The soul has greater need of the ideal than the real for it is by the real that we exist, it is by the ideal that we live

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The conundrums we create

The show is done.  Well, my job is anyway.  They open tonight and it's a good little show, they can be proud of it, I will be.  Of course, they could always have an off night, one can never tell. Nature of the beast and all that rot.

But here's my conundrum.  I keep thinking I'll make a post like this on my facebook page...then I don't.  It's not that I'm not proud, it's not that I don't want to tout the accomplishment, it's not that I have any trepidation telling everyone what I did.

it's the people on facebook who will know what I'm doing.  It's joining the common tradition of telling the world my most mundane business.  It's the lack of humility it takes to get on a public forum and tell others just what a great thing you think you just did.

I can't do it.  I've tried three days in a row. Click on the "What's on your mind" box, and nothing...fingers freeze, I get tongue-tied as it were, and cannot formulate a proper sentence to communicate what I want to say there.  Just doesn't feel right.   

So, here where I feel more free to elucidate my feelings and express what it is that truly concerns me will I continue to return for the outlet I apparently need.

I also decided this week that since I am, much to my chagrin, human.  I am therefore not immune to the neuroses of relationships.  Dammit!

So realizing that what I've been doing for quite a while now with my ex, is playing the "I like you, but you don't like me, and now that you like me I don't like you" game.......deep breath.........I asked him to accompany me to dinner and the performance of my show Saturday night. 

He accepted.

And so it goes: