The soul has greater need of the ideal than the real for it is by the real that we exist, it is by the ideal that we live

Thursday, October 9, 2008

work work work

I was at a workshop all day yesterday. The jury is still out on whether it was useful or not. I'm really more of a hands-on person when it comes to the kind of stuff we were doing and we didn't do hands-on until the last hour of the workshop. So I'll have to sit down and apply what I did pick up to my own stuff at work to find out just how much help it actually was.

On the 27th I'll be in a city in the southwest interviewing for a job I don't think I want. I can be assured they'll try to lowball me on the money and if they don't at least beat what I'm getting now by a few hundred a month it's not worth it. I want to go, I want to get started elsewhere, I want to transplant myself. I just don't want to give up eating and living indoors to do it.

I think the inventory of what I have here is what's putting a damper on my enthusiasm for the new job. I have a job that's pretty damn simple which pays me ok, and within very few limits I get to do whatever I want. Which is to say I'm spoiled as hell and going back to actual work for some organization that has already pissed me off twice before the interview gives me pause.

Also, as far as personal things I have almost everything I want right here. I'm teaching, albeit not full time. I've got horses at my disposal, and likely will buy one of my own come spring. I have full use of a fully equipped pottery studio weekly, and my own setup at home as well. No kiln there but that won't happen anywhere else either, for quite awhile. I'm losing my personal HB, he's off to greener pastures of his own, and so that search is back on, but it was sweet while it lasted. I love my apt, and the landlord is great, so the new situation will have to improve on the current one if I am to uproot and move on. Also, my social life here is going pretty well, so I'll be giving up that as well when I move to a place where I know no one.

I'm still thinking that my latest plan was the best, decide on the city, develop my network and go when I find a job or a situation that will work for me. Not just cause I want to, I mean, I do want to get out of here, I want to finalize the escape from my former family, but I simply can't manage to bite my nose off to spite my face. So maybe I need to go look at the more northern of my choices while I'm there. I do want to be elsewhere, and I do want to have a life in the particular state I've chosen, or rather that's chosen me, BUT, I'm not renting a Uhaul just yet.

I'll go to this interview and I'll get a vacation. I need one anyway, so it'll be good for me to get away and visit friends. But unless I have no job or some other calamity befalls me here, I'm not running out there and just taking what comes along just to make the move. I'm too old for that.

It's sort of one of those "I'll know it when I see it," kinda things.

God, I miss being impetuous.