Yesterday was a bad news/good news kinda day. And the one piece of news I got was both wrapped into one.
The official story I was given was that all but three of the classes in our department for next semester were eliminated and therefore I will not be back. I don't think that's the whole story however and I'll never know. And I think that's what bothers me most.
What little they paid me, and what enormous aggravation they were means very little in the area of numbers, but in other areas it meant something, it meant something to me.
So I'll let the possibilities I'd dreamed go a little at a time until the whole episode fades into a quick little memory I can ignore if I choose. Right now it's just another incident in the "disappointment" file.
Knee jerk reaction says go. Go and look for what it is that you want that you are not finding here. Look for whatever it is that you seem to need that's not fulfilling in this place. Practicality says, "How the fuck are you going to pay for that?" Practicality hasn't been much considered so far in this life so I may just ignore that and start looking at alternatives.
But first I need to get grounded again.
I'll let the holidays pass before taking up the mantle again. I need the rest. I need peace.
Now that I'd like to find.
And so it goes: