The soul has greater need of the ideal than the real for it is by the real that we exist, it is by the ideal that we live

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

long time no see

It's been almost 5 years since I posted here

since I lost my brother I didn't really feel like
blogging anymore
it went out of fashion
all my favorite bloggers stopped blogging
and everyone started vlogging
and being themselves
no more fiction
reality tv work doesn't do much for me
also in that time
I lost the love of my life
My husband
Erick Butler died of cancer
December 18, 2015.

Erick Butler loved me
He told me so.
Our relationship could best be described
With the tritest of cliches
Opposites attract.
I am an introverted homebody
Who wants nothing more than to go
Home at 9 o'clock.
Of course, that's when Erick was just 
Getting started;
Youth, impetuousness, and wanderlust 
Conspired to send us our separate ways.
But I thought of him from time  to time;
And one day Phoebe Snow died.
I was reminded of a concert of hers
We went to at the Lyric theatre
We held hands
The people around us were scandalized.
So I looked him up on Facebook and 
We reconnected
These past few months I knew the time 
Was short
If I wanted to be with him it was now.
The evenings we spent
I didn't want them to end.
We talked about everything
And nothing.
One night as I was helping him
From his chair
He took my face in his hands
I love you Sean
I always have.
And I was done for once again
Erick Butler loved me.
He told me so.

I lost 2016 to the grief
and still, he haunts me
he likely always will
but I can't go making videos about that
so no youtube for me
no
true confessions
nope
I just came back to say hi
and hear the echo
I miss him.

And so it goes