The soul has greater need of the ideal than the real for it is by the real that we exist, it is by the ideal that we live

Monday, December 24, 2007

White Christmases

Have a good one all! I've decided to eschew the expensive watch and treat myself to some horseback riding in the mountains for Christmas instead.

Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Warm Christmas Fuzziness (you were warned)

I had no intention this morning when I woke up of being all Bah Humbug on your asses, and I hope this is not how this post turns out, but I have made note of a disturbing trend.

What in the hell do you all go home for Christmas for? Seriously. I have read four blogs this morning and even the usually banal psychiatrist is a grouch. There appears to be tension barely contained just under the surface of almost every single holiday encounter I've read about. Thankfully, at no time am I regretful of my estrangement from my family, and a blog day like this solidifies my position.

Yesterday we had a minor snow event. It was blowy and we ended with just a few inches of snow, so I spent the day in.

Thinking, at one point, that I was feeling reflective over the last year and the solstice, I got out my calendar and looked at some of the things I'd done and seen this year.

Though the near miss with the law was resolved, and a horse nearly did me in, I feel incredibly lucky. In fact because those issues were resolved I feel incredibly lucky.

I became a better horseman this year than ever before, and though there is an unmeasurable distance to go before I would even think of calling myself a true horseman, I have learned a lot, and I have spent time developing my skills in that area of life. I have also begun, ever so slightly, to resume my relationship with animals. They're smarter than us you know. We make it all so difficult and they boil it down to the basics in seconds. They live simply too, which, in my book makes them WAY smarter than us. I am entertaining the notion of having a dog in my life again. I miss the company. My trepidation exists on only one level, I'm not home a lot. From Monday morning through Friday afternoon I am only home to sleep. This means a dog would be alone, cooped up in my apartment all the time without interaction of any kind, and that leads to all sorts of issues in my experience. It's also incredibly unfair to the dog. So I'm still thinking about that one.

I finally figured out who the crazy people in my adoptive family are. Unfortunately, it turned out to be my people. I had hoped against hope that this was not the case. But I've always contended that one simply becomes more of who one actually is as one ages. So since they've just gotten crazier and crazier, to the point that it's undeniable, I have to face the facts and move on. I don't miss the insanity and the turmoil that was my life with them in it. In fact things have settled down quite nicely.

I've spent my entire adult life with friendships that provide more than that family unit could ever dream of. As I've said before the family you get isn't always the family you get. So, Jim,Keith,Kenne,Cheryl,Kathy,Abby,Ani,Don,Linda,Chuck,Michele, CC,and Lisa-Lin,thank you for being my family. Just...well...Thank you.

I got that teaching job I have dreamed of for decades. I just have a few weeks to prepare, and then the challenges really begin. I'm sure I'll be a mess that first day and I'm sure I'll screw it up several times, but the process is for everyone to learn including me. So though I have fears, I'm going to bundle them up in my gut and go stand in front of that classroom and have that dream.

I traveled a bit and though there are new horizons in my sight I have things that must be attended to first. I went to Santa Fe, and San Francisco, and Chicago, and Las Cruces, and San Juan. I hope I get to see all the places I have in my mind over the years. I'm a little cautious about it since there is apparently some gay travel gene that I hope not to indulge. I don't want to do it so I can tell people I did it. I want to do it so I can see the world in a unique way.

I'm looking at horseback riding vacations in Peru, and walkabouts in Australia, and bicycle tours of Ireland. I want to see the life in these countries,not the tourism. I believe that people are just people and the only way to learn that for sure is to go talk to them. You can't do that from a tour bus. I'm trying to figure a way to spend a few months in Mexico doing an immersion school for Spanish. That,I think would be extremely cool.

I'll be moving sometime in 2008 to New Mexico,permanently. I'd love to live in Santa Fe, but that may not be feasible. It may have to be somewhere else so I can maintain my financial plans for at least a modicum of security. But I need that place. I need the things it has always offered me, and the way it makes me feel to be there. The reasons not to stay here become more and more clear as the days pass, and though I like my job(s) at least I now know what I want to look for in the future.

Personally, I've stayed away from relationships. My focus this year has had to be me and my life and my future. I wouldn't have been any use in a relationship with anyone in 2007, and I knew it. Perhaps I can turn my attention to such things before next solstice.

So after all that reflection I was hungry, and I made a big pot of steak soup. The rest of the evening I sat and watched it snow out my windows. Thankful that I want what I have.

Enjoy your time with your families. I hope it's not as stressful for you all as it sounds. And I hope you return home refreshed and ready for the New Year. Wow, I made it all the way through without Bah Humbug, cool.

Friday, December 21, 2007

freaky things



I could live without the cigarette, but Kyle is awfully cute. Happy Friday, and Merry Christmas.



Ok, I understand that you are probably not going to understand what I am talking about here. But I have to write this down, it was too weird, and too strange, and too scary not to talk about.

I'm sure you all know that everyone has crazy relatives in their family. In my case it's my adoptive family and though they're not from the south they should be, because the correct question wouldn't be, "Is there insanity in your family?" But "What side is it on." In their case, both. And the woman in question got a double dose.

As you may know from reading this blog, I am estranged from this adoptive family, precisely because of their insanity, and their desire, nay, need, to play redeemer/persecutor with the poor homosexual bastard they unwittingly brought into their midst some 50 years ago.(no I'm NOT over it thank you very much) They're nuts, they suffer from massive narcissistic personality disorder and I refuse to go near them again. But, as usual I digress.

You probably also have gleaned from my posts that I have a part time job in a grocery. I chose this particular grocer because it's obscure, it's pricey, and it's in a neighborhood the defectives wouldn't frequent. Minimizing my chances of being discovered. (STOP! You're getting there ahead of me)

Last night, as luck would have it, there was no till for me to open a drawer with, so I was asked to sack. I NEVER SACK! NEVER! It's not a snobbery thing, but all their cashiers are old ladies, and they are accordingly slow...I mean S-L-O-W. Therefore during the evening rush on days I work I wait on about three customers to their one. So I am chained to a register from the moment I get there. Not so last night, which was fortuitous. After about 20 minutes I looked up from sacking and noticed this singular apparition slinking down aisle 2.

Now there are people in everyone's life whose visage is unmistakable and she is mine. Hugely ratted black wig. (this facilitates her delusion that she looks like Elizabeth Taylor. Especially when she puts in her violet contacts. No I am not kidding.)Anyway said apparition was walking into aisle 2. IN MY STORE! One of my managers was about to give me a till so I could open a register and I waved her off saying I had to excuse myself and went to the back.

I proceeded not only to go to the back room, I went to the basement, this is how much I did not want to see this woman. Feeling like a freak I called my manager and explained to her that I would be staying in the back for a while and though I could hear in her voice that she did not understand what was up, she wasn't going to question me. I immediately called my brother.

"You will not believe who is in this store!" I said. "D" he said. "Worse." after the briefest of pauses he said,"LIZ!" he went there immediately...see what a scourge she is? We spent the next few minutes discussing what the hell she could possibly be doing there and how she could have found out I worked there. Yes, the paranoia muscles were in full adrenaline overdrive. Primarily because I live in fear of a public confrontation with this nutcase, and I couldn't think of another reason she would be there.

My managers reported to me later that she came to the customer service desk to buy her juice with her food stamp card, confirming that it was her as far as I was concerned. Only she would go to such lengths to hone her skills as a professional victim.

Alas, the Gods were thankfully with me. I called the desk and explained to my manager what was going on and she offered to walk the store and see if she had left. The report a few minutes later was favorable. So I gave it another five and then went back to work. I thought if I made it another hour I'd be safe. I did, there was no further haunting to report.

AND, I figured out that "D" was probably taking her to the restaurant around the corner for Christmas. So her appearance was likely an accident. I'm reasonably certain of this. Because if she had seen me, she would not have been able to pass up the chance to make eye contact and she would then have made sure that "D" had seen me as well. There would have been a scene, and she would have made sure of it.

So though I am better now, I had to record the occurrence. It was so strange. I consider the near miss my Christmas present from the Gods. Let's pray that I am right, and there won't be any stalking. The chances are further minimized by the news that I did indeed get the job teaching at the college and though I may keep the grocery job for one evening a week I won't be there on a regular basis and she won't be able to find me easily. Phew!

I'll try to blog over the holidays. I'm doing a lot of roaming though so it'll be spotty.

Love

Thursday, December 20, 2007

I'm on someones blogroll

Woohoo! I found my blog on someone's blogroll for the first time! And I'm on there with the likes of Richard Rothstein, no less. THAT'S A BIG FUCKING DEAL TO ME!! Of course, I'm also on there with a blog called "Zac Efron please stop tanning" so there are mitigating factors.

I think I know who Zac Efron is. I think he's the Bobby Sherman of 2007. If that's who you are Zac I have a piece of advice. Save, Save, Save.

I can't write anymore I have to go follow the link from that blogroll to here over and over and over..... hee hee!

Man I need a vacation.

is it possible?

Could there be a gay news magazine that interviews people and doesn't ask them prurient questions?

I just read an Advocate interview with Kyle Chandler, and there just had to be questions about towel snapping in the locker room scenes on Friday Night Lights. I was embarrassed for Brandon Voss. I mean seriously, can't you just ask the guy about the show, and his role, and his body of work, and maybe his future career plans and possibly his family without asking about hot young actor football players? How embarrassing.

What would happen if there was a gay magazine that did just that? Would we then start to see a more thinking gay men and women model come to the fore? Would we be thought snobs? We'd probably be thought log cabin-ers. Sad but true. Not to say that only log cabin members are thinking men and women, because I hope that I am a thinking person and GOD knows I'd never be a log cabin republican. But I fear that could be our label.

We'd be ridiculed for creating a gay magazine that didn't ask about young humpy guys while interviewing the old straight guy in the cast. There would be little doubt that we'd gone off our "purty little heads" if we tried to be serious about issues and events, unless someone had tried to break up the pride parade. Then we can go off-fer sher.

But what if we expected to be taken seriously? What if we just put it out there that there was a gay magazine that did interviews that weren't about sex? Whose stories didn't ultimately wind up somewhere between the navel and the knees, and only aimed for the brain? Would that be risky?

Possibly. But it'd sure be cool wouldn't it?

Monday, December 17, 2007

the misconceptions of gifting

How did we come to the conclusion that all gifts at this time of year have to be just spectacular? Which is to say expensive. I've been reading all over the internet this morning about people who are having crises over gifts they're giving.

Some are to friends, some to family, some to significant others, but all the posts I've seen are these angst-ridden diatribes from people thinking they can't afford to buy someone an appropriate gift. Now that could make me sad...IF IT WASN'T SO STUPID!

Do I somehow owe someone a gift? Is there some sort of obligation implicit in the receipt of a gift or a favor? If so I missed that part.

If I choose to give you a gift, that means that you mean enough for me to spend the time and thought necessary to find a gift that makes me think of you when I look at it, will make you think of me when you do the same, and that I can afford to give you.

I have two friends of over 30 years and we are in no danger of ever ending our friendships. It's just not going to happen. I can't stay away from them, nor they me. The bond is there,(believe me we've been through it and back)and though I could examine it to death I could never explain it and I won't try here. But we have never exchanged gifts at Christmas. Birthdays sometimes, but not usually. Christmas never. It was an agreement I asked for many years ago when I had a family that numbered upwards of 20 and I was a struggling actor. They both immediately said, it was fine and we've stuck to it ever since. I once bought gifts for K and his partner because I was in grad school and they'd graciously allowed me to stay in their house for three weeks during Christmas break while I was in town. K sheepishly told me on Christmas morning that he had no gift for me, and I had to explain to him that I considered the extended stay my gift in the first place. I mean three weeks, really. In my house I'd be hard pressed to let someone stay that long. They never batted an eyelash. Well, said partner did tell me to stop leaving my coffee cups all over the house at one point, but since I was doing that and it was extremely inconsiderate I can't really say he didn't have a point. But I digress.

The point is this. If you want someone to have something, go shopping. Find something that makes you think of them that is within your budget and buy it for them. I think you might find that the time spent considering the important people n your life will bring (that personally dreaded) warm Christmas fuzziness to you in a way you didn't expect. I mean that's really what we're supposed to be after here, isn't it? Taking stock of how important people are in our lives and letting them know how much they mean to us.

It is not about how impressive the gift is, nor how much it cost, nor where it came from. It's about the very notion that someone cares enough about you to go out and spend part of a day looking for something that, when you look at it, will warm your heart at the thought that went into its selection. A gift should say "You mean something to me." Not, "You're worth THIS much to me."

Shopping with this mindset is the only way I can do the Christmas thing. Otherwise it's just a chore that I loathe, and Bah Humbug is no way to spend the next week.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

good intentions





I truly intended to do a very thoughtful and reminiscent post on Friday. But I had to WORK!!! (the nerve of those people.) And boy did I have to work. There was a ton to get done before The end of the week. Also I have to get ahead a little since I'll be gone from the 21st through the 2nd. Blogging will certainly suffer the first month of the new year I can tell you that right now. Back to work will entail catching up on three weeks of stuff that will have stacked up, and if I really am teaching I'll have a few things to prepare before classes start the middle of the month. Yikes, what have I gotten myself into?

But Friday I intended to talk about Antonio Carlos Jobim. I checked out a cd from work that I hadn't heard before and it was unexpectedly filled with memories.

When I was a child, my parents used to have two or three cocktail parties a year. Remember this was the early 60's and those things were popular. So was the Bossa Nova, and invariably they would hire this trio to play for the two or three hours of the party before everyone settled down to tables for an evening of bridge. I'm sure all these guys knew was Jobim and they played it with gusto, I didn't know the difference I was like 6. Some of the adults would dance, most would at least be shimmying about at a song or two. Being the child in the house I remember watching them from the stairs and thinking how much I couldn't wait to be a grownup and attend these functions. They all looked like they were having such fun.

But this cd induced me to think of those times. I'd bet there weren't more than 6 or 7 of them in my whole childhood, but they made an impression I guess I'll always carry with me. Uh-oh could this mean warm Christmas fuzziness is in my near future? Gods forbid!

I had Christmas with my brother's family yesterday since I'll be out of town starting next Saturday. I made out like a bandit. They did pretty good too, so it all worked out. But I was happy to see them and best of all it snowed actively all through my family Christmas. I went immediately to the western store and bought myself a straw hat,spurs, and a wallet for next summer with my gift certificate and then went home and had a gin and tonic in my new cocktail glasses. Then I went to dinner with friends. When I got home I put on my new slippers and jammies and watched reruns of entourage on HBO. God I love peaceful evenings. I went to bed and worked on a little of a John Grisham I'm reading. Slept way too long, but I feel good today. This afternoon I'll put away the rest of the gifts and send thank you's. Is this what Christmas is supposed to be like? Stress-free and filled with enjoyable moments? Who knew? I've been living "The Lion in Winter" so long I had no idea.

I'd love to go out and make some pots but it's 17 degrees and the only way into the studio is to open the garage door. This means that little heater has to start all over when the door closes. Maybe I'll wait till later in the week when it's warm.

The car has to have some warranty work this week and I'm starting to think I may have actually found a dealer that isn't genetic slime like the current one. When I said I'd just stay with the car they told me they'd take me to work, and that it wasn't too far away. The other dealer is exactly 49 blocks due west of my office and they wouldn't take me to work. This one is over 15 miles away and they're telling me I'm crazy to sit there all day. I may have fallen in love.

Speaking of which, well not love,perhaps infatuation, (or is that just lust?) but one of the things I meant to mention was a shocking moment at the grocery the other day. This guy came up to me and asked if I could help him find something, and oh my was he cute. I took him to the taco shells and then the tortillas and when he was done he came to me to pay for his groceries. I was so shocked that I could not take my eyes off that mop of silvery hair. Lord what has happened to me? Am I really 50? I do hope he becomes a regular customer. Only on Sunday's of course, since that's the only time I'll have to work after the new year. Maybe I should be sure he knows that. Listen to me, shameless. But then again if I don't blow my own horn I can't expect him to have the opportunity, now can I.

I'm making a blog on which to display and possibly sell some of my pots. it's roampottery.blogspot.com
I'll put a button on the sidebar of this blog and vice versa when I have time to figure all that out. So far I've gotten a few pictures posted and the basics setup.
At the least it may put me in touch with some other potters and maybe I can expand my network in that regard. That would be nice. I like the solitude of ceramics, but once in a while I need to see other people doing it, and maybe talk about it. I tried the local clay guild but I didn't feel very welcomed. So hopefully this blog will help my cause in that regard.

As a last note today's handsome guy pic is Mitch Longley, currently of the series Las Vegas. In finding this picture I discovered he had also been on a couple of soaps and I do remember him in Judging Amy reruns when I was in grad school. (anything to avoid studying during the midday hours)the point of this exercise is that he is a dead ringer for the guy in the grocery the other day. Fun huh?

Have a good Sunday.

Love

Thursday, December 13, 2007

what's that big yellow thing in the sky?

It appears the sun is shining for he first time in over a week. at least for the day. Tomorrow clouds again and then prognostications of some snow tomorrow night. I don't believe that either. One forecaster said it'll be a non-event. the other says it'll be a shovelable event. I don't shovel anymore so I could care less about that part, but some nice peaceful pretty snowfall couldn't hurt.

I was just accosted by the supply Nazi at work. Went for a pen out of the cabinet and he appeared behind me demanding to know what I was doing. I guess, since I look for his days off and then raid the damn thing to avoid exactly this kind of treachery, that he thinks when he's not looking he loses his shirt and needs to be vigilant is a strategy that's backfiring on me. Of course, he's a little crazy too so that doesn't help his cause. Everyone needs to own something I guess.

I must be about to go back into higher education again. I just went to the college website to check my own schedule as a student and thought I'd look to see if the classes I had interviewed for had made. I am listed as faculty and I have students. No one however, has ever notified me that I have the job, nor given me my email address nor passwords to access the faculty pages, or anything else one might expect of a new job. Yup, back in higher ed. alright. The faculty is kept more in the dark than the students.

I know that I should have watched the Republican debates last night just to see what they're saying, but I just couldn't do it. I really tried. I sat there with that remote in my hands and thought, "you've got to do this, it's your civic duty." Didn't work. I just can't look at the field of candidates they have this time. I just can't even look at them! How can I make an informed decision in November when I haven't listened to everyone. OK, yes, it's true that I'd never vote republican anyway, but it still seems unfair that I'm voting without knowing everything I can. It won't stop me, but I'll feel appropriately guilty.

I took lunch to the women who staff the office at my apartment complex today as a christmas present. I've never lived someplace where they're so service oriented and I think that's the least I can do to say thanks. They seemed a little uncomfortable with it, but too bad. Eat!

Tomorrow I'm having dinner with my old friend J. Haven't seen him in months. It's silly because we live about 3 miles apart, but I tend to keep my schedule full and he's a bit of a butterfly when the holidays come around. So it'll be nice to catch up after several months.

It's Texas and New Mexico still running neck and neck for the holiday trip. I just can't decide, but the availability of horses may be the deciding factor. There aren't many left in Dallas proper. Selfish I know, I should go see LLMB, but it IS my holiday after all. And I'm all about doing exactly what you want on the holidays. Like I said, the jury is still out.

Phew! I'm scattered. Back to work, maybe that'll focus me. I promised I'd brilliant today. That'll teach me.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

gray-ness



Man I sure hope this is a mug shot.

I’m lethargic. I suppose it’s because we’ve had gray skies for over a week. But I also suppose it could be because I have young neighbors who live their lives between 11pm and 7am. Not conducive to living in an apartment. I could go on about it. But it’s all just silly stuff with kids in an apartment. It’ll either go away or they will.

I am ready for some sunshine though. They’re now saying that will happen tomorrow. Of course it’ll be 25 degrees for the high, so I can look at the sunshine from my office, but going out in it is not likely.

I just ran across an article about some child star, (not really a child but he’s ridiculously young) Shia something-or-other, and apparently he was arrested in Chicago for refusing to leave a Walgreen’s, (whatever) but in the melee of his arrest there were pictures taken. One of the people whose blogs I read with regularity is apparently enamored of this kid. Because he posted a picture of the arrest with the caption “Shia, stop being all hot and shit, yo!”

This kid is hot? He looks like a cartoon character to me! Am I THAT old?

Shit...yo.

Still can’t decide what to do about travel over the holidays. I feel like I have to go somewhere, and I do have a friend in Dallas I haven’t seen in years, so I could do that. I was looking at lastminute.com to see what kind of deal I could find and they’re not bad. Of course who the hell actually wants to go to Dallas in the middle of the winter, so there should be good fares. No horses if I go there, but I will be able to catch up with an old friend and that would be fun. Of course we’d have to do it before 9pm when we both have to go to bed. Again, too many choices.

We did not have that ice storm they touted on the news for four days. It rained. The storm went north of us, thankfully, and it seems they got clobbered. But it missed us. Told Ya!

Tomorrow I'll be brilliant. I promise.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Your results:
You are Spider-Man
Spider-Man

100%
Iron Man

90%
Batman

80%
Superman

80%
Green Lantern

65%
Catwoman

60%
Hulk

60%
Robin

50%
Supergirl

50%
The Flash

40%
Wonder Woman

30%

You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.



Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz



This is still not the way it appears everywhere else, but it'll have to do, I really do have work to do. Though I'd love to spend the day and night on this I simply can't. I do love the part about my being geeky though. I hate when these quiz things are spot on. I suppose that's why I've always fallen in love with every nerd I've ever met. Put me in a football stadium full of hot gay men and one nerd and I'll find him. My gaydar is bad, but my nerdar is perfectly tuned, and if that nerd is gay, well that's Kismet.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

BTW

I have been cleared by the medical establishment to return to my ways of drinking gin, smoking dope, and having sex with strangers. Or whatever configuration it is you youngsters do nowadays. Whatever it is I'm not going to keel over from it apparently.

Too bad too, keeling over was part of the fun.

Now I just have that pesky colonsocopy to look forward to, but...well you've all gotten there way ahead of me so I'll just go on with my Saturday.

Love

Friday, December 7, 2007

sad/angry**angry/sad

I wasn't going to post anymore today,I've just been a head case all day, I even forgot my briefcase this morning. But I just stumbled across this blog while I was waiting for report to finish and though the beginning, in which our hero is telling us a story about his frustration over something that happened to him and subsequently the revelation from his most recent crush that the interest was mutual and that now they've been together ten years, and then this...

