacher, or an Accountant? And doesn't managing involve people?

Stifling the urge to pack and run while it's above freezing. Well, they promised it will be sometime later today, at least for a few hours.

It seems I should plan on not sleeping the first two days of each week. That's when My 18 y/o neighbor has his days off and needs to Party. AT 3 AM!!!!

It's truly a shame that contract killing is illegal, otherwise I'd look into it.

I did sleep last night though, it seems he got the message when I got up yesterday and walked around my apt banging the ceiling with a broom handle for half an hour screaming at him to wake up all the while. If I hadn't been so damn tired I'd have had a lot of fun with that...well, ok, more fun than I did.

I'm trying to figure out why I have this issue almost everywhere I live. Why is it so difficult for me to live where it's quiet? No one else seems to have this problem. And NO ONE seems to understand that I do.

I know I get wild-eyed after no sleep, but who doesn't? Oh well, enough of that for this week. He's back to work and I'm back to sleeping. Next week we'll have another episode. Maybe those are the days I should sleep in the garage. I could throw pots late into the night and then crash out there. hmmm.

We changed the play we're doing this semester, due to low audition turnout. So Street Scene, which I thought was not a very good choice to begin with, has been replaced with Talking With, dated, but useful in academia.

Barack Obama looks poised to win the nomination. Further proof that my contention that people are mostly sheep is accurate. What is it that qualifies this guy to be President? The democrats, always on self-destruct, and going to screw around yet again and John McCain is going to be the President. Stop voting for the trendy guy you idiots!

Hilary, though not my first choice, is far more experienced, far more capable, far more connected, and far more interested in working on fixing the things that are wrong in this country than anyone else in the field right now. John McCain, the republican heir apparent, is universally hated, and his Vice President Mike Huckabee, will take up the Dick Cheney mantle and run amuck with the evangelical wingnuts attempting to re-write the constitution to reflect their "Christian" values. And Gods save us then.

People seem to think we can go on like we are indefinitely and it'll be ok. Well, it won't, we're truly on the road to hell and though I want to live a long time, I really don't want to see this country fall. It will eventually but I'd rather not see it.

I love the idea of Europe. They just hang in there and superpowers rise and fall and there they are, chugging along haphazardly, yet true. Talk about a true North, Europe must surely have one.

The practical aspects would probably make me nuts, but the idea is romantic isn't it?
Are there garrets in the south of France? Maybe I'll go live in one and be a potter.
I am weary of suffering fools and being looked on as a Neanderthal because of the company I keep in regard to citizenry.

I guess I was a day ahead of schedule. Wishful thinking I'm sure. There's a new countdown widget in the sidebar so I don't have to do it manually. They say the best way to keep your brain active as you age is to learn a new language. Well, I think I can effectively learn HTML all over again, it only took me two days to make a counter work. Pathetic.

342

343

and now...

344

I have my homework

ok here's to make up for the boring roll out yesterday.

Will Smith is one of my all time favorites.

345 days left.

BTW

I would love to post a good shot of Dule Hill shirtless, but I cannot find one. Anyone who can will receive my eternal gratitude.

Gratitude is all I can give you, I'm not giving up the freaking amazing 2008 ancient egypt pop-up calendar, so forget it.

But send that pic of Dule if you got it.

Have I shown you my new car?



This thing is so fucking cool I must have one. Hopefully by the time I'm ready to replace the thing I drive now I'll be able to get one of these.

And admonishments aside, I stand corrected that we actually only have 346 more days of George W Bush to tolerate.

Senior Moment

I know most of you love LOOOVe Zac Efron and Shia the beef, so sorry about this.

But I just saw a website called ShiaorZac.

These are my choices???

Undeliverable

We regret to inform you that due to circumstances beyond our control the planned roll out of Black History month will not be quite as exciting as originally planned.

I forgot. (I'm busy, I got three jobs give me a fucking break.)

There are photos of hot African American Men extant, I just don't have them here.

I'm appropriately contrite if that makes any difference to you.



Dule Hill is totally hot though. I've been in lust with him since that Freddie Prinze Jr(sigh) movie I saw him in. Can't remember the name and don't feel like imdb'ing it right now. But Dule's got what it takes. I know his new series on USA is only fun if you're nine years old, but I watch just to look at him.(and James Roday a little) And what the hell could I do on a Saturday afternoon anyway when it's 15 degrees. (I gotta get out of the frozen tundra.)

I finally got my google analytics working again. No one told me that I needed to update when I bought the domain name and changed the website. So for the last three weeks I've been thinking I have no traffic at all, (which will take the wind out of your sails for sure) and then I realize I'm getting comments from people but no hits recorded. I fixed it and today I see that I have hits from Barcelona,(a place I cannot wait to see) Brisbane, also cool and want to go there. There was a hit from Hyderabad India, which hasn't made the list yet. ahem.

I also looked at a website about some townhomes that are being built a couple of blocks from my office,just out of curiosity. I'm leaving soon, so purchasing real estate isn't on the list.

To get the irony of this townhouse situation you have to understand that I work in what is likely the most economically depressed part of our city, notice I did not say "Fair City" It ain't pretty over here.

There are boarded up houses, empty office buildings, retail shops that have been empty for decades, and a crime rate...well I'm pretty sure they clear the place out about 6am for us to come to work during the day.

But gentrification has arrived in the ghetto folks! Some prospector has come and bought up some old dead houses, torn them down and is building townhomes.

They start at 220k.

ok, now I work here, I make a pretty decent living and I've gopt good credit, but
I cannot afford to buy one of these places. So who in the hell is gonna come here?

The people who already live here certainly can't afford these things, and if people who can afford them move in there goes the neighborhood. Property taxes will go up, oh and by the way 50 years ago the city government here gave away its tax base to industry when they got them to come here by telling them they'd NEVER have to pay taxes. Thus placing the tax burden on it's poor population, so property taxes here are already sky high.

This is not to mention that people who talk to themselves and scream for no apparent reason and stand at the top of the hill in the Indian cemetery down the street and sing off-key at the top of their lungs routinely roam the streets all the time.

It's nothing if not entertaining here

I just don't understand where the new owners of these townhouses will come from, and more importantly what they would want to spend 220k here when they can move anywhere in the entire city and spend less for more.

Oh well.

There are more important things to concern myself with today... Martini's at 5!

347 more days of George W. Bush to tolerate, then we're free.

Unless John McCain wins, then I'm moving to Belize.

BTW-Good News

Only 348 more days of George Bush left.

WooHoo!

Yes, I think I will count each and every one thank you very much.

Suck it George

If Kathy Griffin can tell Jesus to suck it, I can tell George W. Bush to do the same. After all he thinks he's appointed by God to be President so he should be sucking it just like Jesus.

For 8 years we all know they've been torturing (off-shore of course) prisoners, and most certainly water-boarding them and now that we're, oh, say, 9 months from an election they decide..."let's start talking about how illegal it is."

Of course, nine months is far longer than the attention span of the average American, so if we make them forget we ever did it, then we can likely get John McCain elected President. Just the idea that they've struck that deal cements their evilness to me.

What a heinous piece of work he is.

The price of gas dropped here today too. It was all over the news this morning..idn't that convenient?

Do you really want someone as your President who had never heard of the acronym LGBT until about three months ago?

The Sky!...she is NOT Falling!

I'm trying to be gracious to the local weather people.

They're making it difficult.

I wish I could count the number of times this winter they've said:

"Lookout!!!" "It's gonna snow!" "We're gonna get clobbered." (I'm paraphrasing, of course, weather people are far more well-spoken than that.)

My irritation with them is that they're inevitably incorrect in these dire predictions.

Last night was a prime example. "Up to 10 inches of snow" was predicted for the area, (admittedly, they said it cold go north of here, which it did.) When it finally did start it was late in the evening and all it did was to provide people who shouldn't be driving in the first place a chance to demonstrate the truth of their dilemma.

This morning most of the city is closed.

There was 3 (count 'em 3!) inches of snow at my apt.

Come on!

But enough of my disappointment at the lack of real snow here during my last midwest winter.

I have the day off, and I'm staying in bed.

Not exactly true I just found a website that lists all the bike rides in the entire state for 2008 and I'm downloading stuff like crazy. I could do one a week if I wanted.

One a month will be sufficient, thanks.

But it's very fun news!

Remember Hot Guy Friday is coming...and remember it's Black history month!

and another thing!

Just in case anyone was wondering.

Tom Brady is my MVP regardless



Look at that face...I just want to take him home and make a bundle out of him

The Reveal

Here it is! I'm so excited to show you the Freaking amazing 2008 Ancient Egyptian pop-up calendar. I'm not crapping my pants, mind you, but it is fun.


This was the first day it was up, yesterday. Which was the last day of January, so that month didn't go to waste. And this is today Feb 1.



It just gets better and better!

Now on to Friday's hot guy pictures.

How hard should it be to find a picture of Dave Navarro without a shirt? I mean, has anyone ever seen Dave WITH one? Amazingly it took me a while to locate this.



Admittedly it's a pretty good one, but damn Dave, when did you start wearing so many clothes? I looked for a full five minutes before finding this puppy.

And finally Freddie Prinze Jr. will round out our latin selections this month.


I know, I know, Dave is technically part spanish i.e. castillian, and Freddie is...well...NEW Mexican,(actually puerto rican) but whatta ya gonna do, they're both kinda cute. One in a nasty scruffy sort of way and the other in that suburban squeaky clean bland-ish kinda way.

I'd keep either one if they showed up. (or both for that matter)

Last night's class was great fun. The grumbling about actual work has started. I gave them a play to read, and immediately someone asked if I knew there was 74-no, 79 pages to read.

It's a rare thing when I am speechless.

I used to resent it when professors said, "This is college."

But now I know why they said it.

I allowed that they might learn more if we read the play in class. Meaning they might actually read the damn thing at all, so that's what we're doing. Over the objections to all the "fucks" and "son of a bitches" these characters say. Again, speechless.

I did dupe them into abandoning the idea of participating in the one-act play festival. I don't have the time to direct and they'd flake out anyway, so now they're putting up a mock production. I made them think it's gonna be easy.

It's gonna be fun when they discover that I expect them to produce actual work. The Producer must secure a contract with an actual local venue to rent the theatre and acquire crews, make arrangements with unions and locate financing. and the rest have no less work to do. hehe

So, as usual the students think they're getting over on the teacher, and then they find out what it's really all about. I'm loving this.


I have to visit my brother. His wife is getting laid off after 24 years cause the company she works for is leaving the region. Businesses are so fucked. They told her they were closing the store on the 9th and she was welcome to fill out an application for the new owners if she'd like.

They'll be fine in the end, but it's just another of those wonderful scenarios where a business screws its employees on the way out the door.

Have a good weekend all.

Fabulousness

It's here! (it really is this time)

The "Freaking Amazing 2008 Ancient Egyptian Pop-Up Calendar has arrived! It's on my office wall, and I have pictures. It is actually pretty damn cool.

However, AT&T, pieces of shit that they are, has not sent said pictures from my phone to my email for the last THREE HOURS. What could they possibly be doing? Other than squandering some more of the dollars I waste on their "services." We may never know.
Cell Phone Fight Club maybe? They can't talk about it, so we're forever in the dark.

Like my damn pictures.

woohoo!

It's here!

The Freaking Amazing Ancient Egyptian Pop-up calendar is HERE!!!

Well, it's actually in the office at my apartment and I won't be able to get it until tomorrow but I found a notice from the mailman in my box this morning telling me there was a package in the office, and since it's the only thing I'm expecting....woohoo!!!

Thankfully I didn't see it yesterday. I couldn't have gotten it,and I was worthless yesterday. I can't figure it out. I could not sleep enough this weekend and I needed still more yesterday. I went home after work and slept....well, I woke up in time to go to bed, and then I lay there thinking I'd screwed up and that I'd be lucky to sleep at all during the night...and then...It was 5 a.m. I guess I needed to sleep a lot more. I'm better now thank you.

Perhaps it was being so busy this weekend. Cocktail party friday night with a friend from out of town, then dinner and a play. Sunday I couldn't do anything but nap. We did see a chamber music concert in the afternoon, but I barely stayed awake for it. I need some decent weather (as it snows outside) and some time outdoors! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

Hopefully I'll have the calendar thursday and I can take a picture and post it here.

I'm so excited!

not gettin' it done

It seems as though I simply will not motivate today. There's plenty to do, but no real reason to do it. Besides the morning was nothing but one crisis after the other.

Someone gave this woman a "new" computer, that had actually been refurbished and they didn't realize that buried inside the software from it's previous incarnation was the command to change the price of every item in the library system that was scanned by this particular computer...to $0.

I started to see some rather peculiar things in my daily reports and when I finally figured out what was going on I ran a specific report for this issue. It was then that I found out that this week alone said woman had scanned over 500 items. Of course, every item is a different price, so I can't restore them all unless I do it one by one. I love my job, I love my job, I love my job...

So though most of the daily stuff is done there is still some that it appears will not get done before end of day.

Too bad, I'm gonna ogle Nic Gonzalez instead.


Where do they keep these perfect latin men?

My perfect Latin man turned out to be a nut case.

Oh well it's Martini Night!

thought bubble

"I'm gonna beat your ass old man."

"Bring it Bitch."

checking in or out as the case may be

I haven't posted in a while. I was pretty sure I'd be too busy this month to do much of this, and so far my prediction is proving correct.

I just wanted to do a follow-up on the Mommie Dearest stuff. It's not had much of an effect on my life really. I never knew any of these people and therefore have no reason to miss them. I don't know what I expected in starting the whole thing up in the first place. It's not a tragedy, just an interesting episode in my estimation. I did find Auntie Georgia. So I do have the option of calling her. If I really want to pursue something to ruin I'm covered.

I need to prepare for my class tomorrow. I have their quiz and most of my lecture outlined, but I think I'll read the chapter one more time just to be sure I have a clue what I'm talking about.

Sad news about Heath ledger. Someone that young should be around a lot longer. I've seen some rather bizarre reactions on the net. From gibberish from actors who should never be allowed to say their own words in public, to attempts to equate this guys untimely death to gay rights. Wow. Everyone needs a piece of some people I guess.

I've been looking at bikes all morning. I don't know that the point is my needing a new one, but more that I just WANT TO RIDE!!! It's 14 degrees though, so I shall continue to look a while longer..like about 60 days.

My kingdom for a horse, and some weather in which to ride the damn thing. I so need to get outside my head...and my body.

Latinfest

Happy Latin Men Festival!!!

Ain't they pretty?

It's FRIDAY!!!

Last nights teaching gig was...well... ok I'm a complete neurotic. It was fine. They were all but comatose and I'd forgotten what that can be like.

Gael Garcia Bernal demonstrates why I always make passes at boys who wear glasses.

And I refuse to jump on the "I hate Ricky Martin because he won't come out." bandwagon. I mean, look at that face. How could one possibly get mad at that?

Freddy Rodriguez I loved on Six Feet Under, and he just keeps gettin' cuter EVERY TIME I SEE HIM!

Kirk Acevedo.......dear god, worth going to prison for. Well, Oz anyway.

Jimmy Smits, I've loved since L.A. Law, so he always gets my vote.

Nestor Carbonell and Eddie Cibrian are excellent arguments for lifting the travel restrictions to Cuba.


Little planned this weekend. It's going to be cold and gray...oh boy my favorite!

I'll probably read, watch movies, and work on lesson plans.

Unless Ricky, Gael, Freddy, Jimmy, Eddie, Nestor, or Kirk call. Then I'm busy.

I got this feeling...

I am beginning to doubt that this woman will ever screw up the courage to contact me at all. I also found out yesterday that she never told anyone she had an illegitimate child, so I'm her dirty little secret, and the little devil on my shoulder keeps telling me to pursue the matter. But I doubt that I will. So she gets to go to her grave with the knowledge that she had the opportunity to make things right with her past issue of giving up her child and that she didn't take advantage of that opportunity. (I will publish her name here, but I've decided to give her a little more time.)

Today I start teaching. And as everyone has told me, it's not as big a deal as I thought it was. I'm just glad it has come to pass.

We finally got some of that snow I was lamenting yesterday. It's very pretty. And I've had enough winter for one year thanks.

Tomorrow is pretty picture friday. I'll see who comes up this time. Maybe each month should have a theme. I've blown the latin lover theme I started with Enrique because last week was Johnny Depp. But I think I can repair the damage if I do a really good job of latin guys tomorrow. I'll do my best.

Limbo- I thought Benedict abolished that!

I had to come back and spiff this post up with a little levity. Thanks to Daniel, the-guy-no-longer-in-the-desert for the pic of Benny and his "Bitchin'Pimp Hat."

Another Catholic tradition comes smacking down on my head. Limbo, it's where I'm living. We'll see if dear old mom has the courage to call or write.

I have decided to write my autobiography though. I mean seriously that last 50 years have been way too interesting to just pass off without being chronicled. And I'm naming names dammit!

So look for "The Love-child of Perfect Village." in stores near you. Of course, I have to write it. And then find a publisher. And then deal with editors. And galleys. And Proofs.

Ok, well look for it in stores in about four years.

Today I'm a student, tomorrow I'm a teacher. No, literally, today I start pottery class, and then tomorrow I start teaching my classes.

It's been so long coming it's now an anti-climax.

Sorry for the gray mood, I was promised snow today. All we got was rain.

Methaphors, bah humbug.

The Thick Plottens

I sent her a letter. I know, it was a chickenshit way out, but I just cannot pick up the phone and potentially disrupt someone's life like that, can't do it.

No response yet. And after yesterday's little conversation with my brother I may not want to have that conversation.

I have to say here that this entire fucked-up family told lie after lie to cover up this dirty little secret and I may never actually uncover the truth. So what my brother thinks he knows, though it may be the truth as he knows it, doesn't jibe with what I've learned over the years. And GOD I hope he's wrong.

You may have read here in older posts about my cousin Bob, with whom I became very close the last 20 years of his life. He was the second generation of gay men in the family and we bonded when I was in my late teens. At that time he lived out of state and after he returned we spent many hours hanging out together. It's possible that he was my uncle, but as I said I doubt that. Besides I have a hard time believing that he would die without telling me. If he did he'd better expect to get exhumed so I can tell him off.

Yesterday I had this little minor medical procedure and someone had to pick me up after, so I called my brother. During lunch I told him about my little adventure into the deep throat world of adoption searches and he told me the version he'd always heard was that Bob's older brother Bill was my father.

This would suck on many levels, the most immediate being that the bastard is dead so I cannot tell him what a fuck he is. He looked me in the eye many times, and never to acknowledge who he was to me is potentially...well, as shitty as it gets, but as I said it doesn't make sense with my evidence, so I'm holding out hope that this story is wrong.

There is compelling evidence that my brother is just another victim of the incredible lengths the family went to in concealing my adoption. So I have to wait to see if this woman calls or writes and if she does, what gets said. See, this is why I hate drama.

And this family "just can't understand" why I won't have anything to do with them anymore.

I'm just mean I guess.

Paving the road to Hell

"You cannot expect people to believe in the promise of a better future when they are jailed for peacefully petitioning their government," Bush said. "And you cannot stand up a modern, confident nation when you do not allow people to voice their legitimate criticisms."

Somebody please tell me George Bush did not stand up and say these things in public with a straight face. See, this guy is crazier than i thought he was, and that's saying something.

We cannot go to war with yet another country. Is he planning on taking over the whole world? Is that what America means to him? Occupy and run, by proxy, every single country that isn't aligned with your views? When, WHEN is someone going to stand up and call this guy out?

Now, I think Hugo Chavez is pretty crazy, but George Bush is more dangerous than Chavez! He's not only got the delusions but he's in charge of the biggest superpower in the world. Scary is an understatement

Write everybody you can think of in congress and tell them you DO NOT want to go to war with another country. I fear those pleas will fall on deaf ears, but do it anyway.

Don't not do it because you think your representatives and senators won't listen to you. I live in Kansas, and I'm represented by Sam Brownback, Pat Roberts and Dennis Moore, so you got nuthin on me.

Do it!

And then pray.

Stepping in family

I love Johnny Depp. He's just always fun to watch. Not ugly either.

I did, I stepped in it this time. It's not irreparable...yet. And I could ignore what I've done and it'd go away. I'm just not sure I want to ignore it. Not sure about any of it really. Ok, I'll stop being cryptic.

The other day, Wednesday I think, I looked at my horoscope and it said that if I ever wanted to solve a mystery that this was the perfect time for me to do so, that I would have great luck at it.

I thought for a while and came to the conclusion that the only real mystery in my life is my birth parents. I have a pretty good idea who my birth mother is, where she is, and what her name is. If I really wanted to I could reach her I think. I've just never had occasion to want to. My birth father though, complete mystery. I MIGHT know his first name. That's it.

So I went online poked around a bit and found a site that had a message board and I posted. I told you I stepped in it.

Now I know dick about the cloak and dagger world of adoption searches. But man is it mysterious. Within three hours I get this email asking for more information. So I told the version of the story I know, which must be fairly accurate, because I get an email back very quickly from someone who tells me that I should call them, they've found my "family" hmmmm

I pondered this rather unexpected development overnight and decided that I wasn't biting without getting some info of my own. (by the way she wasn't exactly where I thought she was.)

I emailed back and asked who this person was, how they came by this info, and just what it was going to cost me. (I've heard lots of horror stories about people getting fleeced by scams like this.)

I was informed that there was no fee for this service, that my contact was someone called a search angel and that their info came from a reliable source who actually knows my birth mother. See this gets even weirder, so I'm kinda creeped out at this point, and I tell them I'll think about it.

Then they emailed me the contact info. Name, address, and phone and told me to call.

Gee thanks, no pressure there.

So here I am with some information on my computer screen and shitloads of rejection scenarios in my head, wondering if I should do this at all. I don't have any animosity about the adoption, it's my understanding I was the product of a couple of teenagers in the mid 50's exercising a huge lack of judgement and I totally get that. So no I don't have any negative feelings about the issue.

The scenarios are many. There's the rejection option. "I don't want you in my life go away and never call here again." ok, well not very nice, but understandable after half a century, I wouldn't like it, but at least I'd have some answer.

There's the "OH my god I thought I'd never find you." option. In which they insist I become a huge part of their lives instantly and run me off with their gushing...no gushing please.

There's the jealous sibling option, where her other children go nuts on learning about me and get rude. That could be a little like an episode of Dallas and I've lived enough of that crap for several lifetimes, thank you.

There's the option where I call, she is so surprised that she drops dead on the spot and then I have another dead mother on my hands. I got two, enough already.

Of course, lurking out there in the back of my head is the option where she goes. "Oh hi! Hey. let's spend a little time getting to know each other and see what kind of a relationship we're going to have. No pressure, no strings, I know you have a life of your own and so do I, so let's not disrupt everyones life over this until we know where we're going with it. By the way, here's your father's name and here's where he lives."

...Yeah I know.

suffering

I told you blogging was going to suffer after the holidays. Today is the last of the catch up phase and then I get to spend the afternoon and evening working on teaching materials. Nothing clears away the neuroses like a deadline. I freaked out all I can, now it's crunch time. Gotta make it up today, it's due tomorrow.

It's a lot like grad school. With the possible exception that at the University of Arkansas Drama Dept the mantra was: "Why am I just hearing about this now?"

None of that so far.

But last night I was thinking about something:

Has no one made this connection so far, and if not why: