The soul has greater need of the ideal than the real for it is by the real that we exist, it is by the ideal that we live

Thursday, September 20, 2007

ok, ok, I give

I've decided I want to do this, so I'm going to make the supreme effort. I'm going to try to post every day.

Mind you I have a full time job, a part time job, I'm preparing for a pottery show in October, I'm directing a show in October, and doing some sort of riding thing in November with the American Royal (Horses). I'm also taking a class in November to get my ESL certificate, I'm taking a web design class this semester, I ride my bike 60 miles a week, down from last years 90 for obvious reasons, my friends insist I make time for them weekly, so there goes lunch on saturday and breakfast on sunday and often friday evenings as well, I'm taking a tai chi class, and horseback riding lessons. As you can see I have a few irons in the fire. So many posts may not be as long as today's will be. I'm sure you'll be thankful.

Though my on again off again relationship of over 30 years is off again, yawn, I still try to pretend I have some sort of intimate relationship in the world so time must be made for that as well.

My brother is spending a lot of time with me recently on saturdays in particular because our family finally came completely apart last fall and he wants to preserve our relationship since he apparently sees how crazy his sister is and that he won't be able to have much of one with her unless he's willing to get involved in all her imaginary problems. And of course our father is almost 84 and likely won't be with us that much longer so he graciously has chosen me as his family contact.

He's a pretty great brother at any rate so I'm not only lucky to have him I'm happy as well, and I spend the time gratefully and willingly. One of the biggest reasons I think he's doing it is that he knows I'm outta here at the first opportunity, which will likely be late spring of 2008, so he wants to be with me as much as he can before I go. It's very thoughtful and loving and I've always admired that about him. He's the best of us, I hope he's around a long time.

But I digress! I'm moving to Santa Fe. I've long wanted to return to New Mexico since the early '80's when I lived in Albuquerque and though I have friends in Las Cruces and I love them, I want to live in Santa Fe, and I intend to do that. It will be expensive I'm sure, and it may take a while to get my ducks in a row, but I'm going, and I'm going to stay.

It's my intention to find both a man and a teaching job and tell the decider at the teaching job and the man, that they may as well take me on because I'm not going away and I'm just going to hang around until one of us succumbs to the vagaries of time and up and dies. Hard to argue with the hardline ain't it? To borrow a line from a Liza Minelli song, "Maybe this time, I'll get lucky."

I guess I'll start with the list of what I want from this life. None of which is impossible I think.

1.) Theatre
2.) Teaching
3.) Horses
4.) Pottery
5.) Directing
6.) Travel
7.) Bicycles
8.) A Man

I want to be involved in some way in theatre, preferably as an employee of some kind.

I want to teach cause I think that not only do teachers have it good, I think it's incredible when you see the light come on in someone's eyes when they make a discovery and understand something for the first time.

I want to have horses in my life cause I think that connection with nature and other animals is oh so important to our understanding of life.

I want pottery cause its beauty and practicality all rolled into one and it's truly fun to do.

I want to direct theatre cause working with actors brings me joy.

I want to travel cause I think this world has an incredible wealth of stuff to show and teach all of us and that we don't take nearly the opportunity to learn about other people that we should.

I want to ride my bike daily because it gives me a perspective of my own life that I know I'd miss otherwise, and it's healthy, and I love the look of the world from a bike.

And perhaps most importantly I want a man in my life, cause I think that I could learn so much from just having another person in that close a proximity. Besides, I'd learn about love and compromise and sharing and what's more cool than living with someone who shares your dreams and believes in you and gets the same in return from you?

So that's where I am in life at the moment. I'll be back tomorrow, but today
I just got a buttload of work brought to me on top of the buttload I'm ignoring already. So have a wonderful day, and look for the best in people. They don't always want to show it to you, but it's there.

Love