“...The look on my face was something far beyond astonishment. I was speechless for perhaps the first, and last, time in my life. I have no recollection of what words I used to respond that the feelings were mutual. What I do remember is sliding out from the booth together and entering into the cold dark night, warmed by the recent revelation and so befuddled with emotion and surprise that neither of us knew what to say or do next. As the night was late, I had to work early the next morning and we were both exhausted and still dazed with the revelation, we mutually agreed to pursue this further the next day after work and began to head to our separate cars. At that time, we were both far more concerned about our visibility and the potential danger of open affection in a public place, so despite our clear desire to share that first, magical kiss, we hesitated, an unspoken understanding passing between the two of us that we understood each others hesitation. Before I could turn to go, my new requited crush slid his foot across the pavement to touch mine and whispered "I'm kissing you now."

He touched his foot to mimic a kiss???? Do I really live in that world where two people are actually afraid to kiss each other?!?!

Shit I need come gin.

and some Josh.

ok ther's no josh in our a/v section so I'm watching shattered glass at Prince's recommendation.

Drinking gin too.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

i really do have my homework

I've got a post, it just isn't working. I can't seem to say what I want to say today.

Sunday I spent a buttload of money on christmas presents. Monday morning the coffee maker bit the dust, the computer wouldn't buffer music, and I had to go pitch my project to the acting classes at the college, which presentation met with utter silence. I bought the cheapest coffee maker on the planet on my way home. It makes the worst coffee I've ever tasted.

Tuesday, I blew up all the treadmills at the gym first thing in the morning. NO idea what happened all the power just went out and wouldn't come back on. Then I went to three stores to get this coffee maker I'd seen online and when I got to the third store I found out the damn thing was only offered online so I had to go back home and buy it.

This morning my hat blew off in the parking lot at work and I chased it half a block. Then I tried to write in plain english, a post about civil liberties and free speech and it seems I can't be coherent.

I'm starting to see a pattern to my week.

Rob Brezny at Freewill Astrology says I'll have fun this week. I guess that means I have to laugh at all this shit.

Well the check I just got from the city to replace my windshield that was broken by falling debris from their tragically neglected parking structure should help.

I'll try it again tomorrow kids. I think this is one of those days best canceled.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Dorothy Puhr

She was probably the best of them. She certainly knew the key was to enjoy life. She was the black sheep, and I loved her best. She was my aunt and I lost her Sunday.

In my early years I was exposed to only the maternal side of my family. My Father's family was in California and though we visited annually, it was only two weeks and that doesn't much impress a 5 year old.

But Dorothy always took an interest. She always listened, and she always welcomed me into her home and her life graciously. There was no pity because I was that little bastard that my parents had adopted. No consideration of the dirty little family secret that was me, and no judgement on who I ultimately was as an adult. It was just, Oh! Hi! Come on IN! Would you like something to eat? How about a drink, I could use a drink,how bout you. Just a little one.

Her fried chicken was legendary. Even if she was here I couldn't eat it anymore, way bad for one's heart health, but ooh it was good.

On holidays the entire family would gather at a local park and spend the day. 4th of July, Labor day, we missed nary a one, and you could find her standing in front of the stove first thing in the morning cooking her chicken and packing for the day at the park. The other sisters also brought stuff, but I couldn't tell you what it was, all I wanted was Dorothy's fried chicken and Faye's depression cake. The rest was just filler.

In my childhood she was married to Howard. He died when I was 5, and it's interesting that I remember him as well as I do. He had curly hair like me, drank Falstaff beer, smoked Kools, and always carried a church key in his pocket to open a beer can. He called me Frisbee. They treated me as though I was a kid, nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary, just a kid. It was the best.

Her true love hadn't been able to marry her. He was Catholic and she was not. She found Howard and was happy. After losing him though her luck really shined. She found her true love and he was free. They spent the rest of his life together. I don't recall ever seeing one without the other in over 40 years. They were truly best friends, and they had great stories.

I love you Dorothy. You were tremendous.

Now let's have a drink.