The soul has greater need of the ideal than the real for it is by the real that we exist, it is by the ideal that we live

Monday, October 8, 2007

Friends past

I once knew a young man named Chipper Sandin. We were friends for a while in the late 70's and early 80's. He died of AIDS in 1994. I learned of it in 2005. For reasons passing understanding for some, it upset me that I didn't know. I don't know what I'd have done at any rate. My friends were dropping all around me at that time, and I could hardly cope with it all as it was. I probably would have found some more tears, and picked myself up and gone on like I did anyway. There is apparently no cure for survivor's guilt.

But recently I have discovered that the friend who introduced us has misunderstood my relationship with Chipper. This past weekend I participated in a fund raising event for AIDS organizations and I listed Chipper as the person in whose memory I was riding. This prompted my friend Lisa-Lin to tell me her thoughts about Chipper and I.

I felt like sharing some of my response to her with everyone, so...

...there was some bond between Chipper and I that I have a difficult
time explaining to straight people. It's kind of like the friends I
know who've lost a partner to AIDS. They join this secret widow
society that only they understand.

I think we were friends for a while and I think we made an impression on each others lives.

So, insofar as we were gay brothers[if you will]I owe some recognition to his part
in my life. To what his presence did to shape who I am today. Also,I've no idea if anyone acknowledges his existence. Was there anyone significant in his life? I doubt that. He had a tendency to pass through people's lives without letting them take
hold.

Did his family make any recognition of his life? Where's he
buried? Did they just let him stay in DC? Did they have a funeral
for their gay son who died of AIDS? In Hootersville???? See there's a
million questions I think will never be answered. There's an old native american saying, that a thing only lives as long as there's someone alive to remember it.(I'm paraphrasing there but that's the gist of it anyway.)

We all pass that way at some point, but we should live on with those we touched. So in light of that fact, I have to remember that I knew someone once who made a definite impression on me as he passed through. Someone who from time to time deserves my recognition, and appreciation.

He was a confused young boy and he had very little guidance. Someone owes him something. I am willing to assume what little responsibility that entails. So, was I in love with Chipper? No dear, I was not. Did I have a soft spot in my heart for
him? I most certainly did, always will.-

And yes Lisa-Lin you're right, I hope he's still clapping his hands and laughing somewhere too.

Love

Monday and choices




I neglected to post a picture on Friday, which I usually do, so we're going to do a double dose of the lovely and talented Gael Garcia Bernal. Ok make that a triple, he's lovely enough to warrant it. Of course, he's also like 9, how depressing is that?


I have a limited amount of time to accomplish everything I want to today and I have to make choices, which I hate.

I have two hours in which to finish my days work, and then I have to go to my new dentist for the first time, and this morning I was told a complete horror story about him from a co-worker. Her timing was good, and bad as well so I'm in a quandry about that.

Also, I need to ride my bike today. Yes, I am an endorphin junkie yet again and I didn't ride yesterday so I'm having quite the bike jones this morning. So that needs to be inserted into the schedule.

I must finish reading this book I'm supposed to work with the children's department on, and get in touch with the people who could supply me with actors for it.

AND I have pottery class. Which I must attend because I have a show Friday and I need to get a couple more pieces glazed and fired before Friday. Besides I have to work wednesday evening and that means no pottery class. Gotta satisfy that jones too.

So, the dentist thing is the only real option I have to move any appts today. I could move it to next monday and it'd be fine. Also I think it'd be better for my checkbook to wait until then anyway. oh well dirty teeth another week. I doubt I'll perish from it, nor will anyone else for that matter.

Completely uneventful weekend. I did very little except ride my bike, meditation, yoga, and play online play money poker(I'm up a little under $5 mil). I did read a play and part of the Warren Zevon Bio. Oh and I watched "The Shooter," "El diarios de motocicleta," and "Rounders"(again) Made a date with a guy I met who lives in wichita. He's cute, but damn does he have to live THERE!

Del is traversing the rockies today headed for a new adventure in Spokane and I wish him well. I heard from my friend Kathy in MI and Lisa-Lin in Dallas. Also, from Kenne in Hawaii. My old friend Heather is still in Turkey today. Ah world travel, it's on the list. My friend Michele is home in Las Cruces after her excursion with her oldest son to SF to see if he wants to live there and go to school. Of course he does, who wouldn't? Oh and my friend Abby is discovering that elementary school teaching will fry your brain along with the AZ temps. As for my friend CC, well he's busy being him. It's a full time job. Love ya CC.

I told my boss I'll be on vacation the week of the 22nd. I've no idea where I'm going, but a car or a plane is headed out of this town with me inside I can tell you that.

Love