The soul has greater need of the ideal than the real for it is by the real that we exist, it is by the ideal that we live

Monday, November 29, 2010

monday go go go

John McCain is absolutely right, DADT is working perfectly.

That is if you're a misogynistic homophobic bigot who is intent on discriminating against others. 

Yep, working perfectly.

Dick.
(totally stole this photo from a fellow blogger in London.  I cropped out the artistic object of interest, that's his exclusive as far as I'm concerned, but THIS GUY is another matter entirely.  Thanks LeDuc I just couldn't help myself he's too wonderful.)

And so it goes:

Friday, November 26, 2010

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

thanks?

Well what a bittersweet Thanksgiving this one will be?

Two weeks ago my adoptive father died.  And though I've said and done some things that might lead people to believe that I'm deep in mourning I'd like to make clear that I am not one to beatify people in death beyond what they were in life.

This was not a nice guy.  He had no friends...ever.  He was a total narcissist. He was a snob.  He taught his children nothing of life.  He in fact cheated them and everyone else out of his life and then blamed everyone for not being there.  He measured people in dollars and cents.  He loved nothing that didn't appear in the mirror.

In fact his children and step children were more...well, relieved that this whole thing was over.  Sad but true.

His son, who was the closest thing he could have to a caretaker, was exhausted emotionally as well as physically by the end.  His daughter saw nothing when she looked at him except NCR printed across his forehead.   It was all she could do to contain herself at the funeral not to ask "When will I get a check?"

I hadn't seen nor spoken to him in four years, and was only at his deathbed by accident.  I was glad I was there, but that had more to do with my overwhelming sense of duty than anything else.

Which is the primary thing I am thankful for this year.

I got to be there, as other more important people who've passed through my life would have wanted me to be.  I got to make the funeral arrangements.  And I was the first person at the funeral home so I got to see him and then not deal with the rest of the clan.

I've learned this year through my trials with employment that money isn't the answer. That though i will soon inherit, it's not as important as I once thought it was. That happiness with who I am and what I do is the answer.  And with that knowledge I'll be sort of reinventing life as I know it in 2011.

I've learned that I love teaching more than any job I've ever had and that I'm willing to make whatever sacrifice necessary to keep my part time job doing exactly that.


I've rediscovered the things that make me happy in this life and that I am worthy of love.  With which knowledge I am going to open myself up again to the possibility of relationships in 2011.

I have learned that I spend Friday nights with the best people ever invented.

I have learned that life, at least mine, is one long project, that is never finished.

For all of this and much more I am very thankful.

I have also remembered that though any road may do, that the road is the point of this journey, and I'm thankful to and for a very good friend for accidentally pointing that out.

And so it goes:

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Are we really so stupid?

