Bouy-ed

It seems everyone has the mid-winter doldrums. Most people aren't even posting to their blogs, at least the ones I read.

The very few who are read like they're so lethargic they can hardly get one foot in front of the other.

It's truly the age of S.A.D.

I need to go outside and stand in the sun, the possibility of Melanoma notwithstanding, and just bask for a few minutes. I need to breathe fresh air, such as it is. I need to see that nature is still working it's magic out there, instead of watching through a piece of glass like it was tv. I've got Cabin Fever worse than when it's late August and I'm confined by the tropical heat.

I think lots of you do. Of course those of you in CA and HI are living it up this time of year. It's when you really get to gloat.

What I really need is some sleep. A whole day when I wasn't interrupted or called or heard banging and clanking or got retaliation thumping from the moron upstairs so I could just sleep.

That would be heavenly.

I know there are those of you with kids who haven't slept in years, but that falls squarely under the category of NOT MY PROBLEM!!!

You chose to have kids, I did not. I have an 18 y/o neighbor who refuses to acknowledge that other people live in this world and as long as he can party all night and sleep all day what's the fucking problem.

I did ask for a different apt this morning. We'll see how much that's going to cost. Then I'm going to go after Mr-stay-up-all-night and see if I can make him pay for it.

There's no reason I should incur the expense if I have to make a move just to sleep when I could do that where I am if he'd just let me.

Today I'm going on just under 4 hours. And I have to teach tonight. You can bet they're gettin' out early.

I guess I'll just sleep in the garage.

And before I get away Happy Valentine's Day to you all. Whatever it is, whoever it is, hold them/it close to your heart today and whisper "Thank You" because you'll never get a better gift.

puzzles

sometimes these little quizzy things are annoying in their prescience:

You're The Lion, the Witch and the
Wardrobe!

by C.S. Lewis

You were just looking for some
decent clothes when everything changed
quite dramatically. For the better or for the worse,
it is still hard to tell. Now it
seems like winter will never end and you feel cursed.
Soon there will be an epic
struggle between two forces in your life and you are
very concerned about a betrayal
that could turn the balance. If this makes it sound
like you're re-enacting Christian
theological events, that may or may not be
coincidence. When in doubt, put your trust
in zoo animals.


I've trusted Zoo Animals all my life...look where it's got me.

On the other hand sometimes they're sooo wrong it's amusing.

You Are Upper Middle Class

You're stuck in an interesting middle area between upper and middle class. You're wealthy enough for most people to call you rich (or at least comfortable), but you don't feel rich! Climbing your way to the top is hard work. And you've often feel stretched for time and resources. If only you had a little more money! You can't help but wish you had the lifestyle of the upper class. You may end up: A manager, high school teacher, or accountant. Other people who share your class: "White collar" professionals and business people

What Class Are You?

Imagine me High School Teacher, or an Accountant? And doesn't managing involve people?

Stifling the urge to pack and run while it's above freezing. Well, they promised it will be sometime later today, at least for a few hours.

It seems I should plan on not sleeping the first two days of each week. That's when My 18 y/o neighbor has his days off and needs to Party. AT 3 AM!!!!

It's truly a shame that contract killing is illegal, otherwise I'd look into it.

I did sleep last night though, it seems he got the message when I got up yesterday and walked around my apt banging the ceiling with a broom handle for half an hour screaming at him to wake up all the while. If I hadn't been so damn tired I'd have had a lot of fun with that...well, ok, more fun than I did.

I'm trying to figure out why I have this issue almost everywhere I live. Why is it so difficult for me to live where it's quiet? No one else seems to have this problem. And NO ONE seems to understand that I do.

I know I get wild-eyed after no sleep, but who doesn't? Oh well, enough of that for this week. He's back to work and I'm back to sleeping. Next week we'll have another episode. Maybe those are the days I should sleep in the garage. I could throw pots late into the night and then crash out there. hmmm.

We changed the play we're doing this semester, due to low audition turnout. So Street Scene, which I thought was not a very good choice to begin with, has been replaced with Talking With, dated, but useful in academia.

Barack Obama looks poised to win the nomination. Further proof that my contention that people are mostly sheep is accurate. What is it that qualifies this guy to be President? The democrats, always on self-destruct, and going to screw around yet again and John McCain is going to be the President. Stop voting for the trendy guy you idiots!

Hilary, though not my first choice, is far more experienced, far more capable, far more connected, and far more interested in working on fixing the things that are wrong in this country than anyone else in the field right now. John McCain, the republican heir apparent, is universally hated, and his Vice President Mike Huckabee, will take up the Dick Cheney mantle and run amuck with the evangelical wingnuts attempting to re-write the constitution to reflect their "Christian" values. And Gods save us then.

People seem to think we can go on like we are indefinitely and it'll be ok. Well, it won't, we're truly on the road to hell and though I want to live a long time, I really don't want to see this country fall. It will eventually but I'd rather not see it.

I love the idea of Europe. They just hang in there and superpowers rise and fall and there they are, chugging along haphazardly, yet true. Talk about a true North, Europe must surely have one.

The practical aspects would probably make me nuts, but the idea is romantic isn't it?
Are there garrets in the south of France? Maybe I'll go live in one and be a potter.
I am weary of suffering fools and being looked on as a Neanderthal because of the company I keep in regard to citizenry.

I guess I was a day ahead of schedule. Wishful thinking I'm sure. There's a new countdown widget in the sidebar so I don't have to do it manually. They say the best way to keep your brain active as you age is to learn a new language. Well, I think I can effectively learn HTML all over again, it only took me two days to make a counter work. Pathetic.

342

343

and now...

344

I have my homework

ok here's to make up for the boring roll out yesterday.

Will Smith is one of my all time favorites.

345 days left.

BTW

I would love to post a good shot of Dule Hill shirtless, but I cannot find one. Anyone who can will receive my eternal gratitude.

Gratitude is all I can give you, I'm not giving up the freaking amazing 2008 ancient egypt pop-up calendar, so forget it.

But send that pic of Dule if you got it.

Have I shown you my new car?



This thing is so fucking cool I must have one. Hopefully by the time I'm ready to replace the thing I drive now I'll be able to get one of these.

And admonishments aside, I stand corrected that we actually only have 346 more days of George W Bush to tolerate.

Senior Moment

I know most of you love LOOOVe Zac Efron and Shia the beef, so sorry about this.

But I just saw a website called ShiaorZac.

These are my choices???

Undeliverable

We regret to inform you that due to circumstances beyond our control the planned roll out of Black History month will not be quite as exciting as originally planned.

I forgot. (I'm busy, I got three jobs give me a fucking break.)

There are photos of hot African American Men extant, I just don't have them here.

I'm appropriately contrite if that makes any difference to you.



Dule Hill is totally hot though. I've been in lust with him since that Freddie Prinze Jr(sigh) movie I saw him in. Can't remember the name and don't feel like imdb'ing it right now. But Dule's got what it takes. I know his new series on USA is only fun if you're nine years old, but I watch just to look at him.(and James Roday a little) And what the hell could I do on a Saturday afternoon anyway when it's 15 degrees. (I gotta get out of the frozen tundra.)

I finally got my google analytics working again. No one told me that I needed to update when I bought the domain name and changed the website. So for the last three weeks I've been thinking I have no traffic at all, (which will take the wind out of your sails for sure) and then I realize I'm getting comments from people but no hits recorded. I fixed it and today I see that I have hits from Barcelona,(a place I cannot wait to see) Brisbane, also cool and want to go there. There was a hit from Hyderabad India, which hasn't made the list yet. ahem.

I also looked at a website about some townhomes that are being built a couple of blocks from my office,just out of curiosity. I'm leaving soon, so purchasing real estate isn't on the list.

To get the irony of this townhouse situation you have to understand that I work in what is likely the most economically depressed part of our city, notice I did not say "Fair City" It ain't pretty over here.

There are boarded up houses, empty office buildings, retail shops that have been empty for decades, and a crime rate...well I'm pretty sure they clear the place out about 6am for us to come to work during the day.

But gentrification has arrived in the ghetto folks! Some prospector has come and bought up some old dead houses, torn them down and is building townhomes.

They start at 220k.

ok, now I work here, I make a pretty decent living and I've gopt good credit, but
I cannot afford to buy one of these places. So who in the hell is gonna come here?

The people who already live here certainly can't afford these things, and if people who can afford them move in there goes the neighborhood. Property taxes will go up, oh and by the way 50 years ago the city government here gave away its tax base to industry when they got them to come here by telling them they'd NEVER have to pay taxes. Thus placing the tax burden on it's poor population, so property taxes here are already sky high.

This is not to mention that people who talk to themselves and scream for no apparent reason and stand at the top of the hill in the Indian cemetery down the street and sing off-key at the top of their lungs routinely roam the streets all the time.

It's nothing if not entertaining here

I just don't understand where the new owners of these townhouses will come from, and more importantly what they would want to spend 220k here when they can move anywhere in the entire city and spend less for more.

Oh well.

There are more important things to concern myself with today... Martini's at 5!

347 more days of George W. Bush to tolerate, then we're free.

Unless John McCain wins, then I'm moving to Belize.

BTW-Good News

Only 348 more days of George Bush left.

WooHoo!

Yes, I think I will count each and every one thank you very much.

Suck it George

If Kathy Griffin can tell Jesus to suck it, I can tell George W. Bush to do the same. After all he thinks he's appointed by God to be President so he should be sucking it just like Jesus.

For 8 years we all know they've been torturing (off-shore of course) prisoners, and most certainly water-boarding them and now that we're, oh, say, 9 months from an election they decide..."let's start talking about how illegal it is."

Of course, nine months is far longer than the attention span of the average American, so if we make them forget we ever did it, then we can likely get John McCain elected President. Just the idea that they've struck that deal cements their evilness to me.

What a heinous piece of work he is.

The price of gas dropped here today too. It was all over the news this morning..idn't that convenient?

Do you really want someone as your President who had never heard of the acronym LGBT until about three months ago?

The Sky!...she is NOT Falling!

I'm trying to be gracious to the local weather people.

They're making it difficult.

I wish I could count the number of times this winter they've said:

"Lookout!!!" "It's gonna snow!" "We're gonna get clobbered." (I'm paraphrasing, of course, weather people are far more well-spoken than that.)

My irritation with them is that they're inevitably incorrect in these dire predictions.

Last night was a prime example. "Up to 10 inches of snow" was predicted for the area, (admittedly, they said it cold go north of here, which it did.) When it finally did start it was late in the evening and all it did was to provide people who shouldn't be driving in the first place a chance to demonstrate the truth of their dilemma.

This morning most of the city is closed.

There was 3 (count 'em 3!) inches of snow at my apt.

Come on!

But enough of my disappointment at the lack of real snow here during my last midwest winter.

I have the day off, and I'm staying in bed.

Not exactly true I just found a website that lists all the bike rides in the entire state for 2008 and I'm downloading stuff like crazy. I could do one a week if I wanted.

One a month will be sufficient, thanks.

But it's very fun news!

Remember Hot Guy Friday is coming...and remember it's Black history month!

and another thing!

Just in case anyone was wondering.

Tom Brady is my MVP regardless



Look at that face...I just want to take him home and make a bundle out of him

The Reveal

Here it is! I'm so excited to show you the Freaking amazing 2008 Ancient Egyptian pop-up calendar. I'm not crapping my pants, mind you, but it is fun.


This was the first day it was up, yesterday. Which was the last day of January, so that month didn't go to waste. And this is today Feb 1.



It just gets better and better!

Now on to Friday's hot guy pictures.

How hard should it be to find a picture of Dave Navarro without a shirt? I mean, has anyone ever seen Dave WITH one? Amazingly it took me a while to locate this.



Admittedly it's a pretty good one, but damn Dave, when did you start wearing so many clothes? I looked for a full five minutes before finding this puppy.

And finally Freddie Prinze Jr. will round out our latin selections this month.


I know, I know, Dave is technically part spanish i.e. castillian, and Freddie is...well...NEW Mexican,(actually puerto rican) but whatta ya gonna do, they're both kinda cute. One in a nasty scruffy sort of way and the other in that suburban squeaky clean bland-ish kinda way.

I'd keep either one if they showed up. (or both for that matter)

Last night's class was great fun. The grumbling about actual work has started. I gave them a play to read, and immediately someone asked if I knew there was 74-no, 79 pages to read.

It's a rare thing when I am speechless.

I used to resent it when professors said, "This is college."

But now I know why they said it.

I allowed that they might learn more if we read the play in class. Meaning they might actually read the damn thing at all, so that's what we're doing. Over the objections to all the "fucks" and "son of a bitches" these characters say. Again, speechless.

I did dupe them into abandoning the idea of participating in the one-act play festival. I don't have the time to direct and they'd flake out anyway, so now they're putting up a mock production. I made them think it's gonna be easy.

It's gonna be fun when they discover that I expect them to produce actual work. The Producer must secure a contract with an actual local venue to rent the theatre and acquire crews, make arrangements with unions and locate financing. and the rest have no less work to do. hehe

So, as usual the students think they're getting over on the teacher, and then they find out what it's really all about. I'm loving this.


I have to visit my brother. His wife is getting laid off after 24 years cause the company she works for is leaving the region. Businesses are so fucked. They told her they were closing the store on the 9th and she was welcome to fill out an application for the new owners if she'd like.

They'll be fine in the end, but it's just another of those wonderful scenarios where a business screws its employees on the way out the door.

Have a good weekend all.

Fabulousness

It's here! (it really is this time)

The "Freaking Amazing 2008 Ancient Egyptian Pop-Up Calendar has arrived! It's on my office wall, and I have pictures. It is actually pretty damn cool.

However, AT&T, pieces of shit that they are, has not sent said pictures from my phone to my email for the last THREE HOURS. What could they possibly be doing? Other than squandering some more of the dollars I waste on their "services." We may never know.
Cell Phone Fight Club maybe? They can't talk about it, so we're forever in the dark.

Like my damn pictures.

woohoo!

It's here!

The Freaking Amazing Ancient Egyptian Pop-up calendar is HERE!!!

Well, it's actually in the office at my apartment and I won't be able to get it until tomorrow but I found a notice from the mailman in my box this morning telling me there was a package in the office, and since it's the only thing I'm expecting....woohoo!!!

Thankfully I didn't see it yesterday. I couldn't have gotten it,and I was worthless yesterday. I can't figure it out. I could not sleep enough this weekend and I needed still more yesterday. I went home after work and slept....well, I woke up in time to go to bed, and then I lay there thinking I'd screwed up and that I'd be lucky to sleep at all during the night...and then...It was 5 a.m. I guess I needed to sleep a lot more. I'm better now thank you.

Perhaps it was being so busy this weekend. Cocktail party friday night with a friend from out of town, then dinner and a play. Sunday I couldn't do anything but nap. We did see a chamber music concert in the afternoon, but I barely stayed awake for it. I need some decent weather (as it snows outside) and some time outdoors! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

Hopefully I'll have the calendar thursday and I can take a picture and post it here.

I'm so excited!

not gettin' it done

It seems as though I simply will not motivate today. There's plenty to do, but no real reason to do it. Besides the morning was nothing but one crisis after the other.

Someone gave this woman a "new" computer, that had actually been refurbished and they didn't realize that buried inside the software from it's previous incarnation was the command to change the price of every item in the library system that was scanned by this particular computer...to $0.

I started to see some rather peculiar things in my daily reports and when I finally figured out what was going on I ran a specific report for this issue. It was then that I found out that this week alone said woman had scanned over 500 items. Of course, every item is a different price, so I can't restore them all unless I do it one by one. I love my job, I love my job, I love my job...

So though most of the daily stuff is done there is still some that it appears will not get done before end of day.

Too bad, I'm gonna ogle Nic Gonzalez instead.


Where do they keep these perfect latin men?

My perfect Latin man turned out to be a nut case.

Oh well it's Martini Night!

thought bubble

"I'm gonna beat your ass old man."

"Bring it Bitch."

checking in or out as the case may be

I haven't posted in a while. I was pretty sure I'd be too busy this month to do much of this, and so far my prediction is proving correct.

I just wanted to do a follow-up on the Mommie Dearest stuff. It's not had much of an effect on my life really. I never knew any of these people and therefore have no reason to miss them. I don't know what I expected in starting the whole thing up in the first place. It's not a tragedy, just an interesting episode in my estimation. I did find Auntie Georgia. So I do have the option of calling her. If I really want to pursue something to ruin I'm covered.

I need to prepare for my class tomorrow. I have their quiz and most of my lecture outlined, but I think I'll read the chapter one more time just to be sure I have a clue what I'm talking about.

Sad news about Heath ledger. Someone that young should be around a lot longer. I've seen some rather bizarre reactions on the net. From gibberish from actors who should never be allowed to say their own words in public, to attempts to equate this guys untimely death to gay rights. Wow. Everyone needs a piece of some people I guess.

I've been looking at bikes all morning. I don't know that the point is my needing a new one, but more that I just WANT TO RIDE!!! It's 14 degrees though, so I shall continue to look a while longer..like about 60 days.

My kingdom for a horse, and some weather in which to ride the damn thing. I so need to get outside my head...and my body.

Latinfest

Happy Latin Men Festival!!!

Ain't they pretty?

It's FRIDAY!!!

Last nights teaching gig was...well... ok I'm a complete neurotic. It was fine. They were all but comatose and I'd forgotten what that can be like.

Gael Garcia Bernal demonstrates why I always make passes at boys who wear glasses.

And I refuse to jump on the "I hate Ricky Martin because he won't come out." bandwagon. I mean, look at that face. How could one possibly get mad at that?

Freddy Rodriguez I loved on Six Feet Under, and he just keeps gettin' cuter EVERY TIME I SEE HIM!

Kirk Acevedo.......dear god, worth going to prison for. Well, Oz anyway.

Jimmy Smits, I've loved since L.A. Law, so he always gets my vote.

Nestor Carbonell and Eddie Cibrian are excellent arguments for lifting the travel restrictions to Cuba.


Little planned this weekend. It's going to be cold and gray...oh boy my favorite!

I'll probably read, watch movies, and work on lesson plans.

Unless Ricky, Gael, Freddy, Jimmy, Eddie, Nestor, or Kirk call. Then I'm busy.

I got this feeling...

I am beginning to doubt that this woman will ever screw up the courage to contact me at all. I also found out yesterday that she never told anyone she had an illegitimate child, so I'm her dirty little secret, and the little devil on my shoulder keeps telling me to pursue the matter. But I doubt that I will. So she gets to go to her grave with the knowledge that she had the opportunity to make things right with her past issue of giving up her child and that she didn't take advantage of that opportunity. (I will publish her name here, but I've decided to give her a little more time.)

Today I start teaching. And as everyone has told me, it's not as big a deal as I thought it was. I'm just glad it has come to pass.

We finally got some of that snow I was lamenting yesterday. It's very pretty. And I've had enough winter for one year thanks.

Tomorrow is pretty picture friday. I'll see who comes up this time. Maybe each month should have a theme. I've blown the latin lover theme I started with Enrique because last week was Johnny Depp. But I think I can repair the damage if I do a really good job of latin guys tomorrow. I'll do my best.

Limbo- I thought Benedict abolished that!

I had to come back and spiff this post up with a little levity. Thanks to Daniel, the-guy-no-longer-in-the-desert for the pic of Benny and his "Bitchin'Pimp Hat."

Another Catholic tradition comes smacking down on my head. Limbo, it's where I'm living. We'll see if dear old mom has the courage to call or write.

I have decided to write my autobiography though. I mean seriously that last 50 years have been way too interesting to just pass off without being chronicled. And I'm naming names dammit!

So look for "The Love-child of Perfect Village." in stores near you. Of course, I have to write it. And then find a publisher. And then deal with editors. And galleys. And Proofs.

Ok, well look for it in stores in about four years.

Today I'm a student, tomorrow I'm a teacher. No, literally, today I start pottery class, and then tomorrow I start teaching my classes.

It's been so long coming it's now an anti-climax.

Sorry for the gray mood, I was promised snow today. All we got was rain.

Methaphors, bah humbug.

The Thick Plottens

I sent her a letter. I know, it was a chickenshit way out, but I just cannot pick up the phone and potentially disrupt someone's life like that, can't do it.

No response yet. And after yesterday's little conversation with my brother I may not want to have that conversation.

I have to say here that this entire fucked-up family told lie after lie to cover up this dirty little secret and I may never actually uncover the truth. So what my brother thinks he knows, though it may be the truth as he knows it, doesn't jibe with what I've learned over the years. And GOD I hope he's wrong.

You may have read here in older posts about my cousin Bob, with whom I became very close the last 20 years of his life. He was the second generation of gay men in the family and we bonded when I was in my late teens. At that time he lived out of state and after he returned we spent many hours hanging out together. It's possible that he was my uncle, but as I said I doubt that. Besides I have a hard time believing that he would die without telling me. If he did he'd better expect to get exhumed so I can tell him off.

Yesterday I had this little minor medical procedure and someone had to pick me up after, so I called my brother. During lunch I told him about my little adventure into the deep throat world of adoption searches and he told me the version he'd always heard was that Bob's older brother Bill was my father.

This would suck on many levels, the most immediate being that the bastard is dead so I cannot tell him what a fuck he is. He looked me in the eye many times, and never to acknowledge who he was to me is potentially...well, as shitty as it gets, but as I said it doesn't make sense with my evidence, so I'm holding out hope that this story is wrong.

There is compelling evidence that my brother is just another victim of the incredible lengths the family went to in concealing my adoption. So I have to wait to see if this woman calls or writes and if she does, what gets said. See, this is why I hate drama.

And this family "just can't understand" why I won't have anything to do with them anymore.

I'm just mean I guess.

Paving the road to Hell

"You cannot expect people to believe in the promise of a better future when they are jailed for peacefully petitioning their government," Bush said. "And you cannot stand up a modern, confident nation when you do not allow people to voice their legitimate criticisms."

Somebody please tell me George Bush did not stand up and say these things in public with a straight face. See, this guy is crazier than i thought he was, and that's saying something.

We cannot go to war with yet another country. Is he planning on taking over the whole world? Is that what America means to him? Occupy and run, by proxy, every single country that isn't aligned with your views? When, WHEN is someone going to stand up and call this guy out?

Now, I think Hugo Chavez is pretty crazy, but George Bush is more dangerous than Chavez! He's not only got the delusions but he's in charge of the biggest superpower in the world. Scary is an understatement

Write everybody you can think of in congress and tell them you DO NOT want to go to war with another country. I fear those pleas will fall on deaf ears, but do it anyway.

Don't not do it because you think your representatives and senators won't listen to you. I live in Kansas, and I'm represented by Sam Brownback, Pat Roberts and Dennis Moore, so you got nuthin on me.

Do it!

And then pray.

Stepping in family

I love Johnny Depp. He's just always fun to watch. Not ugly either.

I did, I stepped in it this time. It's not irreparable...yet. And I could ignore what I've done and it'd go away. I'm just not sure I want to ignore it. Not sure about any of it really. Ok, I'll stop being cryptic.

The other day, Wednesday I think, I looked at my horoscope and it said that if I ever wanted to solve a mystery that this was the perfect time for me to do so, that I would have great luck at it.

I thought for a while and came to the conclusion that the only real mystery in my life is my birth parents. I have a pretty good idea who my birth mother is, where she is, and what her name is. If I really wanted to I could reach her I think. I've just never had occasion to want to. My birth father though, complete mystery. I MIGHT know his first name. That's it.

So I went online poked around a bit and found a site that had a message board and I posted. I told you I stepped in it.

Now I know dick about the cloak and dagger world of adoption searches. But man is it mysterious. Within three hours I get this email asking for more information. So I told the version of the story I know, which must be fairly accurate, because I get an email back very quickly from someone who tells me that I should call them, they've found my "family" hmmmm

I pondered this rather unexpected development overnight and decided that I wasn't biting without getting some info of my own. (by the way she wasn't exactly where I thought she was.)

I emailed back and asked who this person was, how they came by this info, and just what it was going to cost me. (I've heard lots of horror stories about people getting fleeced by scams like this.)

I was informed that there was no fee for this service, that my contact was someone called a search angel and that their info came from a reliable source who actually knows my birth mother. See this gets even weirder, so I'm kinda creeped out at this point, and I tell them I'll think about it.

Then they emailed me the contact info. Name, address, and phone and told me to call.

Gee thanks, no pressure there.

So here I am with some information on my computer screen and shitloads of rejection scenarios in my head, wondering if I should do this at all. I don't have any animosity about the adoption, it's my understanding I was the product of a couple of teenagers in the mid 50's exercising a huge lack of judgement and I totally get that. So no I don't have any negative feelings about the issue.

The scenarios are many. There's the rejection option. "I don't want you in my life go away and never call here again." ok, well not very nice, but understandable after half a century, I wouldn't like it, but at least I'd have some answer.

There's the "OH my god I thought I'd never find you." option. In which they insist I become a huge part of their lives instantly and run me off with their gushing...no gushing please.

There's the jealous sibling option, where her other children go nuts on learning about me and get rude. That could be a little like an episode of Dallas and I've lived enough of that crap for several lifetimes, thank you.

There's the option where I call, she is so surprised that she drops dead on the spot and then I have another dead mother on my hands. I got two, enough already.

Of course, lurking out there in the back of my head is the option where she goes. "Oh hi! Hey. let's spend a little time getting to know each other and see what kind of a relationship we're going to have. No pressure, no strings, I know you have a life of your own and so do I, so let's not disrupt everyones life over this until we know where we're going with it. By the way, here's your father's name and here's where he lives."

...Yeah I know.

suffering

I told you blogging was going to suffer after the holidays. Today is the last of the catch up phase and then I get to spend the afternoon and evening working on teaching materials. Nothing clears away the neuroses like a deadline. I freaked out all I can, now it's crunch time. Gotta make it up today, it's due tomorrow.

It's a lot like grad school. With the possible exception that at the University of Arkansas Drama Dept the mantra was: "Why am I just hearing about this now?"

None of that so far.

But last night I was thinking about something:

Has no one made this connection so far, and if not why:

it's my party....

I could care less if Hilary Clinton broke down and sobbed on national television. Apparently no one criticizing her has wanted anything that bad before. She's worked her butt off to get where she is and when it sucks ass you get to cry. I'm not a huge fan of this woman, and I don't support her candidacy. But her right to cry after working so hard and getting bitch-slapped? You betcha she can cry.

I don't trust Obama, I just don't. Also, I don't trust the nutcases in this country who'd take out a black President and not think twice about it. And I don't think we're ready. I just don't think we're ready for a woman or a person of color in the White House. I can't see an America that let's George Bush, with his civil rights limiting ways stay in office for eight years without getting impeached, and or lynched, electing a person who isn't white male and Christian. So guess who that leaves? Yup, the southern Baptist. My worst fucking nightmare. (actually that's not true. As Emilio Estevez said in "Freejack." "My worst nightmare is waking up without my penis.")

I don't think this guy would ship us all off to internment camps, but I bet he wouldn't do much to stop someone who tried. Talk about the lesser of evils. That's what we get these days. The least offensive character to lead us around by the nose for a few years, all the while telling us what they're doing is best for us. God we're fucking stupid.

We're going to run up against a real crisis one day and no one in this country is going to have a fucking clue what to do. We're just going to stand there while someone runs right over us and then POOF there goes your democracy. Sorry guys. Did you think it was just a given? That without fighting for it and taking care of it that it'd just be there forever? Well now you know. Good luck to us.

I feel like I'm under siege here today. Every time I think I'm caught up I find some other huge project that needs updating. Work! Work! Everywhere I look! Make it stop!!!(not the direct deposits, just the work)

the story no one is telling

I've been watching with some interest and more than a little dismay the rise of Mike Huckabee as a Republican candidate for president. The best response I can think of to the notion of his candidacy is a line from the film Ghost.

Whoopie and her compatriots are running from Prospect Place Willie who is out to kill them and they knock on the door of an old woman and tell her to let them in, that someone is trying to kill them.

Her response, "Who you kiddin'?"

Shortly after I moved to Fayetteville Arkansas for grad school, I read an article in the paper chronicling then Governor Mike Huckabee's move from the Governor's Mansion to a triple wide trailer on the grounds during renovations. I was sure I had read that and still can't understand why no one is talking about it. So I did a little checking and sure enough. I found what I was looking for.

The article stuck in my mind, for all the obvious reasons, but it also drove home a point that had been made on the first weekend I had lived there. That particular weekend the Sunday Paper featured full color front-page photos of the local chapter of the KKK in full regalia entering the Siloam Springs City Hall for their most recent meeting. Siloam Springs was less then five miles from my front door....I loved living in Arkansas.

So after that story the governor living in a trailer wasn't exactly surprising, but it was notable and I think very much worth repeating here today.

From Stateline.org August 23, 2000:

Arkansas Gov To Call Modular Mansion Home
A Special Report By Steve Barnes In Little Rock


"It is NOT a trailer," declares Mrs. Janet Huckabee, wife of Republican Gov. Mike Huckabee, though it was she who initially teasingly cautioned reporters against calling the home a double-wide.

"It's a triple-wide," Mrs. Huckabee joked.

House trailer or modular home -- and the Arkansas Manufactured Housing Association, which donated the $110,000 house, insists that the latter is accurate -- the Huckabee's move to temporary quarters on the grounds of the Arkansas Governor's Mansion has been a windfall for talk show hosts and late night television comedians.

At 2,100 square feet, the modular home is "big enough for your chin," Mr. Huckabee joked on-air with the Tonight Show's Jay Leno. The Huckabees and their provisional quarters have also been featured on the Today show, NBC Nightly News and the Don Imus radio program in addition to countless mentions in local media across the country.

Temporary housing for the Huckabees was made necessary by a $1.4 million renovation of the Governor's Mansion, the first major refurbishing since its completion in 1950. And Mrs. Huckabee is attempting to raise still more money from private sources -- as much as $4 million -- to significantly expand the stately Georgian brick residence.

Should she succeed, the Huckabee's could remain in the modular residence for as long as two and a half years. The renovations now beginning will require them to live outside the Mansion for ten months.

Every Arkansas governor in recent memory has complained of the inadequacies of the state's executive residence -- usually after leaving office. Its plumbing and electrical circuitry are hopelessly, even dangerously outdated and functions involving more than a hundred people can be accommodated only by erecting tents on the rear lawn.

At three stories and 11,000 square feet, the structure would seem more than spacious. However, one floor consists of administrative offices and meeting rooms, another of "public" spaces and a third, the smallest, is the private quarters of Arkansas First Family. And with no fewer than three official events per week and 16,000 visitors each year, the Governor's Mansion "has become more a small convention center than a home," Mrs. Huckabee told Stateline.org.

Given Arkansas's reputation as a backwater, it probably was to be expected that a modular home would be dismissed as a house trailer in the national consciousness, to the chagrin of many of the state's commercial and cultural elite. But their complaints about the state's image have been muted.

In a Stateline.org interview, Gov. Huckabee said he did not believe his family's living arrangements would embarrass the state.

"I've had dozens of letters and e-mails from across the country from people who appreciated that we were doing this with a sense of humor," Huckabee said.

Nor did he believe accepting a trade association's donation would compromise his adminstration.

"Even if they have some legislation pending, they'd have to deal with the 135 members of the legislature," Huckabee said.

Huckabee contended that the state would realize substantial savings by using the modular house since the Mansion's administrative and security elements would not have to be relocated to a rented property.

The modular home will include three bedrooms, two bathrooms and two living areas, and will provide Mrs. Huckabee with something she said she does not now enjoy in the larger Mansion -- a measure of privacy.

"I'm looking forward to being able to go get a Coke from the refrigerator without getting dressed," Mrs. Huckabee said. "I'll be happy to be able to walk downstairs in my nightgown if I want to and throw myself down on the couch and watch television without wondering what tour is coming through."

Now they aspire to the White House.

And we think we're reviled now.....

Two day weeks seem so long!

Happy Enrique Friday!

I almost posted Kevin Federline pictures, but he's such a tool that even though I think he's handsome, I can't bring myself to give his existence credence by putting his mug on my blog. Besides I figured both of my readers would mutiny when they saw it.

Well with this taxing two day week coming to a close I guess I'll persevere and get caught up here. Still trying to slog through the syllabus mess for the other job, but it'll all work out I'm sure, as long as I don't sit around and wait until the 9th to do it.

I am a little less happy about the new laundry close to the apt. This morning I was greeted with not only the proprietor, but apparently three of her teenage kids and a shop full of cigarette smoke. Now, what does that say about the freshness of my clothes when I get them back this afternoon? We'll see how long she stays in business. How do you screw up a laundry? It's not like there's a lot to learn about the process.

Barack Obama huh? hmmm. I don't know. I guess we've had less experienced Presidents, but I really fear having a person of color in the White House. With all the religious fervor in this country I'd be afraid of another assassination. It just doesn't seem that we're ready. Of course gay people are fucked no matter who wins out of this bunch, so getting the best deal on everything else I suppose is the best we can hope for.

I was surprised that Edwards took second place. I was sure it would be Hilary. I just don't think enough people like her to get it done. Wouldn't it be weird if we wound up with the Southern Baptist white guy? "AMERICA TAKES A GIANT STEP SIDEWAYS" would be the headlines.

Have a good weekend.

I should have kept going

I've made a huge mistake! A colossal error in judgement. A big boo-boo!

I went back to work.

After two weeks of being away I find that people(and we know how much I love THEM) have gotten into things they should have stayed out of, not gotten into things they should have, and generally spent the holiday season making a huge mess I get to straighten out. I'd be such a better manager if it wasn't for all those...people.

On top of which indignity, I have managed to wait until the last minute to write the syllabi for my classes and now I'm feeling a bit of pressure. A bit,actually,is an understatement. I'm trying not to wet myself.

At least I read the books that's some help. Now I get to decide what they need to know. And I have a week to get it done. The Dean wants to see it before the 10th. So I'll be starting the New Year off just as I suspected. Running around as though my undies were up my ass and my hair was on fire.

It's such fun coming back from two weeks off and after 90 minutes it's like I never left. At least I get to scream and rant in peace,no one else has come back yet. I think I have today and tomorrow to vent while I sort things out and formulate a plan.

I wish I could incorporate Gin into that plan but it just doesn't seem prudent.

Wish me luck.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Greetings! Salutations! I hope your New Year is happy!

I entered 2007 with great unceratinty. Not so this year! I've made resolutions.

Well, I made one. To have fun. I believe Sean Penn's character Conrad, said to his brother Nicholas in The Game, (one of my all time favorite movies) "Yeah, fun, you know what that is. You've seen other people have it." I believe The Game is proof of what David Fincher can do when he's got a good script. Zodiac wasn't his fault, there's just no story there.

Well I've got bad news for all you fun-hoggers. I'm in this year! I'm going to be much easier to get along with than usual, because I'm going to be having a good time. Got problems? Sorry! Got Drama? Really Sorry! Got a need to keep others from enjoying their life? Good luck getting your claws in me this year.

I'm going to laugh, explore, meet, learn, travel, and approach it all with a smile. There's too much to do, and too much to learn and too much to see not to get out there and spend every minute possible doing just that.

2007 turned out pretty good. I was happy with it. But 2008 is going to be even better. I now realize that the things I want aren't impossible. I have the skills, the tools, the credentials, and the desire to have all of them. The version I get may not be exactly the fantasy version in my head, but it'll be the best version I can manage.

I'm gonna meet me some men, go some cool places, and see some cool stuff.

Since it's a new year here's a little lovely for you to Start January with:

White Christmases

Have a good one all! I've decided to eschew the expensive watch and treat myself to some horseback riding in the mountains for Christmas instead.

Merry Christmas!

Warm Christmas Fuzziness (you were warned)

I had no intention this morning when I woke up of being all Bah Humbug on your asses, and I hope this is not how this post turns out, but I have made note of a disturbing trend.

What in the hell do you all go home for Christmas for? Seriously. I have read four blogs this morning and even the usually banal psychiatrist is a grouch. There appears to be tension barely contained just under the surface of almost every single holiday encounter I've read about. Thankfully, at no time am I regretful of my estrangement from my family, and a blog day like this solidifies my position.

Yesterday we had a minor snow event. It was blowy and we ended with just a few inches of snow, so I spent the day in.

Thinking, at one point, that I was feeling reflective over the last year and the solstice, I got out my calendar and looked at some of the things I'd done and seen this year.

Though the near miss with the law was resolved, and a horse nearly did me in, I feel incredibly lucky. In fact because those issues were resolved I feel incredibly lucky.

I became a better horseman this year than ever before, and though there is an unmeasurable distance to go before I would even think of calling myself a true horseman, I have learned a lot, and I have spent time developing my skills in that area of life. I have also begun, ever so slightly, to resume my relationship with animals. They're smarter than us you know. We make it all so difficult and they boil it down to the basics in seconds. They live simply too, which, in my book makes them WAY smarter than us. I am entertaining the notion of having a dog in my life again. I miss the company. My trepidation exists on only one level, I'm not home a lot. From Monday morning through Friday afternoon I am only home to sleep. This means a dog would be alone, cooped up in my apartment all the time without interaction of any kind, and that leads to all sorts of issues in my experience. It's also incredibly unfair to the dog. So I'm still thinking about that one.

I finally figured out who the crazy people in my adoptive family are. Unfortunately, it turned out to be my people. I had hoped against hope that this was not the case. But I've always contended that one simply becomes more of who one actually is as one ages. So since they've just gotten crazier and crazier, to the point that it's undeniable, I have to face the facts and move on. I don't miss the insanity and the turmoil that was my life with them in it. In fact things have settled down quite nicely.

I've spent my entire adult life with friendships that provide more than that family unit could ever dream of. As I've said before the family you get isn't always the family you get. So, Jim,Keith,Kenne,Cheryl,Kathy,Abby,Ani,Don,Linda,Chuck,Michele, CC,and Lisa-Lin,thank you for being my family. Just...well...Thank you.

I got that teaching job I have dreamed of for decades. I just have a few weeks to prepare, and then the challenges really begin. I'm sure I'll be a mess that first day and I'm sure I'll screw it up several times, but the process is for everyone to learn including me. So though I have fears, I'm going to bundle them up in my gut and go stand in front of that classroom and have that dream.

I traveled a bit and though there are new horizons in my sight I have things that must be attended to first. I went to Santa Fe, and San Francisco, and Chicago, and Las Cruces, and San Juan. I hope I get to see all the places I have in my mind over the years. I'm a little cautious about it since there is apparently some gay travel gene that I hope not to indulge. I don't want to do it so I can tell people I did it. I want to do it so I can see the world in a unique way.

I'm looking at horseback riding vacations in Peru, and walkabouts in Australia, and bicycle tours of Ireland. I want to see the life in these countries,not the tourism. I believe that people are just people and the only way to learn that for sure is to go talk to them. You can't do that from a tour bus. I'm trying to figure a way to spend a few months in Mexico doing an immersion school for Spanish. That,I think would be extremely cool.

I'll be moving sometime in 2008 to New Mexico,permanently. I'd love to live in Santa Fe, but that may not be feasible. It may have to be somewhere else so I can maintain my financial plans for at least a modicum of security. But I need that place. I need the things it has always offered me, and the way it makes me feel to be there. The reasons not to stay here become more and more clear as the days pass, and though I like my job(s) at least I now know what I want to look for in the future.

Personally, I've stayed away from relationships. My focus this year has had to be me and my life and my future. I wouldn't have been any use in a relationship with anyone in 2007, and I knew it. Perhaps I can turn my attention to such things before next solstice.

So after all that reflection I was hungry, and I made a big pot of steak soup. The rest of the evening I sat and watched it snow out my windows. Thankful that I want what I have.

Enjoy your time with your families. I hope it's not as stressful for you all as it sounds. And I hope you return home refreshed and ready for the New Year. Wow, I made it all the way through without Bah Humbug, cool.

freaky things

I could live without the cigarette, but Kyle is awfully cute. Happy Friday, and Merry Christmas.



Ok, I understand that you are probably not going to understand what I am talking about here. But I have to write this down, it was too weird, and too strange, and too scary not to talk about.

I'm sure you all know that everyone has crazy relatives in their family. In my case it's my adoptive family and though they're not from the south they should be, because the correct question wouldn't be, "Is there insanity in your family?" But "What side is it on." In their case, both. And the woman in question got a double dose.

As you may know from reading this blog, I am estranged from this adoptive family, precisely because of their insanity, and their desire, nay, need, to play redeemer/persecutor with the poor homosexual bastard they unwittingly brought into their midst some 50 years ago.(no I'm NOT over it thank you very much) They're nuts, they suffer from massive narcissistic personality disorder and I refuse to go near them again. But, as usual I digress.

You probably also have gleaned from my posts that I have a part time job in a grocery. I chose this particular grocer because it's obscure, it's pricey, and it's in a neighborhood the defectives wouldn't frequent. Minimizing my chances of being discovered. (STOP! You're getting there ahead of me)

Last night, as luck would have it, there was no till for me to open a drawer with, so I was asked to sack. I NEVER SACK! NEVER! It's not a snobbery thing, but all their cashiers are old ladies, and they are accordingly slow...I mean S-L-O-W. Therefore during the evening rush on days I work I wait on about three customers to their one. So I am chained to a register from the moment I get there. Not so last night, which was fortuitous. After about 20 minutes I looked up from sacking and noticed this singular apparition slinking down aisle 2.

Now there are people in everyone's life whose visage is unmistakable and she is mine. Hugely ratted black wig. (this facilitates her delusion that she looks like Elizabeth Taylor. Especially when she puts in her violet contacts. No I am not kidding.)Anyway said apparition was walking into aisle 2. IN MY STORE! One of my managers was about to give me a till so I could open a register and I waved her off saying I had to excuse myself and went to the back.

I proceeded not only to go to the back room, I went to the basement, this is how much I did not want to see this woman. Feeling like a freak I called my manager and explained to her that I would be staying in the back for a while and though I could hear in her voice that she did not understand what was up, she wasn't going to question me. I immediately called my brother.

"You will not believe who is in this store!" I said. "D" he said. "Worse." after the briefest of pauses he said,"LIZ!" he went there immediately...see what a scourge she is? We spent the next few minutes discussing what the hell she could possibly be doing there and how she could have found out I worked there. Yes, the paranoia muscles were in full adrenaline overdrive. Primarily because I live in fear of a public confrontation with this nutcase, and I couldn't think of another reason she would be there.

My managers reported to me later that she came to the customer service desk to buy her juice with her food stamp card, confirming that it was her as far as I was concerned. Only she would go to such lengths to hone her skills as a professional victim.

Alas, the Gods were thankfully with me. I called the desk and explained to my manager what was going on and she offered to walk the store and see if she had left. The report a few minutes later was favorable. So I gave it another five and then went back to work. I thought if I made it another hour I'd be safe. I did, there was no further haunting to report.

AND, I figured out that "D" was probably taking her to the restaurant around the corner for Christmas. So her appearance was likely an accident. I'm reasonably certain of this. Because if she had seen me, she would not have been able to pass up the chance to make eye contact and she would then have made sure that "D" had seen me as well. There would have been a scene, and she would have made sure of it.

So though I am better now, I had to record the occurrence. It was so strange. I consider the near miss my Christmas present from the Gods. Let's pray that I am right, and there won't be any stalking. The chances are further minimized by the news that I did indeed get the job teaching at the college and though I may keep the grocery job for one evening a week I won't be there on a regular basis and she won't be able to find me easily. Phew!

I'll try to blog over the holidays. I'm doing a lot of roaming though so it'll be spotty.

Love

I'm on someones blogroll

Woohoo! I found my blog on someone's blogroll for the first time! And I'm on there with the likes of Richard Rothstein, no less. THAT'S A BIG FUCKING DEAL TO ME!! Of course, I'm also on there with a blog called "Zac Efron please stop tanning" so there are mitigating factors.

I think I know who Zac Efron is. I think he's the Bobby Sherman of 2007. If that's who you are Zac I have a piece of advice. Save, Save, Save.

I can't write anymore I have to go follow the link from that blogroll to here over and over and over..... hee hee!

Man I need a vacation.

is it possible?

Could there be a gay news magazine that interviews people and doesn't ask them prurient questions?

I just read an Advocate interview with Kyle Chandler, and there just had to be questions about towel snapping in the locker room scenes on Friday Night Lights. I was embarrassed for Brandon Voss. I mean seriously, can't you just ask the guy about the show, and his role, and his body of work, and maybe his future career plans and possibly his family without asking about hot young actor football players? How embarrassing.

What would happen if there was a gay magazine that did just that? Would we then start to see a more thinking gay men and women model come to the fore? Would we be thought snobs? We'd probably be thought log cabin-ers. Sad but true. Not to say that only log cabin members are thinking men and women, because I hope that I am a thinking person and GOD knows I'd never be a log cabin republican. But I fear that could be our label.

We'd be ridiculed for creating a gay magazine that didn't ask about young humpy guys while interviewing the old straight guy in the cast. There would be little doubt that we'd gone off our "purty little heads" if we tried to be serious about issues and events, unless someone had tried to break up the pride parade. Then we can go off-fer sher.

But what if we expected to be taken seriously? What if we just put it out there that there was a gay magazine that did interviews that weren't about sex? Whose stories didn't ultimately wind up somewhere between the navel and the knees, and only aimed for the brain? Would that be risky?

Possibly. But it'd sure be cool wouldn't it?

too much time on my hands

the misconceptions of gifting

How did we come to the conclusion that all gifts at this time of year have to be just spectacular? Which is to say expensive. I've been reading all over the internet this morning about people who are having crises over gifts they're giving.

Some are to friends, some to family, some to significant others, but all the posts I've seen are these angst-ridden diatribes from people thinking they can't afford to buy someone an appropriate gift. Now that could make me sad...IF IT WASN'T SO STUPID!

Do I somehow owe someone a gift? Is there some sort of obligation implicit in the receipt of a gift or a favor? If so I missed that part.

If I choose to give you a gift, that means that you mean enough for me to spend the time and thought necessary to find a gift that makes me think of you when I look at it, will make you think of me when you do the same, and that I can afford to give you.

I have two friends of over 30 years and we are in no danger of ever ending our friendships. It's just not going to happen. I can't stay away from them, nor they me. The bond is there,(believe me we've been through it and back)and though I could examine it to death I could never explain it and I won't try here. But we have never exchanged gifts at Christmas. Birthdays sometimes, but not usually. Christmas never. It was an agreement I asked for many years ago when I had a family that numbered upwards of 20 and I was a struggling actor. They both immediately said, it was fine and we've stuck to it ever since. I once bought gifts for K and his partner because I was in grad school and they'd graciously allowed me to stay in their house for three weeks during Christmas break while I was in town. K sheepishly told me on Christmas morning that he had no gift for me, and I had to explain to him that I considered the extended stay my gift in the first place. I mean three weeks, really. In my house I'd be hard pressed to let someone stay that long. They never batted an eyelash. Well, said partner did tell me to stop leaving my coffee cups all over the house at one point, but since I was doing that and it was extremely inconsiderate I can't really say he didn't have a point. But I digress.

The point is this. If you want someone to have something, go shopping. Find something that makes you think of them that is within your budget and buy it for them. I think you might find that the time spent considering the important people n your life will bring (that personally dreaded) warm Christmas fuzziness to you in a way you didn't expect. I mean that's really what we're supposed to be after here, isn't it? Taking stock of how important people are in our lives and letting them know how much they mean to us.

It is not about how impressive the gift is, nor how much it cost, nor where it came from. It's about the very notion that someone cares enough about you to go out and spend part of a day looking for something that, when you look at it, will warm your heart at the thought that went into its selection. A gift should say "You mean something to me." Not, "You're worth THIS much to me."

Shopping with this mindset is the only way I can do the Christmas thing. Otherwise it's just a chore that I loathe, and Bah Humbug is no way to spend the next week.

good intentions

I truly intended to do a very thoughtful and reminiscent post on Friday. But I had to WORK!!! (the nerve of those people.) And boy did I have to work. There was a ton to get done before The end of the week. Also I have to get ahead a little since I'll be gone from the 21st through the 2nd. Blogging will certainly suffer the first month of the new year I can tell you that right now. Back to work will entail catching up on three weeks of stuff that will have stacked up, and if I really am teaching I'll have a few things to prepare before classes start the middle of the month. Yikes, what have I gotten myself into?

But Friday I intended to talk about Antonio Carlos Jobim. I checked out a cd from work that I hadn't heard before and it was unexpectedly filled with memories.

When I was a child, my parents used to have two or three cocktail parties a year. Remember this was the early 60's and those things were popular. So was the Bossa Nova, and invariably they would hire this trio to play for the two or three hours of the party before everyone settled down to tables for an evening of bridge. I'm sure all these guys knew was Jobim and they played it with gusto, I didn't know the difference I was like 6. Some of the adults would dance, most would at least be shimmying about at a song or two. Being the child in the house I remember watching them from the stairs and thinking how much I couldn't wait to be a grownup and attend these functions. They all looked like they were having such fun.

But this cd induced me to think of those times. I'd bet there weren't more than 6 or 7 of them in my whole childhood, but they made an impression I guess I'll always carry with me. Uh-oh could this mean warm Christmas fuzziness is in my near future? Gods forbid!

I had Christmas with my brother's family yesterday since I'll be out of town starting next Saturday. I made out like a bandit. They did pretty good too, so it all worked out. But I was happy to see them and best of all it snowed actively all through my family Christmas. I went immediately to the western store and bought myself a straw hat,spurs, and a wallet for next summer with my gift certificate and then went home and had a gin and tonic in my new cocktail glasses. Then I went to dinner with friends. When I got home I put on my new slippers and jammies and watched reruns of entourage on HBO. God I love peaceful evenings. I went to bed and worked on a little of a John Grisham I'm reading. Slept way too long, but I feel good today. This afternoon I'll put away the rest of the gifts and send thank you's. Is this what Christmas is supposed to be like? Stress-free and filled with enjoyable moments? Who knew? I've been living "The Lion in Winter" so long I had no idea.

I'd love to go out and make some pots but it's 17 degrees and the only way into the studio is to open the garage door. This means that little heater has to start all over when the door closes. Maybe I'll wait till later in the week when it's warm.

The car has to have some warranty work this week and I'm starting to think I may have actually found a dealer that isn't genetic slime like the current one. When I said I'd just stay with the car they told me they'd take me to work, and that it wasn't too far away. The other dealer is exactly 49 blocks due west of my office and they wouldn't take me to work. This one is over 15 miles away and they're telling me I'm crazy to sit there all day. I may have fallen in love.

Speaking of which, well not love,perhaps infatuation, (or is that just lust?) but one of the things I meant to mention was a shocking moment at the grocery the other day. This guy came up to me and asked if I could help him find something, and oh my was he cute. I took him to the taco shells and then the tortillas and when he was done he came to me to pay for his groceries. I was so shocked that I could not take my eyes off that mop of silvery hair. Lord what has happened to me? Am I really 50? I do hope he becomes a regular customer. Only on Sunday's of course, since that's the only time I'll have to work after the new year. Maybe I should be sure he knows that. Listen to me, shameless. But then again if I don't blow my own horn I can't expect him to have the opportunity, now can I.

I'm making a blog on which to display and possibly sell some of my pots. it's roampottery.blogspot.com
I'll put a button on the sidebar of this blog and vice versa when I have time to figure all that out. So far I've gotten a few pictures posted and the basics setup.
At the least it may put me in touch with some other potters and maybe I can expand my network in that regard. That would be nice. I like the solitude of ceramics, but once in a while I need to see other people doing it, and maybe talk about it. I tried the local clay guild but I didn't feel very welcomed. So hopefully this blog will help my cause in that regard.

As a last note today's handsome guy pic is Mitch Longley, currently of the series Las Vegas. In finding this picture I discovered he had also been on a couple of soaps and I do remember him in Judging Amy reruns when I was in grad school. (anything to avoid studying during the midday hours)the point of this exercise is that he is a dead ringer for the guy in the grocery the other day. Fun huh?

Have a good Sunday.

Love

what's that big yellow thing in the sky?

It appears the sun is shining for he first time in over a week. at least for the day. Tomorrow clouds again and then prognostications of some snow tomorrow night. I don't believe that either. One forecaster said it'll be a non-event. the other says it'll be a shovelable event. I don't shovel anymore so I could care less about that part, but some nice peaceful pretty snowfall couldn't hurt.

I was just accosted by the supply Nazi at work. Went for a pen out of the cabinet and he appeared behind me demanding to know what I was doing. I guess, since I look for his days off and then raid the damn thing to avoid exactly this kind of treachery, that he thinks when he's not looking he loses his shirt and needs to be vigilant is a strategy that's backfiring on me. Of course, he's a little crazy too so that doesn't help his cause. Everyone needs to own something I guess.

I must be about to go back into higher education again. I just went to the college website to check my own schedule as a student and thought I'd look to see if the classes I had interviewed for had made. I am listed as faculty and I have students. No one however, has ever notified me that I have the job, nor given me my email address nor passwords to access the faculty pages, or anything else one might expect of a new job. Yup, back in higher ed. alright. The faculty is kept more in the dark than the students.

I know that I should have watched the Republican debates last night just to see what they're saying, but I just couldn't do it. I really tried. I sat there with that remote in my hands and thought, "you've got to do this, it's your civic duty." Didn't work. I just can't look at the field of candidates they have this time. I just can't even look at them! How can I make an informed decision in November when I haven't listened to everyone. OK, yes, it's true that I'd never vote republican anyway, but it still seems unfair that I'm voting without knowing everything I can. It won't stop me, but I'll feel appropriately guilty.

I took lunch to the women who staff the office at my apartment complex today as a christmas present. I've never lived someplace where they're so service oriented and I think that's the least I can do to say thanks. They seemed a little uncomfortable with it, but too bad. Eat!

Tomorrow I'm having dinner with my old friend J. Haven't seen him in months. It's silly because we live about 3 miles apart, but I tend to keep my schedule full and he's a bit of a butterfly when the holidays come around. So it'll be nice to catch up after several months.

It's Texas and New Mexico still running neck and neck for the holiday trip. I just can't decide, but the availability of horses may be the deciding factor. There aren't many left in Dallas proper. Selfish I know, I should go see LLMB, but it IS my holiday after all. And I'm all about doing exactly what you want on the holidays. Like I said, the jury is still out.

Phew! I'm scattered. Back to work, maybe that'll focus me. I promised I'd brilliant today. That'll teach me.

gray-ness

Man I sure hope this is a mug shot.

I’m lethargic. I suppose it’s because we’ve had gray skies for over a week. But I also suppose it could be because I have young neighbors who live their lives between 11pm and 7am. Not conducive to living in an apartment. I could go on about it. But it’s all just silly stuff with kids in an apartment. It’ll either go away or they will.

I am ready for some sunshine though. They’re now saying that will happen tomorrow. Of course it’ll be 25 degrees for the high, so I can look at the sunshine from my office, but going out in it is not likely.

I just ran across an article about some child star, (not really a child but he’s ridiculously young) Shia something-or-other, and apparently he was arrested in Chicago for refusing to leave a Walgreen’s, (whatever) but in the melee of his arrest there were pictures taken. One of the people whose blogs I read with regularity is apparently enamored of this kid. Because he posted a picture of the arrest with the caption “Shia, stop being all hot and shit, yo!”

This kid is hot? He looks like a cartoon character to me! Am I THAT old?

Shit...yo.

Still can’t decide what to do about travel over the holidays. I feel like I have to go somewhere, and I do have a friend in Dallas I haven’t seen in years, so I could do that. I was looking at lastminute.com to see what kind of deal I could find and they’re not bad. Of course who the hell actually wants to go to Dallas in the middle of the winter, so there should be good fares. No horses if I go there, but I will be able to catch up with an old friend and that would be fun. Of course we’d have to do it before 9pm when we both have to go to bed. Again, too many choices.

We did not have that ice storm they touted on the news for four days. It rained. The storm went north of us, thankfully, and it seems they got clobbered. But it missed us. Told Ya!

Tomorrow I'll be brilliant. I promise.

Your results:
You are Spider-Man
Spider-Man

---

100%
Iron Man

---

90%
Batman

---

80%
Superman

---

80%
Green Lantern

---

65%
Catwoman

---

60%
Hulk

---

60%
Robin

---

50%
Supergirl

---

50%
The Flash

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40%
Wonder Woman

---

30%

You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.



Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz


This is still not the way it appears everywhere else, but it'll have to do, I really do have work to do. Though I'd love to spend the day and night on this I simply can't. I do love the part about my being geeky though. I hate when these quiz things are spot on. I suppose that's why I've always fallen in love with every nerd I've ever met. Put me in a football stadium full of hot gay men and one nerd and I'll find him. My gaydar is bad, but my nerdar is perfectly tuned, and if that nerd is gay, well that's Kismet.

BTW

I have been cleared by the medical establishment to return to my ways of drinking gin, smoking dope, and having sex with strangers. Or whatever configuration it is you youngsters do nowadays. Whatever it is I'm not going to keel over from it apparently.

Too bad too, keeling over was part of the fun.

Now I just have that pesky colonsocopy to look forward to, but...well you've all gotten there way ahead of me so I'll just go on with my Saturday.

Love

sad/angry**angry/sad

I wasn't going to post anymore today,I've just been a head case all day, I even forgot my briefcase this morning. But I just stumbled across this blog while I was waiting for report to finish and though the beginning, in which our hero is telling us a story about his frustration over something that happened to him and subsequently the revelation from his most recent crush that the interest was mutual and that now they've been together ten years, and then this...

“...The look on my face was something far beyond astonishment. I was speechless for perhaps the first, and last, time in my life. I have no recollection of what words I used to respond that the feelings were mutual. What I do remember is sliding out from the booth together and entering into the cold dark night, warmed by the recent revelation and so befuddled with emotion and surprise that neither of us knew what to say or do next. As the night was late, I had to work early the next morning and we were both exhausted and still dazed with the revelation, we mutually agreed to pursue this further the next day after work and began to head to our separate cars. At that time, we were both far more concerned about our visibility and the potential danger of open affection in a public place, so despite our clear desire to share that first, magical kiss, we hesitated, an unspoken understanding passing between the two of us that we understood each others hesitation. Before I could turn to go, my new requited crush slid his foot across the pavement to touch mine and whispered "I'm kissing you now."

He touched his foot to mimic a kiss???? Do I really live in that world where two people are actually afraid to kiss each other?!?!

Shit I need come gin.

and some Josh.

ok ther's no josh in our a/v section so I'm watching shattered glass at Prince's recommendation.

Drinking gin too.