The soul has greater need of the ideal than the real for it is by the real that we exist, it is by the ideal that we live

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Well what a bittersweet Thanksgiving this one will be?

Two weeks ago my adoptive father died.  And though I've said and done some things that might lead people to believe that I'm deep in mourning I'd like to make clear that I am not one to beatify people in death beyond what they were in life.

This was not a nice guy.  He had no friends...ever.  He was a total narcissist. He was a snob.  He taught his children nothing of life.  He in fact cheated them and everyone else out of his life and then blamed everyone for not being there.  He measured people in dollars and cents.  He loved nothing that didn't appear in the mirror.

In fact his children and step children were more...well, relieved that this whole thing was over.  Sad but true.

His son, who was the closest thing he could have to a caretaker, was exhausted emotionally as well as physically by the end.  His daughter saw nothing when she looked at him except NCR printed across his forehead.   It was all she could do to contain herself at the funeral not to ask "When will I get a check?"

I hadn't seen nor spoken to him in four years, and was only at his deathbed by accident.  I was glad I was there, but that had more to do with my overwhelming sense of duty than anything else.

Which is the primary thing I am thankful for this year.

I got to be there, as other more important people who've passed through my life would have wanted me to be.  I got to make the funeral arrangements.  And I was the first person at the funeral home so I got to see him and then not deal with the rest of the clan.

I've learned this year through my trials with employment that money isn't the answer. That though i will soon inherit, it's not as important as I once thought it was. That happiness with who I am and what I do is the answer.  And with that knowledge I'll be sort of reinventing life as I know it in 2011.

I've learned that I love teaching more than any job I've ever had and that I'm willing to make whatever sacrifice necessary to keep my part time job doing exactly that.

I've rediscovered the things that make me happy in this life and that I am worthy of love.  With which knowledge I am going to open myself up again to the possibility of relationships in 2011.

I have learned that I spend Friday nights with the best people ever invented.

I have learned that life, at least mine, is one long project, that is never finished.

For all of this and much more I am very thankful.

I have also remembered that though any road may do, that the road is the point of this journey, and I'm thankful to and for a very good friend for accidentally pointing that out.

And so it goes:

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