Fabulousness

It's here! (it really is this time)

The "Freaking Amazing 2008 Ancient Egyptian Pop-Up Calendar has arrived! It's on my office wall, and I have pictures. It is actually pretty damn cool.

However, AT&T, pieces of shit that they are, has not sent said pictures from my phone to my email for the last THREE HOURS. What could they possibly be doing? Other than squandering some more of the dollars I waste on their "services." We may never know.
Cell Phone Fight Club maybe? They can't talk about it, so we're forever in the dark.

Like my damn pictures.

woohoo!

It's here!

The Freaking Amazing Ancient Egyptian Pop-up calendar is HERE!!!

Well, it's actually in the office at my apartment and I won't be able to get it until tomorrow but I found a notice from the mailman in my box this morning telling me there was a package in the office, and since it's the only thing I'm expecting....woohoo!!!

Thankfully I didn't see it yesterday. I couldn't have gotten it,and I was worthless yesterday. I can't figure it out. I could not sleep enough this weekend and I needed still more yesterday. I went home after work and slept....well, I woke up in time to go to bed, and then I lay there thinking I'd screwed up and that I'd be lucky to sleep at all during the night...and then...It was 5 a.m. I guess I needed to sleep a lot more. I'm better now thank you.

Perhaps it was being so busy this weekend. Cocktail party friday night with a friend from out of town, then dinner and a play. Sunday I couldn't do anything but nap. We did see a chamber music concert in the afternoon, but I barely stayed awake for it. I need some decent weather (as it snows outside) and some time outdoors! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

Hopefully I'll have the calendar thursday and I can take a picture and post it here.

I'm so excited!

not gettin' it done

It seems as though I simply will not motivate today. There's plenty to do, but no real reason to do it. Besides the morning was nothing but one crisis after the other.

Someone gave this woman a "new" computer, that had actually been refurbished and they didn't realize that buried inside the software from it's previous incarnation was the command to change the price of every item in the library system that was scanned by this particular computer...to $0.

I started to see some rather peculiar things in my daily reports and when I finally figured out what was going on I ran a specific report for this issue. It was then that I found out that this week alone said woman had scanned over 500 items. Of course, every item is a different price, so I can't restore them all unless I do it one by one. I love my job, I love my job, I love my job...

So though most of the daily stuff is done there is still some that it appears will not get done before end of day.

Too bad, I'm gonna ogle Nic Gonzalez instead.


Where do they keep these perfect latin men?

My perfect Latin man turned out to be a nut case.

Oh well it's Martini Night!

thought bubble

"I'm gonna beat your ass old man."

"Bring it Bitch."

checking in or out as the case may be

I haven't posted in a while. I was pretty sure I'd be too busy this month to do much of this, and so far my prediction is proving correct.

I just wanted to do a follow-up on the Mommie Dearest stuff. It's not had much of an effect on my life really. I never knew any of these people and therefore have no reason to miss them. I don't know what I expected in starting the whole thing up in the first place. It's not a tragedy, just an interesting episode in my estimation. I did find Auntie Georgia. So I do have the option of calling her. If I really want to pursue something to ruin I'm covered.

I need to prepare for my class tomorrow. I have their quiz and most of my lecture outlined, but I think I'll read the chapter one more time just to be sure I have a clue what I'm talking about.

Sad news about Heath ledger. Someone that young should be around a lot longer. I've seen some rather bizarre reactions on the net. From gibberish from actors who should never be allowed to say their own words in public, to attempts to equate this guys untimely death to gay rights. Wow. Everyone needs a piece of some people I guess.

I've been looking at bikes all morning. I don't know that the point is my needing a new one, but more that I just WANT TO RIDE!!! It's 14 degrees though, so I shall continue to look a while longer..like about 60 days.

My kingdom for a horse, and some weather in which to ride the damn thing. I so need to get outside my head...and my body.

Latinfest

Happy Latin Men Festival!!!

Ain't they pretty?

It's FRIDAY!!!

Last nights teaching gig was...well... ok I'm a complete neurotic. It was fine. They were all but comatose and I'd forgotten what that can be like.

Gael Garcia Bernal demonstrates why I always make passes at boys who wear glasses.

And I refuse to jump on the "I hate Ricky Martin because he won't come out." bandwagon. I mean, look at that face. How could one possibly get mad at that?

Freddy Rodriguez I loved on Six Feet Under, and he just keeps gettin' cuter EVERY TIME I SEE HIM!

Kirk Acevedo.......dear god, worth going to prison for. Well, Oz anyway.

Jimmy Smits, I've loved since L.A. Law, so he always gets my vote.

Nestor Carbonell and Eddie Cibrian are excellent arguments for lifting the travel restrictions to Cuba.


Little planned this weekend. It's going to be cold and gray...oh boy my favorite!

I'll probably read, watch movies, and work on lesson plans.

Unless Ricky, Gael, Freddy, Jimmy, Eddie, Nestor, or Kirk call. Then I'm busy.

I got this feeling...

I am beginning to doubt that this woman will ever screw up the courage to contact me at all. I also found out yesterday that she never told anyone she had an illegitimate child, so I'm her dirty little secret, and the little devil on my shoulder keeps telling me to pursue the matter. But I doubt that I will. So she gets to go to her grave with the knowledge that she had the opportunity to make things right with her past issue of giving up her child and that she didn't take advantage of that opportunity. (I will publish her name here, but I've decided to give her a little more time.)

Today I start teaching. And as everyone has told me, it's not as big a deal as I thought it was. I'm just glad it has come to pass.

We finally got some of that snow I was lamenting yesterday. It's very pretty. And I've had enough winter for one year thanks.

Tomorrow is pretty picture friday. I'll see who comes up this time. Maybe each month should have a theme. I've blown the latin lover theme I started with Enrique because last week was Johnny Depp. But I think I can repair the damage if I do a really good job of latin guys tomorrow. I'll do my best.

Limbo- I thought Benedict abolished that!

I had to come back and spiff this post up with a little levity. Thanks to Daniel, the-guy-no-longer-in-the-desert for the pic of Benny and his "Bitchin'Pimp Hat."

Another Catholic tradition comes smacking down on my head. Limbo, it's where I'm living. We'll see if dear old mom has the courage to call or write.

I have decided to write my autobiography though. I mean seriously that last 50 years have been way too interesting to just pass off without being chronicled. And I'm naming names dammit!

So look for "The Love-child of Perfect Village." in stores near you. Of course, I have to write it. And then find a publisher. And then deal with editors. And galleys. And Proofs.

Ok, well look for it in stores in about four years.

Today I'm a student, tomorrow I'm a teacher. No, literally, today I start pottery class, and then tomorrow I start teaching my classes.

It's been so long coming it's now an anti-climax.

Sorry for the gray mood, I was promised snow today. All we got was rain.

Methaphors, bah humbug.

The Thick Plottens

I sent her a letter. I know, it was a chickenshit way out, but I just cannot pick up the phone and potentially disrupt someone's life like that, can't do it.

No response yet. And after yesterday's little conversation with my brother I may not want to have that conversation.

I have to say here that this entire fucked-up family told lie after lie to cover up this dirty little secret and I may never actually uncover the truth. So what my brother thinks he knows, though it may be the truth as he knows it, doesn't jibe with what I've learned over the years. And GOD I hope he's wrong.

You may have read here in older posts about my cousin Bob, with whom I became very close the last 20 years of his life. He was the second generation of gay men in the family and we bonded when I was in my late teens. At that time he lived out of state and after he returned we spent many hours hanging out together. It's possible that he was my uncle, but as I said I doubt that. Besides I have a hard time believing that he would die without telling me. If he did he'd better expect to get exhumed so I can tell him off.

Yesterday I had this little minor medical procedure and someone had to pick me up after, so I called my brother. During lunch I told him about my little adventure into the deep throat world of adoption searches and he told me the version he'd always heard was that Bob's older brother Bill was my father.

This would suck on many levels, the most immediate being that the bastard is dead so I cannot tell him what a fuck he is. He looked me in the eye many times, and never to acknowledge who he was to me is potentially...well, as shitty as it gets, but as I said it doesn't make sense with my evidence, so I'm holding out hope that this story is wrong.

There is compelling evidence that my brother is just another victim of the incredible lengths the family went to in concealing my adoption. So I have to wait to see if this woman calls or writes and if she does, what gets said. See, this is why I hate drama.

And this family "just can't understand" why I won't have anything to do with them anymore.

I'm just mean I guess.

Paving the road to Hell

"You cannot expect people to believe in the promise of a better future when they are jailed for peacefully petitioning their government," Bush said. "And you cannot stand up a modern, confident nation when you do not allow people to voice their legitimate criticisms."

Somebody please tell me George Bush did not stand up and say these things in public with a straight face. See, this guy is crazier than i thought he was, and that's saying something.

We cannot go to war with yet another country. Is he planning on taking over the whole world? Is that what America means to him? Occupy and run, by proxy, every single country that isn't aligned with your views? When, WHEN is someone going to stand up and call this guy out?

Now, I think Hugo Chavez is pretty crazy, but George Bush is more dangerous than Chavez! He's not only got the delusions but he's in charge of the biggest superpower in the world. Scary is an understatement

Write everybody you can think of in congress and tell them you DO NOT want to go to war with another country. I fear those pleas will fall on deaf ears, but do it anyway.

Don't not do it because you think your representatives and senators won't listen to you. I live in Kansas, and I'm represented by Sam Brownback, Pat Roberts and Dennis Moore, so you got nuthin on me.

Do it!

And then pray.

Stepping in family

I love Johnny Depp. He's just always fun to watch. Not ugly either.

I did, I stepped in it this time. It's not irreparable...yet. And I could ignore what I've done and it'd go away. I'm just not sure I want to ignore it. Not sure about any of it really. Ok, I'll stop being cryptic.

The other day, Wednesday I think, I looked at my horoscope and it said that if I ever wanted to solve a mystery that this was the perfect time for me to do so, that I would have great luck at it.

I thought for a while and came to the conclusion that the only real mystery in my life is my birth parents. I have a pretty good idea who my birth mother is, where she is, and what her name is. If I really wanted to I could reach her I think. I've just never had occasion to want to. My birth father though, complete mystery. I MIGHT know his first name. That's it.

So I went online poked around a bit and found a site that had a message board and I posted. I told you I stepped in it.

Now I know dick about the cloak and dagger world of adoption searches. But man is it mysterious. Within three hours I get this email asking for more information. So I told the version of the story I know, which must be fairly accurate, because I get an email back very quickly from someone who tells me that I should call them, they've found my "family" hmmmm

I pondered this rather unexpected development overnight and decided that I wasn't biting without getting some info of my own. (by the way she wasn't exactly where I thought she was.)

I emailed back and asked who this person was, how they came by this info, and just what it was going to cost me. (I've heard lots of horror stories about people getting fleeced by scams like this.)

I was informed that there was no fee for this service, that my contact was someone called a search angel and that their info came from a reliable source who actually knows my birth mother. See this gets even weirder, so I'm kinda creeped out at this point, and I tell them I'll think about it.

Then they emailed me the contact info. Name, address, and phone and told me to call.

Gee thanks, no pressure there.

So here I am with some information on my computer screen and shitloads of rejection scenarios in my head, wondering if I should do this at all. I don't have any animosity about the adoption, it's my understanding I was the product of a couple of teenagers in the mid 50's exercising a huge lack of judgement and I totally get that. So no I don't have any negative feelings about the issue.

The scenarios are many. There's the rejection option. "I don't want you in my life go away and never call here again." ok, well not very nice, but understandable after half a century, I wouldn't like it, but at least I'd have some answer.

There's the "OH my god I thought I'd never find you." option. In which they insist I become a huge part of their lives instantly and run me off with their gushing...no gushing please.

There's the jealous sibling option, where her other children go nuts on learning about me and get rude. That could be a little like an episode of Dallas and I've lived enough of that crap for several lifetimes, thank you.

There's the option where I call, she is so surprised that she drops dead on the spot and then I have another dead mother on my hands. I got two, enough already.

Of course, lurking out there in the back of my head is the option where she goes. "Oh hi! Hey. let's spend a little time getting to know each other and see what kind of a relationship we're going to have. No pressure, no strings, I know you have a life of your own and so do I, so let's not disrupt everyones life over this until we know where we're going with it. By the way, here's your father's name and here's where he lives."

...Yeah I know.

suffering

I told you blogging was going to suffer after the holidays. Today is the last of the catch up phase and then I get to spend the afternoon and evening working on teaching materials. Nothing clears away the neuroses like a deadline. I freaked out all I can, now it's crunch time. Gotta make it up today, it's due tomorrow.

It's a lot like grad school. With the possible exception that at the University of Arkansas Drama Dept the mantra was: "Why am I just hearing about this now?"

None of that so far.

But last night I was thinking about something:

Has no one made this connection so far, and if not why:

it's my party....

I could care less if Hilary Clinton broke down and sobbed on national television. Apparently no one criticizing her has wanted anything that bad before. She's worked her butt off to get where she is and when it sucks ass you get to cry. I'm not a huge fan of this woman, and I don't support her candidacy. But her right to cry after working so hard and getting bitch-slapped? You betcha she can cry.

I don't trust Obama, I just don't. Also, I don't trust the nutcases in this country who'd take out a black President and not think twice about it. And I don't think we're ready. I just don't think we're ready for a woman or a person of color in the White House. I can't see an America that let's George Bush, with his civil rights limiting ways stay in office for eight years without getting impeached, and or lynched, electing a person who isn't white male and Christian. So guess who that leaves? Yup, the southern Baptist. My worst fucking nightmare. (actually that's not true. As Emilio Estevez said in "Freejack." "My worst nightmare is waking up without my penis.")

I don't think this guy would ship us all off to internment camps, but I bet he wouldn't do much to stop someone who tried. Talk about the lesser of evils. That's what we get these days. The least offensive character to lead us around by the nose for a few years, all the while telling us what they're doing is best for us. God we're fucking stupid.

We're going to run up against a real crisis one day and no one in this country is going to have a fucking clue what to do. We're just going to stand there while someone runs right over us and then POOF there goes your democracy. Sorry guys. Did you think it was just a given? That without fighting for it and taking care of it that it'd just be there forever? Well now you know. Good luck to us.

I feel like I'm under siege here today. Every time I think I'm caught up I find some other huge project that needs updating. Work! Work! Everywhere I look! Make it stop!!!(not the direct deposits, just the work)

the story no one is telling

I've been watching with some interest and more than a little dismay the rise of Mike Huckabee as a Republican candidate for president. The best response I can think of to the notion of his candidacy is a line from the film Ghost.

Whoopie and her compatriots are running from Prospect Place Willie who is out to kill them and they knock on the door of an old woman and tell her to let them in, that someone is trying to kill them.

Her response, "Who you kiddin'?"

Shortly after I moved to Fayetteville Arkansas for grad school, I read an article in the paper chronicling then Governor Mike Huckabee's move from the Governor's Mansion to a triple wide trailer on the grounds during renovations. I was sure I had read that and still can't understand why no one is talking about it. So I did a little checking and sure enough. I found what I was looking for.

The article stuck in my mind, for all the obvious reasons, but it also drove home a point that had been made on the first weekend I had lived there. That particular weekend the Sunday Paper featured full color front-page photos of the local chapter of the KKK in full regalia entering the Siloam Springs City Hall for their most recent meeting. Siloam Springs was less then five miles from my front door....I loved living in Arkansas.

So after that story the governor living in a trailer wasn't exactly surprising, but it was notable and I think very much worth repeating here today.

From Stateline.org August 23, 2000:

Arkansas Gov To Call Modular Mansion Home
A Special Report By Steve Barnes In Little Rock


"It is NOT a trailer," declares Mrs. Janet Huckabee, wife of Republican Gov. Mike Huckabee, though it was she who initially teasingly cautioned reporters against calling the home a double-wide.

"It's a triple-wide," Mrs. Huckabee joked.

House trailer or modular home -- and the Arkansas Manufactured Housing Association, which donated the $110,000 house, insists that the latter is accurate -- the Huckabee's move to temporary quarters on the grounds of the Arkansas Governor's Mansion has been a windfall for talk show hosts and late night television comedians.

At 2,100 square feet, the modular home is "big enough for your chin," Mr. Huckabee joked on-air with the Tonight Show's Jay Leno. The Huckabees and their provisional quarters have also been featured on the Today show, NBC Nightly News and the Don Imus radio program in addition to countless mentions in local media across the country.

Temporary housing for the Huckabees was made necessary by a $1.4 million renovation of the Governor's Mansion, the first major refurbishing since its completion in 1950. And Mrs. Huckabee is attempting to raise still more money from private sources -- as much as $4 million -- to significantly expand the stately Georgian brick residence.

Should she succeed, the Huckabee's could remain in the modular residence for as long as two and a half years. The renovations now beginning will require them to live outside the Mansion for ten months.

Every Arkansas governor in recent memory has complained of the inadequacies of the state's executive residence -- usually after leaving office. Its plumbing and electrical circuitry are hopelessly, even dangerously outdated and functions involving more than a hundred people can be accommodated only by erecting tents on the rear lawn.

At three stories and 11,000 square feet, the structure would seem more than spacious. However, one floor consists of administrative offices and meeting rooms, another of "public" spaces and a third, the smallest, is the private quarters of Arkansas First Family. And with no fewer than three official events per week and 16,000 visitors each year, the Governor's Mansion "has become more a small convention center than a home," Mrs. Huckabee told Stateline.org.

Given Arkansas's reputation as a backwater, it probably was to be expected that a modular home would be dismissed as a house trailer in the national consciousness, to the chagrin of many of the state's commercial and cultural elite. But their complaints about the state's image have been muted.

In a Stateline.org interview, Gov. Huckabee said he did not believe his family's living arrangements would embarrass the state.

"I've had dozens of letters and e-mails from across the country from people who appreciated that we were doing this with a sense of humor," Huckabee said.

Nor did he believe accepting a trade association's donation would compromise his adminstration.

"Even if they have some legislation pending, they'd have to deal with the 135 members of the legislature," Huckabee said.

Huckabee contended that the state would realize substantial savings by using the modular house since the Mansion's administrative and security elements would not have to be relocated to a rented property.

The modular home will include three bedrooms, two bathrooms and two living areas, and will provide Mrs. Huckabee with something she said she does not now enjoy in the larger Mansion -- a measure of privacy.

"I'm looking forward to being able to go get a Coke from the refrigerator without getting dressed," Mrs. Huckabee said. "I'll be happy to be able to walk downstairs in my nightgown if I want to and throw myself down on the couch and watch television without wondering what tour is coming through."

Now they aspire to the White House.

And we think we're reviled now.....

Two day weeks seem so long!

Happy Enrique Friday!

I almost posted Kevin Federline pictures, but he's such a tool that even though I think he's handsome, I can't bring myself to give his existence credence by putting his mug on my blog. Besides I figured both of my readers would mutiny when they saw it.

Well with this taxing two day week coming to a close I guess I'll persevere and get caught up here. Still trying to slog through the syllabus mess for the other job, but it'll all work out I'm sure, as long as I don't sit around and wait until the 9th to do it.

I am a little less happy about the new laundry close to the apt. This morning I was greeted with not only the proprietor, but apparently three of her teenage kids and a shop full of cigarette smoke. Now, what does that say about the freshness of my clothes when I get them back this afternoon? We'll see how long she stays in business. How do you screw up a laundry? It's not like there's a lot to learn about the process.

Barack Obama huh? hmmm. I don't know. I guess we've had less experienced Presidents, but I really fear having a person of color in the White House. With all the religious fervor in this country I'd be afraid of another assassination. It just doesn't seem that we're ready. Of course gay people are fucked no matter who wins out of this bunch, so getting the best deal on everything else I suppose is the best we can hope for.

I was surprised that Edwards took second place. I was sure it would be Hilary. I just don't think enough people like her to get it done. Wouldn't it be weird if we wound up with the Southern Baptist white guy? "AMERICA TAKES A GIANT STEP SIDEWAYS" would be the headlines.

Have a good weekend.

I should have kept going

I've made a huge mistake! A colossal error in judgement. A big boo-boo!

I went back to work.

After two weeks of being away I find that people(and we know how much I love THEM) have gotten into things they should have stayed out of, not gotten into things they should have, and generally spent the holiday season making a huge mess I get to straighten out. I'd be such a better manager if it wasn't for all those...people.

On top of which indignity, I have managed to wait until the last minute to write the syllabi for my classes and now I'm feeling a bit of pressure. A bit,actually,is an understatement. I'm trying not to wet myself.

At least I read the books that's some help. Now I get to decide what they need to know. And I have a week to get it done. The Dean wants to see it before the 10th. So I'll be starting the New Year off just as I suspected. Running around as though my undies were up my ass and my hair was on fire.

It's such fun coming back from two weeks off and after 90 minutes it's like I never left. At least I get to scream and rant in peace,no one else has come back yet. I think I have today and tomorrow to vent while I sort things out and formulate a plan.

I wish I could incorporate Gin into that plan but it just doesn't seem prudent.

Wish me luck.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Greetings! Salutations! I hope your New Year is happy!

I entered 2007 with great unceratinty. Not so this year! I've made resolutions.

Well, I made one. To have fun. I believe Sean Penn's character Conrad, said to his brother Nicholas in The Game, (one of my all time favorite movies) "Yeah, fun, you know what that is. You've seen other people have it." I believe The Game is proof of what David Fincher can do when he's got a good script. Zodiac wasn't his fault, there's just no story there.

Well I've got bad news for all you fun-hoggers. I'm in this year! I'm going to be much easier to get along with than usual, because I'm going to be having a good time. Got problems? Sorry! Got Drama? Really Sorry! Got a need to keep others from enjoying their life? Good luck getting your claws in me this year.

I'm going to laugh, explore, meet, learn, travel, and approach it all with a smile. There's too much to do, and too much to learn and too much to see not to get out there and spend every minute possible doing just that.

2007 turned out pretty good. I was happy with it. But 2008 is going to be even better. I now realize that the things I want aren't impossible. I have the skills, the tools, the credentials, and the desire to have all of them. The version I get may not be exactly the fantasy version in my head, but it'll be the best version I can manage.

I'm gonna meet me some men, go some cool places, and see some cool stuff.

Since it's a new year here's a little lovely for you to Start January with: