I once knew a young man named Chipper Sandin. We were friends for a while in the late 70's and early 80's. He died of AIDS in 1994. I learned of it in 2005. For reasons passing understanding for some, it upset me that I didn't know. I don't know what I'd have done at any rate. My friends were dropping all around me at that time, and I could hardly cope with it all as it was. I probably would have found some more tears, and picked myself up and gone on like I did anyway. There is apparently no cure for survivor's guilt.
But recently I have discovered that the friend who introduced us has misunderstood my relationship with Chipper. This past weekend I participated in a fund raising event for AIDS organizations and I listed Chipper as the person in whose memory I was riding. This prompted my friend Lisa-Lin to tell me her thoughts about Chipper and I.
I felt like sharing some of my response to her with everyone, so...
...there was some bond between Chipper and I that I have a difficult
time explaining to straight people. It's kind of like the friends I
know who've lost a partner to AIDS. They join this secret widow
society that only they understand.
I think we were friends for a while and I think we made an impression on each others lives.
So, insofar as we were gay brothers[if you will]I owe some recognition to his part
in my life. To what his presence did to shape who I am today. Also,I've no idea if anyone acknowledges his existence. Was there anyone significant in his life? I doubt that. He had a tendency to pass through people's lives without letting them take
hold.
Did his family make any recognition of his life? Where's he
buried? Did they just let him stay in DC? Did they have a funeral
for their gay son who died of AIDS? In Hootersville???? See there's a
million questions I think will never be answered. There's an old native american saying, that a thing only lives as long as there's someone alive to remember it.(I'm paraphrasing there but that's the gist of it anyway.)
We all pass that way at some point, but we should live on with those we touched. So in light of that fact, I have to remember that I knew someone once who made a definite impression on me as he passed through. Someone who from time to time deserves my recognition, and appreciation.
He was a confused young boy and he had very little guidance. Someone owes him something. I am willing to assume what little responsibility that entails. So, was I in love with Chipper? No dear, I was not. Did I have a soft spot in my heart for
him? I most certainly did, always will.-
And yes Lisa-Lin you're right, I hope he's still clapping his hands and laughing somewhere too.
Love
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