The soul has greater need of the ideal than the real for it is by the real that we exist, it is by the ideal that we live

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Rare Sunday Post

Feeling reflective this morning.  I had thought all my current concerns were material.  Underemployed, unable to pay all the bills, perhaps losing the car, (which will ultimately entail bankruptcy if it comes to pass) fun stuff like that. 

But last night the ex calls at 10:30.  When the phone rings at that hour I know something's up. No one would call that late unless either something was wrong or they knew they were one of the few that could. 

He was a little, well...shall we say in his cups. Which concerns me that he thought he had to get inebriated before he could approach me about the subject at hand.

Apparently best friend, who injured himself a few weeks ago, is feeling seriously neglected and I didn't know it. Ex spent most of the weekend with him and discovered that what he really wanted wasn't his presence, but mine.

So I got THE CALL.

I suppose the question for today is what the fuck does the universe want that it won't leave me alone right now?  I played by the rules as I know them!  I got my little piece of paper they told me I had to have, in fact several of them, and I got me a good job, and I paid my bills, and I took care of those I needed to, and I took care of  me, and I tried to give back, and still I get kicked in the shins for my trouble.  Best friend has a support system, he has husband and he has family and he still has his income, and yet what he wants is my presence.  So he'll get it. 

It gives one pause to think that doing all that wasn't what one was supposed to be doing and that  not doing what the universe has in mind for you will get you booted out of your safety net and into the street if necessary.

So in a few minutes I'll get up and get ready for the day and  go buy some krispy kremes and coffee I can't afford and go spend several hours with best friend.  Then it's off to another joyful day at work during which I apparently get to keep my mouth shut so I can chew all this crow. 


And so it goes:


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