LONDON – What's a tweet, between friends? The law says sometimes it's a threat.
One man thought he was just bantering with his pals when he joked about blowing an airport sky-high. Another was reacting to a radio phone-in when he mused about stoning a journalist to death.
Because they made their throwaway comments on Twitter, both are in legal trouble.
Their cases have outraged civil libertarians and inflamed the debate about the limits of free speech in a Web 2.0 world. The Internet increasingly makes private jokes, tastes and opinions available for public consumption, blurring the line between public and private in a way that has left the law struggling to keep up.
"I think people don't have any idea of the potential legal ramifications of things they post on the Internet," said Gregor Pryor, a digital media lawyer at Reed Smith in London. "Anything you post on Twitter can come back and haunt you."
Paul Chambers found that out with a vengeance. The 27-year-old trainee accountant was convicted and fined after tweeting in January that he'd blow up Robin Hood Airport in northern England if his flight was delayed.
Chambers — who lost his job and faces several thousand pounds (dollars) in legal costs — said Monday that he has instructed his lawyers to take his case to the High Court, setting the stage for a major test of free speech online.
"Probably to the detriment of my mental well-being, I am appealing the decision as best I can," Chambers tweeted Monday.
Chambers is already an online cause celebre. After he lost an appeal earlier this month, thousands of Twitter users repeated his offending message — "Robin Hood Airport is closed. You've got a week ... otherwise I'm blowing the airport sky high!" They added the tag "I Am Spartacus" — a reference to the 1960 movie epic in which the titular hero's fellow rebels all assume his identity in a gesture of solidarity.
To many Twittizens, the outrage is obvious — Chambers was no threat to anyone, just a frustrated traveler blowing off steam.
"It's worrying," said Evan Harris, a former British lawmaker and free-speech campaigner. "The judgment seemed to misunderstand that something said across Twitter was not a serious threat. This is not the mode of choice for any suicidal jihadist."
Twitter, he said, "is like chat in a pub."
"There is sarcasm in the pub," he said. "There is sarcasm on Twitter, which is understood by everyone on Twitter — but not by that judge."
But others argue that it's not so simple.
The judge who rejected Chambers' appeal, Jacqueline Davies, said that "in the context of the times in which we live," with an ever-present threat from terrorism, Chambers' message was "obviously menacing."
Another ill-fated tweeter has received less sympathy than Chambers. Gareth Compton, a Conservative councilor in the English city of Birmingham, was arrested this month on suspicion of sending an "offensive or indecent message" after tweeting an invitation for a journalist to be stoned to death — a comment he insists was a joke.
The subject of his tweet, newspaper columnist Yasmin Alibhai-Brown, reported him to police. He was arrested and questioned, but has not been charged. He later released an apology for his "ill-conceived attempt at humor."
Sympathy for Compton was relatively muted. Liberal Twitterites may have felt less comfortable supporting a Tory politician who'd attacked a Muslim woman.
But Harris said Compton's arrest is equally unfair. He said Compton's message — "Can someone please stone Yasmin Alibhai-Brown to death? I shan't tell Amnesty if you don't" — was "obviously not a serious menace."
Legal experts agree that the law is not keeping up with technology and the ways it is changing communication. Chambers was convicted of sending menacing electronic communication, under legislation originally introduced to protect telephone operators from indecent calls.
Many people have learned that unguarded online comments can be embarrassing. Just ask Peter Broadbent, the Church of England Bishop of Willesden, who apologized Monday for greeting news of the engagement of Prince William and Kate Middleton with a tweet about taking a "republican day trip to France."
Broadbent apologized and said he'd been unwise to get into a debate "on a semi-public Internet forum," but his boss, the Bishop of London, said Tuesday that he was being suspended from public duties "until further notice."
Around the world similar cases, though in different contexts, are testing the limits of what can be said online.
In China, where the Internet is restricted and Twitter is blocked, a woman was recently sentenced to a year in a labor camp for "disrupting social order" by retweeting a satirical message urging Chinese protesters to smash the Japan pavilion at the Shanghai Expo. Her supporters said the retweet was meant as satire.
In the United States — where the First Amendment right to freedom of speech is seen as a beacon by British civil libertarians — the National Labor Relations Board is challenging a case in which it claims an ambulance worker was fired for criticizing her boss on Facebook. The board's lawyer said such comments are "the same as talking at the water cooler," and so protected by law.
Pryor said such cases show that the legal balance between freedom and responsibility is still being worked out.
Julian Glover, an editorial writer with the Guardian newspaper, thinks it will be a while before things settle down.
The Internet, he wrote recently, is a "life-changing invention that will take time to develop civilized rules of its own" — just as automobiles were followed by highways and then, after time and pileups, by speed limits.
"The Internet is nearing its speed-limit stage," Glover wrote. "We can't guess where this will end, only that the skirmishes have only just begun."

Monday, November 22, 2010

Again with the brds

You may have read a post here a long time ago regarding the day a friend died on the day I was moving to another city and a bird flew in my apt when I first opened the door.

Well, though I've never been a particular fan of birds they must be on to something.

Saturday I met my nephew and we finished moving the last of the furniture out of my Dad's place so it can go on the market. 

Immediately after we finished the last item he stopped to smoke a cigarette and a gaggle of geese flew directly overhead with the bird on point semingly going right over the condo. 



Seeya Dad.

And so it goes:

Friday, November 19, 2010

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Let's hope this one is better.

Yet another full day, but I so ope this one is better than yesterday.  I arrived on the job ready to maim and kill.  No idea what was wrong with me nor why I was so cranky, except to say i was working with this sweet child who really tries, yet has only one drug of choice. 


Pandemonium.

And so it goes:

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

synchronicity

Last night I came home, looked at my facebook page and discovered that I am now going through the loss of a parent along with a friend.  She lost her mother Monday. 

In joyous preparation for the holiday feast (on each other) my family  has moved, per our usual haste, from the grief stage to "The Lion in Winter" stage, in which many are jockeying and plotting to get as much power and possession as they can, as quickly as they can. The wise ones are fleeing.  I'm sticking around to see how this comes out.  It's like watching Gladiator starring your own siblings.

Family...ya know I love 'em!

It occurs to me that today is my nephews birthday.  Happy Birthday you worthless blame shifting, wife beating, excuse making son of a bitch.

And so it goes:

Monday, November 15, 2010

knowing when to step back

People are odd about their losses.  They say they'll do one thing and then they do another.  I should have been expecting the resistance I got from my friends over the idea that I wouldn't attend the funeral, and yet I wasn't expecting it at all.

I was there when my adoptive father died, I made his funeral arrangements and I was there yesterday to be sure everything was as we specified prior to anyone else arriving.  That's enough I think. perhaps I will stop by and say farewell after everyone has gone.  

BTW the funeral starts in 30 minutes and I will not be in attendance. 

But I listened.  I sat patiently Friday night and listened to what my friends, particularly my best friend had to say about the idea that I needed to go to this funeral. And then I tried my best to formulate a coherent response.

It was pretty much as follows:

There are things in life about which you and only you know the truth. If there are others involved it's unlikely they'll ever be convinced of the truth because, at least in my case they do not live in a reality where truth exists other than the truth in their deluded heads.   So to take the dignity away from anyone, whether I care for them or not that is their right at their own funeral by attending and engaging the insane behaviors that will surely ensue is wrong.

Further, every sentence my friends uttered contained the words winning, and embarrassment, and conquer.  This also requires an emotional investment which I am not willing to make in people who would do to me what these people have already demonstrated they are willing to do.

I know the truth, I know what got said by whom and how it felt.  I know what was done to me and what the motivations were.  I know that none of these people are capable of actually loving something/someone  that doesn't appear in the mirror.  I know I want nothing to do with any of them. 

This, I suppose is my time to say goodbye.  To wish them well and to wish that for myself as well.  

And so it goes:

Sunday, November 14, 2010

theft

I stole this directly from Breaktheillusion.com.  He's so right on the money with this I had to.

  1. Drama doesn’t find you; on the contrary, you have to find drama.
  2. Drama is quite clever. Like a Chinese finger trap, the more you resist it, the stronger it gets.
  3. Drama, like its close friend called conflict, can’t survive without your participation.
And so it will go today:  I'm off to the funeral home...OY!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Thursday, November 11, 2010

They just don't listen

Well endtimes indeed.

Tuesday night I ate poorly.  Which is to say that I was up at 4am regretting my culinary decisions.

Oddly the universe had conspired to provide me with an opportunity I hadn't anticipated.

I went to the kitchen for baking soda and opened the fridge for water.  The pitcher was empty.  Whose fault is that since I live alone?

When I turned to fill it at the sink, my phone, which was on the counter lit up, and I thought "I just hate that that thing lights up the whole room in the middle of the night to let you know it's charged. Wait, that's not the wallpaper, that's the call screen and it's 4am...uhoh."

You see, no one in their right mind calls me at 4am unless it's necessary.

It was necessary.

Twenty minutes later I entered the scene from Moonstruck in which Danny Aiello (played by my brother) is talking on the phone while in the background we can see an old woman (in this case man) propped up on hundreds of pillows, receiving at their end while mourners wail at their side.

It was quite the scene, and people wonder where I get my flair for drama.

Oddly one would think this would be a sad ending, but this man was past ready to move on, and move on he did.

He had a good long run.  87 years, two marriages totaling 61 years, four children 5 grand children and 9 great grand children. A recipient of some of the most impressive benefits that America's greatest generation ever created. And the frosting on the cake...he outlived every single one of his contemporaries.

So farewell to you sir.  May the undiscovered country greet you well.

Monday, November 8, 2010

And yet there may just be hope

The democrats have lost.  They've lost control of congress, they've lost control of the economy, if they ever had it, lost control of their supposed agenda, and turned into Republicans. 

I for one didn't want a congress that jammed shit down my throat just because they thought i needed it, like waterboarding, or shoe removal at airports, or illegal wiretapping, or a big ass fence on the mexican border, or richer bankers, or exploding mortgages, or any number of things we got because they said we needed them.  As though we're a great lot of children who need looking after.

The Democrats did exactly the same shit.

"Poor things you need health care, so let's propose to give you a great deal, oh say Universal health care, how's that sound booby?  But wait the big bad Republicans won't let us do that so here, let's give you some shitty compromise, which we intended to give you to begin with we just had to fake you out for a few minutes and make you think we we're actually progressive. Psych!"

Change the words to health care to any of the rest of the shit they went to the right over after they faked left and there you have it.

So now we're gonna get a bunch of hard liners who want to tell us they're going to shrink government and cut costs.  Which means the poor will be poorer and the rich....well you get the picture... several more years of ramming it to the rest of us. Their government doesn't actually shrink, it gets bigger, but they wave one hand in the air and we watch that while the other is signing bills to make larger monolithic departments that can be more ineffectual so they can then turn around and use them to demonstrate how ineffective big government is. And they say the democrats waste money...lol  They're going to waste billions on investigations so they can prove how good they are and how bad the big black guy is.  It'll be 1996 all over again.  Not that great a year if I remember correctly.  

Keith Olbermann got suspended for not only doing something they do routinely at Fox "News" (as though that makes it ok) yet something he clearly knew was in violation of the policy of the company for which he works.  And I get 50 emails telling me to be outraged and demand his return to the air.

I don't get it.

I love the new catch phrase that all cons conveniently and probably rightfully ignored this election cycle.  "...voting against their own interests..." well, yes in point of fact the majority of republicans who vote do indeed vote against their own interests, but just because Chuck Franks newly-coined term sounds good it doesn't mean one who uses it doesn't need to be able to explain it.   Most have no idea what it means just that it sounds good.

But in the end, there may just be hope.  There may be people out there willing to fight for what's right. To wage this war that needs to be waged against those who would force those of us with whom they disagree they'd legislate our morality, our privacy, our very existence if they could.  

They are these people, whom I now love dearly:



Not that Benny hasn't seen men kissing each other considering where he's lived for decades.



And so it goes:
a bit modelly and likely photoshopped but cute nonetheless.

Friday, November 5, 2010

what happened?

I've no idea how Thursday's post was missed.  Gods know I had plenty to say. 

But hopefully this weekend I'll be eloquent and spewing my opinions onto the internet willy-nilly as always.
BTW if one loves good electronica check out my former classmates radio show at Hamilton college on whcl.org,  It's called Live from Echo Base with DJ Gray Fox.  Every Friday night from 10-Midnight Eastern. 

For now these lovelies will have to do.

And so it goes:





Wednesday, November 3, 2010

"I don't know a philosophy"...Woodrow Call

 "'I God Woodrow."

One must look at yesterday's developments philosophically.  First, the dreaded GOP didn't get a veto-proof majority in the house, and even if they had they don't have it in the senate, so no harm no foul.

Second, this is a system of checks and balances and maybe this influence will make the dems get off their wussie asses and actually get some positive shit done these next two years before we get yet another ineffectual GOP President who's interested in helping everyone EXCEPT the American people.

Third, I never expected DADT to be repealed, marriage to exist, and ENDA, well not getting fired cause you're gay...that's a dream.

I have always been mystified though that we have to enact laws to make people behave decently, particularly conservatives. They talk out of both sides of their mouths.  They say they want less government but then they forcefully shove their morality down our throats.  All the while doing their level best to prevent others from doing the same.

The big problem I see is that Iowa is gonna lose marriage, and soon.

Those that care didn't care enough to vote to save the justices, and now there's trouble.  We will never learn.

I've always suspected this will wind up in SCOTUS, and then we'll see what happens.  Scalia isn't inclined to think we should even be allowed to exist.  Oy!

But none of this was unexpected.  There were some solid victories, and some good news here and there.  Harry Reid is still running the senate, which is good, especially in light of what might have been.

Christine O'Donnell is back to dancing around cauldrons where she belongs.  Carly Fiorina is...well Gods know what that one does in her spare time.

However, the devil spawn of the country club set Rand Paul is going to the U.S. House.  Now THAT is going to be amusing at least, disastrous at worst.

Through it all however, I will expect that companies will start hiring again and some of this economic mess will get resolved, otherwise what good are any of them.  I particularly liked the woman I heard interviewed yesterday who said she'd lost a LOT of money the past few years and the Dems had done nothing about it, as though she expected them to put it back in her acct. lol

And so it goes:

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Giants, Mortality, and Entitlement

The faithful are seething today I'm certain, that those heathens in San Francisco got to celebrate their victory over Texas. Of course anything that irks Texas is good in my book,  that it was the Giants was frosting on the cake. I particularly liked the polite applause they got from the Rangers fans. lol

My poor neighbors. I NEVER make noise, they must have thought I was being killed last night.

In other news, some people just refuse to go gently into that good night don't they? It seems that someone is going through the five stages of grief over their own mortality over and over again. I'm told it's very trying. I can only imagine.

And what is it with middle aged white guys in college who think I owe them an A because they show up every week. Are other professors handing out A's just for being in the room? Sadly I never ran into them when I was in school, I've got shelves full of books I had to read over and over to get mine.

Last semester I had a student question his final grade because he was of the mind, and I quote, that: "I was there every week and I did everything you assigned."

I thought meeting the basic requirements of a class was C work. Maybe that's just me.

Last night I had ANOTHER ONE mad at me because I'd screwed up his 4.0.

Do they think my work is subjective and I make up the criteria as I go along? I'm quite clear from day one what I expect. Enough of my frustration over entitled old men. No wonder we have the rep we have.

Back to more important things. Lincecum pitched a mad game last night. I get why they put Wilson in to close the deal, but both Sunday and Monday they robbed the starting pitcher the chance to finish what they started. Madison Bumgarner got the win in the books, but Wilson also pitched that last inning. It just stole the drama of it all for me. Posey's charging the mound after the final strike was funny, it was like he was looking at the dugout saying..."Come on! Let's go guys!"

Well off to vote, hopefully to irk some more conservatives later in the day. Though I'm certain I know who OUR next governor will be. Ick!

And so it goes:

Monday, November 1, 2010

Go Giants!

We're so gay

I am not alone in my conundrum. As a gay man I abhor the use of the phrase, “That's so gay.”. It does promote the notion that things associated with being gay are stupid, disgusting, and okay to make fun of.

On the other hand I am an artist, and people say these things. They use hurtful inappropriate language and they do it sometimes thoughtlessly, and sometimes to hurt.

Our news is being censored. I don't hear the hue and cry from the populace there needs to be. Our ability to participate in organized religion is curtailed, our civil right to marry is denied us. We can be fired evicted and effectively exiled simply because of who we are.

Yes we need our politicians to act to protect our civil rights.

I have been bullied, physically and verbally abused. I have been denied jobs promotions etc because I'm gay. I have been passed over for acting jobs because I'm too "fey", "not believable as a straight guy" "not believable as a gay man" and denied access to at least one gallery as an artist because of my politics. I assure you I have been run off from more than one job because I'm gay but NO ONE would ever say that. (To their credit they didn't deny it either.)

We cannot fix the problems that we face by creating new ones. By denying others their right to free speech.

Call me a homo, tell me something is gay, deny me the ability to marry the man I love. Tell me I'm not worthy to live That's on those who live such small lives that they would impose their narrow minded views on anyone and everyone.

Putting a mirror up to society and showing them their faults and hopefully helping them learn is one of the most important functions an artist can hope to accomplish.

Sadly we're in a phase in our culture that embraces stupidity. Those that embrace small-mindedness, and ill-will toward men refuse not only to acknowledge that they're wrong, but refuse to effect ANY change that might start us on the road out of this mess. And though I'm paraphrasing here, the notion that “My stupidity is just as valuable as your intelligence.” is the very method that was used to kill America.

So Ron Howard's refusal to take the “gay” joke out of his new film puts me in a quandary. Do I as a gay man stand up and shout “Hey! You need to stop calling us worthless and disgusting so people see our value as human beings and not as punching bags.”

Or do I take the very logical stand that Ron Howard has the CIVIL RIGHT to say anything he wants. That censoring him IS NOT the way to fix this problem. That if he wanted to call one of his characters a fag or a nigger that he could do that if his intent was to hold that proverbial mirror up to our stupidity?

If we're really going to have equality in this country then let's have it. Let's hear what people say that's stupid and hateful, let's see how they demonstrate their true opinions. Only then can we really learn how to deal with the hatred, the racism, the complete lack of logic that inspire such ideas.

Yesterday I listened to Dr. Phil (Gods help me) on CNN talking with Anderson Cooper about Clint McCance, the Arkansas Board of Ed member who spouted off on facebook that we all need to kill ourselves before he'd wear purple for us. And though Phil made sense, he was wrong in his conclusions. He says this guy is wrong and needs to shut up. I say that though he is wrong he needs to say more.

If this is the way people really feel then we need to hear it. We need to know what they're thinking, because then and only then can we even begin to understand how to change those ignorant notions. We can't deal with the problem until we know the truth. And demanding that people hide their true feelings does us no service.

That mirror has two sides and we need to look at them so we don't only see our own reflection.

And so it goes: