Coyote Tales: learning to live with disappoitnment

Friday, July 15, 2011

learning to live with disappoitnment

One would think that after these many centuries I have lived that I wouldn't be a stranger to disappointment, and technically I'm not.

Most of the people I've known in my life have managed to accomplish the feat of disappointing me. Today wasn't a particularly momentous day in the disappointment category, but it provided food for thought.

Perhaps it's the full moon, perhaps it's just that I'm tired and when I'm tired I see trouble where none exists. But I do have cause to reflect on a conversation I had with a friend over a decade ago. During that conversation he said, " Sean, it's time for me to stand still, but I think it's time for you to start moving."

And move I did. I went back to school, I continued on to grad school, and then I met E. Thinking I was on the road to settling down, I moved to a place I really didn't want to live to be with him and shortly thereafter found out it was a mistake. Since then I've been scattered, I've been quite literally at sixes and sevens almost all the time.

Everything I've tried has either been temporary or has passed once it's time had gone. Now I think it might be time for moving on again.

I'm about to be in a position to do so. There are things I want to see, places I want to go, and things I want to do. Do I do that? Do I just forsake material goods and take off? Do I take the risk of looking at the world and seeing if there's a different place in it for me? Maybe.

There's no reason I can think of to stay here. There's no career move to make, no particular person to be here for. No responsibilities that a little cash can't stave off.

The universe is conspiring against me in the house buying department., the employment situation doesn't seem to get better it gets worse. And interpersonal relationships...well, let's just call them the leading source of disappointment.

This time next month I could be anywhere else, literally anywhere. The full moon isn't helping the situation any. Neither is the news that a co-worker who never smoked a day in her life is about to die from lung cancer.

It's just too short, and sitting here waiting for something to happen...well it's not enough.

And so it goes:

No comments:

You're not the boss of me!

Your Rights
You have the right to say no to mythology and religion, and to realize they are one and the same.
You have the right to all the information you need to make an informed decision about mythology.
You have the right to raise your child as an Atheist, free of shame, fear, or embarrassment
You have the right to send your children to public schools knowing they will not be taught mythology as truth or science.
You have the right NOT to pay higher taxes to compensate for those with religion-based Tax Exempt Status (every church, synagogue, and mosque in the country, scientologists and Moonies, too).
You have the right to a voice in politics, and for your elected officials to hear you LOUD AND CLEAR
You have the right to any job in our government, from School Board to President.
You have the right to a secular government that takes no stand on religion except to prohibit religion's intrusion into itself or your life.
You have the right to a government that does not advance religion, fund religion, or depend on religion for guidance.
You have the right to be an American Atheist.

What is Atheism

Atheism is the lack of belief in a deity, which implies that nothing exists but natural phenomena (matter), that thought is a property or function of matter, and that death irreversibly and totally terminates individual organic units. This definition means that there are no forces, phenomena, or entities which exist outside of or apart from physical nature, or which transcend nature, or are “super” natural, nor can there be. Humankind is on its own.

The following definition of Atheism was given to the Supreme Court of the United States in the case of Murray v. Curlett, 374 U.S. 203, 83 S. Ct. 1560, 10 L.Ed.2d (MD, 1963), to remove reverential Bible reading and oral unison recitation of the Lord's Prayer in the public schools:

“Your petitioners are Atheists and they define their beliefs as follows. An Atheist loves his fellow man instead of god. An Atheist believes that heaven is something for which we should work now – here on earth for all men together to enjoy.

An Atheist believes that he can get no help through prayer but that he must find in himself the inner conviction, and strength to meet life, to grapple with it, to subdue it and enjoy it.

An Atheist believes that only in a knowledge of himself and a knowledge of his fellow man can he find the understanding that will help to a life of fulfillment.

He seeks to know himself and his fellow man rather than to know a god. An Atheist believes that a hospital should be built instead of a church. An Atheist believes that a deed must be done instead of a prayer said. An Atheist strives for involvement in life and not escape into death. He wants disease conquered, poverty vanquished, war eliminated. He wants man to understand and love man.

He wants an ethical way of life. He believes that we cannot rely on a god or channel action into prayer nor hope for an end of troubles in a hereafter.

He believes that we are our brother's keepers; and are keepers of our own lives; that we are responsible persons and the job is here and the time is now.”

Seth Walsh

Police in Tehachapi, California, will not pursue charges against students who taunted and bullied 13-year old gay student Seth Walsh, who hung himself nine days ago and was taken off of life support yesterday. "Several of the kids that we talked to broke down into tears," said police chief Jeff Kermode. "They had never expected an outcome such as this." Other students remain in shock over Walsh's tragic death, and seem to understand that homophobic bullying played a role in Walsh's suicide, yet that doesn't mean they'll break what prevention counselor Daryl Thiesen calls the "culture of silence" that surrounds bullying. "You're told you shouldn't be a snitch or tattler," said Thiesen. Walsh's death comes one day after Texas teen Asher Brown shot himself over anti-gay bullying. These incidents are not isolated, America. This isn't a gay problem, nor are these stories just about nasty brats. We're experiencing an anti-gay bullying epidemic, and one that needs to be addressed, for the aforementioned culture of silence isn't just killing kids, it's killing our nation's future.

Asher Brown

Asher Brown's worn-out tennis shoes still sit in the living room of his Cypress-area home while his student progress report — filled with straight A's — rests on the coffee table. The eighth-grader killed himself last week. He shot himself in the head after enduring what his mother and stepfather say was constant harassment from four other students at Hamilton Middle School in the Cypress-Fairbanks Independent School District. Brown, his family said, was "bullied to death" — picked on for his small size, his religion and because he did not wear designer clothes and shoes. Kids also accused him of being gay, some of them performing mock gay acts on him in his physical education class, his mother and stepfather said. The 13-year-old's parents said they had complained about the bullying to Hamilton Middle School officials during the past 18 months, but claimed their concerns fell on deaf ears. David and Amy Truong said they made several visits to the school to complain about the harassment, and Amy Truong said she made numerous phone calls to the school that were never returned. 'We want justice' Cy Fair ISD officials said Monday that they never received any complaints from Brown's parents before the suicide about the way the boy was being treated at school. School district spokeswoman Kelli Durham said no students, school employees or the boy's parents ever reported that he was being bullied. That statement infuriated the Truongs, who accused the school district of protecting the bullies and their parents. "That's absolutely inaccurate — it's completely false," Amy Truong said. "I did not hallucinate phone calls to counselors and assistant principals. We have no reason to make this up. … It's like they're calling us liars." David Truong said, "We want justice. The people here need to be held responsible and to be stopped. It did happen. There are witnesses everywhere." Numerous comments from parents and students on the Web site of KRIV-TV Channel 26, which also reported a story about Brown's death, stated that the boy had been bullied by classmates for several years and claimed Cy-Fair ISD does nothing to stop such harassment. Durham said the school counselor and an assistant principal received an e-mail from Amy Truong earlier this month, asking them to keep an eye on her son, but Durham said it was because of ongoing concerns at home and not about bullying. Shot himself with pistol Brown was found dead on the floor of his stepfather's closet at the family's home in the 11700 block of Cypresswood about 4:30 p.m. Thursday. He used his stepfather's 9 mm Beretta, stored on one of the closet's shelves, to kill himself. He left no note. David Truong found the teen's body when he arrived home from work. On the morning of his death, the teen told his stepfather he was gay, but Truong said he was fine with the disclosure. "We didn't condemn," he said. His parents said Brown had been called names and endured harassment from other students since he joined Cy-Fair ISD two years ago. As a result, he stuck with a small group of friends who suffered similar harassment from other students, his parents said. His most recent humiliation occurred the day before his suicide, when another student tripped Brown as he walked down a flight of stairs at the school, his parents said. When Brown hit the stairway landing and went to retrieve his book bag, the other student kicked his books everywhere and kicked Brown down the remaining flight of stairs, the Truongs said. Durham said that incident was investigated, but turned up no witnesses or video footage to corroborate the couple's claims. 'I hope you're happy' The Truongs say they just want the harassment to stop so other students do not suffer like their son did and so another family does not have to endure such a tragedy. "Our son is just the extreme case of what happens when (someone is) just relentless," Amy Truong said. To the bullies, she added, "I hope you're happy with what you've done. I hope you got what you wanted and you're just real satisfied with yourself."

Justin Aaberg

WCCO reports on the tragic death of Justin Aaberg, which happened in July: "Justin Aaberg came out as gay when he was 13 and, as his mom found out only after he hanged himself, suffered tremendously inside. 'I actually thought he had the perfect life. I thought out of anybody I knew that he had the perfect life,' said Justin Aaberg's mother, Tammy Aaberg. 'But I guess he didn't think so.' In the weeks since she found her son dead in his room on July 9, Tammy Aaberg has heard from many of her son's friends at Anoka High School. They told her Justin Aaberg had been bullied and had recently broken up with his boyfriend. Those same students also opened up about their own experiences, telling her they feel harassed and unsafe as gay and lesbian students. 'These kids, they just hate themselves. They literally feel like they want to die. So many kids are telling me this,' said Tammy Aaberg, fighting tears." There were five suicides in the Anoka-Hennepin District last year, and a lesbian student there as well as a teacher believe at least three were attributable to anti-gay bullying. The school district asks teachers to "remain neutral" on the bullying because of some conservative dipshits in the district who apparently don't want "gay" being addressed at school: "...name-calling and bullying happen often in the district because teachers and students don't stand up to it. The teachers said that's partly because other teachers are scared and confused about how to interpret the curriculum policy. The Anoka-Hennepin School District said the curriculum policy and bullying are two entirely separate issues. 'It's very difficult. We have a community that has widely varying opinions, and so to respect all families, as the policy says, we ask teachers to remain neutral,' said District Spokeswoman Mary Olson."

Billy Lucas is dead

Greensburg, Ind. — He was a teenager who didn't quite fit in. His classmates said Billy Lucas was bullied for being different. The 15-year-old never told anyone he was gay but students at Greensburg High School thought he was and so they picked on him. "People would call him 'fag' and stuff like that, just make fun of him because he's different basically," said student Dillen Swango. Students told Fox59 News it was common knowledge that children bullied Billy and from what they said, it was getting worse. Last Thursday, Billy's mother found him dead inside their barn. He had hung himself. Students said on that same day, some students told Billy to kill himself. "They said stuff like 'you're like a piece of crap' and 'you don't deserve to live.' Different things like that. Talked about how he was gay or whatever," said Swango. Principal Phil Chapple doesn't deny that students are bullied in the high school, but he said he didn't know Billy was one of the victims. "We were not aware of that situation," said Chapple. It's clear though, on a memorial page created in Billy's honor that many people knew students bullied him. We found comments like "everyone made fun of him" It's a wake up call to a serious problem the school can't ignore. "We're discussing where we are going. Where we are looking to establish a committee," said Principal Chapple. It's a common problem inside Greensburg High School that goes way back. "I was bullied several times because I was gay. I was called f**, queer. i was thrown up against lockers. I would tell the school officials about it and they would dismiss it," said a former student who did not want to be identified. He is 21 years old now and the awful memories of high school came rushing back when he heard about Billy's suicide. "I can't help but take it personally because when all of this was happening to me I was the same age he was. I also attempted to commit suicide." Other students are speaking out on a facebook page created in Billy's honor and it's obvious that bullies have hurt students at Greensburg High School. Billy's death is a wake up call.

Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover

Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover was 11-- hardly old enough to know his sexuality and yet distraught enough to hang himself last week after school bullies repeatedly called him "gay." Derogatory labels regarding sexual orientation torment kids across the country. The Springfield, Mass., football player and Boy Scout was ruthlessly teased, despite his mother's pleas to the New Leadership Charter School to address the problem. Sirdeaner L. Walker, 43, found Carl hanging by an extension cord on the second floor of the family's home April 6, just minutes before she was going to a meeting to confront school authorities again. "I am brokenhearted," she told ABCNews.com. "We worry about the economy and about Iraq, but we need to be worried about our schools." Walker, who works as a director of homeless programs, said Carl -- a slight child who loved his schoolwork -- had endured endless taunts since he started sixth grade in Septemb

Jaheem Herrera

"On Thursday afternoon, after returning home from Dunaire Elementary School, Jaheem quietly went into his room and hanged himself. His 10-year-old sister, Yerralis, also a fifth-grader, discovered Jaheem’s dead body. 'His sister was screaming, ‘Get him down, get him down,’' said Norman Keene, who helped raise Jaheem since the boy was two years old. When Keene got to the room, he saw Yerralis holding her brother, trying to remove the pressure of the noose her brother had fashioned with a fabric belt. Jaheem was bullied relentlessly, his family said. Keene said the family knew the boy was a target, but until his death they didn’t understand the scope. 'We’d ask him, ‘Jaheem, what’s wrong with you?’' Keene recalled. 'He’d never tell us.' He didn’t want his sister to tell, either. She witnessed much of the bullying, and many times rose to her brother’s defense, Keene said. 'They called him gay and a snitch,' his stepfather said. 'All the time they’d call him this.' In an interview with WSB-TV, the boy’s mother, Masika Bermudez, also said her son was being bullied at school. She said she had complained to the school. She said she asked him about the bullying Thursday when he came home from school and he denied it. She sent him to his room to calm down. It was the last time she would see him alive." The school has subsequently denied there was any bullying taking place.

Hero!

Haunted Man of the Cloth and Pioneer of Gay Rights By MARK OPPENHEIMER Published: September 18, 2010 The death this month of Seymour Pine, the vice officer who in June 1969 led a police raid on the Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village, unwittingly galvanizing the gay rights movement, is a reminder that history has its forgotten actors, too. For every star in the history of gay rights — think the politician Harvey Milk, or the comedian Ellen DeGeneres — there are many more bit players, people whose names do not even make the credits. In the world of religion, one of the great neglected actors, a man who had a marquee moment but then fell into obscurity, is the Rev. James Stoll, a Unitarian Universalist who died in 1994. Mr. Stoll, one of the first openly gay ministers in America, had a difficult life, and his demons seemed to follow him to an early grave. But he was hugely responsible for introducing American churchgoers to gay rights. For those who support gay rights, he ought to be a hero; for those troubled by increased acceptance of homosexuality, he makes a vivid villain. Mr. Stoll was born in 1936 in Connecticut. He was educated at Mount Hermon School, in Massachusetts, at San Francisco State University and, finally, at Starr King School for the Ministry, in Berkeley, Calif. After being ordained, he pastored a church in Kennewick, Wash., from 1962 until 1969. After leaving the church in Kennewick — church documents indicate that he was asked to resign — he moved back to the Bay Area. In the words of Mr. Stoll’s friend Leland Bond-Upson, who in 2005 first delivered a sermon about him at a church in Petaluma, Calif., Mr. Stoll took a flat in the Eureka Valley neighborhood of San Francisco “with three others (me the draft counselor, Nick the cabinetmaker and Peter the communist revolutionary), and for a full year we four hosted an unending stream of young visitors, all come to look for America or something.” Soon, in September 1969, Mr. Stoll drove Mr. Bond-Upson and two others in his Volkswagen Fastback to the La Foret conference center in Colorado Springs to attend a convention of about 100 college-age Unitarians. “On the second or third night of the conference,” according to Mr. Bond-Upson, “after dinner, Jim got up to speak. He told us that he’d been doing a lot of hard thinking that summer. Jim told us he could no longer live a lie. He’d been hiding his nature — his true self — from everyone except his closest friends. ‘If the revolution we’re in means anything,’ he said, ‘it means we have the right to be ourselves, without shame or fear.’ “Then he told us he was gay, and had always been gay, and it wasn’t a choice, and he wasn’t ashamed anymore and that he wasn’t going to hide it anymore, and from now on he was going to be himself in public. After he concluded, there was a dead silence, then a couple of the young women went up and hugged him, followed by general congratulations. The few who did not approve kept their peace.” Mr. Stoll was not the first openly gay minister. He had been preceded by at least one man, the Rev. Troy Perry, who the previous year had founded the Metropolitan Community Churches in Los Angeles. That denomination, which has straight members but has always specialized in ministry to queer communities, now claims 43,000 members in 22 countries. But Mr. Stoll was a minister of an established denomination — a liberal one, often so diverse as to seem post-Christian, but nonetheless one with Christian roots. As such, he brought gay rights to the heterosexual Christian world. Over the next year, newly emboldened, Mr. Stoll wrote articles about gay rights and delivered guest sermons at several churches. In July 1970, at their general assembly in Seattle, Unitarians passed a resolution condemning discrimination against homosexuals and bisexuals. Other churches soon liberalized, too. In 1972, for example, the United Church of Christ ordained an openly gay man, and today there are openly gay Episcopal priests and Lutheran ministers. Having pioneered an important change in American Christianity, Mr. Stoll never returned to the ministry. In fact, it seems that he could not. According to letters kept at Harvard, sent in 1970 between church members and Unitarian officials, Mr. Stoll had been suspected of drug use and of inappropriate sexual advances toward young people in the Kennewick congregation. The circumstances of his departure made it unlikely he would find another pulpit. Over the next 25 years, Mr. Stoll had a varied career. He worked as a substance abuse counselor, started a hospice on Maui, in Hawaii, and served as secretary of the San Francisco chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union. “He died on Dec. 8, 1994,” Mr. Bond-Upson said in his 2005 sermon, “a little short of age 59. He died not of AIDS, but of worn-out heart and lungs. He was never able to lose much weight, nor quit smoking. When it was known he was dying, a stream of friends came to say goodbye. Friends arrived from the A.C.L.U., from inner-city social services, from Hunters Point, from drug abuse treatment centers, from the ministry. Yet despite all this matchmaking, and though his romantic side often found expression, Jim never had for long the all-embracing love he longed for.” Mr. Stoll left no descendants, but he had many heirs.

Brandon White

At a press conference this afternoon, Brandon White, the Atlanta man beaten by a gang outside of a grocery store in a video posted online that went viral earlier this week, spoke out about the attack.
Said White: "I feel that if a straight person can walk to the store and not have a problem, I should be able to do the same. I shouldn't have to worry about whether I should look over my shoulder, or is this person going to attack me, or is that person going to attack me for just being a gay male. I feel as though I should have justice, because those guys didnt feel my pain. They didn't care whether or not I was injured. I could have died that day. They don't know what they do to people. They're monsters."
White got a round of applause when he added: "By them going ahead and putting it on the internet, I feel that they wanted the attention...they wanted to make themselves look like they were brave or strong, but in my opinion, I'm the brave one."
White continued: “Who's to say they won't come after me again...Who's to say this time they won't try to kill me. All because I wanted to speak up about the situation."

And still...

Three men have been arrested in an alleged anti-gay assault in St. Cloud, Minnesota, according to the St. Cloud Times: "The incident happened at 2:24 a.m. in the alley near DB Searle’s, 18 Fifth Ave. S. The men hurled gay slurs at the man and beat him, said Martin Sayre of the St. Cloud police department. The victim is identified as a 22-year-old from St. Louis Park. He had cuts and bruises to his face and hands, Sayre said. Matthew Warren Thomas, 24, of Rogers, Chad Vincent Hands, 21, of Elk River, and Ryan Andrew Frane, 23, of St. Cloud were arrested and taken to Stearns County Jail." The men have not yet been charged.

Bloody Hell

A cowardly gang of five brutally beat a teen in an anti-gay attack in Bridgwater, UK: "Jason Saunders, aged 18, was left with a broken nose and bruising after being jumped on by a five-strong gang after they started shouting abuse at him as he walked to work from the Sydenham area of Bridgwater with his partner, Gary Holman. The attack happened June 23, at around 6.40pm. Turning on to College Way, he walked past a group of five people. The group started shouting abuse at him, calling him 'queer' and 'ginger', telling him to 'sort out his hair colour'. Jason said: 'I asked them why they were shouting abuse at me and the next thing I know, all five people were attacking me. They were kicking and punching me in the face and still calling me names.' After the attack, Jason was rushed to Bridgwater Hospital, before being taken to Musgrove Park Hospital in Taunton as doctors were worried about him drifting in and out of consciousness. He has been left traumatised and in fear of his safety. Left with a broken nose and bruising, he has become totally reliant on other people." According to police, one 29-year-old man was arrested and released on bail pending further

Last year, Andy Towle wrote about an anti-gay hate attack at Robert's Lafitte, a gay bar in Galveston, Texas, in which two patrons was attacked with a 4-pound stone. One of the three assailants reached a plea agreement in January for a five-year sentence. On Friday, one of the other remaining two assailants received their verdicts.

The Galveston Daily News reports:

"Alejandro Sam Gray, 18, pleaded guilty Friday to two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon with an enhancement for a hate crime, Galveston County Assistant District Attorney Jon Hall said.

Judge Susan Criss, of Galveston’s 212th District Court, sentenced Gray to 20 years on both counts, but his sentences will run concurrently, Hall said."

Gray's mother told the Daily News that she thinks her son's sentence is too harsh. She claims that "he isn’t a bad kid” and told the paper that he "was adamant about graduating high school and wanted to be a video game designer, artist and dance choreographer."

One of the victims Marc Bosaw, who needed 12 staples to shut the wound to his head, had the this to say about the judge's verdict:

"I am quite off balance, and I stutter some. I recently fell and was hospitalized with a broken shoulder and head injury again.” He added, “I don’t want this to ruin their lives, but people have been telling me I guess my life was ruined also."

Transgender Woman Found Beaten to Death in Houston Field

Myra Ical, a transgender woman, was found dead in a field in the Montrose neighborhood of Houston last week. Authorities are struggling for information:

"The body of the 51-year-old was found in the 4300 block of Garrott near Richmond. Police said her body was covered in bruises and showed signs that she tried to fight back. Williams said she has been in constant contact with police. 'She went down fighting and she was literally beaten to death,' she said. Police said Ical was previously known as Ruben Dario Ical. Investigators are not calling this a hate crime, but they’re not ruling out anything at this time. “It concerns me a lot,” said Lou Weaver, who is helping plan a vigil for Ical. 'A lot of my friends live around here. I drive down this road constantly going to and from where I live.' Weaver and Williams said it doesn’t appear as if Ical has family living in the Houston area. They’ve seen her at some of their transgender support group meetings and have taken on the task of putting up fliers throughout the neighborhood. 'We’re just interested in solving this crime,' said Williams."

Equality Texas mourned Ical's death and expressed concern about Houston's record on transgender murders:

"The Houston area now has seven (7) unsolved transgender murder cases in the past decade...Equality Texas asks for the public’s help in solving Ms. Ical’s murder. We also call upon area media outlets to be respectful in their reporting on this case. Several media reports have referred to the victim using male pronouns. Standard media style, including the Associated Press, is clear that transgender people should be referred to using pronouns that reflect their gender identity."

Jason Gage

Jason Gage (1976 - March 11, 2005) was a 29-year-old man who was murdered in his Waterloo, Iowa apartment, by an assailant who claimed Gage made sexual advances. Jason Gage was last seen alive on March 11, 2005, socializing with friends in Waterloo's downtown bars. Sometime that night he went home to his apartment in the Russell-Lamson building. With him was 23-year-old Joseph Lawrence. Gage was originally from Oelwein, Iowa. He'd lived in Chicago and Milwaukee before moving to Waterloo years earlier. He settled downtown, and worked waiting tables in the Italian restaurant of his apartment building. He enrolled at the College of Hair Design in Waterloo, Iowa, in January 2003, and his friends said he dreamed of working in a big city salon.[1] Lawrence moved to Iowa from Farmington, New Mexico, where he'd been an oil worker. New Mexico court records show that Lawrence pleaded guilty to possession of one ounce of marijuana in January 2003. He spent 30 days in the San Juan County Jail. Lawrence was born in Seaford, Delaware and was adopted at age 5. He moved with his adoptive parents to Maryland, New Jersey, and then to Ohio. He was removed from his birthparents for severe abuse and spent several years in foster care before he was 5. He has a history of mental illness for which he spent time in mental health group homes and hospitalizations. He has a history of intermittent rage disorder for which he has been treated in the past. During his time in Ohio, he decided he no longer wanted to be adopted and moved back into foster care at age 16. From there, he moved to Phoenix, Arizona and then on to New Mexico. In early 2003, Lawrence moved from Farmington, New Mexico to Cedar Falls, Iowa, to be with his girlfriend—Elizabeth Hostetler—who was six months pregnant with their child. The couple—who had been together for a year—decided to move to Cedar Falls, because Hostetler had many "lifelong friends" in the area who could help with the baby . Hostetler said she introduced Gage and Lawrence about a week before Gage's murder. Hostetler had met Gage through an acquaintance and had known him for about two years. Witnesses said Gage and Lawrence were together the night Gage was killed. They were seen at Kings & Queens, the local gay club, before heading to an after hours party at The Times Bar. The two left at some point and headed back to Gage's apartment. According to Hostetler, Gage told Lawrence that he could wait for a ride at his apartment, which was two blocks away from The Times Bar. A female friend and roommate of Hostetler's said Lawrence called late Friday or early Saturday asking for a ride home from downtown, because he "didn't like the hospitality of the place," and needed a ride or he was going to "end up in jail." An investigator said he received a call from a man who had been asked to give Lawrence a ride home from a downtown club. Lawrence never showed up for the ride, and the man said he later heard that from Hostetler that Lawrence had beat up Gage. In the early hours of March 12, phone records show Lawrence sent several text messages to friends in Iowa and New Mexico via his cell phone. "I just killed a guy I think, " one read. A second sent to Michael Bailey in New Mexico flashed "U need to call me soon." A phone conversation between Bailey and Lawrence, in which Lawrence said "some guy" tried to "hit on him real bad" and described "a fight that got way out of hand," indicated that Lawrence may not have known Gage was dead Lawrence gave a videotaped statement at the Waterloo police station after plain-clothes police officer went to the home he shared Hostetler and asked him to come in for questioning. A police affidavit Lawrence acknowledged hitting Gage twice with a bottle and stabbing him with a piece of glass On December 16, 2005, as part of a plea agreement, Joseph Lawrence entered an Alford plea in the case of Jason Gage's murder. The plea allowed Lawrence to avoid admitting guilt while acknowledging that he would likely have been found guilty of Gage's murder had the case gone to trial. Originally charged with first degree murder, which would have meant a life sentence without parole, Lawrence pleaded to the lesser charge of second degree murder. As part of the plea agreement, Lawrence also waived his right to appeal the plea and the sentence, and to pay a $150,000 civil penalty to Gage's estate. After entering his plea, Lawrence added "I have nothing appropriate to say," and sat silent during his sentencing. Judge Bruce Zager sentenced Lawrence to 50 years, which was the mandatory punishment under Iowa law. Lawrence must serve at least 70 percent—35 years—of his sentence before he is eligible for parole.

Jimmy Lee Dean

Dean, a native of Cincinnati, had lived in Dallas for about 20 years, and had lost contact with his family. Dean worked as a freelance web designer, but his true love is music and playing his guitar, and his goal is to open a home recording studio to help other artists cut demos.Around midnight on July 17, Dean left Alexandre's — one of two gay bars he'd been to that night — and began walking back towards his apartment complex 50 yards away. Michael Robinson, a 48-year-old gay man and car salesman, walked out of Zini's Pizzaria around the same time. He encountered Dean, who was walking in the same direction, and the two struck up a conversation. Near the corner of Throckmorton Street and Dickerson Avenue, they passed Bobby Jack Singleton, 26, and Jonathan Russell Gunter, 31, walking in the opposite direction. Dean gave them a nod, having recalled seeing them there before, and kept walking. Singleton and Gunter doubled back and came up behind Robinson and Dean. Robinson turned to confront them. A verbal exchange occurred between the parties, and Robinson urged Dean to keep walking. When Singleton and Gunter got between him and Dean, Robinson ran to his apartment one block away and retrieved a kitchen knife. When he returned, Dean lay on the ground with Singleton and Gunter kicking him, stomping his face and yelling things like “you gay ass motherfucker, punk-ass bitch,” according to Robinson. Singleton and Gunter attacked Dean, pistol-whipped him with a 9mm Glock handgun, as well as kicking and stomping his head, face, and body. Witnesses said that Singleton and Gunter used anti-gay epithets before, during, and after the attack. When Robinson approached with the knife, one of the men pulled the gun on him that they'd used to beat Dean. Distracted, they began walking a way from Dean. Norman Draper, 26, a heterosexual passing motorist acting as designated driver for some gay friends, saw Singleton and Gunter pass behind his car on foot, and saw Dean lying in the street. Draper left his vehicle, put flares on the road, and called 911. A former security officer and Police Explorer, he used latex gloves to retrieve the gun that Singleton and Gunter had tossed into some high grass, as well as a bloody knife lying next to Dean.5) Singleton and Gunter later admitted to police that they'd targeted Dean because they thought it would be easier to rob a gay man. Dean was taken to Parkland Memorial Hospital. He suffered a broken jaw and vertebrae, as well as facial fractures and swelling. Witnesses at the scene said that after the beating, Dean's nosed was attached only by a piece of skin. Dean's injuries were so bad that police were unable to interview him. The attack left Dean unable to talk to police for at least 24 hours, and hospitalized for 10 days. His jaw and cheek bones were crushed from kicks to the head. Seven months after the beating, Dean still lived with pain from the attack, suffered depression, and had not regained his sense of smell, He awaited surgery to repair and replace death damage or lost as a result of the attack, but surgery to repair his drooping eyelid was unsuccessful, making it unlikely that his facial injuries from the attack will be repaired surgically. Following the attack, Robinson went on to organize an hate crimes advocacy group, United Community Against Gay Hate Crimes. Singleton and Gunter were apprehended at the scene by security guards from the nearby clubs. They were arrested and held on bail; $300,000 for Singleton, and $300,500 for Gunter. They were charged with aggravated robbery with a deadly weapon, a first-degree felony, because investigators recovered a set of keys and a Zippo lighter from them, which belonged to Dean. On July 31, the Dallas County prosecutors announced that they would not seek hate crimes charges against Singleton and Gunter. Dallas police plan to categorize the attack as a hate crime for statistical purposes. Prosecutors, however, decided not to pursue hate crime charges because Singleton and Gunter already face the maximum penalty — up to 99 years — if convicted. Under Texas law, a hate crime conviction by a jury could not result in enhanced sentencing, but a hate crimes charge could put a greater burden of proof on the prosecution. Texas law dictates that a hate crimes designation is made during the sentencing faze of a trial, after conviction. On March 4, 2009, Gunter was sentenced to 30 years in prison for his role in the attack on Dean. He face up to life in prison after being convicted of aggravated robbery with a deadly weapon.

Jorge Steven Lopez

"On November 14 the body of a gay 19 year old was found a few miles away from the town in which he was residing in called Caguas. He was a very well known person in the gay community of Puerto Rico, and very loved. He was found on the site of an isolated road in the city of Cayey, he was partially burned, decapitated, and dismembered, both arms, both legs, and the torso. This has caused a huge reaction from the gay community here, but its a difficult situation. Never in the history of Puerto Rico has a murder been classified as a hate crime. Even though we have to follow federal mandates and laws, many of the laws in which are passed in the USA such as Obama’s new bill, do not always directly get practiced in Puerto Rico. The police agent that is handling this case said on a public televised statement that 'people who lead this type of lifestyle need to be aware that this will happen'. As If the boy murdered Jorge Steven Lopez was asking to get killed..." His mother later said: “When my son told me he was gay, I told him, ‘Now, I love you more.’ I want to tell the world that hatred is not born with human beings, it is a seed that is planted by adults and is fostered creating a climate of intolerance and violence. We must change our ways and understand that anyone …could have been my son. And I want everybody to know that Jorge Steven was a very much loved son.”

Christopher Skinner

A crowd estimated at around 1,000 turned out for a vigil in honor of Christopher Skinner, a 27-year-old gay man in Toronto who was beaten by a group of people in an SUV and then run over and killed while walking home from a birthday party last week. Late last week, authorities held a press conference at which they released images of the SUV they believed killed Skinner. Authorities are not sure what the motivation behind the murder was, but they have some theories they are floating. Based on a security camera video, police say Skinner may have accidentally touched the SUV while hailing a cab, inspiring the violent attack which took his life. It's also entirely possible that a group of kids, emboldened by alcohol, saw a vulnerable looking guy they perceived to be gay trying to hail a cab on the street, stopped, beat the crap out of him because of hatred for gays, and then ran him over.

Ian Baynham

"Ian Baynham, 62, was punched and kicked to the ground on 25 September. He suffered head injuries and died in hospital on Tuesday. A 30-year-old man who was with him suffered minor injuries. Police have started a murder inquiry and have appealed for information about CCTV images of two women who were in the area at the time. Officers said Mr Bayman (sic) and his friend were initially verbally abused by a woman as they got off a bus near Duncannon Street. He went to remonstrate with her but she and her two friends, a man and another woman, attacked him. The suspects were seen seated in the area before the assault at about 2245 BST. They are all described as being aged between 16 and 20 and the two females (seen above, in a surveillance photo) had blonde hair. The male was described as dark-skinned, about 5ft 8in tall (1.72m), with black hair." Baynham and his friend had apparently taken the bus into London to enjoy a night out.

Michael Wrenn

Warren and Hudy were walking home from Seattle's Belltown neighborhood around midnight on August 4. Walking down the 2200 block of First Avenue, they passed a group of six men, one of whom was urinating. One of the men in the group offered Hudy $20 to tell the man who was urinating that he had a “red-fox penis,” meant to be a comment on his penis size.1) Hudy declined, and he and Wrenn continued walking. 2) The man who had been urinating stopped and approached Wrenn and Hudy and asked, “What are you guys, fags?” When Wrenn answered “Yeah. I'm gay. What's your problem,” the man shoved Hudy aside, pushed Wrenn to the ground and began punching him. After the attack, the men ran away. Hudy followed the men while also talking to 911 on his cell phone. and eventually led police to them. The primary attacker had fled, but the police were able to get his name. At the scene, medics treated Wrenn for a bloody nose, cuts to his chin, and bruises to his body. He would later develop two black eyes. After the attack, Wrenn and Hudy spoke to the policeman on the scene, and explained to him that they believed the attack was a hate crime, motivated by Wrenn's sexual orientation. The police office did not get out of his car during the interview.3) When Wrenn emphasized that the only reason he was attacked was his sexual orientation, the officer responded that to him that being gay “is your issue.”4) The same officer later filed a which made no mention of the attacker's anti-gay remarks or the bias-based motive of the attack. The incident was classified as an assault, and the “bias crime” box was unchecked. In an interview with Seattle Gay News, a Seattle Police Department spokesman stood by the officer's actions and the veracity of the report. Seattle has a hate crime statute that covers investigations of crimes based on sexual orientation and gender identity. Seattle City Councilmenber Tom Rasmussen asked the Seattle Police Department to look into the incident, and on August 8 Wrenn was informed that a bias crimes detective was being assigned to the case.5) No arrest has been made in Wrenn's assault.

Lisa Craig

On July 4, Craig, 35, and her family – her partner Debbie Riley, 37, and their five-year-old and nine-year-old daughters – went to Boston's Piers Park to watch the fireworks.1) Around 9:00 p.m., an “intoxicated” teenager urinated in view of their children. Craig protested, and the teenager cursed and yelled anti-gay slurs at Craig.2) Riley said the teenagers continued to harass them.3), and followed them through the park taunting them with anti-gay slurs throughout the evening.4) After the fireworks, at about 10:40 p.m. Craig and Riley encountered the teenagers again, after buying ice cream for their daughters.5) The teenagers began fighting and accidentally shoved Craig's and Riley's five-year-old into the ice cream truck.6) Craig then turned and confronted the teenagers. One of them recognized the family and again started yelling anti-gay slurs. The teenage girl then punched Craig. The rest of the teenagers set upon Craig, knocking her to the ground punching and kicking her as she lay on the ground. Craig's head hit the pavement and she was knocked unconscious.7) The teenagers punched and kicked her as she lay on the ground, with her partner and children watching.8) C One of the teenagers grabbed Craig's head and repeatedly slammed her head into the sidewalk, in an attack that lasted several minutes.9) The teenagers grabbed Craig's purse and ran off when a police officer told them to leave before they were arrested. Riley criticized the officer for not arresting Craig's attackers.10) Riley said Massaport police could have arrested the teenagers, but the officer yelled “Get the fuck out of here before I arrest you!”11) With Craig unconscious and an “orange-sized lump” growing on her head, Riley called for help, directing the crowd to call 911 and summon police. But, Craig would later say, “there were no police to be found.” As their daughters screamed “Don't die, mommy!”, several men in the park helped Riley and Craig until a police officer arrived. The officer reported, “Approximately 20 teenage males and females were hostile and verbally threatening the victim, her children.”12) Craig was rushed to Massachusetts General Hospital, where doctors operated to slow the bleeding in her skull.13) Craig underwent two operations and received more than 200 stitches.14) Over 150 members of Boston's LGBT community15) held a rally in Piers Park on July 26, where speakers urged the crowed to take action in response to the hate crime against Craig and her family.16) Anita Santiago, 15, was arrested and indicted for assault and battery. Santiago disputed Craig's version of events in a civil case deposition. Santiago claimed she and Craig exchanged words over Craig's daughter being pushed, but that Craig put her hands on her before she punched Craig. On December 4, 2003, Santiago was indicted as a “youthful offender,” and charged with aggravated assault and battery. The Suffolk County district attorney decided not to prosecute Santiago for a hate crime in the attack on Craig. A spokesperson for the D.A.'s office said that prosecutors could not prove that Santiago made the anti-gay statements attributed to her. Craig and Riley filed a civil suit against the the Massachusetts Port Authority for reckless disregard of public safety, for failing to have sufficient police forces in the park. Depositions in the civil case showed that Massport planned to assign two officers to the park, however the lieutenant in charge of the East Boston patrols testified that he repeatedly warned against under staffing the park on a night when thousands of people would gather to watch fireworks. Documents showed that Massport police were trying to reduce overtime costs. Captain Michael Grady, in charge of scheduling, declined to pay the $300 overtime costs that an additional officer would have cost Massport spent $600,000 defending itself in the suit and then settled in the fall of 2006, for $205,000, under a confidentiality agreement with the plaintiffs. On July 12, 2005, Santiago was sentenced to one year of probation after pleading guilty and admitting to having attacked Craig. Santiago was ordered to stay away from Craig, obtain her GED, be evaluated for anger management counseling, and pay Craig $65 per month during probation. http://www.lgbthatecrimes.org/doku.php/lisa-craig

Paul Broussard

Before there was Matthew Shepard or James Byrd Jr., there was Paul Broussard. Broussard, a 27-year-old gay banker from Houston, was brutally beaten and stabbed to death by a gang of 10 youths in the city’s Montrose area on July 4, 1991. Seven years prior to the legendary murders of Shepard and Byrd, Broussard’s case became one of the first anti-gay hate crimes in the nation to be covered by the mainstream media. The Broussard case also precipitated Texas’ first hate crimes law. “I think if it hadn’t been for the Paul Broussard case, the Matthew Shepard case would not have developed as it did,” said Ray Hill, a longtime Houston gay-rights activist who helped bring Broussard’s killers to justice. “The Matthew Shepard case had the benefit of the field already being plowed. You just had to plant it.” Andy Kahan, who heads Houston’s Crime Victims Assistance Office, began working on Broussard’s murder shortly after he was appointed to the position in 1992. Sixteen years later, Kahan still hasn’t been able to put down the case. Jon Buice, the only one of Broussard’s 10 killers who remains in prison for the crime, will again be up for parole in 2009. “It was humungous down here,” Kahan said of the murder. “It echoed a firestorm for obvious reasons. You had 10 middle-class youth from a well-to-do suburb specifically targeting gay males. And this was not just an anomaly. “They had come down several times previously as well ,” he continued. “You have a pack of wolves that went after three men who were just minding their own business leaving a club. It touched a nerve. Hate crimes wasn’t on anybody’s radar until Paul Broussard met his grisly death.” ‘Where’s Heaven?’ Broussard and his two friends, Cary Anderson and Richard Delaunay, were walking back to their car after a night out in the Montrose at about 2:30 a.m. The 10 youths approached in two vehicles and asked for directions to Heaven, a gay bar. After Broussard and his friends told them the route — an indication the three were gay — the youths jumped out and attacked them. Anderson and Delaunay managed to escape after sustaining only minor injuries, but when Broussard turned down a dead-end street, he was cornered. The youths pummeled him with their fists, their steel-toed boots, a two-by-four studded with nails and at least one knife. Broussard fought back but suffered a broken rib and crushed testicles, as well as stab wounds to the stomach and chest. He died about eight hours later at St. Joseph Hospital. Hill, who then served as an unofficial liaison between Houston’s LGBT community and the police department, said he was summoned to the scene shortly after the attack. Gay-bashings were relatively common in the Montrose at the time, Hill said, but law enforcement rarely took them seriously. “By 1991, I was not willing to accept that,” Hill said. “I said this is not going to be another hate crime that is not going to get investigated.” Hill helped raise reward money from Montrose-area businesses, and he organized a protest a week after the murder that drew 1,200 people, blocking traffic. The case was quickly elevated to the front page of the daily paper and to the top of TV newscasts. “This was the first nationally publicized gay-bashing killing, and the whole purpose of that was to identify the culprits using the media as the vehicle,” Hill said. And the strategy worked. A few weeks after the attack, police got a tip from one of the suspect’s girlfriends that eventually led to all 10 youths. Seven of the 10 were only 17, and the eldest was 22. They were all residents of the Woodlands, a suburb halfway between Houston and Huntsville, who’d attended the same high school. The suspects became known as the Woodlands 10. According to news reports, the 10 boys had been drinking and partying for a few days before the attack when they decided to travel to the Montrose to engage in what had become a ritual — harassing and sometimes physically assaulting gays. They drove around asking for directions to Heaven, and when people indicated that they knew the location of the bar, the youths would throw “queer rocks” at them. Earlier the same evening, they’d hit a car windshield with one of the rocks and struck another man in the mouth. Five of the 10 youths were sentenced to probation, which included boot camp and community service in the LGBT community. Two of those five violated their probation and were sent to prison. Three of the remaining five youths were sentenced to 15 years in prison, one was sentenced to 20 years, and Buice — the knife-man who inflicted the fatal wounds — got the longest sentence, 45 years. The saga continues Back in Warner Robins, Ga., where Broussard grew up, his mother said she was getting ready for work when the phone rang about 6 a.m. on July 4. It was a man calling from the hospital to tell her what had happened and that her son wasn’t likely to survive. “The phone call will stay in my mind for the rest of my life — it was an absolute nightmare,” said Broussard’s mother, Nancy Rodriguez. “I remember begging him, just do what you can. … They did everything they could for him. He never had a chance.” Rodriguez said her son had been an Eagle Scout and an honor roll student who played in the high school band and sang in the church choir. “He was a very good son, a loving son,” she said. “Everybody loved Paul. He had tons and tons of friends.” Broussard moved from Georgia to College Station to attend Texas A&M University, and he worked two jobs to put himself through school, his mother said. After graduating, he moved to Houston. Rodriguez said her son phoned home every week and was especially close to his younger brother and sister. In fact, at the time of his murder, he was saving money to bring his sister to Houston for a visit. Broussard had come out to his family a few years earlier, while he was still in college, his mother said. The family was supportive, and while she feared things like HIV/AIDS, she never dreamed he’d fall victim to anti-gay violence. “I never even knew about gay-bashing,” Rodriguez said. “I got quite an education after Paul was murdered.” Since her son’s death, Rodriguez has been active in groups like PFLAG, Parents of Murdered Children and Compassionate Friends. She’s also worked tirelessly to ensure that his killers serve as much of their sentences as possible. Even now, with all but Buice having been released, she must travel to Texas every two years to testify at a parole hearing. Rodriguez said preparing for the hearings can take up to six months. The case has gotten renewed attention from the media in recent years due to a storyline about Hill, who’s become an advocate for Buice’s release. Hill, an ex-con himself who hosts a radio show for prisoners and their families, said he no longer believes Broussard’s murder was motivated by anti-gay hate. Hill also said he believes Buice — a model prisoner who’s expressed remorse for the crime —is fully rehabilitated. Hill’s stance has led to a bitter, emotional dispute with Rodriguez and Kahan. But all parties agree about one thing, which is that the legacy of the case hasn’t died. “Certainly the life of Paul Broussard is not worth any of this, but out of that came a lot of public awareness,” Hill acknowledged. “Before Paul Broussard, people did not make apologies for their prejudices against gay people. I think it has resulted in some deep and pretty broad socio-cultural changes.”

Ryan Skipper

Ryan was stabbed to death on a stretch of rural road in central Florida. Though comments had allegedly been made by his killers about his sexuality, the focus of the trial is on the robbery. No mention was made of the remarks in prosecutors opening statements. Ryan was 21.Second Killer in Ryan Keith Skipper Murder Found Guilty William Brown Jr. has been found guilty of first degree murder and robbery in the March 2007 death of Ryan Keith Skipper: "The verdict was announced at 2:56 p.m. Jurors had been deliberating since 12:34 p.m. Brown will be sentenced to life in prison Dec. 1. During this morning's closing arguments, Assistant State Attorney Cass Castillo rejected Brown's statement to detectives that he 'blacked out' during the 2007 stabbing attack." Brown's accomplice, Joseph Bearden was found guilty of second-degree murder, theft of a motor vehicle, accessory after the fact to robbery with a weapon, tampering with evidence, and dealing in stolen property on February 27 of this year. He was sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole in 25 years.

Isaac and Julio

27 year old Isaac Ali Dani Peréz Triviño (left) was born in Spain. 32 year old Julio Anderson Luciano (right) was born in Brazil. They lived together in the Spanish province of Vigo and were planning to get married.Both were stabbed to death by Jacobo Piñeiro Rial in their apartment in the early morning of January 13th, 2006. The bodies showed a total of 57 stab wounds, according to forensics. * After killing them, Piñeiro took a shower and cleaned himself up. He filled a suitcase with some of their belongings to make it look like a robbery and then spilled clothing all over the place. He poured alcohol over everything, including his victims' bodies, turned on the gas spigot on the stove, and set everything on fire. Piñeiro was acquitted.

Larry King

The E.O. Green School shooting refers to the February 12, 2008, murder of Lawrence "Larry" Fobes King, a fifteen-year-old student at E.O. Green Junior High School in Oxnard, California, United States. He was shot and killed by fellow student, fourteen-year-old Brandon McInerney. McInerney has been charged as an adult with premeditated murder with enhancements of discharge of a firearm and a hate crime; he is being held in lieu of US$770,000 bail, and faces a sentence of 50 years to life imprisonment if convicted. The motive for the shooting remains under investigation. Newsweek has described the shooting as "the most prominent gay-bias crime since the 1998 murder of Matthew Shepard", bringing attention to issues of gun violence as well as gender expression and sexual identity of teenagers.

Keith Phoenix Gets Hate Crime Conviction in Sucuzhañay Case

Keith Phoenix, who with his accomplice Hakim Scott attacked a pair of Ecuadorean immigrant brothers and taunted them with anti-gay, anti- Hispanic slurs as they walked home from a night of drinking in December 2008, has been convicted of second-degree murder as a hate crime and attempted assault as a hate crime, for the murder and assault of Jose and Romel Sucuzhañay, respectively. Phoenix's first trial resulted in a mistrial in May after one juror refused to continue. Gay City News reports: "Phoenix, 30, and Hakim Scott, 27, assaulted the brothers after mistaking them for a gay couple as they were walking home early in the morning on December 7, 2008 in Brooklyn’s Bushwick section. The two Ecuadorian immigrants were huddled close together to stay warm. Romel said an anti-Latino slur was used. Two other witnesses heard an anti-gay slur. Phoenix was convicted on the top counts he faced and could get as much as 40 years in prison for the killing when he is sentenced on August 5. His first trial ended in a mistrial after one juror held out for a manslaughter conviction while the other 11 wanted to convict on second-degree murder. The first jury did not believe the attack was a hate crime. Scott was convicted on manslaughter and attempted assault charges on May 6, though not as hate crimes. Scott will be sentenced on July 14." Phoenix faces life in prison.